Stop Smoking Support Thread
Comments
-
Karen,
I am so happy that you stood strong!!! The situation of being around people who smoke can be a bit dicey early on, especially when you 've had a rough day with the cravings!
You Gooooo.... We've got your back!!!
0 -
Karen: Sometimes they hit out of the blue for no discernable reason. You are doing the right thing, staying busy to ward it off. Turn your thoughts to other things and eat some chocolate (always works for me
0 -
Bama,
Chocolate ALWAYS works!!!!
0 -
Thanks Bama, always good to have chocolate. On another thread a cyber sister said to go for the dark chocolate, 70% and up for lower blood pressure. The 70 and 85% are edible and taste good, 90% even my grandson won't eat. It's put out by Ghiradelli, available at Walmart. Thanks for the suggestion, shopping trip tomorrow. Karen
0 -
Karen,
Great job not smoking. Im proud of you. Im feeling some cravings as well... But I'm dealing with them. My mind is trying to play tricks on me.... wondering if I *really* do miss them.... I think I do, but then again I DON'T
0 -
It's normal to grieve when you quit smoking. After all, cigarettes have been there through everything--high school, college, the first job, the wedding, the birth of your children, can you think of a more constant companion? Often we think of cigarettes as our best friend, and who wouldn't grive a relationship that has given you so much, but has taken so much away? Write a goodbye letter (divorcing them), telling your smokes what they mean to you--the good, the bad and the ugly.
0 -
thanks sweet and VJSL8 for the words of support, I think weekends are going to be tough for awhile because my godmother passed 2 weekends ago and its hitting me now that we won't have our weekend phonecalls, She became one of my closest friends as time went by, we loved to shop together,watch the food channel, and the flip this house types of programs. And when I was with her in pa., we would chat for hours and smoke. I'll just have to keep myself busy and allow myself time to grieve. I had a phonecall from a well meaning friend today. She asked me how I was and I said weepy. She then proceeded to tell me of a former boyfriend who has come back in her life. Talked for 20 minutes, all I got said in all that time was "weepy". Why do people bother to call and ask how you are. I'm glad I have you girls for support. I have gotten more condolences from you all on the threads then from friends. It seems like the reaction you get after BC surgery, after it's done you are supposed to bounce right back up. And answer "fine" to all questions. Is it that people don't want to hear of "not fine yet". Karen
0 -
I'm glad I got that rant out of my system, it is as VJSL8 says emotions are tied to smoking, and once there is that link-up, if the event occurs so does the yearning for the cigarette. OK today, I had friends over last night, two are smokers, but that doesn't seem to bother me anymore. I'm glad, I didn't want to turn into one of those non-smokers who wave the smoke away and comment. Karen
0 -
Karen:
First, realize you ARE doing this!!! Rant, rave and carry on all you want...we are here for support and encouragement.
Second: Keep busy and you have jumped a huge hurdle by having friends over and not smoking with them....was there wine involved? If so, kudos to you..that makes it harder!
Your accomplishments are wonderful and pat yourself on the back and say 'Good Job" - you deserve it!!!
We are very proud of you
Jan
0 -
yes, there was drinking involved, that has always been a huge smoking scenario. Today, the craving is not that bad, but I am using 1 of tools, on the computer in the non-smoking den, so my hands are busy and my attention is taken up by what I am doing. Thanks Jan Karen
0 -
karen333,
I think many of us have had people ask the "how are you?" question and then when you try to answer hit you with the "OK, back to me now". Illness and grief are two subjects that I think many people just can't handle but, it doesn't make it any less hurtful when all you want is for a friend to listen and really hear you and they can't even give you that.
I had many friends and even family that ran for the hills when I was diagnosed. I also had people that I thought of as just aquaintances become very good friends after my diagnosis. You just don't know how people are going to react.
I had a friend that I grew up with and, as the many years went by, we just fell out of touch. When she heard I had cancer, she was one of the first who called and continued to check in with me every week of my treatment!
