Illinois ladies facing bc
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Thank you, all of you...
My kids are out of the house and hubby has just landed a new and more rewarding (and better paying) job, but it is an hour away from home and he sometimes is called away. When he leaves, I get terribly depressed. When he comes back, I bite his head off. It's like a roller coaster.
We've just bought plane tix to Florida. Our daughter goes to school in Florida and our son lives in VA, and we are all meeting down there on the beach to have a family portrait taken.
I'm a 48 year old woman that leads a boring life. I don't drink or smoke, I have a yorkie. Up until last Thursday, I had zero health issues.
My hubby is very gung ho about this surgery, he just wants it over with and I'm of the opposing perspective. I'm pretty sure once surgery happens, then chemo. I'm really dreading that.
I am sure I'm not saying anythng original. I sure am glad to have found this site.
I hang on your words....
Thanks so much.
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Hello Sissy and a warm but sad (that you have to be here) welcome.
As others have said, you feelings are quite normal. I was diagnosed this past December, while I am doing much better emotionally since the diagnosis, and the whirlwind of tests and the need to dive into treatment ASAP... I still cannot believe I have cancer.
There is a ton of support through here.
Take all the support you can at home too. Meals, rides, errand runners, etc. you will see Gods hand reach out with all the amazing support you will find.
Good luck as you get started with it all. The road will even out and you will get through it. One day at a time... One treatment at a time. I personally will not be experiencing the surgery part, but you will get through that step by step as well.0 -
mdg,
That seems odd that your bone density is so low with all the exercise and healthy food, and pre-meno. Maybe the endo dr will find something else causing this and can turn it around. How is your Vit D level? It should be in the upper 60+ at least.
Severe osteoporosis runs in my family, so even though I was only osteopenic my MO insisted on Zometa. I've only had one infusion because the eye SEs made it likely I would have to go off AIs. My next DEXA is in 6 months so I won't know what the AIs have done to the bones until then. Still managing to stay on them. I eat well, take my D and Calcium, lift weights and get weight bearing aerobic exercise regularly. But in my family, even that is not enough.
Welcome to all the new gals. The worst for me was not knowing for certain what was going to happen. I knew my lump was BC, but waiting for the official DX so I could arrange things at work was torture. Then waiting for the decision about chemo or not, again the same. Once I got past the first infusion, things calmed down. There have been other bumps along the way, but to get through these all I have to do is to remind myself of where I've been and how difficult it was in the beginning.
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A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive
without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made
rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen,
for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away.
Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours,
as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.
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Sissy -- keep hanging in there. One of the dichotomies of this disease is that it doesn't make distinctions. Whether you are heavily into "health" or a "risk" taker, thin or fat, rich or poor,it does not care and it shows up when it feels like it.
Things should get easier when you get all your information together and feel comfortable with the choices you make. The big thing to remember about the surgery is that slides will be done which will in turn help create a full pathology report. With that you will KNOW so much more than you do now. You will be able to make a plan for taking care of yourself.
Some people will understand,others maybe not so much. One of the other big reasons why so many people stay here to help others. It seems easier to talk to those who have walked the path then those who haven't...though most mean well.
Peace and love,
Jackie
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well said (((Jackie)))
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Good morning ladies.
Welcom Sis. You are not crazy. Your life will never be exactly the same. The beginning is the worst. You will get a plan in place and feel better. You will laugh like crazy, be the funny one and have great times again, probably sooner than you think. Hugs.
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I cannot add anything much more to Sissy except decide on what you really want to see after all the muck is over. My daughter was pregnant when i was diagnosed and I really wanted to see her baby's face and then I wanted to see her turn five and now I want to see her do her ballet (she loves to dance). I ended up with two more grandbabies after her and I have a ton I want to see Also I love the name of your town...Corn City. I imagine huge corn cobs on all the buildings!
I absolutely do not understand get bone density tests. I was so afraid of getting tested as my mom had osteoporosis and I am fair-skinned, do not exercise the way I should, took arimidex for five-plus years and am very fair skinned. My bones actually IMPROVED from the baseline. Go figure! I am due for another one, so we will see.
