Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Badboobs/Diane...that not only sucks, that blows. (Before-BC, I once came thees close to smashing my head open on the sink when I suddenly jacknifed in a spasm of projectile spewing.) You have all my sympathy, which is lame, but it's all I've got.
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Diane, that sounds so awful! So sorry for all you're going through now and that you have to start OVER! YUK! Hopefully, you can mostly sleep this off....
Will keep praying!
Miss S
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A big that stinks (that sucks) for all that need it today.
Diane: The thought of taking oral chemo makes me nauseated. Just thinking about it. Hope things have settled down and your feeling better today.
Sue: I had a similar thing happen to me at Office Max. I lost it in the store. Everyone just stared at me in amazement. I looked around and said "what, youve never seen someone going through chemo before?" Well here I am and it aint nice. After that day, I went around all the time bald!
Felicia and Cristine: Yes, a spa just for breast cancer survivors would be a hoot.
Isabella: Im still laughing out loud at your story.
TWF: I must say, the way your friends are acting sucks big time. Nothing worse than having friends like that.
Nothing sucky in my part of town today, but its early and the day has just begun.
Nicki
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Diane, that is awful, I hope you are starting to feel better.
Nicki, great photo!
Sue, I'm sorry you were treated like that, I hate snooty people in general, but not making eye contact is just rotten. I think that one of the reasons I always wear my "wiglet" (half-wig/fall thingy) under my hats in public is to give the illusion of being "normal" -- to others and to myself. Of course it's just an illusion, and I almost blew it last night. I was at the movies and I leaned back and my hat *almost* fell off into the row behind me. That would have been quite a scene with my Bozo the Clown head in front of the big screen!
I am also more sensitive to people who get bent out of shape for minor reasons. Last week I was in the car, pulling out of a parking lot, and a woman in a big SUV gave me the absolute nastiest look and started shouting at me because she couldn't get out fast enough. I just gave her a look back -- sort of trying to imitate her facial expression, and I was SO tempted to pull off my hat and wig and yell "don't you have anything more important to worry about???" Instead I swore at her under my breath -- which prompted my seven-year-old son to say in shock, "MOM! You used the f-word!" Oops.
I hope the small # of posts means that most of you are having an un-sucky weekend.
Lauren
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Isbella- I agree with you just tell people off when they piss you off!
Sue- I always smile to people who have the "bald look" and say Hi and I often wonder do they feel I am being a pain or they do not want the attention. I spent a lot of time in chemo with my best friend who had colon cancer. i am a little yappy and made friends with so many men and women at the chemo sessions. I myself was spared the chemo and did not go for the radio so I do not know exactly how you feel. but I will keep smiling and saying Hi, I think by the way this makes you feel it is probably better to just be friendly and human to others!!! Good luck to you on your next shopping trip. Remember others own fears of cancer are also in their actions of ignoring you! You are a sign of what most people fear most. Cancer! But cancer sometimes does not feel as scary once you have more experience with it! I learned a lot from my friend and the people I met in the two years she lived. Some of those experiences helped me understand more and realize cancer changes your life forever, but does not always end in death.
I have heard nothing from my doctors as to who is ultimately going to do the surgery to remove the damn breast lump. Thank all of you for your support.
Cristine- Thank you for giving me a laugh about your 9yr old and the chapstick!!!
Sue - Love your dh and yours saying for the selfish child, of course I had to have 5!! My dh said this AM when he was trying to round them up to help him with chores "it is like trying to round up cats!"LOL!
Nicki- Thanks for your support and your story it helps! I feel in my gut that this will turn out fine! You know it is just the waiting that sooooooo SUCKS!!!
Bye girls,
Daniella
PS- No major problems yet with my depleting Hormones! Fingers crossed! I read on this site that natural menopause was like a fender bender and surgical was like running a car into brick wall at 60mph! So far that car is hitting the brick wall at 2/3mph!!!LOL!
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Diane- I just went back through some post and read yours! I am so sorry! I know it is disappointing to not be able to take the chemo that they want you on, maybe they can try a different cocktail.
I really can't believe what you are having to endure. Keep us posted!
Thinking of you,
Daniella
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Im sentimental today. I found this oldie and it explains how I feel about this bc journey.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=HYybKGp1ycQ&feature=related
Nicki
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A simple twist of fate, a crap shoot, a fluke. I hate this frickin' journey and all the pain and sadness it creates. My life has been profoundly changed forever, and yet I must continue on this journey. My body aches, my mind is jumbled and my spirit is in desperate need of a re-fill.
