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Comments

  • vegas
    vegas Member Posts: 151
    edited August 2009

    Hi all. Alyson just pulled me back into the fold, as I did not want to post anything negative when so many are doing so well here. Almost ten days ago I too found a lump and am waiting to get a biopsy, ultrasound and MRI to see what is going on. My onc was on vacation, so I had to wait until this Tuesday to get in to see her first. Will probably have tests done some time next week and results the week after.

    I am almost beyond crying, this has hit so hard. I had a bilateral done so I would not have to think about this crap again. Or at least I thought so. Mine is on the side I had done prophylactically so I am still holding out for a cyst (though onc said she did not like the way it felt.)

    Hope everyone else is doing well. Pat, I am so sorry you are in pain. :(  Alyson, I am praying for both of us that results are benign!!!

  • leahrc
    leahrc Member Posts: 384
    edited August 2009

    Vegas, Pat, Alyson,

    First a scolding before the love: THIS IS WHERE YOU COME when it goes south. We are not about good news only. As the first (and for a long time only) Stage IVer, I couldn't take it if I didn't have this family with me as I went thru whatever was coming. You have to feel that way, too. The numbers for recurrence are higher than all of us will admit to, and it is a fact that there will be progression for a large number of us. So PLEASE come here and we will do the best we can to help, listen, love. And the learning is how to care, hear what is happening to others, and not let it scare the sh*t out of us personally. I have learned how very very individual the course of this disease is for each body chemistry, and so I no longer feel I can predict anything about how it will go for any of us.

    I have been in a metastatic support group locally for over 2 years now, and I have seen women live well spiritually and emotionally if not always physically. So I certainly don't fear it. And we shouldn't either when those we love have recurrence (or scares). 

    So come here. And we will hold your hand as we all navigate this next phase.

    All my love and wishes for benign results. But if not, we will deal with it with you, have no fear!

    Love.

  • NarberthMom
    NarberthMom Member Posts: 382
    edited August 2009

    Hello All,

    I’ve been lurking for a long time – getting the FCC posts sent to my e-mail – but feel compelled to log on and send hugs to everyone, especially Alyson and Diann, as they wait for results, and Pat and Marsha, as they deal with this dreadful disease.

    During the past two years, I’ve had my own share of scares, but fortunately they’ve turned out to be nothing, or at least unrelated to breast cancer. I’m wishing the same for Alyson and Diann.  Regardless, I think that Leah’s words are brilliant – she is one wise woman!

    I’ve been thinking a lot about this group. A colleague of mine at work was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. In putting together a practical chemo survival kit for her (including notes about our lessons learned), I realized that one of the keys to my chemo survival was this wonderful group of women. 

    Although I will probably revert back to lurking mode, please remember that I read and cherish all of the posts.  If there is a FCC reunion in honor of Alyson’s visit to the US, I’ll try to make it – or at least Skype to it!

    Hugs to all,

    Hillary

  • SammieKay
    SammieKay Member Posts: 247
    edited August 2009

    I will try to write something that makes sense.  I can't hardly see for the tears in my eyes.

    Our dear Pat, gentle hugs to you dear one.  I hate cancer!!!!! More today than ever.

    I have lost both my parents to it and my grandfather. 

    Leah, what a beautiful way you have of saying what I feel. I will add amen to what Leah said.

    Alyson and Dian, I am so sad that you are going through this.  It just brings back all the feelings I had that Oct.2006.  I cry with you.  (((((((Alyson)))))))))  (((((((((((((Dian))))))))

    Please, I hope and pray no ones stops coming here because they have bad news.   I need to know that if I am the one you will all be here for me.  We started this journey together and we will continue together through the highs and the lows.

    Hillary, how sweet to hear from you.  I think of you so often.

    Good to see MelanieW also.  Miss you.

