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Stop Smoking Support Thread

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Comments

  • april485
    april485 Member Posts: 1,983
    edited March 2014

    I am checking in but I am sick and I am at work. I have the worst chest cold I have had in years! I don't get colds as a rule but man, this one is a doozey! Feel like crap and can;t leave early as boss is out and I am second in command so another couple of hours before relief for me.

    Happy Spring tomorrow! Back to work! xoxo

  • minustwo
    minustwo Member Posts: 13,357
    edited March 2014

    April - sorry about your cold.  Hope it doesn't last long.  I had a lot fewer colds & upper respiratory issues after I quit smoking.

    Today was the LAST day of radiation.  I did ring that bell.  Tomorrow is another Herceptin infusion.  The chemo bell is a good ways off yet.

    I caught myself wanting a smoke last night as I was reading the paper at the kitchen table.  Sigh!!  But I went along with our motto - just for today i will not smoke.

  • RedReading
    RedReading Member Posts: 1,262
    edited March 2014

    Minus two, congrats on being done rads. I get to ring the bell tomorrow. Gotta bring my own bell tho cuz we don't so that in Canada. I'm also putting Post Tit notes on my boob to thank my techs. Lol.

    April, sorry you are feeling so rotten. Hope it all clears up soon, and you're back to feeling like yourself again.

    Lisa Marie, my daughter's tulips are popping up as well, despite over 2' of snow just inches away from them. A hot dog truck, would you enjoy that? I would be thinking long hours, in all weather, with little protection from the elements. Or am I picturing the wrong kind of hot dog truck?

    I'll pop in again later.   :-)

  • minustwo
    minustwo Member Posts: 13,357
    edited March 2014

    Red - Congrats that you're joining me tomorrow - DONE WITH RADS.  I'll put more detail on the Winter Rads thread, as I imagine you will.

    I bought two bunches of daffodils yesterday at the grocery store.  $1.99 each.  They sprang open overnight & are gorgeous.  Intellectually I know cut flowers are not sensible, but they make me feel SO good.  I grew up in the Northern CA bay area and my Dad used to bring home a small bunch of flowers on the train from the carts in San Francisco all the time for my Mom.

  • lisamarie68
    lisamarie68 Member Posts: 971
    edited March 2014

    Hi everyone ... I had the most horrible day of all yesterday .. and still feeling crappy today . I cannot shake the sadness I feel , I am so depressed that it is scarring me .. I shut off the kids phones yesterday as my bills were like 700 each month and no one cares to help with it ... It broke my heart so bad .. my daughter that was going to get married suddenly left and went to arizona to be with some guy like 7 years older than her .. and she hates me and is not speaking to me ... of course I lost the money for the dress , they said the only way to get my money back was to go there or she had to go there and call me so I can give my card info while she was there .. and this bf he is so crazy .. he has a bad anger problem and calls me names and puts me down and I know this is abuse .. and I cant seem to get away . I dont have the money to get an apartment .. I am also sorry that all i do is come here and rant .. but there is no other place I can go and feel safe about talking ...the cancer services nurse called the other day and asked me if I was done with my recon . I said no I had not decided on the nipples yet .. she said I needed to see the breast surgeon , oncologist, and plastic surgeon .. one more time ... I say for what ... OMG I am just so tired .. I thought i was done ... anyway .. I am sorry again ... I know I can trust you ladies . I struggled my day away but did not smoke ... thank God .. hopefully I can do so today as well.. xoxoxo have a great thursday ladies .. I misss you all and Minus and Red congrats on chemo completion ... hip hip hurray .... xoxoxoxo and April feel better ...and Yes Happy Spring ...

    LisaMarie 

  • minustwo
    minustwo Member Posts: 13,357
    edited March 2014

    Oh Lisamarie - so sorry to hear everything is tumbling on top of you at once.  You can still get your money back for the dress if you go to the shop, right?  Maybe a 'road trip' is in order.  Sorry about your daughter.  Sounds like she's bounced out of the frying pan - hopefully not into the fire.  Well - kids.  Not much we can do about it once they are grown except grit our teeth & hope for the best.  Sigh.  I already didn't like the BF.  Any asshole that makes a point to smoke in the house when you're trying SOOOO hard is just not nice.  Glad you know it's abuse but of course you have to be ready to 'walk'.  Any girl friends or cousins you could stay with for a month or so?  You can rant here all you want.  Wish I lived closer and I'd come take you to lunch.  So proud of you for not smoking!!!  Hope tomorrow is a better day.

