Hair Hair Hair - Another question
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slak: i think you should tell people whatever is comfortable or seems right. I agree with liberty! But people will speculate and draw their own conclusions bc it is human nature to do so. I was a bit of a weirdo and had to stop myself bc for a while, I was actually telling people I was wearing a wig. Lol I finally had to stop that bc no one knew until I opened my big mouth!
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Re: wig or scarves - I had a wig made with my hair color/texture etc - very long. Couldn't tell it was a wig. Wore it for a whole year then took it off when I had 2" of hair at 5 months PFC - felt 'normal' that way. Scarves made me look sick
Re: questions about my new short hair - I said screw it - told people I was sick last year and I lost my hair. It was tooooo short to pull off anything like I wanted to do this!
Gotta do and say whatever is best for you! Don't worry about anyone else's feelings! I'm done with that!0 -
Troly, everyone told me I would NEED a wig, had to have a wig etc. So I went and invested 600 bucks in a wig. But I hated it and ended up wearing it exactly one time.
Instead I got a collection of hats, some of them quite dramatic, and wore them with a small turban type covering underneath. I also made myself a silk "diva scarf" sort of a fitted hood, with long ends I tied in the back.
I assumed everyone who saw me realized, but, in fact, from talking to people then andlater, lots of people had no clue.
So, if I were you, I would experiment with different scarves and hats and see what younlike before you invest in a wig.
Also, I was told that I could only use a medical wig for a completely bald head, thus the huge cost. I suspect that is complete nonsense. In other words, check out some cheap "regular" wigs too if you do decide to go the wig route.0 -
Adults almost never asked why I my hair was so short. You know, I give most people the benefit of the doubt. All of us have been touched by cancer in that we or someone we know has had to deal with it. Many people understand that a woman with a balding head may have an illness. A few people who know me but hadn't seen me in awhile might have exclaimed "Oh, your hair is so short!" but weren't actually questioning why. Sometimes I'd just smile and say, "yeah". If it seemed right at the time, I might say "I was diagnosed with bc and had chemo".
I work in an elementary, so some of the students commented on my hair. I would just smile, tell them I had been sick and had to take medicine which made my hair fall out. I read somewhere that it was an acceptable explanation for small kids. They all took it in stride. Once, a very wise little first-grader looked at me and said, "You're hair's so short." I smiled and said, "Yes." She replied, "Were you sick?" and I replied, "Yes." She just smiled a very knowing smile and nodded her head. It was actually very sweet.
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I guess I am more comfortable telling complete strangers about my cancer now that it has been 6 months, but I still wear my wig because I feel better with it on, at least at work. I haven't figured out how I will transistion into going topless when I do. I am no where close to having coverage on my head so I think I have a bit to think about it. I had long hair before and I bought long hair wigs. I did go and get a shorter one last week for the transition. I thought if I went from long to short people would think I just got a haircut, then that would be easier for the super short cut.
Everyone is different so just have to do what feels right!
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I think the more we go out with bald heads, or very short hair cuts and are willing to say we have breast cancer, the more we help dispel the notion that breast cancer is pretty and pink. I realize that it's not for everyone, but I found myself shedding my wig at the end of treatment. I would wear breast cancer ribbon earrings or a breast cancer ball cap. I figured that would give people a clue. I think I could have gone bald most of the time if it hadn't freaked out my DH and my elderly mom, especially after my 40-year-old son told me I had a nice noggin!
I had a great wig - it was a "medical" wig, fitted and styled properly and was very comfortable, and ridiculously expensive. The thing about less expensive ones is they tend to be hot and scratchy, and if they don't fit your bald head, they will never be comfortable and stay in place.
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Think this is a really good question as I have been struggling also with how to handle it as my new hair is finally to a point that I want to get rid of the wig.I have only told about 12 people this far and only because I had to.I think I am really concerned that when my hair starts to get the curls since it seems most do that it will now be curly and before it was just slightly waved.How do I explain this hair texture transformation? I guess I am figuring that when it comes to this point I may just fess up since I am no longer in treatment and won't get the same pity that I would if I were going through treatment.Maybe I will get lucky and be one of the few that doesn't get the chemo curls.Also have never in my life had a short hair cut so this will be sure to raise a few eyebrows.
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I hated my wig. Only wore it a handful of times. I wore bandanas when I left the house with big hoop earrings. Was hoping for a biker chick look rather than a cancer chick. I don't think I pulled it off, but screw it. Once tx was done and hair started to grow, I went topless. I just wanted to be comfortable for me and I kinda got tired of worrying what people thought. Unfortunately, cancer is so common in my area, I'm usually not the only one with super short or no hair wherever I go. We have to do what feels right, and I don't think there's any right or wrong...just follow your gut.
