Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Hey ya'll,
Thanks for all the prayers and positive thoughts. Since I'm taking Tamoxifen, I need to get this test, just to be sure that everything is ok. The report says that my endometrial stripe is THICKER, at 10mm, and maybe someone here knows what that means... I don't. It sounds bad to me! The radiologist also saw some 'cysts' in the lining, which they thought maybe just blood clots... WTH?
No, Traci, but I have really wanted a hysterectomy, because I just don't want to worry about another body part turning against me, like my breast did. Thanks for the reassurance, too, that your sisters have had this done with no problems. It sounds SO painful!
I think that my drs. just want to be extra cautious, but since I have been having some problems with bleeding after sex, I guess it's a good idea to have this done. I just stopped having sex, that was my solution to the problem.
After what happened with the bc, I can't get a simple blood test without being scared! Even when the drs. say there is no reason to worry, that they have no reason to suspect ca... I don't believe it, because they also didn't think that my lump was bc...
Thanks for letting me vent....Harley
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Debbie, you have 11 cats???????? Holy crap!
Harley, that sucks. Well, if you end up having to have one over this, I know first hand, it's a breeze. I was fine after my total...hystectomy. I just had to "hold" my tummy for a couple of days. I've got four little scars.
As far as what they are looking at, thickening of the endometrial stripe usually happens in post menopausel women. Both of my sisters ended up with endometriaosis before they were menopausal. One had BC the other had cervical cancer. BC increases your risks of course.
I also found this:
Tamoxifen- The most widely used anticancer drug is tamoxifen, and this drug has been suggested by some studies to cause an increased incidence of adenocarcinoma of the endometrium. These data were derived from retrospective analyses in which adenocarcinoma of the endometrium was not an end point in multiple prospective randomized studies evaluating the role of tamoxifen in patients with breast cancer.2 (me - WTF?)
- A case control study using the SEER database indicates that when confounding factors have been corrected, the risk of endometrial cancer does not appear to be increased in patients taking tamoxifen. This study is very reassuring because the potential for an increased number of women taking tamoxifen is becoming apparent, particularly as the prophylactic role of tamoxifen has been recommended for high-risk women.
I realize this is the bitch thread and we aren't in the habit of saying "it's going to be fine" but, it seems to me, the worst that will come out of your day today is getting that hysterectomy you want!!! Both of my sisters had hysterectomy's too. All of us were under the age of 45 when we had them. Hugs girl, Traci
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Traci,
THANKS for researching that. I was too afraid to look it up, because I was afraid of what I would find.
I also was thinking WTF? when I tried to understand that gibberish about 'adenocarcinoma of the endometrium was not an endpoint..."
I want to get the hysterectomy, but I don't want to "have to" get it. I'm also thinking that even if it IS cancer, it would have to be early, because I have been getting these trans vaginal ultrasounds for about 4 years now, and no one ever said there was any reason for concern.
Thanks so much for the encouragement! Hope everyone has a suck free day, and hey, it has to be better than what I'm doing today!!
Harley0 -
Thinking of you , Harley!
CMHarris - welcome to the thread! Bitch all you want and stay as long as you need to. We like that!
Shirley - I'm sure you'll be sorry to see your world travelers leave on that jet plane, but you're right: they will be closer than Africa - and probably less parasite-ridden, too...
Nicki - hope you get some pancakes soon!
Traci - Flashing you a peace sign, darling!
And a hearty "That soooo sucks!" to all who need it today...
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The gyn was a joke... he said that he didn't want to do the biopsy. He said that he didn't 'think it was cancer', BUT he referred me to a gyn onc.... WTF! You go to the ONC when you HAVE been dx'd with cancer, not before...or when you STRONGLY suspect cancer...
I am so angry right now!!
So... I guess I'll talk to my onc P.A. on Friday and ask her about the hysterectomy...
