Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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That's like me with my Fibromyalgia. I take narcotics every day to be able to get to work and back. Then some dumb ass says "Oh, if you exercise you'll feel so much better!" Yah, maybe when they put the plates in my hips or I get enough drugs into my system. And should I stop driving to work and back (2 hours) + my 8 hour day so I can do some leg crunches??????????
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I'm so glad Monday is almost here...Barbe, I had this MRI done months ago, I was supposed to follow up back in December when I had all that crap with my heart I cancelled the appointment. In the mean time I met with another dr. about this ankle for a 2nd op. For whatever reason the other day I pulled out the films and the surgery consult from that appt. fell out and i read it. He had put on there bone marrow aspiration/biopsy. I thought, WTF???? I don't remember us discussing that...so I called the MRI place for a copy of the report. Plain as day they say I have a mass in the tibea (sp?) of undetermined origin measuring 3.3 cm. along with some cortical irregularity and stress fractures and cysts. Can't imagine why this hurts. I don't have any idea what I'm looking at on the films so I don't know what they are referring to but I'll know soon enough tomorrow. I swear the other consult never said a word about aspirating the bone marrow or I never would have been blowing this off this long. BC is my second go round with cancer (cervical being first) so I'm not real pleased that this was not paid more attention to. My ortho probably thinks that's why I blew him off and didn't follow up...he knows about the BC and that I already have an oncologist...he's probably going to smack me upside the head
No matter how you look at it - I'm headed for some pain ....Ugh again!0 -
oop...I think that should be a size of 3.3mm...not cm...I don't think you can get a mass that size in your bone marrow!
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Connie -- I love you!!!!! Yee-haa! Now you're my kind of friend!!! The friends that let me be I love seeing. I wonder what she'd say if I told her I had to drive the 3 short blocks to the library this afternoon -- too far to walk and lug books. Probably take out a gym membership! Do leg crunches!! Hahahaha Barbe!
I've tried being thoughtful and understanding -- make sure my port is covered so she doesn't have to see it. Maybe for dinner tomorrow (if I go!) I'll wear a v-neck top and ask her if she wants to feel one of my liver tumours if she gets on my case! Yum-yum.
I wouldn't want her to come here -- this is my last sanctuary! My only sanctuary full of women who know what's what! You cheered me up immensely Connie!!
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Hi all. Glad I found this thread. I am having a good day today, but I'm sure I will need to vent soon enough.
Tic, I have the opposite, my husband is hesitant to tell anyone. I understand that he needs to process it in his own way, but it's awkward for me when I bump into someone, because I don't know if they know or not. We are going to an Oscar party tonight with many of his colleagues from work, and some of them know and some of them don't. It could be an interesting dynamic. I am going to try to act like I would have 3 months ago, before the dx, and hopefully things will feel normal.
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WTF is right Navygirl! You wouldn't forget that! Well now it will be seen to -- let us know how to goes on Monday. Hugs,
Elizabeth
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konakat,
I think you are admirable for keeping your temper with her. She needs to have her sheltered little world opened up a bit. I understand why you want to keep this place private. Give her the link to this one. http://www.cancerforums.net/forum-3.html
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Thanks Notself -- I didn't know about this one. You're very right about her sheltered little life!
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All those in favor of staying on Liz and Connie's good side say I;
IIIIIIIIIII!!!
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It sucks being fat...but I was already overweight and was used to it. I can now blame tamoxifen ..ha ha.
I do not like people looking at me like I'm half dead already or see pity in their eyes as if to say, "You poor thing...you have cancer and are on your way out" That sucks, big time. I'd like to say, "Hey...don't look at me like that. You may have cancer yourself and don't know it yet. At least I'm aware of it and am fighting like hell to live"
OK, I've vented and I feel better. Thanks. LOL. I really needed to say that.
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"I" lol
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we spend so much time making everybody else feel better, just keep saying i'm fine, tired of saying the same old thing over and over.....we need to make sure we take care of ourselves and not worry about everybody else..
Sandy
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"I"
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I walk by the river twice a week with a (cancer free) friend of mine. Several weeks ago I was having problems with depression and sobbed during the entire walk. I know she was trying to help but telling me that needed to eat better and get out of the house more just pissed me off. Only some one that has experienced depression can understand the some times you need wait until the meds take effect before you begin to feel better.
