Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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While I am moaning,DH has invited one of his friends over to see me tonight....without consulting me.
This friend is 80 odd , has a terrible heart condition, bypasses etc going on inside him, and was dx'd with bowel cancer. Because this man hasn't any idea how to use a computer I have been volunteered. He has been told he won't stand the op. to remove the growth, that he has 'about 2 years' left, and because I seem to be always on this site, and unearthing various things about bc, them DH has decided I will be able to sort out this man.
Help! I am no doc, and don't know anything about bowel cancer, and how will I explain my basic knowledge of ways around the medical system when no-one knows I have bc ?
There could be a murder tonight at my house. I am just ready to curl up round the fire and veg out infront of the box, now I have to talk to a total stranger aarrggghhh.
Isabella.
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Isabella, I wore "hooker" shoes to my middle daughter's wedding. Oh, how stupid! They were at least 4 1/2 inch heels. Her wedding was outdoors and I had to be escorted down a sidewalk to my seat. I was already dizzy, but those damned shoes..oh, I thought I was going to fall down. Then, of course, I had to be escorted back UP the sidewalk. Did I fail to tell my my feet hurt? I gave the hooker shoes away!
Patrice, I know what you mean about "Taxol" toes. My feet/toes are not painful but annoying. When I bend my toes it feels like a glob of something there...sorta like swollen, but they're not. I guess the "numbness" goes about half way down the ball of my feet. It would feel so good to have them massaged.
Harley, I was going to call you, but I "heard" on another thread that you were cleaning for your mil's visit.
jdg1, I SOOOOOO understand where you are coming from when it comes to going out with the family. I try to put on my "show" too. LOL By the time they leave (my kids are grown and have two grandbabies) I'm passed out on the couch! And I've been out of treatment for a loooong time. I lied. I'm on AIs. I'll blame it on that.
Shirley
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LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hooker shoes...i literally spewed blueberry bread crumbs all over my computer screen and keyboard!!!! Now, that's funny.
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I love reading this thread and a big heartfelt THAT SUCKS to all!
Harley, Happy Birthday again....may you have many more cancer-free ones!
Here is my bitch today......This morning I was brushing my teeth and felt something moving around....OMG a tooth just fell out. I finished chemo the beginning of March and thought I would skip the "teeth" falling out part but I guess not. And of course what day should it decide to do this but a Saturday morning - my dentist does not work weekends. I called his emergency # and turns out he is out of town anyway. Since there is no pain he told me to get some wax and mold it in the gap...he'll see me on Monday. I must have sounded very down because he asked "are you ok"? I said "NO I am NOT ok - I am gaining weight, I'm bald, I'm missing half my eyebrows and eyelashes, my boob is burned from radiation, I now need a nap everyday, everytime I have an ache or pain my brain screams METS and now my teeth are falling out.....so NO I'm NOT OK." Poor guy, he really is a nice dentist and I know he just didn't know what to say - BUT he did say the right thing....."I'm so sorry you're going thru this". I think I would have lost it had he said "oh, don't worry, it'll be all right".
So that's my bitch for the day - now I have to go and take my f**king nap.
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Sorry about your tooth, guggerty...and all the other stuff. chemo is very hard on teeth...i didn't have any fall out...yet...but postchemo, i've had two break in two. in fact, i just had the second cap put on, on tuesday, and i finished chemo in august '06. the dentist told me it's because chemo dries the mouth out and that causes the teeth to get brittle.
hope you're able to get some rest and feel better. if you need a good laugh, check out my i can't get my act together thread. i posted a picture of my dining room table today and it's a beut. it may take your mind off the way you're feeling, if only for a minute or two. You'll be able to say, "I may look and feel bad, but I look better than Patrice's table at least."
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There are these industrial strength mountain climbing type sandals I saw in the L.Bean catalog for summer with plenty of toe room. They might help with the ttt prob.
I'm sick of accomplished people. I don't know how they maintain it anymore.
Back last year I got butt fungus from the shower in the hospital because I was dumb enough to sit on the pull down seat. So nobody do that.
You want to know where I feel the best these days? In my own shower. I could take a shower for an hour. I think that's going to be a long term side effect from being told not to take showers after surgeries. I still feel like I want to wash off betadine and electrode and steristrip glue from after surgeries and biopsies.
edit - guggerty what kind of wax is there supposed to be in the house for when you lose a tooth and need to stick it back in? I don't have any tooth wax in my house.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go have a martini. I have never ever in all my years ever had a martini and they seem so cool and sophisticated. Especially with that awesome looking martini glass and the olives on a stick! Way better than drinking from a bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag!