Thanks for listeningHarley
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Thanks Hanna,
I kind of think that he doesn't know what he's doing. He said that he thought that 'because of my history with bc, and because I have had bleeding issues', I should see the gyn onc... ok... This STILL makes NO sense, because I just flat out asked him "So You CAN'T do the biopsy?" I really think that is more like it. Don't gyns routinely do biopsies, when a woman goes to see them, for "bleeding issues"? He also said that he thinks the gyn onc would be better qualified to know what to do... for instance, he said that this gyn onc may decide NOT to do a biopsy, but instead, to just do a D & C.... WTF? Doesn't a REGULAR gyn know what is the proper procedure to do when a woman is having bleeding issues, and has the tv u/s showing a thicker endometrial stripe?
He got kind of upset at hearing ME say he didn't know how to do a biopsy... He said "You asked for my opinion". WRONG... I asked for a FREAKING Biopsy!!
He was seeing me at a smaller satellite office, so maybe he didn't have the equipment that he needed?
But, I was VERY CLEAR when I made the appt, that I was making it for an endometrial biopsy, and if they couldnt' do it at that office they should have said so.GRRR....
Well, I am seeing my onc's P.A. on Friday. I think I will just ask her if she thinks it will be ok for me to just go ahead and schedule the hysterectomy and be done with it, and WHO would she recommend? I am really FED UP with all these stupid drs. who don't know their A** from a hole in the ground! My tv u/s didn't even show a fibroid this time... it stated that 'the fibroid from the previous u/s was obscured by bowel gas....?? I have NEVER been so embarrassed in my life!
Maybe I'll just stop going to the drs. for awhile, so I can stop the aggravation.
Harley
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Gosh Harley, what a sucky day you have had. What a waste of time! That Sucks!
Tracy, thanks for the info, I did not know about increased risks for BC women. I need to find a OB/GYN to get a pap smear. I am not going back to my doctor because of the way I was tx when I was dx. I hate looking for a new doc. I live in a very small poor town and I wonder why these docs come here when 65% of their patients are Medicare and Medicaid. I don't believe in the "want to help the poor" crap when it comes to doctors. I think this is the only place that would take them.
Tracy, do TN's have to get a hysterectomy? I thought we did not because our cancer wasn't hormone generated.
Well, I tried to work out today.15 minutes and I was sweating and out of breath. I switched to a yoga tape and did 15 minutes of that and gave up. I hate this fatigue. I used to work out 90 minutes and then get out in the yard for hours doing heavy yard work. Now I can barely unload the dishwasher. Maybe, I'll go for a short walk after dinner. But because I live in the country I have to carry a stick for the stray dogs. My dogs have finally been trained to the radio fence and no longer terrorize the horseback riders who ride up the street every night. Where do they go?
Debbie
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Okay, I have a bitch...don't want anyone to come down on me for it either...I'm just expressing...
I hate that I don't fit in anywhere here anymore because I don't post everyday. I have been trying to connect somewhere...ANYWHERE...and everywhere I go people all know each other by name; know all about stuff and put out messages individually. I miss the old Hijack This Thread.
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Hi Sige!!!!!!!!!!!! You changed your avatar. What the heck is that???
You gotta bitch? You fit in!!!!
Harley, that sucks. GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have felt the 'tone' from my dr's that you are describing. It's like they really don't give a sh*t sometimes. Like your time isn't valuable. Sorry girl.
Debbie, my stage & TN status coupled with BRCA 1 + made my hysterectomy a given. My doc said "o.k. game plan: Bi-Mast, chemo, hysterectomy." And, that's what I had done. All with in 8 months.
Some statistics show that if you have had BC and you are TN and you have the BRCA 1 mutation, your chances of getting ovarian cancer by the age of 70 (I think it's 70) increase to 85%. My suck a** insurance company didn't even question the coverage, even though, I had no signs of ovarian, cervical or uterine cancer.
My brother just left to go back home to Florida. That sucks.
Hugs, Traci
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hmmm.. I am post menopausal, due to a condition called premature ovarian failure, so I guess that is why the worry about the bleeding, but if that is the case then why didn't this AH just do the biopsy? I told him "I don't want you to interpret the results, I just want you to do the freaking biopsy!"