  • lisamarie68
    lisamarie68 Member Posts: 971
    edited March 2014

    Thanks Minus ... I am thinking that I am going to move to Las Vegas .. My mom is there and she is getting frail and I think maybe I should be putting some good energy into happiness and spend some much needed time with my mom . I would so hate for her to pass away and I am not around ... I have been thinking of this for a long time just no guts to make a move across the united states alone .. and not to mention my daughter that I have here and my granddaughter who loves me soo very much . I would really miss them very very much .. and I kind of spoke of it to my daughter but I know she is sad .. and I hate hate hurting people .. but between the bad relationship and all the other stress of NY and the job and how darn expensive it is here .. it just seems like the right thing to do .. anyway it is supposed to be 50 here today and 56 tomorrow .. I sure hope soo .. big hugs all thank you for being here for me ... xoxoxo

    Lisamarie 

  • minustwo
    minustwo Member Posts: 13,357
    edited March 2014

    LisaMarie - could you live with your Mom?  That would take care of the first requirement.  And you could tell you BF that you have to go take care of your Mom and hopefully avoid any big scenes.  Wouldn't your DD & DGD come to see you?  I understand not making someone else unhappy but you have to do what works best for you.

  • minustwo
    minustwo Member Posts: 13,357
    edited March 2014

    Guess we are in a hiatus w/smoking.  Either everyone has already quit and doesn't want to talk about it anymore.  Or no one is ready to start trying - or trying again.

    Well - we're here when you're ready.  No pressure.  Just for today I will not smoke.

  • RedReading
    RedReading Member Posts: 1,262
    edited March 2014

    {{{{MinusTwo}}}}

  • lisamarie68
    lisamarie68 Member Posts: 971
    edited March 2014

    Minus two .. that is what I was starting to think ... No one wants to be here anymore .. or everyone is just so busy .. or not feeling well .. I miss everyone ... where is beckers  and judi ... well I am trying to get into a better mood and a better place ... not smoking .. almost but I figured   screw that I am not gonna mess this thing up and besides that it would not benefit me to smoke anyway .. I just love you all ... Happy Sunday .. xoxoxo 

    LisaMarie 

  • lovewins
    lovewins Member Posts: 570
    edited March 2014

    Hello ladies....I am reading along but don't post often.  I am glad you are done with rads -2 and I am sorry you are going thru such a difficult time Lisamarie.  Proud of you for not smoking.  I changed purses yesterday and found my ecig...took 1 puff thinking it would be dead but it wasn't.  Decided to take it out of my purse because I didn't want to be tempted.  Later I found my last pack of smokes in the zipper I kept as a safety net...LOL.  I bet they are stale!!!!  Have a great day everyone.   Still want to smoke once in awhile but glad my resolve is high.

  • RedReading
    RedReading Member Posts: 1,262
    edited March 2014

    Good for all of you who are managing one day at a time. I'm proud of you!

  • Beckers
    Beckers Member Posts: 979
    edited March 2014

    Hello all! I saw your post Lisamarie. Big hugs!!!!!!!!! I can't post from my iPad and when I saw you struggling wondering where Judi and I are I had to login from my iPhone t come hug you!!!!!!!

  • lisamarie68
    lisamarie68 Member Posts: 971
    edited March 2014

    Hi everyone , Thanks beckers .. I miss you ... I am having crazy days .. but I think I have made the decision to go live in Las Vagas with my mom ... it's been hard to make that decision .. but I am at my wits end here in NY its soo expensive and the job hunting is annoying .. now I have lunch with my DD and DGD tomorrow and im going to tell them .. I just hope that goes well.. I saw the breast surgeon today and she states she is talking to the oncologist about tamoxifen ,.. ugh ... then i need to see the ps about my nipple construction ... ugh too ... but I feel im gonna save foor the next month or maybe two then head to vegas ...I hope I am making the correct decision... ho hum .. I sure am glad that I have all of you .. I am so glad to see everyone here posting .. Happy Monday ... xoxoxoxo

    LisaMarie 

  • april485
    april485 Member Posts: 1,983
    edited March 2014


    ((((Lisamarie)))) I am at work and don't have time to post, but wanted to do a quick drive by hug! xoxox

    Minus Two, High five on the rads!