I feel terrible most of the time but people just don't understand. I walk slower than my grandmother and she's dead so that's pretty slow. My butt is enormous and I look like sh!t with short hair. So far I've developed suspected mets in my elbow, skin, eye lid, brain and my butt. That one turned out to be hemorrhoids. Cancer free????? Yes, I'm cancer free but I'll never be the same again.
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We had a great time a the beach with the college kids and learned every activity imaginable can be mad into a drinking game.
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Linda, I think you SHOULD say that to the next person who looks at you with pity! Why should we hold back all the time? 0
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Haven't been on here for a while so just catching up ... there is major suckage going on and I don't like it one little bit!
Connie ... first hugs. You have every right to be losing your mind ... gosh, does anyone else want to throw more sh*t at you? I know it is difficult to put down that "Connie will fix it, she fixes everything" mentality but you really must. It is now your turn to receive help. Gosh, you more than have earned "me" time. I have the same problem but I am slowly learning being a "brave little soldier" gets you more crap!
Barbe ... you continue to amaze me! All the physical problems you have, and while not fatal, continue to grind you down - it has to get on your nerves. Yet your good humor and cut to the chase approach is astonishing.
I like this site because when I feel like venting, after reading here I think "what the heck do your have anything to bitch about?
Elizabeth ... with all the information about depression why do so many people remain so ignorant about it? It is an actual physical change that occurs in your brain. The whole point of it is you are paralyzed by it and everything becomes hopeless and helpless. You can go out all you want but it is not going to change a damn thing! And sometimes you need to vent to keep your feelings from blowing up.
Navy ... I am speechless and I think you should go in and kick their collective asses.
As for getting the word out about bc, just tell any member of my family ... the entire world will know about it in short order! My youngest sister told every friend of hers, every stranger she met, just anybody about my breast cancer! She is telling all these people that her sister has bc and she tells me it was only DCIS which is not even cancer.
When you have the slightest brush with death (and I am not saying I was even within spitting distance) you tend to look at things differently. Suddenly you are not concerned about what the various idiots in your life think and strangers? Forget it. As Barbe has said, I am not getting foobies to make others feel better .. screw them!
I really love all of you and am so grateful to have you in my life. It is such a refreshing change of the dysfunctional family I grew up with!!!! I could never have changed without your grounding me.
I say start demanding support - just like Tweety:
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GREAT rant Kathleen!!!! You done good!
I will actually go up to one of the guys at work and tell them to hug me! They are so used to it now that they don't even think of it and even will carry on a conversation while hugging me...hehehheehe I get what I need where I need it.
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Arrrrgh!! I just got an email from the pizza friend. No how are you, nothing. Just looking forward to pizza tonight. So I replied that I'm too dizzy, pukey, and achy to go. I'm not going anywhere for a while. And that I'm kinda bummed out about the brain tumour, and that I can feel one of my f-ing liver tumors with my hand now. Usually I minimize this stuff or not mention it at all but I have to hammer away so she gets it!!!! If she doesn't, I'm gonna channel Connie and not be such a wimp in pushing back. Blah. Other than that everything's peachy! Really!
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Elizabethe, tell her to F#*(&$(#*& OFF if she doesn't get the hint. She probably thinks she's "cheering you up" and really it's dragging you down!
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Linda, Kon and kmc - very good rants, I sure hope you feel just a wee bit lighter! Sometimes you just want to scream without having anyone try and make you feel better, do anything about it, or worse yet - try to fix it, especially when it's not something they can do anything about.
BooBee, welcome back! Glad to see you survived your little field trip! Please, fell free to share a game of the day with us
Kathleen - we've missed you! I'm so glad you stopped by
Suzie, it appears you are the only other one who sees the importance of staying on their good side..hehehehe. We'll be that last ones standing if they ever explode
Barbe...I need a shovel brigade, I need it for one special doctor!