    Well, I will go and sit and pray.  That is all I know to do.  I am begging the Lord's mercy on all who need it.  Love to all, Sammie Kay

  • Alyson
    Alyson Member Posts: 3,737
    edited August 2009

    Morning to all my wonderful friends.

    Haven't been out yet to see if my daffodils survived the wind last night. I had just said to DH that no matter what our trip is on next year - probably late April - then I said must go and see who is on the board today. 

    So great to hear from you Hillary. Even if you can't get to Denver we can meet in Pennsylvania as I will be visiting my Aunt there. She lives in Pottsville which is about an hours drive north of Reading. We will get a car so we can see the area.

    Leah, you are our wise counsel. You are so right, this group has been so important for me, I couldn't have coped without you all.

    Vegas, I hope you slept well, I manged some sleep last night thank goodness, had to get up about 3 for a drink but did get back to sleep. The waiting is so hard.

    Must get some things done about this house, DH is trying to sort out tax things so I had better go and help find receipts for him.

    Love and hugs to all.

  • Primel
    Primel Member Posts: 652
    edited August 2009

    Hello dear friends... Vegas and Alyson, I saw the posts about cysts, and these ladies were very encouraging.  I am glad to know that you read those posts, too.  Let's hope for (common) cysts showing up even after mastectomies... OK? 

    I could not agree more with what our sweet Leah wrote... "One for all, all for one" (as the Mousquetaires used to say...).

    Hillary, so happy to know you are lurking... Thinking of you often: my DH decided to go back to school, too... embarked on a PhD program at DU in physics (where physics and biology meet), he is thrilled but this is 3 years of hard work ahead of him... Where do you stand yourself? Almost done?  How is your lovely son doing? Wishing the best to you and your family.

    ((((((((((Alyson, Pat, Vegas, Marsha))))))))))))))) Big hugs to Carynn, SammieKay, Terry, Leah, Melanie, Jan/Wildhorses, Phyl, Karen, Sharon and...  must be forgetting a lot... come say hi and tell us how you are doing... Love to all, Catherine

  • talbrig13
    talbrig13 Member Posts: 358
    edited August 2009

    To Alyson and Diann and Pat....I echo everything Leah said.   We are here for you, has I hope (know) you would all be for me.  I do wish Marsha would post, as I have been keeping her close in my thoughts. 

    Hillary...how are you?   I was happy to see your post....your son must be growing up!

    ((((((Alyson, Pat, Diann, Marsha)))))))))

  • CommandoBarbie
    CommandoBarbie Member Posts: 474
    edited August 2009

    And I echo everything Leah, Terry and SammieKay said! Trust me, if I have any bumps in the road, you are the girls I want on my team.

    (((((FCC'ers)))))

  • wayover20
    wayover20 Member Posts: 191
    edited August 2009

    (((((((Alyson))))))))  Stay strong my friend for Bea as well as yourself.  Sometime the techs doing the scans have scared me more than anything so I take what they say very lightly until it comes right from the horses mouth.   As I have always tried to do, stay grateful for what situation I am in because there is ALWAYS someone much worse off than me.

    I was feeling low this afternoon, kinda p***ed off that I can't walk without discomfort and facing new treatments, all of that stuff....when my brother called to say he and his family were on their way back from Corpus Christi and wanted to stop by to see me on their way back to their Austin home.  I said ok even though I really didn't want visitors since I was having a pity party (and I had put them off too much already).  Anyway they came over and brought food, we talked, ate, visited and then they were off again.  I told my daughter that was a very nice visit and it left me in such good spirits I forgot I was "supposed" to feel bad.  Just goes to show you have to get out of yourself once in a while.

  • wayover20
    wayover20 Member Posts: 191
    edited August 2009

    Leah.....I read your post about getting all your things "in order" just because you never know.  Good post and I second that totally. 