Since I don't want to keep these parts, because they may turn on me anyway, I have just reached the point where I want a hysterectomy, I think. I have always hated GYN drs., especially, because in my experience, they have ALL been AH's!!!
Traci,
Sorry your brother had to go back home.
I never had the BRCA test, because I am the only one in my family who got bc... lucky me!
Hugs
Harley
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I never had the BRCA test either. I am the cancer magnet in my family. Bone Cancer at 28 and BC at 49. God, I don't want to think of another operation. Does insurance pay for the BRCA? Ha Ha, that's a joke!
Tracy, you have really had a time of it. Plus your recon surgery. How do you even move in the morning? I only work part time.
I have met my out of max and was thinking of having my knee operated on before the year end. It pops out of joint all the time and that really hurts. Plus I cannot bend it in a sitting position in a yoga class so I do my yoga at home. But even if insurance is paying 100%, I don't think I can face another surgery.
I am just so tired. I feel washed out and dull. Nothing excites me anymore. I stay glued to my laptop or the bed. Life sucks right now. The highlight of my week is watching Ghost Hunters. It comes on tonite. I don't even want to go on vacation and I have 3 SWA tickets that need to be used. I keep looking at the map and thinking where I want to go. But nothing appeals to me. Well, enough of poor me.
Debbie
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Debbie, where do you live?
If I ever get the chance to go on vacation again....I won't hesitate to go back to Little River/Mendicino, CA. It is heaven on earth there. So beautiful. Did you see the movie Same Time Next Year with Alan Alda and crap, I can't remember her name (imagine that) anyway, that movie was filmed there. In fact, I stayed in the very cabin that they stayed in in that movie. Well, half of it anyway. After the movie, the hotel made it into two cabins to make more money. It was still awesome though!!!
Traci
ps Yes, AETNA paid the $1300 for my BRCA test because, my two sisters had had cancer too I suspect.
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Sorry the doc was such an ass, Harley. Way to make a worried woman waste an afternoon
...Sige, you can come to the Aftican American Women with breast Cancer threads. Your avatar is brown now so it should be cool
. BTW, it your new avatar a cat with a flipper?!? Inquiring minds want to know...0 -
i haven't posted here in a while but i run here to read everyone's "bitches". i have many things the past couple of days to bitch about but it would take too long so only one coming your way.
today had herceptin treatment which has no se's for me, just tired and washed out feeling. plus daughter called to say after diagnostic mamo and us today, shes having biopsy next wed. the past 1 1/2 weeks has been non-stop running here and there. point being i'm tired. hello i do have stage IV CANCER. ok now i know hub is brain damaged...no one knows better than me. BUT he has done nothing but torture me today about going out and doing something...do we have to stay in the house all the time he says. wtf have we been done past week....wtf did i do today - oh excuse me...just a little cancer treatment. i not so patiently informed him that if he wants to do more he can go to a f...kin day care center (which he refuses to do). so that's it and i hope everyone's suckiness goes away....along with all that pink crap.
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Hey Peggy - I say let's restart the hijack thread. Do you remember what heading it was under? Was it here in moving beyond? Oh, and girlfriend, you will always fit here any time you want to bitch....feeling "out of the loop" SUCKS!
I read everyone's posts, but I can't remember JACK these days so I'm sending out a blanket THAT SUCKS! to everyone.
Now listen to my shit....
I have 3 different people riding my butt about starting on Ritalin to try and get some energy back since I am on chemo for a long run. You would thing that I was snorting coke or something!!! Grrrr.... One of these people (I refuse to say friend) actually said I shouldn't be taking a stimulant "just because you are a little tired".
A little tired??? Don't even get me started about the type of "tired" chemo gives me. I am SOOOO sick of people who don't have a clue putting their 2 cents in on my treatment. Maybe part of it is my fault because I blog about my cancer experience, but I do it to keep my friends informed without having to make 100 phone calls, plus I have had other cancer patients stumble upon it and they have told me I have helped them....so, I don't want to stop blogging, but I do wish that i could find a way to stop these nim-rods from offering unwanted advice and comments.
Whew....I feel better....
Thanks for letting me dump....
