Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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THAT SUCKS, y'all!
I would specifically comment to each of you about your suckiness, but the only thing I can think of right now is rock's dad being moved out to "death's patio".
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Thanks for the laugh! I think I peed myself...
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am i allowed to bitbch AND cry? or does that make me a big p**sy that has to go to a different thread???? i am just all set with this shit. I finally get my drains out from my second surgery last friday, I got my chemo start date of 5/29...went and got my labs done - had a pretty good weekend with the nerve pain. FINALLY, turning the corner and moving on. Now, obviously it's not that easy or i wouldnt be feeling the need to have a moment of bitching and crying before i suck it up again and move on...the oncologist called and said my labs show i am anemic and my liver levels are high so i have to have an mri on my liver before starting chemo -which has now been pushed back into june. WTF? Seriously? i have been on lyrica and pain meds for almost 6 weeks now while treating nerve neuropathy from my first surgery - i'd be suprised if my liver levels weren't high!! now im so fn depressed i called my family dr for some wellbutrin...like my liver needs someting else to process. please, someone remind me that of course it sucks or we wouldnt have a 60 some page thread going....as i said on another thread - i just have to keep reminding myself, my only choices are to keep doing whatever you have to do or just quit and let the cancer kill you - talk about a rock and a hard place! THIS SUCKS. ok, now that it's out of my system I am going to fake it until i make it for the rest of the day. tks for the therapy session ladies.
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A poem for flyrzfan:
Thinking of flyrzfan
And her besieged liver
If I were in Rockville
A hug I would give her.
I'm sorry, Flyrzfan. It's all I've got. It sucks, sucks, sucks.
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Well, SHIT. That sucks....
My son just sent me a text message. He is a junior in high school. This is the second year in a row he has tried out for (marching) band drum major. This is also the second year in a row that he was not chosen. No explanation...nothing. Now, we all think our kids are the greatest, but this kid truly IS musically gifted. He wants to be a band teacher. His band teacher has SEEN him be able to pick up a new instrument and be able to play it within minutes. The teacher sees my son's dedication and hard work. He's been the only kid to qualify for several competitions and he's always volunteering for things. Last year, the excuse was that the band teacher thought my son was an airhead. Yeah, right...that's why he's ranked as #4 in his class. My son is so bummed...He was so happy last night after auditions. He just KNEW he nailed it! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR He's spent months practicing with the current drum major; the other kids thought he was a shoe-in. This poor kid has always worked so hard; he's very self-motivated. Shit, he has to be....his effing teachers rarely give him any positive reinforcement. I am almost as pissed as the time he was the only kid his age across 3 counties to be invited to a math competition where he beat out kids several years ahead of him......then his teacher gives the "math award" to some other kid. Or maybe it was the time that they called him up on stage in front of the entire school and parents to present him with an award and scholarship for leadership camp. A few weeks later when we went to the school to find out the details, they told us they made a mistake and it was SOME OTHER KID who really won.....AND THEY NEVER BOTHERED TO TELL US! The teacher in charge kept saying, "Nobody knows but you and the other boy's family." So effing what? My SON knows, you bitch, and it hurt him deeply!How many times can he be discouraged like this before he just gives up? I am so sad for him.
Sorry...lots of baggage there. I get so pissed when my kids are hurt.
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Diane, as a former school teacher, I want you to know that teachers sit back and wonder at the very same things you described. This type of stuff is political. Education board or in-school political. I have no idea why that other kid got the placement, but tell your son never to give up. There was a movie I saw recently about a boy who was a drum prodigy in college, but he couldn't read music. He had to prove himself over and over. He could hear a percussion rift one time, then do it back flawlessly and better. But the school's rules were he couldn't play because he couldn't read music. At the end of the movie, there was a band war between two colleges. It boiled down to a face off between the lead drummer from each marching band. The band teacher of the band of the boy who couldn't read music made a spontaneous decision to pull the him off the bench to be in the face-off. He won for the school! I think this was based on a true story. I'll try to find it for you--the movie kept me up till about 3 AM one morning.
Again, your son probably IS the better musician, but I've come to know school systems are sucked into this stuff for reasons I don't want to list here, but they are primarily "school politics" based.
I'll get the name of this movie and let your son watch it. It's really awesome. Meanwhile, it sucks to have your son feel passed over for the slot. I feel for him - and you too.
hanna
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The drum movie is sortof a documentary isn't it? I think it might be called Drumline. I got it on Netflicks so you could look it up to be sure. As a retired teacher (English, Middle school) I second the view that so many contests, awards, recognition schemes are terribl arbitrary and political. Help your son grow through this. Let him know you have confidence in his ability to deal with it. I feel you pain.