    Back in august 08 when this chest wall reoccurrance came up and I couldn't breathe, couldn't work I had to start thinking seriously what would happen if I didn't make it out of this....I would leave my 24yr old daughter with such a mess.  So I had to address all those uncomfortable issues but today I can say thank goodness it's all done and if I were to die today my daughter would just have to stick a for sale sign on the house and move on.  Some of the things I had to do:

    Got on SSDI in case I could never return to work--very simple process.

    Had will, advanced directive, durable power of attorney for health care  paperwork done and daughter has them.

    Filed chapter 7 bankruptcy (painful but no other way, couldn't pay bills).

    My ace in the hole is that as a nurse I can work in a hospital "pool" and do either 8 hours a month or 30 days a month, whatever I want/can.  My previous employer is waiting for me to come back anytime I can so even though my return to work goal has been moved around quite a bit this past year, I feel certain once these bone mets get under control that I can get back to work.  Here's hoping!!

  • talbrig13
    talbrig13 Member Posts: 358
    edited August 2009

    Pat and Leah...you are both so right about doing all that difficult stuff.   But the truth is, even people who haven't had cancer should do them.   Anyone can be in any kind of accident and if there is no advanced directive you end up on life support.   And all of our families need wills, power of attorney, etc.

    So even though we have wills, we don't have the other stuff done....something to think seriously about.  

    Got to go make beds....people want to go night night here.

    Love you all

  • leahrc
    leahrc Member Posts: 384
    edited August 2009

    Good morning, all!

    Catherine I love your picture. Looks much more like you!

    Terry, you are right- everybody should take care of business. I found out some very interesting facts along the way- such as I couldn't make decisions of my over 18 year old daughter without her having given me her health care proxy. The hopsital would have to have me appointed as a guardian in court if she were in a bad state. Also, it is really the "incapacitated" part which is the scariest- death is actually easier. I don't hold a lot of things jointly with anyone, so those assets would be 'frozen' if something happened to me where I couldn't communicate/etc. So it was worth it.

    I talked to Twilah's family this past weekend. They are doing ok. Very quiet summer.

    I have a phone interview this evening for some work. Wish me luck!

    I hope this week brings good news to all who are waiting.

    Love.

  • leahrc
    leahrc Member Posts: 384
    edited August 2009

    Good morning, all!

    Catherine I love your picture. Looks much more like you!

    Terry, you are right- everybody should take care of business. I found out some very interesting facts along the way- such as I couldn't make decisions of my over 18 year old daughter without her having given me her health care proxy. The hopsital would have to have me appointed as a guardian in court if she were in a bad state. Also, it is really the "incapacitated" part which is the scariest- death is actually easier. I don't hold a lot of things jointly with anyone, so those assets would be 'frozen' if something happened to me where I couldn't communicate/etc. So it was worth it.

    I talked to Twilah's family this past weekend. They are doing ok. Very quiet summer.

    I have a phone interview this evening for some work. Wish me luck!

    I hope this week brings good news to all who are waiting.

    Love.

  • Primel
    Primel Member Posts: 652
    edited August 2009

    Good luck for everything, Leah... wil be thinking of you...

    Have all a gentle week,

    Catherine

  • vegas
    vegas Member Posts: 151
    edited August 2009

    Hi all. STILL waiting for insurance approval for my tests. Grrrrr..... The biller in the onc's office had assured me that she had sent it out STAT last Tuesday. So today I talked direct to the insurance company and not only was the request NOT sent in STAT, it was not even sent until 3:55 pm on Wednesday! Gal at insurance was very helpful - reviewed my file and stayed on the line until she got it approved as a STAT request. Hoping to hear something later today or by tomorrow at the latest.

    But I feel a lot better today. Had a call from another warrior who also had BC and surgeries with my surgeons and she also had a couple of lumps later in the non BC breast that turned out to be scar tissue. Don't really think mine is, but it seems more "squishy" than the original bad lump, so I am really hoping for a cyst.