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Zap you're bones have improved! What the hell are you eating. I need to get some! (From the gal who does the exercise and quit diet soda etc.)
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Lago, I was baffled too. The only thing I can think of is that an error was made (hope not) or (and I would not recommend this to women) I am a milk addict. I get up in the middle of the night to drink milk....I just crave it....that and yogurt. I think my milk "problem" is really not a good thing what with the estrogen issues I believe milk contributes to. As I say I am due for another, so we will see how that turns out.
Susan
Edited to add on that I did drink1-2 diet sodas every day the whole time I worked steadily (18 plus years) and now I gave up the diet soda and have it perhaps twice/week. I drink wine, tho, so who knows.
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Good morning ladies,
Welcome Sissy, I was diagnosed in Jan so all this is very new to me as well. It was very overwhelming at first but it will slowly sink in and you will get through it. I had a lumpectomy in early March and am already all recovered. I will be starting chemo in 2 days.
I'm off to a play group with my son then will meet the nurse to go over what to expect during chemo. Wish me luck ladies and have a great day.
Mehnaz
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What estrogen problems does milk cause? I get Oberweis delivered and it comes in glass bottles.
Are you thinking of the hormones they give the cows?
I also get only skim.
Just wondering...and worrying!
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I use almond milk, which actually has more calcium than cows milk. I tried coconut milk, but it had added a slight cocinut flavor, which wasn't always a good thing.
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Hi gals,
Welcome to the newcomers. I will welcome you more officially when I get a chance to read all the posts from the past week. This has been a busy thread!
Thanks to all for your prayers and concern for my father. His kidney issues are temporarily stabalized because he still has the catheter. It comes out next week and then we will know if they can function on their own. His leg is not much better. The blood clot is as large as it was before so I requested a second opinion from a more specialized doctor at one of the larger hospitals in the area. That should also happen within this next week. He is very depressed and discouraged because they moved him back to the nursing home, which is actually a very nice facility for a nursing home. It is still a game of "wait and see" so we're taking this one day at a time.
We didn't get in until 2:00 this morning so I have lots to do today. Ill be back to catch up tomorrow! I hope everyone had a great Easter.
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Sissy you've heard from the "oldsters" on the site and the "youngsters", I'm in the middle. I'll celebrate my one-year diagnosis anniversary in one week. And, believe it or not, it is a celebration because it means I found the cancer and was able to begin to fight it. Others have said it: your life will never be the same. You'll be making an incredible number of shockingly huge and personal decisions that will have a direct impact on your life, your physical health, your relationship with your husband, your activity level, your mental health, etc, etc.
The diagnosis of cancer is a mental emergency, it is not a medical emergency. All I could think about when I was first diagnosed was get this out of me NOW! Tomorrow would be good, today would be better. That's the anxiety talking. Take the time to talk with docs (note the plural), weigh your options, and ask questions of folks on this board. This is not like buying a car that you can return for a different model. Once you choose a path, you are not fully but largely committed to that path. Hence, all the questions and ponderings. We will be completely candid and brutely honest about how this impacted us even in very personal ways like sexuality (although usually in a Private Message). It's the only way we can encourage each other. I strongly recommend you check out the other forums/topics on this site dedicated to the things you are considering. The
My guess is that your husband is eager for the surgery because, like so many men, he equates action with progress. (My DH - dear husband - will drive madly around the side streets of Chicago to get around some expressway traffic jam, trashing his gas mileage, blowing up his blood pressure, and still get to the end point at the same time as if he just waited out the slower but more direct route.) I would interpret his pressure as an indication that he cares for you and is worried about you and thinks action action action will make you well again. Have your surgeon or oncologist chat with him. They're used to misdirected spouses.
I also interpret your postings that you, like your husband, are feeling out of control and helpless. Big surprise there, you have just learned you have cancer! Your doc, ACS, and your doc's hospital can refer you to people who you can talk with face-to-face. It is not a sign of weakness that you may require medication or counseling to get you centered enough to make rational decisions and get on with your life. I am guessing that there is not one of us who hasn't taken something or talked with someone to help us get through this mentally. Last words in a very long post: you have no idea what you are capable of when you have no choice but to do it. You can do this. We will help.
