TIME TO CIRCLE THE WAGONS GIRLS
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I think we all agree...we don't like the conflict, but we need to stop pushing blame on each other. We are all guilty and we can't help the fact that we have made mistakes and will continue to make them...but we can all forgive. To err is human...so let's talk about forgiveness instead of blame. I think friendships can be even stronger after they have been tested this way. I know I have misjudged people and been misjudged by them but I would like to think the positive outweighs the negative.
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Mizsissy - I am not putting blame on anyone. I posted something from my heart. I'm sorry if someone/anyone feels it was purposely intended for them. It's not.
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Liz, like you, I am a peacekeeper. Years of being in H/R and doing all that touchy/feelly stuff I had to do as a Team Training Facilitor, proved that. I was also termed a "gatekeeper" as well as a "peacekeeper."
Everytime another sister is diagnosed I feel my immortality slipping away. Every time another has a scan, my fear for them grips at me. Everytime another sister dies I grieve for their families and worry for what may happen to my family someday.
I want to thank all the sisters who have given me such wonderful love and support, I couldn't have made it this far without all of you.
I'm sorry for all the sadness you're feeling and pray for love and comfort to surround you now and always.
love,
Bren
PS - This was edited by me to remove the personal stuff that happened to me before in my life.
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Liz,
I guess what I was responding to was the idea that the women here are hopeless...far from it!!! Let's try & get past this, let's not accept the idea that we are failures as human beings...
Aw heck, I'd better shut up before I embarrass myself and you allwith this touchy-feeliness.....
Miz
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Love starts in the heart
conflict starts with anger (which is the opposite of love)
I choose LOVE
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Liz, I think you said that very well.
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ahhh...and you see...invisible me.
Intentionally ignored...thank you for your sweet kindness...you're welcome for all the things I've done for some of you.
I thought (mistakenly) that I could come back here to the circle...just when my world feels like its crashing down all around me...and get some reaction...some welcome...some "are you ok" because damnit I am not.
I am not including all of you...you know who you are...and you know just what you are doing. Have a nice time. Hope you sleep well at night.
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Vickie,
I'm thinking about you and your dear Sarah. Please know that. You're in the center of my arms.
love you gal,
Bren
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Vickie, I wasn't ignoring you. I know things are rough now for you. I think many of us (myself included) are wearing their feelings on their shoulders. I hate this guys.
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Vickie, I'm sorry. Nothing makes sense. Sorry, that you are hurting, worried. Hugs
To all those having test and need to be brought to the center and warmed by the fire tossing on a few more logs. The weather is so unsettled in many areas - keeping those gals in the center too.
Addendum: I certainly didn't mean to add another issue and I certainly didn't mean to be screaming headline news.
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Vickie, sending hugs and prayers your way
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Oh my goodness, it seems I know even less than I thought...
Vickie, hugs to you. I went and read about your DD, and I think you're right, nothing about cancer is orderly and consistent, so this is probably something else, but that doesn't make the worrying go away. Big hugs to you and you DD, and I hope to read good news about her very soon.
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Vickie,
I want to send you the sincerest of best wishes in your time of trial, because I know you would do the same for me.
Miz
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Miss Vicky - I am sending you a hug and a case of Xanax lollypops. Sara is going to be fine and so are you....I know waiting is so so hard, but it you will be ok.
Brenda - I am confused....people have been asked to "not" post on some threads?? What, we are now further seperated? Drawing more lines? Sigh....I don't get it folks.
Liz - I get it...sending you a special hug.
Not leaving anyone out on purpose, got to get in the shower and off to work.
I am saying some prayers that everyone has a calm, storm free day.
Deb C
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I honestly did not mean any harm to anyone. I'm sorry I posted what I did and started more problems.
I know nothing about anyone being told to stay away from a thread. I'm sorry that has happened.
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"Vickie, I'm sorry. Many of us "got the word" of the new thread from BCO and ask to respectfully stay away - I thought that meant things here would get settle down"
Now I'm really confused! What is this about? As for being ignored, I haven't been to this thread for quite some time for that very reason. I guess I know even less than I thought I did. Oh, well, ignorance is definitely bliss.
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Liz, you were talking to everyone who posted on this thread - not just one.
Like many before that have ask for peace and harmony - you did the same in your way too. No problem.