You know now I am going to find how to make a martini and buy an official martini glass at the dollar store and go into an actual liquor store and get the supplies. I am. How's that for progress!
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i'll have to take a look at those sandals, hanna...thanks!
lol@hanna's comment re tooth wax. great point! how about sticking a little birthday candle in the empty spot, guggerty...at least you'd look festive.
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This is supposed to be a bitchy thread and I am rolling about laughing at you girls......martinis...wax.birthday candle.look festive OMG, my sides hurt.
Isabella.
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Here you go Hanna , this ones for you!
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that looks delicious. don't mind if i do, honeygirl!
martinis always look so grown up. we don't have anything to drink around here except some bad wine and my wine glasses are cheap looking. i'm heading to honeygirl's.
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Cheers, HannaB!
Marsha
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Think I might go buy martini supplies and a glass too. Haven't ever had one but I agree that they do look sophisticated, "grown up", fun.
Happy birthday Harley!
My gripe for the day ---- husbands! Why do husbands think they can tell the whole family what they can and can't do. The kids, sure, but last time I checked I was an adult and am supposed to have a mind of my own (although it may be a chemo brain/mind now) and be able to decide when I want and think it is the right time to do something. It's too hot to wash the car (should translate into I don't want to have to help you and I will feel guilty if I don't, so I will shame or boss you into not doing it). I didn't want his help anyway!! All ready he thinks I don't need a new vacuum cleaner (trust me I do!), next it will be when and how to wash clothes, take a shower, go to the bathroom, etc. Did I mention, complaining when he can't find something in the messy house, but does he pick up after himself? NO! hardly ever! Gripes at kids though but not a good example.
And don't even get me started on how clueless he is to the fact that I could die from this stupid disease. He is really concerned about his health but I just have a slight inconvenience for the family to put up with. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!
Okay, I feel some better now. Thank you all for letting me vent and to all of you a hearty "That Stinks!!! To the crap you are going through right now!
To better days ahead!
Wink
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Wink , that really sucks. Why can't men be more supportive and compasionate? Tell him , although he really sucks right now , you still need a vacumn!lol
Yes gsg , Wink , Hanna , everyone come on over. We can all do the "one swipe of the arm" to the "stuff" on my dininroom table and sit down and drink lots of martinis! Hey , can you play "quarters" with martinis?lol
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honeygirl,
I like that ,"even though you really suck right now, I still need a vacuum". That brought a smile to my face and a chuckle. Thank you! You guys are great and usually there is someone who can say, "Been there, felt that, done that, know what you mean".
I'll be there for the martini, I'll help with the arm swipe, trust me I have experience! Just let me know when. Not sure what "quarters" is though so you'll have to teach me.
Wink
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guggerty, I am so sorry your tooth fell out. That truly SUCKS. I thought it was bad because my toenails are all jacked up and won't stop falling off. I got my last Taxol in June 07. I've been fortunate with my teeth. I did get flouride from my dentist to use during chemo and after (I learned about that here, of course).
I know everything is building up and I hate to see you down.... you always are so cheerful and you make me laugh. I hope you feel better after your nap. We have a martini waiting for you.
I never realized butt fungus was so common. I tried to find a picture of it, but google just brings up a bunch of plants. I found this on Urban dictionary:
1. butt fungus
a fool, idiot, or moron.
You left the food in the oven, you butt fungus.
2. butt fungus
a disease of the ass
Brandon has butt fungus and can't get any dates.
Wink, big hugs to you, too. Honeygirl cracked me up. too, with her comment.... I think you should make sure to use that on your DH. Let's test him for a sense of humor.
Marshabel, sorry the chemo is getting to you. I'm doubly sorry that you have to go through all this schnit AGAIN before your hair has even had a chance to grow in well. That's just WRONG! I hope you have some Senekot S or something like it to ease your current situation.
I need to jump over and read Patrice's thread. I haven't explored there yet. Miss S
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Wink - are you and i married to the same man?
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Held -- does that mean you and Wink have to fight over who HAS to keep him??!! 0
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Wink, that SUCKS that you have to deal with man-attitude like that. Yeesh. Get an embarrassingly expensive vacuum (how about a Dyson?) and blame it on doctor's orders. Anyone who has had 25 nodes done needs to not even deal with vacuuming, so if he makes a single peep, it's his new assignment!
Sorry about your tooth/crown falling out, guggerty - that also produces major suckage for a weekend morning. Pretty cool that your DDS seems like an actual human, though. Patrice - you totally got me with the 'festive' birthday candle comment. Sputtered lemonade- ack!