I have a butterfly tattoo for a very dear friend of mine who lost his battle with Brain Cancer. I carry his memory with me every day and everywhere I go. I feel his spirit with me on this journey, pushing me along when I have no more energy to give. On this Memorial Day weekend, and every day, he is in my thoughts.
This Cancer crap SUCKS...
Linda
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Linda,
I'm with you, girl. I had a meltdown at work on Friday. I work in a demanding field--air traffic control. I am no longer actively working airplanes, but work in Quality Assurance investigating pilot errors and controller mistakes and out of the ordinary events. I have always had this thing with numbers in my head--I can just remember them. It has helped in my work, but my coworkers are amazed when they ask about a certain pilot deviaiton and I can remember who the controller was and usually the call signs of the aircraft involved....and we wrote over 200 pilot deviations last year. It's always just been something I could do, but now I have chemobrain. Well, Friday I was looking for these certain files that I needed to upload and I looked in all the usual places and couldn't find them. Someone asked me what I was looking for and I told him and he went and looked in the first place I looked and there they were, I had missed them. Then not five minutes later the same thing happened, and he gently teased me about it. I burst into tears. I felt so bad for him, but I just have always had this really sharp brain and that is how I have made my living and I just felt so disabled. So I cried and one of them took me behind closed doors and said, you have always been a demanding perfectionist of yourself and it is your turn to need help, so do the easy stuff and let us help you. No one cares if you come out here and do nothing. You have put out thirty years of superior work and you have this coming to you. Then another of them took me to lunch. The one who teased me, I was told later, went to one of our colleagues and told him what had happened and said, I am the world's most insensitive oaf, can I please lay down in the floor and have you kick me in the head....they are so sweet.I HATE not having control of my emotions. I am trying not to seek what I am supposed to learn on this journey--I think that can wait until the journey is a bit further along, right now I am just focused on getting through treatment. But this control thing just keeps coming up!! I have to learn to let go a little and it is just so hard for me.
That's my bitch, I guess. Sorry for not acknowledging the suckiness for all first, I broke the rules again. To any who need it, a big that sucks!! Thanks for listening to my crap......
Love,
sue
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Hey Sue- When you have crap that sucks that bad, you don't have to listen to ours first!! Feel free to vent a will....
Diane- I HATE to puke. Damn, that does blow.....Hope they get it sorted out soon
I know I wanted to comment on other people's sucky news, but I am officially brain-dead today.....sorry! How about a general
THAT SUCKS to all.....
My only bitch is that I am so tired I feel like I am slogging through mud. I think today may call for a nap....
Deb C
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Oh, Sue...THAT SUCKS! I can totally relate. I have always been able to juggle everyone's "stuff"--remember all the appointments, kids' school activities, etc...my mom and brothers used to say just how "scarey" my memory was because I could remember EVERYTHING. (have you seen the recent news reports about the woman who has written a book about remembering every day of her life since she was fourteen? that was almost me, except I could remember back to age 3). Now, I didn't even start chemo until last week, so I can't blame it on chemobrain. I attribute it to lack of estrogen. Anyway, I can't remember CRAP now and it really sucks. It's really hard to have something that you rely on--that has been part of your IDENTITY--just evaporate. It is extremely disconcerting. I understand how you're feeling, Sue, and I am shouting with you: THAT SUCKS!!!
Thanks everyone for your sympathy for the XELODA yucks. Nicki, I LOVE that photo!
Linda, I am so sorry you are missing your friend. That definitely sucks!
Daniella--I'm hoping your menopause goes well (shit---what a dorky thing to say, but I honestly hope it does!)
Lorena--one of my favorite movie scenes of all time is from Fried Green Tomatoes. It's where Kathy Bates is waiting for a parking space and some snotty little teeny-boppers zoom into the space that Kathy had been waiting for. Kathy politely puts her car in gear and proceeds to drive right into the space and the brats' car. I love her line: "Face it girls, I'm older and I have more insurance!" LOL snotty people SUCK
My family and friends now know if they hear me say "I'm gonna throw it!", I mean that I am ready to whip out my very large prosthesis and wing it HARD at someone who's being a maroon who therefore deserves being hit in the head with a boob. My boys have gotten to the point where if someone is rude to us or cuts us off in traffic they'll shout, "Hit 'em with it mom! Throw it!" Well, I am almost to the point where I just might. Would I be charged with assault with a mammary weapon? Hmmm....As soon as I get fitted (AGAIN--see my sucky day a few pages back), I do believe that I will be found tooling around town with a box sitting next to me on the passenger seat. Amoena size 9.....