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It is heartwarming to read all of the supportive messages. What struck me most of all in these posts is that people from all walks and directions of life can come together in such a wonderful way. Literally, a group of strangers who become just like family. I just had my SNB done on Friday and am still waiting for the results. I think it's true - the anxiety of waiting seems longer than anything. I just want to know and deal with the hand I have been dealt. My friends are amazed that I haven't had a meltdown or haven't been a blubbering mess - they have actually done more crying than I have and I wonder if there is something wrong with me that I can't cry. I think Lynn's words ring true - we have no choice, so we just have to do it. I don't post much but want all of you Illinois girls to know that the wisdom and kind words here are so appreciated.
Peg
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Lynn....I'm laughing.....I've said the same thing as you except I always said " It's amazing what you can do when you have no choice".
Life has some amazing twists and turns and we come along for the ride....even the ones we don't like.
Peace and love,
Jackie
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I am so blessed to have found this place. Everyone so positive...I am grateful to you all.
I feel encouraged and hopeful, finally. I'm scared, but now I'm more clear on why I'm not clear.
Isn't it so true what Lynn said, "it's a mental emergency, not a medical emergency". The nurse today told me I have nothing unique. We can fix that.
I took great comfort in that sentence. I'm walking around feeling injured and gypped, but everyone else is like, "oh, you got this, I've seen you. You are strong."
I'm beginning to think they're right! Thanks so much, everyone!
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Timbuktu,
I was told along the way that women with BC should avoid TOO MUCH milk. Like everything else, it is up for grabs in terms of significance and no definitive stats are showing significance and my doctor never mentioned it as a problem. I think getting milk in glass jugs and from Oberweiss is a great idea and I should probably do that. For me, my craving for milk leads to too many calories and and there is a correlation between body fat and health in general and BC in particular.
Lynn, your words are so wise. As an "oldster" I tend to be somewhat forgetful how stressful that first year was for me.
I do wish to give you all my story of hope. One year ago my husband was diagnosed with a very rare lymphoma and was given less than a year to live. I was devastated. My husband is on a a drug that was "experimental" just two years ago and most people on it for his disease are still in the clinical trial. The drug has since been FDA-approved so our insurance covers it and we do not need to travel to get a chance at the drug. We get his infusions locally! Today is my husband's 65th birthday and he is not only alive after one year, he is kicking. There are side effects to be sure, but he is working, alive and embraces life. Never lose hope no matter the prognosis.
Susan
Susan
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So glad your husband is doing well. I had a friend who's father was given a few months and lived another 25 years. My mother was given 2 months and lived 4 years. Drs. really don't "give" any time, they shouldn't think they do.
I don't particularly like milk and only drink skim in my coffee but I was just wondering if there was something new that I hadn't heard. Truthfully, there isn't much that hasn't been implicated. Sigh...
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Zap that is wonderful news about your husband. Thanks for sharing that. Hope you two are going out and celebrating with wine (or milk)
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I was baffled by the osteopenia too...still wondering how? My MO asked if I could kick up the exercise a bit....I laughed and said "should I run a marathon??? I already run 6 miles a few days a week, teach aerobics and do yoga...". He laughed! I am going to do more weight training than I have been doing. As far as vitamin D...when I was dx it was oly 27. I started taking 8,000IU's day sublingually. It went down to 25 after chemo. Then I got it tested 6 mo's later and it was up to 80! I have not had it tested in over a year. My MO just ordered a test for it. I have been taking 2000 IU's per day after getting it up there. I also take calcium and magnesium. I am wondering if it's a thyroid issue or my IBS issue I had for years (lots of diarrhea which will effect absorption of nutrients). I am going to see what the Endo has to say.
I think the "emotional emergency" is right on target. The dx sucked the life out of me...no eating, no sleeping, constant worry and questions of what if.......fear.....and OH SO MUCH crying! I can honestly say I don't remember the last time I cried over BC. For those just starting out - it gets better with time.
This community of BC gals has been the greatest gift from getting BC. I could not have gotten through everything and been prepared with the right questions/knowledge without the kindess of others on these boards. It is a true "sisterhood" and connection......Hugs to you all!