    Decided I was not going to let them biopsy it until after results from both ultrasound and MRI were in. Will get opinion from my onc here and also get second opinion from my original breast surgeon inNew York. He just left for Japan for two weeks, but by the time I get everything scheduled and results back it will probably be that long anyway. I just don't want any more surgery, however minor, without knowing ALL the facts first. DH is totally on board with paying out of pocket to go back to New York to make sure we are getting the best, even if only for a biopsy. (Of course, he also likes to visit his friends in New Jersey too! LOL) 

    Alyson, when will you get your test results back? Know that you are in my prayers.

    Pat, you are right. Sometimes it helps a lot if we can remember to get outside ourselves, though it is hard when you are scared and going through "stuff." Glad you had a good visit with your family and I am sure they were so happy to see you.

    Is there any news on how Marsha is doing? She is always in my prayers too.

    And I second Carynn - you are the ones I want on my team for the "bumps" of life.

    Leah, good luck with the interview!!

  • Alyson
    Alyson Member Posts: 3,737
    edited August 2009

    Hi all

    I didn't get on to the computer as we went to a wonderful concert last night. Folk/jazz/modern by a group of NZers who live in the UK. they have taken stories of old NZ and poems and set them to music, some folk some not, telling the story of early migrants to NZ. It was great.

    First tests results OK Scan came back fine, one or two things to watch but thats expected when you have arthritis. 

    So now its on to Thursday when I get this thing cut out.  Diann I don't think the scan really picked it up, just shows a little white splat on the film. I can understand your worry.Hope you are sleeping.

    Leah hope all went well.

    Must get some lunch as I have my 6 month visit to the onc this afternoon - that will be interesting. See what he has to say about things.

    Love to all, as Diann says you are my support team.

    Alyson

  • leahrc
    leahrc Member Posts: 384
    edited August 2009

    Woohoo! Passed phone interview by uber-boss, on to face to face interview with local team.

    Friday at 11. will know by Friday 8/28.  So the wheels grind slowly.

  • talbrig13
    talbrig13 Member Posts: 358
    edited August 2009

    Congrats Leah....good luck on Friday!

  • Primel
    Primel Member Posts: 652
    edited August 2009

    Leah, keeping my fingers crossed for Friday and beyond...

    Sweet dreams to all of you... with special hugs to Alyson and Vegas waiting for their results and/or biopsies...

    Extra soft hugs for Marsha and Pat... Marsha, hope the storm did not create havoc where you are... send the rain to Pat...

    Love to all,

    Catherine

  • SammieKay
    SammieKay Member Posts: 247
    edited August 2009

    I have everything crossed that I can cross for all of you who await test results and biopsies.

    For you too Leah.  Good luck with the f2f interview.  Jobs are really few and far between around here.

    I love your new picture Catherine.  Very nice.

    We haven't had dinner yet and it is almost 9 pm.  Mike had to help unload a moving trailer for his daughter and SIL.  They are moving back home.  Job loss etc.  They will be living with his parents and us for awhile.  Hope they can both find jobs soon.  Jennifer has an interview for a long term substitute teaching position. 

    I woke up at 4 am and couldn't go back to sleep, so off to bed soon for me.

    Will catch up with you all tomorrow.

    Hugs and love to alll, Sammie Kay

  • Alyson
    Alyson Member Posts: 3,737
    edited August 2009

    Thats done, so now have to wait, it will take several days before I get the path report as one of the things they are looking for requires a longer time to process.The op took about 40mins, great talking to the BS while she was doing it but I certainly couldn't look.

    I am feeling very tired so will go and put my feet up and watch TV. DD and Bea collected me and we went and got some wool so that I could start knitting a summer cardigan for Bea.

    Love to all from one very sleepy Alyson

  • Primel
    Primel Member Posts: 652
    edited August 2009

    Alyson, thank you for taking the time to stop by... get plenty of rest and enjoy the pleasure of starting a new project... did you finish editing your text book? 