Hanna, if you are going to try a martini for the first time, go ahead and spring for some decent gin or vodka (Bombay/ Tanqueray or GreyGoose, respectively). A martini doesn't have all the foo-foo ingredients to mask cheap liquor and it will taste BAD. I prefer a vodka martini with a lemon twist, but I'm not an olive person. Some people even like those bitty onions in a martini - blech!
My bitch is that I went to the hospital today to get my chest xrays (because of the cough that has been here since before Easter) and the blood work (tumor markers and about a dozen others that I have let gather because getting blood drawn in such a pain in the patootie). I went to the Outpatient Treatment Center where they have nurses to draw from central lines, etc. I had made sure my MD had my orders in the system. Orders were there, but gosh, they couldn't imagine drawing blood from elsewhere than an arm - was I sure I couldn't use an arm? Was I sure I didn't have a port? Who had drawn my blood before? Who authorized it? Well, someone had to call a supervisor.
My doctor even came in while I was there and put it in writing that I was to have blood drawn from my foot/ankle. But the nurse came back from a chat on the phone with her supervisor - nope, they weren't covered and would be liable if something went wrong. I asked her - "and what would you do if a double amputee came in and needed a blood draw?" "Oh, well, that's never happened."
So they decide my only option is to go to the emergency room and have the ER doc do it - now there's an efficient use of resources. Down I go to the ER - filled with probably 40 people on a Saturday. After waiting my turn to check in, I explain my predicament. She is as stunned as I am that they won't do it upstairs. Has to go check if it can be done in the ER. Comes back and says it can be done but it's an estimated 6 hour wait and a $100 co-pay.I haven't had the blood drawn.
Lisa
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"Was I sure I didn't have a port?" Are they kidding? Like you'd forget that?
Lisa: You have to use my foot.
Nurse: What d'ya mean...we can't use a foot. We're going to use your port.
Lisa: I don't have a port.
Nurse: Are you SURE you don't have a port?
(Lisa, with a roll of her eyes and fingers fluttering across her chest, astonishingly discovers a port had been sunk into her chest without her knowledge in the middle of the night by the port fairy)
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Shirley - the bear hug, with the bears on their own rocky little floats made me burst into tears! good tears I think, the waiting for news just sucks. I wish I could choose NOT to have it suck but the reality is that it does, makes me feel like I'm five and scared. chocolate helps, thank goodness (and why IS that btw?! it's just a taste, bizarre that it helps). I'm bummed - I'd been so happy before this, and will be again, but I didn't need this particular bump in the road....
Lisa - sorry about the zoo of an ER and the blood draw fiasco. come monday, you'll probably be able to get it done in about 15 min.
any results btw from xray (what can xrays tell anyways?)
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OMG, how funny is that...if it was REALLY funny? How can this be TRUE, in today's medical world???
I had my last bloodwork... blood draw taken from .... my foot! and NO ONE told me that it would cost $100, either....
WOW!!
So sorry... all this sucks, really!!
Now I have the hiccups, and I can't stop!! !
Hugs, everyone,
Harley
PS This message may not make much sense.... it is AFTER my birthday DINNER... my MIL and MY DH were there... it was fun, but... man, I think I drank too much!!
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Awww, Amy, don't cry. You'll have me crying. I know it sucks. I often think about the what ifs....rather stick my head in the sand.
Okay, I just saw your signature. I am going to be the doc here. YOU DO NOT HAVE LIVER CANCER! What you have on your liver is a pimple!
Oh, wait, I DO remember how you feel about waiting. When first dxd and before chemo I had those scans..you know, to find out whether or not it had metastasized. The tests alone scared me. But when I saw my onc for the first time after all the scans he proceeded to tell me/us all about dandelions..how they spread (like cancer) and how it could be controlled...I was freaking out. He went on and on. My daughters said they wanted to tell him ENOUGH ABOUT THE DANDELIONS! Okay, we get to the CT scan. He shows us this spot on my liver. Soooooo, he orders a PET/CT scan...no biopsy. My appointment with him was two weeks later. My daughters and dh were there with me. As soon as he walked in he told me the scan was clear. I said, what was it. He replied, it's just you. huh? I just left it alone and I almost jumped up and hugged him. After waiting two weeks to hear that good news...man I was sweating it....and dumb me didn't even think about calling him and asking before the appointment.
So, again, I'm gonna pray and send huge postive vibes that IT'S JUST YOU!
I'm sending you another hug and a candy kiss. Yes, chocolate helps elevate mood. How can it not. When I eat chocolate I smile and run for another piece!
