I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
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I am happy with them and accept them and since my nipple reconstruction I like them even better!!!
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We are seeking counselling. Thanks for the advice
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The creator of this thread, Mena, called this AM & asked me to post this here (copied & pasted)......
Mena called me this AM & wanted me to post a few things:First & most important to her is that everyone knows she is hanging tight & emotionally/spiritually/mentally she is doing OK. She is being kept as comfortable & pain-free as possible.Second-she wants all the sisters who created her afgahn to know that they could not make her happier if they were in her room hugging her thru the nite! She LOVES the blanket & sleeps under it feeling all the love EVERY single nite. She is extremely grateful....beyond words! She was very anxious that everyone know how much she appreciates it!!I know she feels our love & prayers. May God continue to bless us with her example & presence......If anyone wants to send a card you can PM for her addy.........more as I hear.Be well & stay strong
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My question is this....when I was first dx with BC, my DH and became very close. Since that time, we have been pulled further and further apart. He has absolutely NO interest in me physically. I have asked him if he wanted to feel my new foobs, and he said No. We have no sex life what so ever, [however that had dwindled quite alot even before the BC]. We hardly talk, don't kiss, anything. I'm going to see a psycologist next week to help me sort through all of this. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?
I feel like he's pushing me away...
thanx for your input.
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You are very smart to seek counseling for yourself. I imagine you will learn that your situation is not all that unusual and hopefully, discover some tools to help the two of you become closer.
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I probably mentioned this pages ago, but my husband (59) has no interest in sex either. He has 3 brain tumours and sometimes suffers from depression but won't take the meds once he feels good. I used to tease him that I would find a "boyfriend" and he said, no, I loved him too much to do that! We have talked VERY openly about it and he says he just doesn't have ANY interest. He physically can, though. I think we've had sex twice this year. Think.
Then when I had my double mast, I feel he was relieved that no one will find me sexually attractive, sad to say.
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Oh Barbe, he's deluding himself. It's nice of you to let him believe that, if he finds it comforting, just as long as you know it's not true.
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Cookymkr....If your sex life with your husband was deteriorating before BC, I'd say that it was probably par for the course of many marriages with any longevity. Keeping up an active sex life takes a great deal of effort and work because familiarity does breed...well, not contempt (necessarily), but boredom. You're over the hot 'n bothered, tear-each-others'-clothes-off stages, for sure, and you've settled into many routines, including a sexual one. This isn't true for ALL marriages, but I'll bet that it's so for a vast majority. So what to do? Well, BOTH partners need to think that having hot, satisfying sex is a priority and they each need to have the time & energy to do something about it. If your situation before BC was such that you both had gotten nonchalant and somewhat indifferent about intimacy, or if there were relationship issues percolating, it makes perfect sense that sex wasn't soaring for you.
But onto to BC, the BIG spoiler of so many, many quality-of-life experiences that we had, heretofore, taken for granted. I'm going to conjecture a guess here and say that your husband is terrified of your cancer, terrified that it will kill you, and is trying hard to keep a lid on those feelings. If he doesn't have to get too close to you, emotionally or physically, he doesn't have to be confronted with cancer. Make sense? Maybe he would benefit from the book, Breast Cancer Husband, by Marc Silver (http://www.breastcancerhusband.com/) or a visit to the website. Other than that, getting some therapy for yourself so that you can understand your own needs will probably benefit you greatly. And like Dotti, I commend you for doing so. So many of us wait until they're about to step into divorce court before we seek help.
Keep us posted, girl!
~Marin
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Oh Cookymkr, I can only commiserate... I know what my needs are, I don't need someone to tell me, and by the fact that you are seeking help, that tells me that you know your needs.... I am curious to see what the counselor says.
I have my DH rub cream into my mast site to keep it soft and I have "substituted" that for sex...at least I get physical contact!
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How is Mena?
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do we have any Weeds fans on this thread???Did anyone notice that when Andy first arrives bearing gifts for Nancy and her boys, the gift he gives to Nancy is>>>>>>.MR.BIG !!! yES, THE INFAMOUS Hitach Magic Wand, I would know it anywhere...