    Thinking of you all,

     Catherine

  • vegas
    vegas Member Posts: 151
    edited August 2009

    Break out the martinis and the cyberitas! Smile Initial ultra sound this morning and they are 99% sure it is BENIGN! Just an inflamed lymph node more than likely, but will still follow with Fine Needle Aspiration next week to be sure. Not quite off the hook, but I really feel this is nothing now and the stress relief is immense. Thank you all for your support! I can't tell you how much it means to me.

    Good luck with the face to face, Leah. I know you will do well, though. How could they possibly not hire you once they meet you?!!! Should be a slam dunk.

     Alyson, will be praying that your report is benign too!! Are you sore from the surgery?

    Sammie Kay and Catherine, I love both of your photos. It is so wonderful to see the lovely smiles that match the beautiful souls beneath them.

  • CommandoBarbie
    CommandoBarbie Member Posts: 474
    edited August 2009

    Hi all! Been reading and checking in, but hadn't had time to post. Been crazy busy between work, home, and trying to spend a few minutes with my manperson. :)

    Pat - How are you doing today? I caught myself smiling and nodding with your post about your brother's visit. I remember all too well how many times folks would want to stop by on the weekends when I was doing chemo. I almost always said no cuz either I was recuperating from tx, or trying to get some rest. One day tho when I was feeling particularly puny, DH's nephew and his wife just showed up (They knew I'd say no if they called). I ended up rocking the scarf and ball cap look and went out for one of the nicest lunches / visits ever. Didn't stay out long, and didn't over do, but came home feeling renewed and rejuvenated. It was really nice. :) Sending you hugs and good wishes.

    Terry - Sounds like you've had a busy summer. :) I second your comments on getting the affairs in order. DH & I did a Family Trust last summer. It took a while, but it was time well spent.

    Leah - that was great that you spoke with Twilah's family. I‘m glad to hear that they are well. Are they staying in Dallas? Sending good vibes and good luck your way for the 28th!

    Catherine - I told you I saw the Julia Child movie. I finally picked up her memoirs (My life in France) and it's my latest bedtime reading. Cant wait to get it started. :) BTW - LOVE your new avatar!

    Alyson - I'm glad to hear that the scans were good. I know how frustrating it is when people who read them aren't familiar with arthritis. I've since learned to involve the Rheumy whenever possible. ;) Thinking of you and hope that you are comfortable after your surgery. Also sending you good wishes and gentle hugs.

    SammieKay - How's things? What's new and exciting? Are you guys still sailing? Not sure what the season for that is?? :) Wishing you good luck with the extended family and hope the kids can get on their feet soon.

    Diann - Your update sounds good! Do you have the aspiration scheduled yet? Continuing to cross fingers, toes, you name it for B9 results. Do keep us posted. We're right there with you.

    Time for a little tv and early bedtime. Lots of hugs and love to all.

  • Alyson
    Alyson Member Posts: 3,737
    edited August 2009

    I enjoyed Pat's post and laughed last night when SiL invited us to go up for a drink. Was feeling really tired but decided I needed to get out. We had a really fun evening just talking about trips past and to come, historical things and lots more. It was midnight before we knew.

    Bit tired and very sore today. Didn't help that I decided to take off the top dressing as it was pulling my skin - so took it off and pulled the whole thing, luckily I had dressings here to fix it up. Catherine and Leah I gave up on the shower yesterday, just couldn't be bothered trying to cover the dressing. BS said I mustn't get it wet so have to be careful.

    Have to wait until Thursday for the results but feel much better just knowing the thing is gone. So pleased Diann has had good results so far. Hope they can get the FNA as only got surface cells from my lump, the needle skidded over the surface.

    Hope you all have a restful weekend.

    Big hugs

    Alyson

  • Primel
    Primel Member Posts: 652
    edited August 2009

    Have all a nice week-end...

    Alyson, do not touch your dressing... be patient and indeed think how good that the lump is gone...

    Leah, how did the face-to-face interview go? Did you like the people?