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I agree that is is much easier to talk about it after you finish the chemo. I have told more and more people lately. The plumber came over to fix a leak yesterday and I didn't have my wig on, just a hat, and I told him I just finished chemo and I was doing great! He was very nice about it as I think most folks would be. When I was first diagnosed I think I was too emotional to talk about it to total strangers. I hope once i have some coverage for the scalp I will be going out more and more with out my wig or hat!
Cheers!
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When people tell me now.."I like your haircut..wish I could do that..or my wife, sister whatever wants to go that short...etc."
I tell them, the last time I checked, this cut cost me right around $200,000.00 - so they may want to rethink.
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Great advice Ladies. I understand the feeling that it gets easier to talk about. For me while I was fighting the fight I felt it would be hard to deal with others whose reaction was hard to guess...I was concerned that some people would be just too nosy and some would want to tell me 'you poor thing'. I felt I wanted to stay focussed so I kept my circle small and leaned on those I knew would give me strength. I applaud those who are strong enough to let everyone know upfront, though. You rock! What is great about the women on this site is that no one tells you what you should do...everyone says what worked for them and that you need to be an individual and do what is right for you. I love that! Right now I think I will wait a little longer to see what my hair will be like, then I may cut my current wig or buy a shorter one like Kim mentioned, for the transition. In the meantime I will think about all the suggestions and come up with some responses that I'm comfortable with to the question 'why did you cut your hair so short after 20 years of having it so long?'
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AEM, too funny> I love the expensive hair cut.
When asked why my hair's so short, I have answered, short? you shoulda seen it two months ago!
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The hospital I'm going to has a wig orientation class. The nurse told me the doctor could write me a prescription for a "wig prosthesis". I guess that's a medical wig huh!
I've heard wigs are so expensive and I'm nervous about paying for something I'm not going to wear everyday. Some of my girl friends keep saying think of how much you are saving on hair cuts, highlights, product...but not really if a wig costs $600!!!!
Going to wig shop today. Wish me luck.0 -
Tpoly
When I was first looking at wigs I went to a wig shop and was only interested in the expensive ones. Trying on a bunch I wasn't happy with anything. The $600 one I disliked the least wasn't available in the colour I wanted and the owner said she would have to order it in. I happened by another shop with a way better selection and got one for $80 that was way more me and the colour I wanted. Go with a nylon, lace front. Quite comfey and inexpensive and at that price you can get a couple if you want. Honestly I was glad that I went the cheaper route because its going in the garbage once my hair gets to a length that I'm comfortable going topless. I've gotten alot of compliments on my hair from complete strangers that have no idea its a wig. I just say thank you.
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I apologize if my posting here is insensitive as I am still awaiting a dx and havent had chemo but to Imlola...
when I did my first round of lupron for endometriosis my hair became very curly. It had always been completely straight before that. People I knew would always ask if I had gotten a perm. I would just reply "Hormones...go figure". They took that as a perfectly reasonable explanation and left it alone. You are all amazing women with invaluable advice.0 -
Thanks autiam_mom never thought of that one would just have to find out what hormones for what issue maybe other than what you suggested would cause curly hair.Still hoping I am the one of the few that doesn't go curly.HA HA good luck with that
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Tpoly, I have 2 expensive wigs, but my favorite turned out to be a cheaper one I got at voguewigs.com. It was only $200 and free ship. Its so real looking and comfortable. So you can get a good one without spending a fortune.
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Tpoly,
My doctor gave me a prescription for a "wig prosthesis". I contacted my insurance and they assured me that they will cover the cost. So I went to one of the most expensive places in NYC, who cater only to people who suffer from alopecia and hair loss due to chemo treatments. I must say that I met there the most dedicated people who is determined to help us to get though this awful disease. They use both human and synthetic hair and use revolutionary technology. I opted for a human hair wig and it is outstanding, not only it looks absolutely natural, I can wear it as an up do (I am a ponytail girl), but sometimes I forget to take it off when I get home, it is that ! comfortable (in the middle of the NYC very humid summer). It is very costly, with tax I paid $3,000 (!!! OMG), but insurance was very prompt on reimbursing me. Is not that sweet!!
As for telling people, I am trying to learn to do or say only what feels right for ME, its not easy, but we are going through such a difficult times and need to concentrate on "me, special me" only to heal and get back to normal, and be able to give back and care back tenfolds. If your appearance make someone uncomfortable, screw it.