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OK...here is my bitch for today....sorry it's not funny. I'm not feeling cheerful today. Today I am just sick of cancer treatment. I have mets and I'm triple negative which means chemo....maybe forever, whatever that means. Being postive uses up all my damn energy and all I want to do is sit and cry today. It is beautiful and sunny and I feel like crap. Some days I look at all I have lost, and all I still will loose and it just doesn't seem worth it. I'm tired of fighting and being brave. I'm just tired.
Deb C
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gsg:
What do they mean, do YOU KNOW if you have a port??? I think we KNOW if we have a port, for crying out loud!!
This bc stuff! It makes NO SENSE TO ME!!!PS Deb, that REALLY SUCKS!!! METS SUCK!!! {HUGS}
Harley
I have been celebrating... maybe too much, since my birthday is Monday, and I just got the test results, from my last tests with my surgeon... they were all NORMAL, except... I have a herniated disk and I am so HAPPY to have a herniated disK!!!!!Hugs everyone!
Harley
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DEBC......We LOVE YOU !!!! I LOVE YOU!!!
Please...o please girl keep hangin in there. Don't be positive. Why when so much is crappy right now? But I did see you wrote it is beautiful and sunny so you DID see something good today. You are way the heck up in Alaska and when does Spring get there? Honey, you just sleep and rest. You know what Traci said to somebody she said cry because it releases toxins or something and this is totally the truth because I studied it in school for my million psych classes. Tears contain substances that ARE toxins spewed out of your eyes and so they do come out by crying so CRY. Oh shit on this damn disease. Oh, I'm having a martini, my first one ever. I got a glass at the dollar store. It cost a dollar. It looks way mor expensive than a dollar. I went to this store for the mix and it had a sign somebody twisted the neon around instead of saying LIQUOR it said LICKHOR. I was afraid to go in there and there were iron bars all over the glass and weirdos outside.
So I drove to another one and they were better and they even had olives and little sticks like pirate swords to put the olives on. I'm having it right now. The guy taught me how to do it. I wish I could send you one to Alaska Deb.
Mel thank you for the picture - mine looks like yours! I didn't even know about onions but why would anyone put onions in it?
Amy it sucks and just wears you out to wait on news. A couple weeks ago I had to do the terrifying wait too. I read your post about the convertible and got to thinking we all should just rent a convertible because we deserve it. I hope you had a great time with the wind in your hair on the 70 degree day.
Lisa you got a bum deal with the blood draw. What is it about blood draws this week anyway?? You had made the decision to go in and get this question answered and run into a brick wall. And a $100 co-pay for a blood draw in the ER? I guess that means you wouldn't want to get it done at 4am on a Sunday morning. It's usually pretty quiet at 4am on a Sunday morning. I believe you are fine, but I know you need the reassurance from the doctors, don't we all.
I am praying for all of you who are carrying the burdens of treatment, bone tiredness and worries tonight. I just pray it all lifts.
Hanna
(Sorry, but I had to edit because this first time martini went to my head like a rocket)
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{{{{Deb}}}}, of course you feel the way you feel. Let it out, girlfriend. It's time to think of YOU. You don't always have to be positive. You don't always have to put on an act. It just ain't fair! I am so sorry, and I don't have any magical words to say except IT SUCKS!
I have been in awe of your strength. There's times we need help just holding us up. I hate this damned disease.
Shirley
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Deb,
Again, Shirley is SO RIGHT!!! Of course, you are not feeling POSITIVE all the time!!!
I am so sorry !!!
{HUGS}
HARLEY
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DebC, where in Alaska are you? You mean so much to us. Your picture and flaming hat made me want to join in here. You are pretty. Your face under that hat is pretty Deb. You don't feel good right now and it sucks. so much. You are right don't waste energy now. Please do us a favor and rest. Drink a lot and take your pain medicine. Percoset makes me feel like crying everytime. Takes away one pain but makes me sad. What are you taking? Are you eating anything? Just know we love you strange as this can be just being in this forum as online buddies we all do. Love you. You will come through this but you don't see how right now. Feel a big 5 minute hug all around you. You are being HUGGED!!!
Hanna 0 -
Hey moan and groan sister, you deserve it.
I can imagine how hard it is to be in your shoes right now and I won't tell you to 'think positive'.
However,NO ONE IS STRONGER OR MORE BEAUTIFUL THEN YOU.
So rock on sister, and if there is anything you can find through this experience I hope it is faith in yourself because you can do this and you don't need anyone or anything to hold you up, except yourself. Find your beautiful self and know that you are all powerful.
Be well, be HAPPY.
Luana
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