(((HUGS))))
Diane0 -
Before I respond to all, I just had to say something to Sue. You made me cry.
I just feel so badly for you. You're co-workers were so sweet...."you have always been a demanding perfectionist of yourself and it is your turn to need help, so do the easy stuff and let us help you. No one cares if you come out here and do nothing. You have put out thirty years of superior work and you have this coming to you. Then another of them took me to lunch. The one who teased me, I was told later, went to one of our colleagues and told him what had happened and said, I am the world's most insensitive oaf, can I please lay down in the floor and have you kick me in the head....they are so sweet."That WAS so sweet. It's really nice when co-workers, who have not been through what YOU'VE been through, can have empathy and understanding. Kuddos to these wonderful people. And, I'm betting that your SHARP MIND will come back!
Shirley
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Diane, I had to respond to you too. PUKING IS HORRIBLE!!! And I love your sense of humor going through all of this...the boob story is too funny. Yes, use that mammary weapon! You are a hoot. I won't tell you how strong you are. We get sick of hearing that. But, I'm gonna tell you, you are a strong woman! I couldn't help it.
Hang in there, sweetie, and we'll be praying the Xeloda won't make you puke anymore. Could they lessen the dose and see if that helps? Shirley
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Deb, I have to respond to you too. You also have that sense of humor even though you feel in a "dark space." I admire you. I admire the strength that you are showing your family. No, I don't mean you are walking around like Popeye all the time, but you are hanging in there. I think we need to let our tears out. I know that I've always tried NOT to cry around my children (grown children). Sometimes we keep it in and cry when we're alone. It's really hard for others to feel the fear we do and the heartache that goes along with those fears. We're good at "faking it."
You take a good nap. You deserve it.
Shirley
I'll be back later. I've just caught up on three pages since I had family here this week. Will tell you the latest on dd story and her calling me.
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Whoo Hoo! Shirleys back!
Nicki
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Hey guys......
I'm so tired...............................I didn't read everybody posts...as much as I want to. I miss y'all. I've been packing and "visiting" to say goodbye to all my friends. I may have been f*d to get cancer but boy am I lucky with all the friends I have.
I'm still packing. I had no idea how much crap I have. I'm pulling the plug on my computer and hitting the road at the crack of dawn on Tuesday.
We'll land in Dallas some time on Thursday cuz I can't handle more than 8 hours in a car it's a 18 hour drive.
I will catch up with y'all next week. Maybe I can check in on my laptop 'til my desktop gets set up.
I hope everybody is o.k.
I love you girls. Traci
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Wow, so much sucky stuff. I don't know where to start, and I can't do justice to all of it.
Sue, I just want to come over there and hug you and tell you that you are a wonderful person. If you need affirmation of that, just listen to your co-workers. It feels awful--just horrible--to be "weak", whether that's not being as sharp as you're accustomed to being, or it's being weepy for no particular reason. I'm blaming chemo on the weepiness. I had chemobrain even before I started chemo--I think mine began after my mast/SNB. It's not pleasant at all. It just sucks.
badboobs/Diane, please don't puke. Whenever someone else pukes, it makes me puke. After all this, I can't imagine that degree of nausea.
Nicki, get that skunk off your porch. That dog looks like it's gonna puke.
Hi to Shirley and DebC and everybody else. Traci, stop at Panera's enroute. They have wi fi (so do lots of other places, but Panera's has better sweet rolls.)
My sucky stuff is just that I feel awful today. It's day 12 of this cycle and I should be feeling GOOD, but it feels more like day 6. I have a low-grade fever (99.5-99.9), muscle aches, headache, sinus pressure, very mild sore throat--sounds a lot like a cold. I really, really want to take an Advil for this headache, but I can't because I need to keep track of the fever. Tylenol doesn't do squat for me , so I guess I just have to tough it out.
Since it's a major holiday weekend, all my docs' offices are closed and I'll have to call the on-call onco. Know any pharmacies that will have pharmacists on-duty tomorrow? If my temp goes up another half a degree, I may be looking at the inside of an ER just because everything else is closed. I may have to decide whether to go to the local hospital ER and have them work with the cancer center on-call doc over the phone, or drive 2 hrs to the ER at the cancer center. What fun. Can I just go to bed, and start this day all over again? Drat. This sucks.
otter
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Oh, Otter. Sucko sucko sucko. Fingers, toes, arms, legs, eyes . . . everything is crossed in hopes that you avoid ER & feel better. I wish I could send over my great grandmother's quilt. It weighs a ton but heals on impact. It works by pinning you under 42 lbs of flannel and wool so that your vital organs can't do anything but exist. The quilt instills in fevers a sense of defeat and futility so that they eventually give up and move out of your body. It's all very scientific.