Deb C
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Okay, I changed the avatar lol...it was a black cat with a raven behind it.
Deb...I think we should restart the Hijack Thread! That was a whole lot of fun! I've been thinking about you lately...did I tell you we booked our Alaska Cruise??
Felica...I'll certainly drop in and say hello!
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Whew, this thread moves fast! I take a day off and then have trouble catching up. I'll start off with a big THAT SUCKS to all who needs it.
cmharris - Welcome, you've definitely found the right place to let it out. And it sounds like you definitely needed it!
Sige - Stay with us, sometimes I get out of the loop but on this thread it doesn't really matter. I don't remember the Hijack thread, but I wouldn't mind seeing another fun thread.
Deb - Keep on blogging because you are touching people. Wish those people who just don't get it would keep their opinions to themselves.
Don't really have a bitch today. The visit to the PS was fairly uneventful yesterday. Whatever was causing the fluid to back up and cause the pain, pressure and infection decided to let loose during the night on Monday and I had a lovely mess when I woke up yesterday morning. I'm not really complaining because that fluid is always better out than in. Anyway, she cleaned it out some, has me continuing with the keflex and I see her again next Monday. If the infection is cleared, we're going to talk about using a wound vac. I'm not excited about that prospect, but I'm ready to do anything to get this thing healed so I can move on.
I got a note this afternoon from the woman at my employer who's mediating with Aetna on my behalf. She's telling me that they're reviewing it again and are actually talking to the hospital. Hopefully she'll be able to get them to see reason. Funny how differently they react when they're contacted by a company who pays insurance premiums for thousands of employees!! I would love to settle this without involving a lawyer. My PS told me yesterday to keep hanging in there because she also feels they should be paying. She said they fought with an insurance company for over 3 years for one of her patients and finally won. Isn't that ridiculous that anyone has to go through that.
On the bright side, yesterday was my baby's 22nd birthday. Man how time flies.
Here's to less suckiness tomorrow!
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Hi, Maria! Waving at you, girl...
Deb, I think you should put your bitch entry from today on your blog. That ought to clue the clueless in a little bit, no?
Peggy, when is your cruise? Deb bumped the "Hijack this thread " for you. Hope you found it...
Sheila, happy b'day to your "little" one. Glad your personal dam has broken. Perhaps things are preparing themselves to heal...
My bitch today is I think I have some sort of tapeworm or something because I have been hungry - like bottomless pit hungry - all day! I ate dinner less than an hour ago and now I'm ready to raid the pantry to find something else to eat. What's up with that?!?
Good news is the fellas did the dinner dishes! Whoo-Hoo!!
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There is always a method to my madness. My bitch today is that I havent seen a very good friend in a very long time. So instead of "wheres waldo" I chose "wheres bearlysane?"
I had a great time yesterday at my SIL's. We just hung out at her pool all day drinking foo foo drinks. Mine had an umbrella! Got a little sunburned but hey isnt that supposed to happen sometimes when your on vacation? If ya have a chance, check out the hijack thread - there is a whole story I wrote about the rash I got on my face.
Oh Boy! I was gone all day and I can see I have missed alot. We have become such a talkative bunch. Shouting out a big that sucks to everyone right now before I even go back to read.
Fly: Boycot pink? Im loving it.
Debbie: Im laughing at the jiggle! I tried exercising in the pool yesterday and did alot of wiggling and jiggling moves. Just like that jello commercial. Where did all that wiggly stuff come from?
Harley: I just read all of your posts, and what can I say other than you had a pretty sucky day. What in the world is going on with doctors these days. There are so many specialists and Im sick of being tossed from one doctor to another. And dont these doctors talk to each other? Used to be gynes took care of everything. So you get a great big that sucks from me this morning.
Hanna: A woman of my own heart. Someone who understands a good pancake and the urge to sometimes just pig out and enjoy. Our IHOP is like the old ones with the blue roof. Its so close I could walk there. I want a big pile of tutti fruitti pancakes! I would be in heaven. Although I think now my husband is avoiding it because he doesnt think I need the calories. Ha he is right, but Im on vacation and I want what I want. We were supposed to go to dinner and breakfast a few times while I was off - have done neither. On our way home from my SIL's yesterday he said lets just stop and pick something up. I thought to myself, Lord, please dont make it white castle. Well guess where we stopped! I want my pancakes and I want my shrimp dinner and I want it now!
