Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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PinkyLee- I told my instructor right before I started chemo. I ended up dropping the class and just restarted in Jan. Have you told her abt chemo brain? It is real! I would definitely go talk to her and BEG! For goodness sake, you have CANCER!
D
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Pinky, I've actually felt guilty playing the cancer card because I didn't remember to do something, but then I caught myself because -- guess what -- cancer IS why my brain has been rearranged & everything that is not immediately life-threatening can disappear into this vast slush pile without my realizing it. So, I say, guilt-trip this professor till he/she bleeds, nicely at first but firmly. There's no need for anybody to be so unforgiving in the circumstances. It's no skin of the professor's nose after all.
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I have to admit that I played the cancer card. When I went through rads in Nov/Dec 2007, my brain went pffffffft. I couldn't retain anything. No reading - couldn't keep track of the plot, had to stop working 2 weeks into rads. I kept getting these calls from mid-December, but they'd cut out part way through the message. When I was finally able to hear the full message & called, it turned out that I'd missed a payment to JJill. I thought I'd cry - never, ever, ever missed a payment on anything. Called back and said that I was undergoing cancer treatments and my brain was toast. The girl was so nice & cancelled the late fee, (it was less than 30 days past due so no reporting) and I set up on line bill pay
For all of last year, I'd say at work, well, if it happened between October and the end of the year, I don't remember squat. They understood.
Fortunately, my brain functions completely returned by March.
When you have a good reason to guilt trip/play the cancer card USE IT!
Take care pinky...
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I worked in the insurance industry in Canada. There are a group of courses you can take to increase your knowledge of the industry and eventually get a degree. I started the courses way back when (had 7 finished) and left it like that. Then came the offer to reduce the courses from 12 to 10 and a deadline to allow what courses we had taken to count even if they were not offered under the new set of courses. So I took another course. Aced it. And another course - got a b or c. Didnt care it was a pass. Then I got diagnosed with cancer. I didnt take any courses while I was in chemo... but as soon as I was out.... took the last course by mail (afraid to go to classes due to lowered immune system).... wrote the exam July 07 - failed by less than 10 marks. Begged work to let me re-write the exam... studied my a$$ off - notes, coloured underlining, hightlighting - everything I knew. And I failed again, worse than the first time. I phoned the Insurance Institute and the woman I spoke to (Paula) told me that her sister had passed away over the holidays. And she would not allow me a pass because that would violate the integrity of the program. There was no way to sway her. My boss was mad. She felt they could have found a couple of marks the first time. I have to say, it hurt really bad to fail. To end my work career with a failure to complete that final course. And because I got hysterical... Im not allowed to take another course, it would not be in my best interest to upset myself like this. She may sit there blabbing about integrity but I lost everything - my faith in my ability to learn, retain and succeed. My therapist was angry because I felt like a failure. But I was, I failed. No excuses. I have aced some of those courses by simply highlight what the instructor says. But having taken by correspondence... I did not get that advantage. It still hurts. Its the last thing. And as far as The Insurance Institute of Canada, they could care less.....
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I must admit that I emailed the instructor and I did play the cancer card. I haven't heard back from her, but hopefully she will be kind enough to give me time to complete the paper. I have done all the research, I have even downloaded reference material. I just forgot to write the damn thing.
So much for thinking I brain was functioning as normal.\
Just another bitch:
My half sister had a biopsy yesterday. This is the same sister that has come to see me once since my bilateral with immediate reconstruction. She had the nerve to call me today, complaining about how much pain she is in from the biopsy. Okay, let's say she had in and out surgery that is covered with a band aid and I still can't stand up straight and she wanted me to feel sorry for her. I went along with it for a minute and then realized that What she is feeling now is about where I was four weeks after surgery. I love her to death but she has so much drama. The real sad fact is I am not even sure she is sick. She had been known to fake it when ever someone else in the family get sick. This is such a pain when I am trying to get well and get ready for my next surgery. She takes so much energy at times.
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Dream, not having tried would have been more of a failure than trying and not quite making it. All things considered........you did good girl. Just too bad they didn't have the wisdom to see it. It sucks that you feel so bad about this. I sure don't see you as being a failure. I think we should strike that word from the english language. Hugs Dream.
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Dream,
You are not the failure, they are. Cancer brain is hard to cope with.
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just doing a fly by to say hello....thinking of Deb C's family today and hoping it was a beautiful ceremony...and wishing Traci a wonderful weekend with the OAOA....