I saw my orthopaedic today - the bone marrow thing (my doctor is confident) is acyst as a result of what they call a tug lesion. These normally happen in adolescence. I have a tear in my cartlidge that has gotten bigger and a cyst has grown backwards into my leg as a result of the bone on bone rubbing. I also have numerous other cysts in the ankle joint bones as a result of osteoarthritis in that ankle. He will be draining these when I have my surgery and he absolutely doesn't think anything else is warrented. More than likely the other doctor was doing CYA because he works at the same hospital I'm being treated at for my BC. The mass is in an unlikely place for someone my age - but with my history with the ankle, my ortho is not surprised by anything on the report. His office is supposed to call me Wednesday to set up the surgery. In the mean time I had a cortisone shot to hold me over
I can't wait to get this fixed and resume my normal live....hahaha, of course my definition of normal has changed somewhat, but alas...if I can get back on my bike I will be very, very happy!Now I must finish up my resume for a job I'm applying for!
I hope everyone is having as beautiful a weather phenom as we are here...it's simply gorgeous!
XOXOXO
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Elizabeth, since we all know that she doesn't have other plans for tonight, if she doesn't respond with an offer to deliver food whatever food you think you can hold down if you are up to it, she isn't a friend. An acquaintance maybe, but not a friend.
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Navy, we know you are just applying for the job you already have...aren't you?
Pat, KK doesn't want to have to entertain anyone tonight. That's the problem with being the life of the party. I know! Everyone expects you to be a blast all the time and cheer THEM up.
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True test Patmom! True test!
Barbe...shhh! They don't know this
I'm applying or a special program, I probably won't get it since I haven't been there that long, but hey - it's open to everyone so I may as well take a shot!I'm now taking one last stab at correcting my blackberry desktop software in the hopes of being able to correct some phone settings, if this doesn't work this time I'm just going to bit the bullet and by a new one!
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Navygirl -- I'm glad that your ankle isn't something more scary! Whew!!! Good luck on the job hunt too!
I think my friend finally got it -- she sent a nice email. Sigh....
I've always lived alone (well, with cats) and am a horrible hostess. I don't encourage guests, even pre-BC days. I own 2 wine glasses, one for me and the other one for me for when the first one gets used and I don't feel like washing it. I much prefer to go out so I can leave when I want to. Sometimes I'm social, sometimes I feel like running away to the woods and living with squirrels. Interesting thing about squirrels -- they're mostly black in Ottawa, sometimes you see a red or grey one. In Boston they were all grey! Strange...
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Elizabeth...I totally get it! and, I always wondered why some squirrels are black? I have one in my neighborhood that runs from house to house and I just adore him
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I get not wanting company, I guess what I'm saying is that when you hear that a friend is feeling too sick to come out for dinner, a friend offers to bring something easy to eat and keep down and then leave. The friend who doesn't feel well can always decline. It isn't nearly so much about the act as it is about the offer.
Otherwise, this acquaintance is in the relationship only for the entertainment value.
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Black squirrels? Never seen one. Ours are gray, once in a rare while I'll see one that looks kinda red.
Well, darn. Sorry you didn't get to go out to dinner with the old friend. She probably wouldn't have picked up the tab anyway.
Guess WHAT?? DD and the baby will be moving in with us at the end of the month. We have exhausted all efforts to find a decent and affordable place for them to live, it hasn't happened. We will put some of our stuff and lots of her stuff into a storage unit until she can find a place to move into. We were hoping that the great-gma would consider buying a foreclosure property that both my DDs could share, but of course that hasn't happened either. another alternative was to kick our tenant out of a very small rental property that we have, but the tenant came up with all the back rent and we just can't afford the fix it up money right now. So. It's OK. We will just have to tighten up on our stuff and deal with it.
What I don't want is the baby's daddy coming over here to visit. I just dont want to see him AT ALL. He just wants to be a little boy with big toys and money to blow on himself and he does NOT get it, that supporting the mother is supporting the baby. He's an idiot. It's all so disappointing.
I give thanks for the little things each day. Waking up. Breathing. Eating. Being able to dress myself and brush my own teeth. The rest of my world is spinning out of control. My control, that is. But, I am feeling better today. Think I'll go sit out back and have a beer.
~Connie
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If you are having a difficult, trying day, just remember that it takes 43 muscles to frown, 17 muscles to smile, and only 4 muscles to simply take a deep breath,..
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Reach out and slap that fool upside the head!
-sessna1
This is major SUXage. My eyes hurt. I will share with y'all the second funniest e-mail that I ever got at work. Maybe it was just "one of those days," but I laughed and laughed.
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Who has the 2x4? Elizabeth needs to borrow it for a few days. The shovel brigade might not be enough for this one.
Connie....enjoy your DD and grandchild. She's lucky to have you.
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