And an empathetic "That sucks" to anyone who feels like the mental and emotional threads are unraveling. I feel you.
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Yep, I'm back, Nicki. Cute smiley!
Traci, darn I hate those long trips. We used to go to San Antonio about every two years. We traveled with one young baby, then two young'uns, then three young'uns. Back then, in the olden days, there was no seat belt restrictions, no car seats, etc. So, the kids could play in the back of the station wagon. However, when we traveled through large towns e.g. Houston, Atlanta and more, we made them sit in the back seat. Those were the days!
Otter, don't you dare get sick! Eat chicken soup, take vitamin C (hmmm..don't know if you can do that), drink PLENTY of fluids, rest, rest and rest more. Keep us informed on how well you are doing..notice I said WELL. Listen me...YOU WILL NOT BE SICK.
My suckiness...my house looks like I haven't cleaned it and I broke a fingernail today. And I've got dishes in my sink that I just can't bring myself to wash tonight. My dishwasher has clean dishes in it and I can't bring myself to unload it. And, I shouldn't be complaining. There are worse things happening than my sucky day.
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Hey all, thanks so much for the understanding and sympathy. You guys get me. That DOESN'T suck.
Shirley--glad you're back. Go to bed. Don't do dishes. Guarantee you they will be there tomorrow.
Otter--NO MORE FEVER. You sound neutrapenic, are you? That is a horrible feeling. Worst case scenario, if you do have to go to the ER, STAY IN THE CAR and have your dh go in and tell them you are having chemo and need to be processed in as isolated a manner as possible. But, don't go, just don't get sick, my friend.
Diane--just throw it, honey, and thanks for the understanding. Hope your xeloda gets less pukey-sucky.
TRACI--We'll miss ya, girl. Get on out here to Texas, it really is like a whole 'nother country.
Nicki--my greyhound got outside the fence today. Someone down the street called and we went and got her. The lady harrassed us and asked if we were racing greyhounds because she has tattoos in her ears (we RESCUED her). That's not as sucky as a skunk, but I am sure glad she's okay (we fixed the fence)!!!
Going to bed now, hope everyone has a FINE rest of the night.
Love you guys.
Sue
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Just popping in with a great big THAT SUCKS to anyone who's tired, traveling, puking, feels like puking, sad, depressed, weepy, sick, getting sick or just sick and tired.
Here's hoping tomorrow brings less suckiness.
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Well a big that sucks to everyone. We have to go to a BBQ and birthday party today, but I would much rather stay home. Ever since bc I get anxious having to go to any social gatherings. Will hear the whole thing over and over. "Oh you look good." Like I didnt before? "How are you REALLY doing." I love this one "so is it good now?" If one person mentions how Ive gained weight I think I will deck them today.
Traci: Gosh, you just picked up and are moving to Dallas. I dont think I would have the courage to move away. Have never left the Chicago area. Good luck and stay safe in your travels.
Sue: Scary your dog got out and Im glad you found him. I have a soft spot in my heart for greyhounds and Im glad you saved him. Never did like the fact that they race dogs. If my dog got out of the yard, he would run and would be oblivious to all the dangers. Like CARS!
Otter: This sucks big time. Not fair you are going through chemo and having all the side effects - add a cold to it! On a Holiday week-end no less. Hoping your better today.
Shirley: Im still looking at my closet that I was gonna clean 2 weeks ago. Still have my Christmas sweaters and stuff that needs to be put away. As I take out my summer clothing piece by piece, Im finding they dont fit me. Drats - more weight gain from last summer.
To all I miss, a big that sucks.
Nicki
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I just posted this on another thread (mostly 'cuz it was the first one I checked) but it really belongs here. So first things first, everyone - That sucks, now listen to my crap...
I just had a really bad neighbor experience.
The background: My garage is detached and at the back of our property. We sit on 1/3 of an acre and have a pretty long driveway down to the garage. We have 3 structures on the property: the house, the garage and a 1000 sq. foot area we call "the shop". The only grass is in the front and the girls ride bikes or play basketball in the back near the garage. There are 3 single family homes that have their backyards (which are quite small, really more like patios) up against the fence along our driveway. The complainers live in the third house, closest to the garage. Now we are not friends with these neighbors and she has complained about us/the girls being too loud (in our own backyard) before.