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Why is it everytime you miss a day you miss alot???? I didn't read here for a few days and I am already to far behind to know what is going on. Well here is my IOS's
I fell on the ice yesterday after coming home from the store. I pulled out of my parking spot in the driveway. The kids never moved my car during the storms last week, nor did they clean my car. Well I spun my tires a little bit trying to get out of the high ice around my tires. I came home and decided not to pull back into my spot. I am walking in the house and find out it was a sheet of ice that was under my car too late! It was about an inch thick and I went up and down. I'm amazed I didn't break a bone.
Then my soon to be DIL is getting on my nerves. My grandson wasn't eating right, because when I got him he would want crackers all day and no meals. I know she tends to through lots of snacks at him and forget meals. So needless to say I was a bit pi$$ed as well as my son and he chewed on her. Then when we came home she seemed upset because he is moving on with his life and she didn't expect him to. I guess she thought he would be so lost without her he would come swooning back. I also found out while I was gone that when she left she moved in with another guy. My son's supposed best friend. Thats some friend, so needless to say he disgusted with them both. Although I did make mention of his new bacholer pad he has with his roomie, oh yeah and the fact that some girls were coming to see him next weekend from ohio LOL Needless to say she was mad. Now today I texted her to tell her we found her a car. He bought her a new 2008 car in June was he was home. Living apart and paying child support he can't afford the payments at 22% interest. So he said he would buy her a car. When I told her today we had a car and wanted to go to the dealership this week and make the purchase she was PO'ed saying she wanted a say in the purchase. Also, he got a deal on this car for $900, the guy felt sorry for his story and gave us a deal since my other son bought a car from him today. Well she asked the price and said he was supposed to spend $2,000 on the car so she didn't want it. She is being mighty picky for someone that could get nothing in the longrun! UGH, she is really upsetting me alot!
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Hugs or tha sux----whatever you need!
I am packed & ready to fly out tomorrow.....onc's staff & my friend conspired to clear my conscience----I will be at the consult by speaker phone----I pray I am making the right choice! She is still feeling weak & fatigued. I am concerned, but leave her in capable hands. After almost 2 weeks she finally SOUNDS like her real self--just wish her body would follow.....
I am getting excited, too. The friend I am visiting has surprised me with a free condo for the first part of the week...it will be just us--no men or kids for a few days! She is the best -- told me if I need to cancel she would be fine with it--I am SO blessed with the most wonderful friends anyone could want! Just wish I didn't feel like Sybil about my trip: Go! Don't go!! Go & come back early! Stay & go later!! Be happy & excited! Worry worry, worry! sheesh
Dream---do you trust my judgment?? YOU ARE NO FAILURE!! Don't make me buy that plane ticket to come convince you!!!!! HUGS my friend----it is their loss!
When it comes to playing the cancer card I try to be careful not to wear it out---I will be a card carrier til the end so I don't want to waste it! Same thing with my handicapped parking sticker--don't want to tempt fate & use it unnecessarily---might NEED it if I do that! It has happened b4!
Pinky-As far as I am concerned we should NEVER compare our pain & trials with anyone else's! The worst we have ever known is OUR worst! If this is sis's worst so far--lucky girl! Maybe it will make your sis empathetic-who knows? MANY times ppl's complaints get to me. I want to say--OK! You think you have it so bad? I'll gladly trade places with you!!!! Remember--there is ALWAYS someone who has it worse.......when all is said & done I'd rather the devil I know!
traci----are you collecting important data to share with all of us at a later date???? Enjoy the research!
Taking my laptop with me--but who knows if I'll get to post in the next week!
Be well & stay strong.
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ahhh LuAnn---THAT SUX!!!!!
Glad you didn't break something! Be careful!! Make those boys clean up your car & driveway!!
DIL will get her come-up-ance! Just sit back & watch it happen!
HUGS friend!
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I know that I shouldn't compare my pain to hers, but she just makes me so mad at times.
LuAnn, I am glad you didn't break anything. I am also glad you can rub it in her face that your son is moving on.
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Yea to no broken bones but we sure don't bounce like we used to.
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I know that's right. I can't imagine the damage a fall would do to me. that is one of my worst fears when I go down the steps. I still don't walk as well as I did before the start of reconstruction. Moving back muscles seems to take a I long time to heal.
