Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
Comments
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Traci - I haven't copied the Circle Girls CD yet to send to you, but I will do that tomorrow. Also, what exactly does the book consist of? (I've never seen one), do you need anything from us?
Night all!
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CD? Book?
Confused.
I try to keep my sense of humour about everything but this week has just been too much. I cant seem to get any info as to what this cancer will affect if it keeps spreading. Hoping to learn more on Wed. In meantime, am in cleaning spree... dont want anyone seeing the dust bunnies.... and bathroom mold, and kitchen floor (cant anyone pour without spilling?)
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I am home..but instead of posting pix of my trip as I'd planned, I'm here feeling bitter & sad for all the pain we have to experience; mainly Zaro. But add to that the recent posts by LuAnn, Traci & Dream & I'm spiraling.
Ppl went to chat tonite to memorialize Z. I couldn't stay..........I spent many hours on the phone with her for well over a year & I came to know her well. She told me many things, but in the last few months I felt she was lonely. She said she loved my calls, but it never felt like they were enough! I know she missed the calls that others stopped making. Even tho I understand better than anyone how difficult it was to make those calls, I am angry & sad! I don't know what to do with these feelings.....I am home & in my own bed I will finally cry for my lost friend....
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Saint- February is always a hard month. I expect many of us are also struggling with all this: squabbles on other threads, life and health concerns of our sisters, recent deaths on top of our day to day demons and stuff that we deal with...well ENOUGH is enough. What I would give to be near all you ladies, to offer in person hugs, offer a shoulder, hold a hand on a bad day. I feel so helpless.
I am sure Zaro appreciated the time you took to talk with her, a gift of freindship and I'm sure it made a huge difference to her. She is not lost, she is in your heart. She is in a place of peace and contentment, no more hurting, no more fighting, no more struggles.
I pray you find a quiet healing place and peaceful sleep.
Elaine
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Elaine,
You are right... this is a hard time for so many of us. I know I, personally, am overwhelmed right now. Enough IS enough! I wish we could all get together and help each other.
I love you dear ladies and appreciate each one of you. Through our many tears, may we learn to love each other even more.
Always,
Miss S
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I have deleted what I posted earlier as I was too emotional when I wrote it. I am sad & sorry for all the pain & suffering we face. May tomorrow be a better day for all of us......
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We all know the pain of getting a pet that we love knowing that we will lose it someday. We all know, too, that by the very nature that puts us on this board, we will lose each other in some way. That's what should bring joy to the moment.
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....seems sharing grief can inadvertently cause more for others---I have seen it too often & it is NOT my intention. When I vented my pain I realized too late that it may make others feel bad-worse than they already did by making them think of things they wouldn't have.....today I say: THIS SUX!
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Saint, I don't think you cause more grief, in fact, I think when others express their grief it allows us to really feel our emotions. Sometimes, if someone else's hardship is worse than ours, it can take the focus off ourselves for a little while to help grieve for the other.
After all, isn't that what we are here for?
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Saint, Dream, Traci, LuAnn, Kathi and all those in need of it....
A BIG THAT SUX LADIES!!!!
I've not been on much, b/c of being busy, trying to get through this awful winter we've had thrown at us and to try to get back into that life i left over a year ago? You'll all not remember that, b/c of course, you met me after Dx of BC, so you wouldn't.....well........it's just NOT there anymore. I'm tired, achy, flashy and a groaner now. I hate that! Every little tweek/twinge/ or pain reminding me....so SCREW it! I can't get it back so I'm reinventing a new life..and you know what? IT all starts with you, my friends here that I've gained over this last transitional year. So..I'm staying...just getting better and feeling deeper than a year ago. my heart is broke when i hear of progression for any of you. Those who have passed leave an indelible mark on my soul. I've change b/c of them, but will enjoy life also b/c of them. B/c they would hope for that for each of us.
I till HATE docs..that will never change..but I'll tolerate them as necessary evils now.
Love, many {{{HUGS}}}} and especially prayers or each of you.
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((((((WISH)))))))) and ((((HUGS)))) to all! I sure hope I get out of this funk soon. I don't have the "oomph" to even bitch about anything.
That sucks, ladies!
Diane
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I feel like a gatecrasher by posting and not even pretending that I am up on all that has happened. Basically, I think about AlaskaDeb A LOT.