    I am awfully busy again, lot's of translations and even an "on-the-phone" interpreting assignment next Tuesday early early in the morning (clinical trial training presentation for the French doctors at a trial site... pretty complicated stuff, but will research/read and prepare myself over the week-end). I used to do a lot of interpreting when I was younger... this time around, I accepted to do it since I can stay in my pyjamas... :-)

    Carynn, did you read Julia Child's story on Gina's blog? She was her Nanny... and a 30+ bc survivor... I want to see the movie, but no time for now... I am sure I would enjoy it very much... although we moved away from French cooking (Leah and Melanie, no more "tarte Tatin" for now...) to get back to more whole grains, veggies, legumes in order to cut back on animal fat and sugar... can't say I lost weight yet, but feel very good (I always loved macrobiotic cooking, with some adjustments so it's not too austere. DH loves it...

    The doggies got a bug in the park (a bacteria which is in lake water) and are both on antibiotics, Toby being more affected than Zoe (he is my big baby)... but they are not too sick and seem cheerful enough. Getting the bitter pill down is the hard part (they get suspicious of everything -- peanut butter, sardines, you name it... I am trying "pill pockets"...).

    Life is busy-busy here, DH prepares his qualifying exams for December (tons of material to study), works all day and loves it.

    Story of the avatar: I cropped the head from the rest. It is a picture taken by my neighbor as I was coming back from walking Toby, we were chatting in the front yard and he wanted a shot of the petunias which have done very well so far... I was all sweaty (sweat running down my face, really) and ready to go rest in the cool house... not the best of conditions for pictures, but eh... "au naturel"...

    Big hugs to all... Take care,

    Catherine 

  • MelanieW
    MelanieW Member Posts: 276
    edited August 2009

    Wow...a lot going on since I posted last! 

    I had to laugh when I read Leah's post.  Those of you that haven't met her...let me tell you...she is exactly the way she sounds...lol.  She will put up with very little nonsense and will put it to us straightforward.  Love the girl. 

    Pat;  Thank you for sharing with us.  I can't imagine how difficult all of this is for you.  You are one tough lady.

    Alyson;  I am so hoping for benign for you and please listen to Catherine and leave those bandages alone! 

    Diann;  Wonderful news!  I went through something similar and the ct guided needle biop (2 of them) proved to be scar tissue.  The area is right above my implant and hurts when the seatbelt rubs it.  I need a cusioned cover. 

    Catherine;  Give Peter a big  'ol hug from me.  Please give him a little sugar...both kinds  Kiss 

    I know this is short, but Natalie is here and wants Nana to play "Princess" with her.  I most certainly will oblige.

    Thinking of you all....

  • MelanieW
    MelanieW Member Posts: 276
    edited August 2009

    A couple of glasses of wine and a bit of melancholy... Sunday afternoon...no race nap...Carynn Wink  dang...sure wanted Mark to win.

    I don't normally read the "active posts"...really haven't had time to read anything lately...but tonight is an exception.

    No crying...but the emotions of the last almost 3 years are returning as I have read and remembered the journey.  I am still contemplating if I will hit "post" or not.  I think we have such an amazing group of women here in our little Feb group and I feel so fortunate for that.  I feel especially fortunate for the personal friendships that I have made and hope to continue to make.  What fun we have had!   Tonight...I am especially missing Twilah and what she brought to my life..  I am reminded of her everytime I drink an espresso martini, slip on a pair of high heels or drink a bottle of Perrier water.  Shit...tears.  Love you all....

  • Primel
    Primel Member Posts: 652
    edited August 2009

    (((((((((((((((Melanie)))))))))))), don't cry "Princess"...

    did you move to your new office?

  • SammieKay
    SammieKay Member Posts: 247
    edited August 2009

    (((((((((((((((((Melanie)))))))))))))))))))))

    I miss Twyla.  She is now our "Angel". 

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