LuAnn, make sure you check yourself out good for hidden injuries.
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Especially not the boobettes!
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Hey girls, a quick pop-in and a big that sux to all!
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Thank you for your support. This being February.... I would have graduated last month. I really really wanted to be part of that graduation. But that's life..... sigh.
Luanne your DIL is an idiot. Plain and clear. And judges know what an idiot looks like. Just keep a list of what you offered on what day and her response.
I am so scared of falling and breaking bones but I fell out of bed from sitting position to landing on all fours. Sprained a wrist. Isnt that amazing?
I find that the nursing staff are so friendly and courteous that they actually worm around my natural shyness and bathe me in the shower.... heaven to have clean hair.
My worry is that with each trip in, I am using up my hospital cards and one day i wont have one to play to come home. And to make matters worse, they wont tell me how many cards I have.
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Dream- one day at a time dear, one day at a time.
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Dream, ask God, he'll tell you...I'm pretty sure he'll give you as many as you need. (((((((HUGS))))))))
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Yesterday I went to see New in Town with some friends. It was a funny movie and even though it was totally predictable, I loved it. I thought about AlaskaDeb the entire time. She was already on my mind, but the movie made me think of her, too. I knew if she was there, she would have been laughing all through it.
The setting was winter in a small Missouri town. There was lots of snow and it was freezing. The people all knew each other and did stuff to help each other out. I know Deb lived in a small town and we all knew well enough here how much she was in the thick of things whenever it came to helping anyone. So every time someone did something sweet, I thought of Deb and tried to hold back the tears. Every time I laughed, I thought of how she would have loved the movie and how it would have made her laugh.
I thought of her family and the funeral with all of our many pink roses and how she was never going to get to see the movie or laugh with her family on this earth again. That is just overwhelmingly sad to me, even though I know she was a woman of faith. I know she'll see her family again. God is most certainly in control.
This earth has lost a wonderful, encouraging, cheerful soul. I'm sure her laughter is ringing heaven's bells at this very moment and she has a twinkle in her eye. It's kind of nice to know she will be there when I get there.
Miss S
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At big that's sucks to all who need it.
I attended the funeral today of a 23 year old young lady who committed suicide last week. She lost her mother last year in March and killed herself on her mother's birthday. It was so sad to sit there and watch her 14 year old sister crying her eyes out because she has no family left except her father whom she doesn't like.
He was not around during the mother's illness. Never provided child support or anything. Actually took the mother to court during her illness and requested a reduction because he drinks too much to work.
After the mother died, he fought for custody. When the family pointed out that he had not income, he told the judge "the child comes with a check". Even with this, the judge gave him custody.
It is ashamed that a man who didn't help a sick mother can now get her social security and child. I am so said for the little girl. I went to school with her mother and know how hard it is going to be for the child to move on with her life.
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pinkylee,
That is just HORRIBLE!
Ladies, we've lost another sister, "heatherBlocklear"/annie camel. That so much more than sucks, I can't even find a word for it.
((((HUGS)))
Diane
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OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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How sad. I am posting this again: online candle site. candle burns for 48 hours:
www.gratefulness.org
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Ohmygod. I can't breathe.
Susan
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Hey all,
Just starting to feel a little beaten down with all this sad news. Our dear friends Deb and Annie here, my friend's husband who died of a heart attack last week at only 55, my good friend's Dad who is in the hospital and things don't look it, it's just been a tough couple of weeks.
Warren is still battling that flu, but the fever is coming down finally. I'm reliving my chemo days, with obsessive handwashing, purell, etc., I'm treating the poor kid like a leper, but I just really don't want to get sick!
Hugs to all
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This is how I feel...
Miss S
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Miss S - I feel like that, too, but I don't look as good - she has hair and eyebrows
My IOS - Another tooth problem...abcess. Am on antibiotics, but dentist can't pull because tooth has three roots and one abuts the sinus cavity, so I have to see an oral surgeon - but not until 2/10. Dentist has me on Pen VK and gave me a few Vicodin to carry me through until then. Is this ever going to get better?
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I just don't know how to "move beyond cancer" when we lose friends like Deb and Annie and have so many others (maybe ourselves?) struggling with bad scan results, increased tumor markers, funky things on mast scars, new breast lumps, etc.
That's my IOS. I feel numb.
otter
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I feel like I'm walking around holding my breath all the time, just waiting for what's next I don't dare breath.
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