Peggy: Good to see you and I have to admit sometimes I feel the same way you do. I see the hijack thread has been resurrected! Cant wait to see you there, and here to.
Jerseymaria: I do believe you should be handed the suckiest day award. What is the matter with people? Are they in such denial land? My home is my safe place. This is where I feel most comfortable. My husband has been making me go out and do things too. Yesterday we went to my SIL's and guess what he did while I was swimming? He went inside and played on the computer. But his instructions to me were to get out of the house and get away from the computer.
DebC: I havent read your blog in a while. Thinking I will make some time and do that today. Everytime I go there, I enjoy myself and the pictures you post too. So this Ritalin thing! I must agree with you. Im so sick of other people telling us what we should do or not do. I mentioned earlier, Im seeing Ritalin being used alot even with the older folks in small dosages. It has changed their quality of life - big time. So kick your friends in the butt and do what you want, when you want and how you want it.
Sheila: Hmm glad that drainage let lose, but I still thinks it sucks big time that you are having to go through this. Have surgery is enough without complications. When I was reading your post I was wondering about a wound vac, but didnt say anything. You might find you will get some great results with it. Im still sending you a big that sucks though!
Felicia: I think we are sharing that same tape worm! Only mine got hungry during the night. Goodness knows what all I ate, I just remember getting up several times to go to the cupboard and when I woke up this morning all the cupboards were opened! Im sure I found some candy and doritos!
Well its already 9:30 am here. My husband who is not on vacation - why? Cause he is a musician and works part time - he is still asleep! If he doesnt take me out for some meal - any meal today, he will be singing in a much higher voice.
Check with ya all later. A big that sucks and hello to all of you I have missed.
Nicki
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Haven't posted on this site for awhile, but man am I upset this morning. So I have to have herceptin for a year, they filed a path report that showed I was Her2 positive and didn't sign off on it so now a year of herceptin. I hear it's not so bad and hope that the first two infusions go well, my once said the first two are the most important ones, apparantly if I have an allergy to then I'll be stuck with fkg steroids again. But that reallly isn't my gripe. I called my mom last night to let her know what was going on. Well good old mom flipped out on me, Told me my son is selfish for staying in London to help me if I need that he should move away. Said she's leaving all of her money to an abortion clinic so that " people who don't want children, don't have to have them". She's already told me and my sisters that she wished we were never born. Then she went on an on about how I should move to her city as she could help me more, and again my son is selfish for NOT moving away. I thought my mom was changing for crying out loud she gave me a copy of The Good Earth and wanted to discuss it with me. But I should know better, she hasn't changed, I think she's borderline personality. The only time she's happy is when she gets what she wants. She has tons of money, a great place to live doesn't ever help us kids financially, mind you I would never ask because the payback would be to much. But man that's not what I needed to hear and I honestly don't know what to say to her when she calls all apologetic for being so cruel. I think I should tell her I just don't want to see her anymore. I can't take her rages and bs anymore. I just don't know what to do, I thought I had accepted tha fact that my mother was not a good mom, she tried but she just doesn't have the capacity for unconditional love. So why the hell am I crying again, how can I love and hate my mom at the same time.
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Traci,
Yes, I ALWAYS used to get that tone, especially from the gyns I have seen. They have been huges a**holes, and I would like to NEVER have to see another gyn again, ever!
Debbie,WOW! You sure have been through enough, already! I feel for you, hon! I can't even imagine going thru a cancer dx at age 29, and BONE cancer, at that! THAT REALLY SUCKS! Sending lots of HUGS! your way!!
Felicia,
You are right... this guy was a HUGE JERK! I seem to have this sign on me that drs., especially gyns see me, and they immediately act like a**holes when they see me! I have NEVER found a gyn that I liked.