I'm in Cape Town, South Africa which is GORGEOUS. Working with fabulous people. And today, I met a 21 or 22 year old from Chicago who was diagnosed with brain cancer about 3 years ago (she's been N.E.D. for the past two). I'm going to help her buy a car tomorrow which should be interesting since I have barely driven in the past 15 years (I lived in NYC before moving here) and neither of us are used to driving on the left hand side of the road. But! I do have experience with a manual transmission AND as I told her, we have both faced down cancer which I think is very similar to feeling like you are driving into oncoming traffic.
Anyway, I just wanted to stop in to say "Hello!" and I think of the wonderful bitch and moaners on a regular basis. Much much love, rock.
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Thanks Diane..... although you were one of the ones I neglected to mention and had planned on....ugh....chemo brain...although legitimately I can't say that anymore...I seriously don't know my memory is so out of it. I can't focus on more than the task at hand or I'd nevr finish anything....sorry.......... You are another in my daily prayers and thought girl
Thanks too for hugs...when dh is gone, I need thm 0 -
HUGS all---when the floodgates of grief burst open much can escape that shouldn't...
Forgiveness given enables forgivenss to be received!
Thanx to my sister angels, persepctive is restored
Be well & stay strong
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The way I see it is that we have a greater population of Stage 4s than the usual population OUT THERE. We stay to support each other. The sad thing is that for the ones that MOVED on to a higher realm without pain, there are new dx's to fill the spaces. We all know we will lose friends here (and we knew it would hurt) but we chose to stay in order to support others and receive the love and support when we do need it. And the problem is that we are looking into a crystal ball... and when I look I see my name being added to the Angel Wall by loving friends. And that is what counts here. So mourn... let out those "inappropriate" feelings (they too are real). And reach out your hand, cause Im waiting to grab hold of it.
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Beautifully said Dream, I will hold your hand.
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Me, too, Dream. You can grab anything you want.
Your humor and courage keep us all going, and hopefully, our love and compassion for you will give you strength to continue.
Susan
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Dream,
Has anybody ever told you what a beautiful heart you possess?
((((HUGS)))
Diane0 -
What did I miss??? Holy crap!! Saint, I don't know what you said but I'm so glad you feel better girl!!
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) everybody!!
I'm back to work on Deb's book! There are so many freaking posts I don't know if I will ever get finished!! I was anxious to get home and get to work on it though.
((((Wish)))) (((((Dream))))) I wish I had pics on my laptop but I don't. Love you guys.
Diane.....did you have your ovaries out? It seems I remember you talking about it but like Patrice, I can't remembe Jack!
Later guys, I'll be checking in!!
What Sux???
Traci0 -
Nope, not me Traci...still got those little estrogen factories because my first onc refused to remove them. Now I feel too crappy to think about having them out.
Jack who? LOLOLOLOL
((((HUGS)))
Diane0 -
Dream, Traci, Wish, Saint, Diane, EWB, nancy, and anyboddy else I've left out,,
THAT SUCKS!
I have a large IOS. My great-nephew, 14 years old and his parents' only child, died in his sleep Friday night. The autopsy was today. No drugs, and no obvious cause of death. The coroner said he suspects a cardiac birth defect on a cellular level, and those results will take 2-14 days.
Please pray for Ron and Cheryl in their immense pain.
I love you all and I am sorry for all the suckage.
Love,
Sue
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That sucks, Sue. Children aren't supposed to die and no parent should have to bury their child.
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Oh my gosh Sue, we just had the same thing happen to a church family. almost exact same scenario! Does it ever end? So much sadness and grief. too much
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OMG........Sue.....I'm so sorry.
I have two very good friends in FL named Ron & Cheryl....that caught my breath when I read those names. I am so, so sorry girl.
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Sue - this has got to be so painful for your family. It's the sort of gasping, choking, sobbing grief that no parent should have to endure.
I am so sorry.
Lisa
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LISA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was lookin' for you girl!!!! How are you???????????????
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Sue,
I am so sorry to hear of your great nephew. May God give you and your family comfort and peace.
Trish
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Hugs & prayers, Sue-------I can not imagine their pain...
Dream----YOU are: da bomb, a rock, heart of gold, salt of the earth, gifted wordsmith & friend! ---together we walk the road-----my hand is here for YOU too! HUGS
ok--having what I will dub a "traci-moment".......I love you guys-really!
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Lots of sadness and emotion, I'm feeling it too, but am thankful for the friends I have here that help me through.
Sue - there is no greater pain than losing a child, I'm so sorry.
Rock - great to see you
Hugs and good night to all...
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Sue, deepest sympathy to all the family and you. Hugs and Blessings, Nancy
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