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I just looked and yes, it was called Drumline, directed by Charles Stone and was out in 2002. I thought it was an awesome movie. Critics have posed the question, "How did this kid get to where he was without knowing how to read music?" Well, there's Dave Bruebeck for one......
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Drumline...we love that movie! You guys, I swear I am not exaggerating when I tell you this kid is one of the sweetest, smartist, kind, and diligent people you could ever meet. I don't know what I did to deserve him. I hope that the words of those of us who love him are enough to soothe the hurt from being passed over. I'll just pray that there are bigger and better things in store that being drum major would have prevented. Surely there is a bigger picture wherein this disappointment won't seem so huge.
I love you guys!
And............THAT SUCKS!
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I don't have time to read any further. Vaccuming.
Dani, I just wanted to say (if you read this) I'm so sorry you have to go through another scare. We will keep our fingers crossed and pray hard for NED.
HUGS,
Shirley
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Lisa -
That SO SUCKS that you have to wait for results again. I'm sending all good thoughts your way, hoping that your cough is just something annoying and treatable. Waiting is the worst.....
Marsha
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Yes--Drumline! A GOOD movie! Nobody got cancer in that movie...did they? I saw it on TV a couple of times.
Badboob/Diane, selections like that are way too political. Either that, or these days they give the award to some poor slouch who isn't as good but they're afraid he'll go postal if they give it to the kid who deserves it. (What am I saying? I don't even have any kids of my own. I guess I must have seen that in a movie.) Crap. I can't even say anything about this being a "growth experience," or your son ending up stronger as a result, 'cause that's not the theme of this thread. (And Traci OMG thanks so much for those rules.)
Moms sure do want to protect their kids from stuff like that. Way back in my youth, I was neck-and-neck with a classmate of mine for an overseas "field service" appointment. She ended up getting it, and I had to stay home. To this day, my mom is convinced the other girl got it 'cause her mom was sleeping with one of the judges. Maybe, maybe not--it didn't matter. It sucked, and I had to move on.
Not too much sucky going on here. The air conditioner in the bedroom died, so we'll have to sleep somewhere else but that's OK. Damn. That means I have to make up the bed in the spare room. That belongs on GSG's thread, though.
What REALLY sucks is the uncertainty. A new breast lump that isn't supposed to be there. A PET/CT result that is sitting on someone's computer. Anemia and high liver enzymes postponing chemo. (Don't we live in an odd universe, where we actually want to start chemo?)
rockthebald, I love the poems.
otter
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Diane, that does SO suck! You know what your son deserves, but like Hanna said...politics. I say favoritism.
My girls went to a church private school. My oldest daughter was going into the 10th grade at that time. She was a cheerleader. She tired out again. She didn't make it. So, I called her "sponsor" and asked why? Now, I wasn't saying she was better, but just wanted to know. She tried to give me some crap about my dd being difficult..can't remember her exact words. I was LIVID! I then called the mother of the captain (a favorite child of most the teachers because of her parents) and she said that my dd didn't listen to her dd...whatever that was about. Sooooooo, my next step was to visit the teachers. Yeah, I'm persistent! One of her very favorite teachers said, now get this, that she had overheard kids (in the hall) talking about my dd. WHAT!? She was an EXCELLENT math student and her teacher loved her. However, he didn't want to get involved. Okay, I go to one more teacher. He said he had even nominated my dd for a Christian award (can't remember the name). He loved my dd. He was so sweet. He said my dd was different...I allowed her to listen to rock music, go to movies, didn't disapprove of her wearing pants (I wore them), etc. Nothing bad. Oh, and we approved of our children's rock music before they could buy it. My dd was not a robot and I wouldn't allow that. Okay, I'm still persistent...I know you want to hear all about this. I go to the principal. That's the person next in line we're supposed to see. He did nothing. Okay, next was the president who was the pastor at our church. We all sat around and talked. I said my dd was at the top of her class, made all good grades in conduct and won a good conduct award (not the Christian one). And, also she won a math award. Seems like there were more, but I can't remember. Okay, the president (pastor) told the principal to find out what was going on. Nothing happened. I marched my ASS to the school office, told them I wanted her records, that she was going to another school. I could do that BECAUSE she was in a private school. When she got tested for the new school (all the rich kids go..we're not rich BELIEVE ME..starting in the 9th grade they awarded financial aid) she was the talk of the school among the teachers. She scored so high in her tests. Of course she cried about leaving her other school where she had been since kindergarten. However, I left the decision up to her. I then took out my other two girls when they entered the 9th grade.