When her mother was diagnosed with stage IV ovarian cancer last year, she called and ran down a list of things that she had arrange to make things easier for her mom and asked if there was anything else I could think of that she had overlooked. My response was, "the biggest thing that you can do for your mom is to ask how she is doing and REALLY listen to the answer". That is the one thing I wish more people could have done for me.
We are here to listen ANYTIME you want to talk!
This is a snippet from a blog that I saved. It helped me to try to understand that how these people reacted had nothing to do with me and everything to do with them.....
"If you are not born with an intuitive gene, you certainly acquire one when you have an illness such as cancer. Somehow, you instinctively can recognize when a person sincerely cares, and can spot the opposite without too many words being spoken. You form a list in your mind of the people who really care about you or yours....and, learn to give short, rehearsed snippets to those who ask how you are, and don't really care to listen to your answer. You learn that there are a few terrific people who have your well being as being important to them, and a slew of others who are just not in your corner. That's fine. There are many reasons for apathy and indifference....some people just can't handle other people's crisis moments, some don't want to for whatever reason, and those people are to be greeted warmly and not be expected to participate in what is going on in your life. Just knowing who fits in which category is liberating....You appreciate those true friends so much more. Some people have been shocked to find that people who they have felt the closest to......turn away when they find out you are ill. It's not explainable....but, it must be accepted. Then, there are others...sometimes new friends who come along side you and become so supportive. You never know what you will find.....be open....be forgiving....be accepting to others....you may find yourself in another person's shoes, and you may have the opportunity to "man up or woman up" and walk with them through their journey."
0 -
kal_1865,
Happy 5 MONTH quit-aversary on this very last day of February!!! Give yourself a pat on the back! You deserve it!!
0 -
Seaside, that blog you sent along really made sense to me in deciding which friends I give a "snippet of information" and which I can truly talk to and they will listen. And an illness such as cancer truly does give you tthe ability to be intuitive about which group they fall into. Thank you for sending it along. My godmother was my major listener and I hers. I have to adjust now to not having that, and as with processing the diagnosis of cancer, it takes time. I am so thankful I have this site. Karen
0 -
Kal_1864
Congratulations on 5 months!!! Way to go!!!
Jan
0 -
Karen:
I am in the same boat as you. There are some people both friends and family that think - Oh she didn't need chemo so she's fine.
Emotionally we're never fine again...we just have a 'new normal'. I'm going to a BC support group this week to see what that is like. Maybe there is one in your area? I know my girlfried went to one and she said it helped her.
Jan
0 -
Jan, there is a Gilda's Club in Buffalo (about 45 minutes away), that I may try in the spring. This weather has really held me bound to my town, I''m not much for white knuckle driving. I'm sorry that you find yourself in this same spot, it really took me by surprise that some people I thought would step up to the plate, backpedaled. Did it surpise you? Karen
0 -
Karen:
Yes, I was very surprised at some. Then again I have one girlfriend, who was actually a good friend of my Aunts and my Aunt passed away. Well, she and I kept in touch - she lives up North and I'm down south. We grew to become amazing friends!!! She called me 'everyday' and came to visit twice. God Bless her!!! She has her own issues going on so I am so grateful for her.
Then again I have actual family members (cousins) who I 'thought' I was close to that I haven't heard from in months! Go figure!!
Once the weather clears I'm sure a good group will help.
I'll let you know how I make out in mine this week.
Jan
0 -
I'm lucky to have a Gilda's club locally and I love Gilda's!!! Wonderful group of people. Research is now showing that cancer patients who have a good support system, have better long term outcomes than individuals will little or no support.
0 -
I'm looking for volunteers to review a "tip" booklet that I've made. For those of you who have a copy of my workbook--it's about 2/3 smaller--just lists of different tips--I'm thinking of making it into a "pocket" guide that you can carry with you and just pull it out when needed.
I'm just looking for a couple of people that will give me critical feedback. Thanks so much!!