Funny, you have a tapeworm, THAT SUCKS, and I am not hungry at all! To top things off, I feel like I may be constipated, in addition to my whole abdomen feeling bloated, it feels HUGE, and maybe it's just filled with S**T!Nicki,
Yes, I often think that the drs. see me coming and they RUN in the other direction! They immediately get these attitudes, and I think it is because they DON'T KNOW what the HECK they are doing!! So, ok, I have some complicated issues... premature ovarian failure, due to auto immune reasons, they "think". fibroid tumors, bc treatment with Tamoxifen. I thought they were supposed to study all these conditions, and they should know how to handle them.
I am just so fed up with all this, I wish I could just STOP going to drs. forever!!
But, on the plus side, today I talked to someone at work who had ovarian cysts and her gyn also pawned her off on a gyn onc, the very same one I may be seeing! Too funny!! She said that he is very nice! This is GOOD news!
Also, I am glad that I have to see my onc's P.A. tomorrow for my 6 month check up, so I can ask her what she thinks. Maybe, I am hoping that my onc can get me in to see either the gyn onc or another such specialist, and SOONER!I am just worried that waiting all this time will make the lining or whatever else it is grow even larger.
Sorry for anyone I have missed.... I will say a HUGE THAT SUCKS to ALL!!
Harley
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Snowy, thank s**ks! I know where you are coming from, my DH's adopted mom is the same way. When she found out that he had found his bio parents (12 yrs ago), she threatened to write him out of her will. But in NC, if a child is adopted, they cannot be written out. We just don't tell her when we see or talk to his bio parents. She has helped his sisters (natural) and doesn't expect anything back, if my hubby borrowed even 5 dollars from her or her (now deceased) husband, she made sure that they got their money back the next paycheck or we wouldn't hear the end of it.
Sheila
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Snowy,
AWWW.... that SUCKS! I have come to the conclusion that some women don't have the "nurturing" gene. My mother really did love her children, and she would do anything for us, but she had no money, and it was hard... I met my dh and married him, and along with him, his mother. She does not have the nurturing gene, so I have had a tough time just relating with her sometimes. But, when I got the bc dx, she really did warm up to me, and I thought that things had changed. Not so, I found out, because when I mentioned this newest development, with the fibroids, and the trans vaginal u/s, she just said "You are boring. Stop talking about this stuff... it is just boring me." It really hurt.
I bet sometime in the future, they will find a NURTURING gene, and we may be getting tested for it before we decide to have children. I don't know, but it sounds like a good idea to me.I am so sorry that you have to go through this... bc sucks, truly, and then not having a Mom who can give you the love that you need is just TERRIBLE! My Mom passed away 16 years ago, and I wish she could be here with me
I am sending lots of HUGS your way!
Harley
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You know Harley, I forgot to say that to you earlier. I think it's standard for a regular obgyn to refer to a gyn onc if it isn't just regular, every day stuff that has to be dealt with. Even though I had no signs of cancer there, and my regular obgyn could have performed the hysterectomy, I was referred to a gyn onc. Hugs girl.
Pearl, that sucks. Bad. My dad was a millionaire and even though he knew I was struggling financially bad and, I was going through chemo and bald when he died, he left me nothing. He left none of my siblings anything either and he knew that four out of six of us could have used some money BAD. He left us nothing. NOTHING. My stepmom is sitting pretty right now while some of us are really struggling. And, here's her attitude: I told her that I was trying to sell my gold jewerly to pay off some debt and that the jewerly stores were paying me 1/100th of what it was worth. You know what she said? She said (and I qoute) "Have you tried eBay?" That was it. No offer for help.
I don't understand some parents. I mean, they are the reason we are on this earth! We didn't ask to be here! Although I am not a parent, I honestly believe that unless a child has wronged a parent in some way, they are forever that parent's responsibility, so to speak. How can some parents be millionaires while their children struggle? Even if their children are adults. I just don't get that AT ALL.