The school my DDs graduated from was a prep school. So, in the end they got a much better education. She's now an attorney and she and another gal at the firm they worked has just opened up their own firm.
It really breaks my heart to hear about your son. How insensitive and unfair! I want to punch their lights out. MAY I!!??
Hugs to you both.
Shirley
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Geez, I just noticed. We've got a "preview" button now.
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flyrzfan, I'm so sorry that you are playing the waiting game. As if you haven't had ENOUGH ALREADY!
If I was artistic like Rockthebald I'd write you a poem. So, instead I'll just say IT ALL SUCKS!
Shirley
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Diane, I wrote a whole long post that is saved on my home computer in Word (I'll PM it to you later)...
but the gist of it was that sometimes adults resent a genius child. Especially if the child is ALSO sweet, easygoing and (gasp!) has friends and seems to enjoy life.
It's horribly unfair, and sucks big time. And it's often not a "good life lesson" at all -- it can cause kids to become alienated, "anti-establishment", "underachievers." Hopefully you can inoculate your son against this by just shaking your head about how screwy it is that he hasn't received awards he deserves -- but that eventually, when he gets to college or to adulthood, he will. Every loving teacher your son can find will be a godsend -- this may mean a private music teacher outside of the school system -- or guest faculty at a 2-week summer band camp or workshop.
Frankly, music can be a snakepit! It can be wonderful, and forge wonderful friendships -- and it can bring out terrible envy, backbiting and resentment. Many wonderful performers garner terrible mean-spirited reviews, especially in smaller competitive fields like jazz, or contemporary classical music, or indie rock! I know whereof I speak! If there is a "life lesson" in this for your son, it will be that he may learn he can pursue activities, and excellence, and accomplishment, for the love of it, and for the assertion of his identity as someone skilled in that activity. That sometimes some mean-spirited people are in charge of doling out the opportunities. That if a longed-for opportunity is denied, you have every right to look everywhere else for your opportunities -- that the denial may be based on some bu!!$#*+, and that he can make himself expert enough to know how well he performed, regardless of the reception, the judgment of others. To take the praise to heart, and the educational advice that is offered with love and encouragement, and forget the bad stuff.
This may be too much outside the spirit of this thread -- but I don't want things to suck for your son!!!!
'cause it really sucks that he doesn't get the recognition he deserves from his teachers
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Well said, Ann!
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Lisa,
Well, I talked to my boss about working on Friday, maybe just 12:00 til 6:00, and she said that I should try 1:00 til 6:00, so that is only FIVE hours, and maybe I will be able to do that much. I just don't know. I'm feeling really depressed, and I can't quite figure out why. Now that I'm working, I will have some extra money to spend. Shouldn't I be HAPPY?!
When I think about having ANOTHER surgery, even if it IS just a nipple surgery, I feel so depressed... I mean, the last surgeries have been more painful. If I knew how painful the reconstruction was going to be, I don't know if I would have done it... but now that I am doing it, I might as well finish it... I mean, NOW I have to get that freakin' nipple OFF my leg!!
Well, I guess I'm just too depressed to even be much company...Bye!
Harley
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thanks rockthebald...it was perfect.
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Oh, Harley. Still sucks. A(nother) surgery that you want but don't want . . . it sucks. It just does.
MY CRAP. (Which I deleted, and now am adding back in because pretending it didn't happen isn't any healthier than losing my s**t.)
Basically, a friend came over and cleaned my house. But when I got home I noticed something was missing. After a half hour of research, I realized that (for some cockamanie reason) he'd taken two of my empty pill bottles and switched a lid. When I called to confront him, he minimized the whole situation. I lost it. I went into the bathroom and shouted "I CANNOT AND WILL NOT DEAL WITH THIS. I DO NOT NEED THIS THE NIGHT BEFORE I HAVE TO GET UP AT DAWN'S CRACK FOR CHEMO, OR EVER." He called back a few hours later and was still downplaying everything and I lost it again.My throat hurts. My chest hurts. I feel numb. I need to calm down, relax, and try to get a good night's sleep. I know that it is not reasonable to feel like his actions represents a direct attempt on my life but that is how I feel. I don't like it one bit that I came unglued, no matter how justified I am.
That's my crap. It hurts to admit I have some, and that it is the kind that makes me yell.
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Flyrzfan - that SUCKS that your chemo was postponed because your liver enzymes are screwy. Can't they get you in tomorrow for that MRI?!? And get it read ASAP and still get your chemo underway as planned on the 29th? I know that's asking for an unheard of amount of efficiency on the part of the medical system, but dang, it's been weeks and weeks already! I know that having finally managed to turn the corner on your pain you must feel like kicking the wall to have had something like this - so beyond your control - turn up as an impediment.