0 -
VJ,
I'd be happy to. I'll PM with my e-mail address.
0 -
Even almost 2 years out, I still feel like the rest of the world moved on with their lives and I missed the bus out of cancer-land with no new busses scheduled any time soon. Been feeling very blue lately! Not sure if it's the Tamoxifen or this long, snowy winter or something else entirely.
Jan,
Let us know how the support group goes. We have one at our local hospital that they just sent me a flyer for.
Karen,
Your godmother sounds like a very special person! One of those people where you truly are kindred-spirits and have such a connection. It's going to be really tough for awhile but, take the time to grieve. Sometimes remembering and talking about the good times you shared helps. Sometimes it doesn't. We're listening if, you'd like to tell us more about her!
Wishing you peace and healing.
0 -
Seaside - you are approaching the 2 year anniversary too and that can be mentally challenging, especially when you are not where you thought you would physically and mentally! I know Tamoxifen made me depressed, actually it still does since I am working up the nerve to tell my onc I just cannot bring myself to start taking the damn pill again...ugh!!!! I hate lectures but it is just not worth the 5% decrease to me. Sorry you are feeling down!
Jan, I hope you connect with the support group at your hospital. The support groups in my area all meet in the middle of the day and most are 60+ years old or older. I work full time and on the few occasions I have had a chance to meet with them no one remembered their dx or markers, there was such a generation gap that although they were sweet, it was not the support I needed.
0 -
O2B,
That's right... I forgot you went off the Tamoxifen. If you don't mind sharing, do you feel better now that you are off of it? I really do think alot of the sadness I have been feeling, which I have been attributing to the loss of my dog this past summer and this unusually snowy, crazy winter, may really be linked to hitting menopause either naturally or due to the Tamoxifen. No way for me to really know which. Just haven't had a period since I started the Tam! Hoping that, as the gray NE winter skies lift, with the onset of spring, that so will my mood!
And yes... I do have the yearly tests coming up which always cause a bit of anxiety so I'm sure that's adding to it!
0 -
I think the tamoxifen has alot to do with your moods! this sucks!
I was never this depressed - i've gained weight even though I go to the gym almost everyday. It's frustrating!!
I'm trying to give up sugar, etc for lent next week so we'll see if that helps!!
I'll keep you posted on the support groupl.
VJ..I will be happy to help you out too.
I'll PM my email address
Jan
0 -
Seaside: ((((HUGS)))) I hope the sun will come out there soon. That will help. It made me feel better when we had a fun pretty days.
0 -
VJ
I tried to send you my email address...let me know if you received.
Jan
0 -
Hi Jan, no it didn't come through.
0 -
Jan,
You are right! Sometimes this just... plain... sucks!
I hear you on the weight gain! I am working on the treadmill for at least 45 minutes 3-5 times per week and that is just to MAINTAIN my weight. A weight that is the highest non-pregnancy weight that I have ever been! Sooooo frustrating!
I usually am a very upbeat person so this feeling is not one that I am used to.
I know that this too shall pass and that my problems are so SMALL compared to the situations that some of us here are going through.
Thank goodness we have each other to get us through!
0 -
Thanks Bama,
And sending hugs right back at ya!!!
I do think when the weather improves so will my mood. We actually had rain here today which was a pleasant change from snow! While it is still "gray" weather, at least you don't have to shovel rain...
We shall see the sun soon and, sun, as well as chocolate, makes everything better!
0 -
Seaside - Emotionally, I haven't felt this balanced since, since my DX. I realize there can be many contributing factors to feeling like myself again beyond stopping Tamoxifen. My pain issues seem to be under control, I went without my LE compression sleeves two days in a row and I am NOT hurting (AMAZING and a FIRST since my LE dx!). My nasty Thyroid cancer is gone, I am on supplements to keep my levels in balance and I have FINALLY STOPPED GAINING WEIGHT!!!!
It doesn' hurt that I live in sunny AZ either...
Praying for beautiful, sunny weather with a nice warming front coming your way
0