The incident: My girls and I were coming home at about 7:30 tonight. They are young - 8 and 4. And the 4 y.o. is a screamer. Screams when she's happy, sad, mad, whatever. But she's four. Anyway, I'm trying to get them to help me carry some stuff inside and she's fussing and runs to the front yard. About 30 seconds later she comes screaming around to the back door (which is thirty feet from the garage) because she thinks there are mosquitos out. At which point, she runs into the house. I went back outside to get one last thing from the car and my neighbor comes out and asks me "Do they have to be so loud?" So I apologized (she is loud, I'm not disputing that) and I said "They're girls - they play and sometimes they scream." And he says "Well it goes through the whole house and our backyard is right here." And this is my problem because...?
Mind you, the girls are both in the house now and the whole time it took for us to get out of the car and into the house was not more than 5 minutes - at the most. At 7:30 PM. Not 10:00 PM or 6:00 AM. But this was the kicker. His wife then buts in and says "Well, if they scream like that again, I'm going to assume something's wrong and call the police." OH NO YOU DIDN'T. I could not believe she said that! But that was just TOO much. I started to say something, and she interrupted me and said it AGAIN! WTF?! So I said, "You do what you need to do but then you can explain to the police why you made a false call." When one of them started to say something else I said, "You know what? I don't need to deal with you - I have BREAST CANCER and I'm done." And I walked into my house. I am still mad!!
The Rant: Part of me wishes I had not said the part about bc 'cause I would have been just as mad before bc (don't mess with my kids!). But that is the truth. I'm done with people like that. And I really wanted them to have some perspective about their idiotic complaint. I don't care if it worked or not, it made me feel a little bit better. "Go in your house and be thankful that's all you have to complain about!!" And if they can't yell and be loud and be kids in their own yards ('cause I don't let 'em do it inside), where CAN they?! Sheesh!! No, SHUT UP!!!!
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OK...the 2 brain cells I have left can't remember the details of everyone's posts, even though I just read them! How about a big THAT SUCKS!!!!
I had to beg, but they did my chemo today. My blood counts are in the toilet, but I agreed to do a neupagin (sp?) shot tomorrow and get 2 pints of red blood cells transfused.
So after spending 6 hours at the hospital today, i will be there 6 hours again tomorrow.
Someone tell me this will be worth it! I am bushed......hope tomorrow is a less sucky day!
Deb C
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Christine-
I have a big drum in my basement that I am tempted to send your DDs! Your neighbor is an ass!
Deb C
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Thanks, Deb - actually the 4 y.o. has one of those, too! I may send her out with it when she wakes up at 6:30 tomorrow. I also can't wait until my 4 nephews all under the age of six are here in 2 weeks for the older dd's b-day. HA! They haven't begun to hear screaming!!0
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And apparently, I'm not as flexibile as I once was, since I am clearly bent out of shape!!
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Cristine,
Let them yell and scream! Kids just gotta be loud. Life is exciting, fun and the volume is on high. Plan on a homemade band day when the nephews come for the birthday. Get some supplies, or even old pots and pans, and make loud, annoying instruments. Sounds like a great reason to celebrate and "strike up the band!" Pay back is a moe-foe! And complaining neighbors SUCK!
Linda
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Thanks, Linda. I'm a little better now, after 2 hours of posting it. I guess better than going postal, though! LOL...
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Oh, Cristine!! What an opportunity your neighbors have handed you!!! What a wonderful, loud, loving-life brass band camp you can put on for them!!!
We live in an old house. Like, 1890 old. The land around us has been developed and there are now McMansions for neighbors, and none of them will speak to us!! We have fun at their expense all the time. Once my husband was outside and one of them came over--this was when he first moved in. Our fence is barbed wire and old on the property line we share with this neighbor. So he says to my dh, who has a truly weird sense of humor, are you interested in going 1/2 with me on white vinyl fencing on this property line? (His property has many restrictions, one of which is that that is the only fence he can put up---it's $10-$12 a FOOT and it's about a 300-ft. line. Our property, OTOH, has NO restrictions). So my dh answers, well, you know, I just don't know if that flimsy white vinyl fence will keep the hogs in!!! I swear to you, the guy hasn't spoken to us or looked at us since, and that was five years ago!!! I LOVE IT!!!!
And, no I don't think you did badly by playing the bc card. Those people need perspective. Imagine what life in that house is like--that guy is probably an out-of-control jerk.
And posting here is the new going postal!!!!!
I love you guys!!!
(((((((DEB)))))))) IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT. HANG ON, GIRLFRIEND, YOU GOT SOME GOOD TIMES COMIN' TO YA SOON. I AM PRAYING AND SENDING YOU GOOD WHITE HEALING ENERGY, LOVE AND LAUGHTER.
Love,
Sue
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