BTW - I had my jr. high and high school years in Rockville and Potomac.
And then went back and lived there for a month right in Twinbrook when my sister was having her chemo in '83.Marsha, thanks for the commiseration. The nurse called and said no results today, try again tomorrow or Thursday. They had BETTER have them by tomorrow.
Diane - your son sounds like a cool guy. And lucky to have you in his corner. I'll bet he is resilient enough to one day look back on this as a nasty, but ultimately minor setback. As moms, though, we hate it!
Harley - the depression you feel facing another f$&^ing surgery is understandable. To voluntarily walk in there and say "yeah, sure - knock me out, cut me, hurt me, make me suffer for a few weeks!" is not an easy thing to do. And certainly not something we look forward to having done it over and over again before. We understand.
Speaking of surgery - Dani - hope yours is over and you are floating on some really fine pain meds.
Lisa
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Rockthebald, you posted while I was composing (yes, I am slow) and I just came back.
You were completely justified in losing it like you did. If anybody futzed with my pharmacy cabinet I would be after them with my elephant rifle. I, too, have a particular set-up that WORKS and it's not something that I need to have work for anybody else or make sense to anyone else and they can leave it ALONE! You do need to relax and sleep and let go - but do not worry for a moment about this. What you did was okay. When you are in chemo, there are just some things that are not to be messed about with. This was not helping you and I think any rational person would know to at least ASK before messing with the meds of someone in the throes of fighting for her life, dammit!
That dude SUCKS!
Lisa
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HannaB and Lisa, thank you. I mean that.
(I got the bottles back and there were no refills left. I made him bring them back right after I realized they were missing. And I made it a point to show him the 37 pieces of paper I had to look at to sort out which bottles were missing. I deliberately didn't ask why he took them because I felt that was beside the point and might imply that his actions could in some universe be justified.
But I am taking all the bottles w/ pills with me tomorrow to make sure that everything is as it should be. At best he is an idiot (albeit one with good housekeeping skills). But at not-best he is a self-centered jerk who could have contributed to me taking the wrong medicine in my post-chemo haze.
Thank you for "getting it." It helps.
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Dani had surgery?? I must have read that in a packing and Ambiem induced stuper. Oh...for her foobs??
Gawd.....I am sooooo tired.
Lisa, you cracked me up when you said "you really want to take all that sh*t with you?" That was funny!! BTW what is the Bora Bora treatment?
If it weren't for Xanax, I would be in a state of shock over moving. I've gotten alot done which is the main reason I have not been able to keep up with my bc sisters which I miss terribly!
Some girls say they have to "get away" from the site and I can totally appreciate that but I love this site. Yes, there is some real sad sucky stuff going on but I just can't talk to anybody like I talk to y'all. Not to mention, most of you are a bunch of comedians!!
I promise I'll keep up when I get to Texas...In the meantime, I'll keep reading y'alls posts. They come to my email during the day and I laugh all the time. And...curse (that fn (that was funny!!) sucks) your bitches too! Did that make sense??
Nite girls. Love y'all!
Traci
oh yea....know how I'm saying I never want to go anywhere? Well, I felt sorry for my OAOA so I went to a friends house with him Saturday nite and played cards in the fn FL heat and got 50 insect bites on my feet! They itch like a you-know-what and it freaking sucks and it's driving me crazy!!
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dear carlin: there are times when bitching doesn't cover it. You really have a great deal to handle. Please feel some love and understanding coming your way. It doesn't feel like you can handle it but you can because you want to live. You want to laugh with your sister and you will. While cancer is dominating your life, it isn't your life. You are so much more than a disease.
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Harley, hang in there. You will be so happy to get that darn nipple off your leg. Make sure to tell your ps that you don't want your nipples to look like they have been frost bitten...you know, HEADLIGHTS!! It will be over soon, and maybe then you can get on with your life and be done with this crap.
Rockthebald, that's unbelievable that someone would mess with your meds. That's just plain wrong. Hanna gave you good advice. Oh, I just noticed you got your pill bottles back. GOOD!
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Shirley, have you FINALLY finished cleaning??! I have to tell you I do the exact same thing when my dd is coming home. I guess that's Mom's. Bet you're making a cake too, huh? Or some kinda goodies you know they love! I know you...!
Harley, you've waited long enough for this, so just be strong and tell her you need a day. Tell her there's going to be a tube protector over it. I don't know what's right for you, but I would lay down to make sure that nipple stays put. Good luck,
hanna
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"Let your people deal with this for you tomorrow."
Damn. I need some people!
otter
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