Oh, and the kicker, my dad wrote a full article on the "Responsibilities of Parenting and Grandparenting". Not only did he leave us nothing but after he died, one of his best friends in the Masonic Lodge that he had known for 30 years, did part of his eulogy. The first thing he said when he got to the podium was "I had no idea Keith had six kids. I only knew of one." He never mentioned us to one of his best friends in 30 years. Oh yea (then I'll stop) did I mention he left my mom when I was 11 and married my stepmonster the day after his divorce to my mom was final? I saw him twice (literally) from the time I was 11 until I was 17. After that though, we saw each other often including being there all the time before he died. I thought we had re-established our relationship but, I guess not.
Boy, I totally made your bitch about me. Sorry.
I'm sorry about your mom girl but, I can't offer you any explanation on why she's doing this to you. People are weird.
Hugs girl.
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Aw Snowy...that's terrible. I have to say it does sound like your mom is not mentally well.
You are the only one who decides how people treat you. Even though it's your mom (and I am shoked at the things she says) you may have to set some pretty strict boundaries.
I learned a long time ago that my mom is not and will never be the "Mom" that I wanted. She is mentally imbalanced and depressed and won't acknowledge it. We have butted heads since I was young. She has called me a "slut" in the restaurant and got up and walked out. She has been really mean to me...told me that she loved my little sister more because I was a very hard child to love.
I spent a long time trying to live up to her expectations until one day I finally realized that it wasn't going to happen. Everytime I came close, she raised the bar.
I wrote her a long letter (this was about 10 years ago) and basically told her that I have accepted that she's not the "Mom" that I always wanted and she was going to have to accept that I was not the "Daughter" that she always wanted me to be. I said we would have to just accept the good stuff in each other and let go of the crap.
I told her I loved her, but would not be guilted, manipulated or bullied into doing stuff anymore and if she couldn't accept that, I would have to let her go.
To make a long story short (well, too late for that) 10 years later we kind of met in the middle. If there's something she doesn't like about me (tattoos or piercings or the way I wear my hair) she just shuts up and vice versa. And you know, it's okay. She isn't the mom I wanted, but she's the mom I got. It was really difficult putting up the boundaries because of the "guilt" I felt, but in the end it seems to have worked out.
I didn't mean to go on and on, but you touched on a big part of my past and I thought maybe my experience may help you some.
Good luck with this...and remember, just because she's your Mom doesn't mean she has the right to treat you terribly. You are a human being first and foremost and you have to honour yourself and your spirit.
Gentle hugs,
Peggy
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A Traci, I'm glad you shared your bitch it made me feel like I'm not the only one. I just don't get and the thing with my mom is I"ve never asked for a penny, never! My sisters and brother borried from her and the way she still harps on it is discusting, they all paid her back (with interest). And Harley your so right some people aren't born with the nurturing gene, I'm really amazed that us children are alive, I don't know how she managed to raised babies. I was told we were really good babies, probably had to be or else.
I can't believe your stepmonster is living off of the money from your father without any guilt, why are there people like that in the world it just fkg amazes me.
I believe in an afterlife I really do, and man I hope that our second live is much kinder than this one. And that humans that are greedy, have no morals, etc. etc. get some pay back or at the very are made to really feel empathy.
I feel so sad for your Mom Traci that must have hurt so bad.
lvtoqult, I'm sorry for your husband that must sting, I just don;t understand it I would give my children anything they needed, and always have .We have a fantastic relationship, I really think my mom is jealous of it. You know I didn't call my mom for support I called because I was afraid she'd get the news from my sister Rub and then freak on me for not telling her. Well I think I'm just going to cut her out of my life for awhile and heal with negativity in it.
Why are so many Rich people unhappy? Glad I'm not rich.
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Sige I jus read your post and you are so right. I have bumped heads with her before and not talked to her for two years at one point, but the letter thing is perfect. Thanks for the advice, I'll write one and see how it goes. If it doesn't work out well it won't change anything. What I need in my life now is goodness, kindness. I'm glad it worked out for you, your mom sounds quite alot like mine, so much fun, huh! Thanks for the post, it makes me see I'm not the only one and it does help, but I'm sorry for all of us that have lived with this mothering problem.
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