Today it is a rather turbulent day weather wise and there are many sisters living in the path of some dangerous storms - lets just all take a deep breath, close our eyes and say a prayer for the safetly of these sisters and for those that are reaching the end of their journey, others with mets, those in treatment, those having test, those having other medical problems, those worried about family members health - say your prayer, in your way,with me now ...........
God bless us all, Brenda
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I am sorry...its just become overwhelming...I know you all meant no harm...it is a very few that do. I love you all and wish you all the very best. I will delete my earlier "rant".
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Well, Vickie, you have to admit, you made quite a splash in an otherwise peaceful pool!!! But I know you didn't mean to get anybody wet...I am sure if we just weed out those few everything will be fine again...
Now maybe you could enlighten us a little?!!!
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Thank you Vickie. Life can be overwhelming and I doubt seriously that there is anybody here that means to cause you harm.
Amy
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Well strangely Im in the dark cause no one told me not to visit other threads. Im with Vickie and everyone else. I care about all of you too. And wishing only peace and love to everyone that comes for support here.
Nicki (aka chemosabi)
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I, too am sad...........All that know me also know that I do not do conflict, take sides or post nasty's. I have met wonderful friends here.........and yes, even had good times along with support.
I remain neutral, remain loyal to all, remain friends, remain conflict free, I also am guilty of being Naive (my whole life), overly sensitive and emotional(my whole life) and overly caring.....................I was the one in school who would sit with the "nerd" at lunch cuz I always felt bad when they were picked on!
This is all I will ever say on this topic...................I hope it isn't taken wrong....I do not feel safe anymore....I don't feel like I'm "home" anymore.
I do hope to 'come home' soon and find that it's been re-decorated and cozy.
Hugs,
Neesie
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For any added confusion or problems I might have inadvertently created,
a note from the moderators would be welcome.
Brenda
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Liz, well said. I didn't feel you were singling out any one particular person. Your statements were made to the circle in general. You spoke from the heart and there's nothing wrong with that!
Love ya girl!
Janny
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Liz - you said what I have been feeling.
Deb - your school ground story was also fitting.
I haven't posted here in quite a while. I come to read and it seems when I finally feel it is safe to post, something else comes up. I too do not like conflict - I am usually out of the loop too so do not know what goes on behind the scenes (and I don't want to) and am just dazed and confused. Personally, I love all of you and it hurts to see all the bickering.
Can we just forgive and start over - today. Forget what has happened in the past and just start over.
I am going to join MB and Beth in the cooking tent. I am not all that much into cooking but I will definitely help out with the mudslides
.We are definitely having the snow storm of the century right now. Can barely see out the window with the snow and wind. They are predicting up to 20 inches near the lake where I am. I am glad that I work from home and don't have to go out in it. Kids are happy - no school. DH had to go to work though - he pretty much has the roads to himself as most places around here are closed.
Vickie - will keep Sarah in my prayers. I have three daughters and just the thought of them having to go through what I have is terrifying.
Amy - not sure if I posted this before. So happy that your chemo is working and you had good scan results. Praying NED is heading your way. Do you still have the puppies (probably not puppies any more)?
Well, I have gotta go - work awaits.
Wishing everyone well. Did not read back so not sure who has tests, appointments.
Love and hugs to all from A to Z (has anyone heard from Z?),
Suz
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I see things have gone from bad to worse.
Liz, I don't think I have anything to be ashamed of. I am sorry you feel that way.
This destruction of the wagon circle started when a former member of BCO was sent a copy of an email I had written to someone else. In that email I expressed that I thought she was behaving badly by posting all over the board picking fights with people. I was blunt and to the point. This started the fatwah against me. As for the destruction of the Wagon Circle, I am not sure what that could be pinned on. But I will stand by what I wrote in that email because I still believe it was wrong of her to step out of the bounds of decorum and basically flood bco with attacks.
That's it. That is the big mystery. The mind reels when you think of the epic proportions it has taken on.
I am not the least bit ashamed of the feelings I expressed at the time. They were genuine and told in confidence to someone who mistakenly forwarded the email to the member in question.
For the record: I have no problem with any member of this group or with the membership of Breast Cancer org. I see you all as fellow travelers in this journey and it is a hard journey - much is asked of us. Sometimes we get upset and we lash out and it is forgotten. That is the way normal society works.