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I know this doesn't cover everyone but I did read up on osteopenia and it seems we could have had it for a long time -- and perhaps only due to a cancer diagnosis would we then have scan for it. My first scan showed I had it, but even though a PC Dr. wanted me to go on a drug for it ( I think he mentioned Fosamax ) I said no. I said if I had another scan and if it had gotten worse then I woud consider what to do at that time.
Didn't want to start taking a heavy-duty med. and face the se's that could come if I was going to hang in there at my same level for several more years. I talked it over for some time with my Oncologist and she agreed as well that it was likely premature to start taking anything as that point. So far, so good.
I think everyone has that info, and again, it is best to maybe discuss findings and solutions with one or more of your Dr.'s so that you take care of things when actually necessary.
Love and peace,
Jackie
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Zap~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your husband!
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Susan what a story--I'm so glad u'r husband is doing well--It's a blessing for the 2 of u.
Sissy I think Ly said it all, in fact everyone did and what Lynn said about mentally is so true with most people, but like everyone says take it day by day and onc u'r plan is put together u will be doing better and U DH will too. He's no doubt in shock and like they said just do it and get it over with. But the Drs know the timing and they'll get it together for u, and repeating alot of the women know alot about this beast so ask away (not me) I've actually learned things but I don't remember much. So we all hope u will continue with us as with u'r road to feeling weel.
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MDG I too have IBS but have the other problem (big C). If you are taking any of those drugs like prilosuc, protonics, nexium etc for heartburn they do eat your bones. If you notice the commercials for them finally warn about this issue. Granted I don't take those (except on chemo), also do strength training, work out regularly (daily). My D before diagnosis was in the single digits. Went on prescription initially then just supplement. My D was tested just before chemo and it was 60 I think (normal is 30-50). I was taking 1800 but I think I'm now up to 2000 now that I changed my vitamin to Centrum Silver (has a bit more D). I don't take the Centrum Silver for women because it has even more D in it and stuff for breast health… not worried about breast health anymore.
But there are some people like us that just get it. From what I have read it seems eventually all women get it if they live long enough. Being 4 years younger than me I understand your concern granted I might have been osteopenic at your age too just never tested… but I did have my suspicions. That's how I got my onc to test me before chemo. Sure enough I was. I also have a family history (mom). Don't know if my sister has it or is osteopenic.
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Have put this quote in before but it is one of the ones that will never wear out:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
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Oh Susan, I am so glad to hear that hubby is doing well. What a wonderful story of hope! I'm so glad that he got into the experimental program and that he's responding so well to it! YAY!!!! Thanks for sharing! Sending extra special birthday wishes to him today!
c-squared...Love your new avitar with those curls!
Sissy.... I'm so glad that you found our site. The early days of the journey are the worst because it seems like we have no control over our situations. I found it much easier to deal with all the mental issues once my treatment plan was decided and I felt like I was actually doing something to fight the problem. I think Lynne said it well: "You can do this. We will help." Hugs to you! We were all afraid at the first and very confused about what to do. That is so natural!
Peg, I have my fingers crossed for good SNB results! Please keep us updated. You are so right. Everyone on this board cares and we HAVE become like family. There is a huge resource of information between all of us, as all of our jouneys have been different and we're here to share where we can! Like you, I couldn't cry at first. I have to admit that my meltdown did come a little later down the road and it felt so good to be able to release all those pent-up emotions.
Great quote today, Jackie. It's well worth repeating!
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Susan-wonderful news. Happy Birthday to your main squeeze!
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Rita~ I'll be thinking of you and your father with hope in my heart! And, yes, 'curly-lox'! I'm one of those whose hair came back curly though it wasn't pre-chemo. Doesn't matter to me.., I'm just happy to have hair again!!!
Jackie~ Absolutely worth the repeat!!!
Camille~ It really doesn't matter what you remember.., you have a LOVELY spirit! You are so good at bringing a smile to my face and warmth to my heart when I read your posts. What ever happened to your pictures?
Peg~ keeping fingers crossed for you.
SissyZ~ How are you doing?
Hi to all !!!
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