I've been going back to watch the early episodes...not too sure yet if I like the way they handle Celia having BC though..she goes out and has a one night stand with a hot guy before her mastectomy..that was the last thing on my mind at that point..but hey it's only a TV show..
there is also a very funny scene where Nancy's vibrator batteries keep dying and she takes them out of the remote control, the clock, etc.
this is my leisure time right now, weeds reruns and Mr. Big...but I don't know, it beats wasting time with losers which is what I seem to have done a lot of in my life...insread of that, now I'm working on a longtime dream-- to own my own home again...that was cut short when my husband decided our marriage was over in the middle of my bc back in 04, and I didn't know if I'd ever get there again..
so mojo is there, just in the back seat at the moment
this is the BEST thread, thanks to everyone for sharing all their experiences and ideas..
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Celia088 started a new thread - Mena got her wings:
Sadly, I just received a PM from saint that said that our mena from the boards and the chatroom passed away at 2:45 pm monday (today). Mena, Linda Minczuk, will be very missed here at bc.org and the other boards where she was a member . Prayers and Condolences to mena's family and to her many friends.
Prayers also for saint who is feeling low on energy right now. Thank you saint for letting us know. Please rest up and re-gain some energy.
celia
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So very sad to hear that Mena, our founder of the Mojo thread has her wings.
She will long be remembered and mourned.She will live on in this thread.
Sam
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Mena... THANK you for starting this thread.. as you leave this world... so much of you will go on and on....Rest in the peace of our Lord!
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So sad about Mena!
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I've re-read Mena's opening post to this thread so many times, and always reflected on what an awesome person she must be. Although I've never met her, I feel blessed to have been her BC sister, and I'm so sorry she and her feisty attitude and refusal to give up are no longer with us. But as someone else so beautifully put it, she and her amazing spirit live on in this thread. Rest in peace sister.
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OMG! You could have saved me an hour of therapy!!! If your not a psychologists, then YOU SHOULD BE! You said EXACTLY what the therapist said! Obviously my DH is not a great communicator, and so it's very hard for him to say the things I wished he say. AND you hit the nail on the head regarding the waning sex life both before BC and now...what to do what to do.....
she wants me to try discussing these issues with him, BUT that's easier said than done. I've asked him to talk to his GP regarding the ED issues and he just won't do it. I guess PRIDE is more important than pleasing me sexually is, which I find extremely frustrating.
She told me that she doesn't think that NOW is the time for me to decide where the marriage is heading and whether or not I want to stay in the relationship. NOW is the time for focusing on recovering from the surgeries and reconstructin phase of my tx's.
Thanks to everyone that posted a response. Sorry it took me so long to respond, but computer's been in the repair shop and just came home again!
I will keep checkin back for replies.
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I am so, so sorry to hear the news that Mena has left us. She, unfortunately, had more than her share of challenges and hardships in the past several years, not the least of which was the loss of her daughter last summer. But she kept up her amazing spirit and plugged on. Now her pain is over and, hopefully, she is joined once again with her child.
Rest in peace, chica! We are so grateful for your legacy!
~Marin
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Amen.
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Wanted to share in the moment where we celebrate the legacy created by Mena. Because of the thread she created, I have been able to re-learn intimacy with my husband. Mena, you are missed. Love and prayers, Deb
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God speed, Mena.
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God bless Mena and her fmily. Thank you!
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Not sure if this was posted somewhere else, here is the obit for Mena. Please light a candle for her and let her family know how much she meant to us. Thanks.
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I know I will meet Mena in heaven someday.....Godspeed Mena~
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I believe this one is Mena on the link above. God Bless her family !
Linda-Grogan Minczuk
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Marin,
I cannot thank you enough for mentioning that Breast Cancer Husband book. I literally ran to the library and got it. My husband read it in a day. He said he wished he had it from the beginning of my diagnosis. It has helped us immediately with getting to know each other again. Thanks to all you ladies for sharing what I think is the most private part of your lives. Your posts have helped me tremendously. Bless you Mena and I hope you are in a much better place with peace in your heart.
Hugs, Jackie
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i also have the book on order....purchased it on EBAY for $1.00. Figured what do I have to lose? I plan to read it first and see what ideas it has. Then I'll leave it lay and just see if my DH decides to look through it. He's never been much of a book reader. Figure its a 50-50 shot. Did anyone see Grey's Anatomy last nite? When Izzy confronted Alex about being a "husband" to her even tho she has Cancer. Boy that hit home with me...anyone else???
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I saw Grey's Anatomy last night too. I was surprised that she had any libido since she's on such heavy duty chemo. And her eyebrows didn't fall out. She still looks gorgeous.......tv never really does show the real thing.
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So true. Her eyebrows were pissing me off!!! LOL. My hubby said it really helped him and he's generally not a big reader. Good luck with that.
Hugs, Jackie
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