It is my first posting on this website, but this blog is in my favorites and I read it every day. You, ladies, are awesome and I learned a lot.
Hope everybody is having a good weekend!
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I went to a wig shop and spent about 300 on a wig before my hair fell out. I wore it every single day. When it started getting ratty, I went online to Joshua24 and found the same wig for much much cheaper, so I bought a duplicate. I am glad I went to the wig store first, though, because they were so kind and helpful and really worked with me to make sure I got a wig that I would feel comfortable wearing. I was really hard on my wigs, and I ended up buying 5 different wigs.
Wore it for the last time on June 4, and now I am sporting between 3-4 inches of hair, depending on what part of my head you measure! Crazy curly in the back, but starting to straighten out a little on the sides and front. Had color and highlights a couple of weeks ago, so I am starting to look a little more like me! Sigh...trying to be patient...0 -
AEM and St. Jude: You gals crack me up.
onvacation: When people compliment me on my "haircut(wig)", I used to fess up until someone told me--hey, Karen, that's your hair--you paid for it!
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I like it Karen! Will use that!
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onvacation:
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Ellimilana-I thought my wig was costly. I paid 950.00 and my insurance said they would pay nothing because it was cosmetic. I said no, it is devistating. They will pay for some 90 yr old guys viagra though. I didn't get real hair because that was 1500.00, but I did get a heat resistant one so I can use a curling iron on it and have some curls. I am getting used to wearing it now. It's weird, but when the time comes it will be hard to stop wearing it. It is some sort of security blanket for me. I figure I will be wearing it until next spring because I don't stop chemo until the end of October. Winters are cold here in Maine so I won't be taking it off until warm weather. It seems like once you get over a hurdle another one replaces it. When I stop chemo and start rads they have to deflate my left boob until after rads. That will depress me for sure. My PS said to come see her the last day of rads and she will fill it back up. It's all crazy stuff to have to deal with.
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My wig (synthetic) was purchased for $90. My oncologist and her nurse recommended that I not pay too much for a wig. Also, I had gone to the Look Good Feel Good program, and the women there said the same thing. And, I don't know if it's true, but numerous people told me that wigs made of real hair require a lot more maintenance.
I ended up wearing my wig for 6 months. Most people had no clue it was a wig, and those who did pretty much forgot I was wearing it because it really did look natural. A number of my close friends and family who saw me in the wig the first time were visibly surprised by how natural it looked.
Here's my own hair on the left, before chemo. On the right is me in my wig.
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Ladies there are many sources for free wigs. American cancer Society, Cancer Action. Check around your area before you invest. I also never wore my wigs,no scarves, just hats. they ahve some nice ones are target sometiems.
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Divine - your wig looks wonderful!
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OMG...I went hiking today and as a group of ladies and kids passed me, one said "I like your haircut" !!!!!! I know it was legit, cause she had a short haircut. I think I have entered the world of looking normal again...yipppeee
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I wore the Shilo wig By Noriko. It was about $300 and insurance paid as a "head prosthesis." It was very comfortable and had a monofilament top that gave the part a very natural look. I had compliments everywhere I went. Most of the time I just said thank you. Once in a while I would tell someone I knew a bit better that it was a wig. It looked a lot like my old hair, but a better style and the streaks of blonde and red were beautiful.
I am now 8 months PFC and have about 4 inches of layered wavy and curled hair. I don't get strangers compliments anymore :-(. I even tried the wig on today, but it felt silly wearing it with what I have now.
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Divine: Love your wig.
My insurance company wouldn't pay for mine either. I went for a walk in the neighborhood with m DH and dogs tonight and for the first time didn't wear my wig.. Only wore a hat. NO ONE was out--it was too hot! LOL
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Wow, Divine, your hair look great!
I am really happy with my wig, the maintanance is very easy. I do not understand why insurance refused to pay for wigs, I was under impression that if you have a prescription, they MUST pay for it, mine sure did. I would never go for such an expense otherwise.
DianaRose, its shocking that they refused to pay, did you have a prescription? I could be wrong, but I think insurance have no right to refuse a prosthetic to a cancer patient and the wig IS a prosthetic not a cosmetic. Come to think about it-its outrageous and I totally agree with you re Viagra. I am sorry you are having a problem with your boobs, but look at the bright side, you are done with chemo, which is a big deal, the rest is just a few more pieces of the puzzle and your are done, don't let small things depress you, its just maintenance.
I have two more treatments left and can not wait to start "growing", my DD swears that I already have a peach fuzz, is it possible? has anyone experienced it?
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