However, this thread has become akin to Iraq. All battles are fought here. Terrorism exists here. There are insurgents hiding behind photobucket pictures of peaceful images. Like Iraq, no one can tell who the "enemy" is because they blend into the population. It is only when a roadside bomb explodes do the regular folk discovers that their neighbor, who they thought was so nice and friendly, had an IED factory in her basement.
We have called for peace on this thread. And like Iraq, all that does is cause more violence.
That is what has become of this thread.
All of you have been very kind and generous to me in the past. I have called you friend. I have tried to be a good friend to you as well. But for some reason, there are allegiances that have been made and there is a gang mentality that is not very becoming nor does it have anything whatsoever to do with support.
In short, you have killed the wagon circle thread. Or as I like to think of it, our little Wagon Train got stuck in the Donner Pass and we have now resorted to cannibalism.
No thank you. I will pass. This is not what I came to BCO for.
It is an embarrassment to see what has happened here. And I cannot for the life of me understand why you must perpetuate the hate. Who wins? Do you win? Do the women who need us the most win? And what is the prize?
I am too squeamish for this kind of stuff. I wasn't raised like this and I do not surround myself in my real life with people who behave like this.
Last year at this time you all got me through a second diagnosis of cancer. You lifted me up and held my hand all the way through it. I thank you for that. I thank you for the friendships we had. I will never forget the love you showed me. I was truly blessed.
I choose to remember you all like that. And not what has become of this place.
I think it is time for the Donner Party to move on- what is left of it.
And the only way we can do it is by what I have suggested three times already and I will do so again now:
this thread needs to be locked and archive-only.
everything it was has been destroyed.
it was a beautiful thread...
it had the most wonderful intentions and it fulfilled them until it became infested.
it had the largest number of hits and responses- more than any other
it started a whole forum
from this the afghans started and pinkstock
if anyone cares anything about preserving the GOOD of this thread, they should delete all the pages since the board change-over and lock it.
BCO would then have something to show that is in perpetuity a beautiful and loving place.
Start a wagon circle part 2 if you want.
but if for the love of heaven-
save the good, delete the bad and lock it and preserve it.
" Yeah, the old days are gone forever and the new ones ain't far behind." Bob Dylan
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Gina, I am truely sorry you feel that way. I read back and frankly, I can't find anything that would lead you to believe that things have gone from bad to worse. What I saw were sisters who were speaking of forgiveness and moving on. What is so awful about that?
We may not all agree and that's fine. Seldom do we agree with everyone in our lives. It's what makes life interesting. We all have our own opinions.
I see women trying to fix what has been broken. Not tear it down or lock it up.
Jan
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Gina, my post was to NO ONE directly. I never mentioned you or anyone else.
See, this is why so many don't express their thoughts and feelings. When they do, it gets turned into something ugly.
I just wanted to try to explain my feelings. I see now I should have followed my gut and not my heart.
It was never my intention to hurt anyone.
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Liz, Jan, everyone- it is all okay.
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Everyone, I can't do this anymore, you guys have me balling my eyes out again and enough is enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, I am the one that sent the e-mail of Gina's that created such a mess. Each time there has been problems here I have cried more tears - probably lots of the problem that I am dealing with health wise at the moment.
How can anyone say that things have been fine here and some were trying to forgive and move on when,if some people came to post they were ignored or their post buried quickly and the topic moved on; or the fact that folks that weren't supposed to be here came back many times and those post ended up getting deleted and you never heard from that person again. That happened over and over and over. All in the name of defending. That defending only made others feel they had to defend and it became a vicious cycle - it should never have started. So many people have gotten hurt, sides have been chosen, a line in the sand had been drawn. If you got frustrated and said anything - oh, heaven forbid someone was picking on someone again. Often the only time a post by certain members were mentioned was if they found something offensive in them. This has been going on since early November.
Trying to fix something - depends on who was doing the posting. I fully realize you don't have to like everyone here but neither is it very nice to ignore and bury stuff just because you don't like someone That just isn't true. Guess it depends on which set of glasses we have on.
I'm tired of pretending all is OK. Now take your guns out and aim and rapid fire - we're really good at that lately.
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