    Beckers! hey stranger!

  • Carmen1954
    Carmen1954 Member Posts: 18
    edited March 2014

    Hi everyone - haven't been on this thread in a very long time, however, just to let you know that I am 6 months smoke free.  I had tried every stop smoking product out there and nothing worked until I was prescribed CHAMPIX (in U.S., I believe it's called CHANTEX) and joined a government run quit smoking program - it worked.  I am so proud to be included with all of you ladies who can now call themselves smokers - who just don't smoke!  I still love the smell of cigarettes and every now and then I get a  craving, albeit fleeting, especially when I'm under stress, and I've had a lot of it lately.  Take care everyone and yes, just for today I will  not smoke.  LisaMarie - not an easy decision to make, however, I'm sure you'll make the right one.  From following the posts on this thread for a very long time, you seem to be a very strong woman - although we always worry about our children, they do become adults - now is the time to think and do what's right for you.  Keep in touch -- even on your craziest of days!

    (((Hugs)))

  • minustwo
    minustwo Member Posts: 13,357
    edited March 2014

    Carmen:  I too quit with Chantex and swear by it.  Congrats on 6 months.  That's a good miles marker.

  • lisamarie68
    lisamarie68 Member Posts: 971
    edited March 2014

    Carmen , thank you so much .. and yes they are adults and I think I am ready for Vegas and my Mom and a new life ... xoxoxox

  • april485
    april485 Member Posts: 1,983
    edited March 2014

    Lisamarie, think of all of that warm weather in Vegas!Happyxoxo

  • minustwo
    minustwo Member Posts: 13,357
    edited March 2014

    Lisamarie - thinking of you today as you lunch w/your DD.  Sure hope they support your plan.  As Carmen said - now is the time to put yourself first.

    Beckers - glad you're still checking in.  Are you still in CA or back in OK?

  • lisamarie68
    lisamarie68 Member Posts: 971
    edited March 2014

    Well Minus .. I just could not bring myself to say a darn thing to my DD ... she was so happy for us being together .. and my DGD kept saying grandma .. id say what she would say I love you .... omg ... its just tooo hard ... The love we shared yesterday .. that makes me not worry .. and it just makes me smile .. and my heart is so full .. I am so confused here .. anyway I am feeling chilly today .. we were getting snow and we did not thank god ... I am making a roaster chicken tonight .. yum .. have a great hump day allxoxoxoxo

    Lisamarie 

  • minustwo
    minustwo Member Posts: 13,357
    edited March 2014

    LisaMarie - Is DD married?  Could you move in w/her?  I think you need to tell your DD what you're going through with the BF when your DGD isn't there - assuming you're finally totally fed up with the abusive BF.  As you said, your DD is an adult.  Let her help if possible.

    I had to learn to lean on my only son since I live alone.  He is 44 & lives in CA.  So he arranged family leave time and came out to take care of me for both surgeries in 2011 and again for port placement & the start of chemo and then the ALND in 2013.  We don't do everything the same way, but he was a wonderful nurse.  Well...he did nag me to take it easy, but he was right.  It's hard to let go and treat them like adults instead of our "babies" (which he is).  I know we want to make everything better & easier for them.

    I went to Luby's cafeteria and had baked chicken.  Funny coincidence.

    Yesterday I was out in the yard from 7am to 2PM.  There was a nippy wind, but the sun was out & I was determined to get a certain amount done.  The hardest part - when I wanted to sit down for a rest break for a minute, I REALLY wanted a smoke.  That's why I haven't gardened in the last several years.  And that's why I did WAY too much.  Just didn't want to sit between chores.  But boy am I sore today.

  • Carmen1954
    Carmen1954 Member Posts: 18
    edited March 2014

    Hi LisaMarie,

    I understand how happy you and your DD and DGD were that you were all together yesterday.  It made you feel wanted and loved very much.  In my humble opinion, however, I tend to agree with MinusTwo's opinions - does your DD know the extent of the problems you are facing and secondly, can your DD help you out in any way that she can?  Children and grandchildren and precious and we love them - do you love yourself enough to make yourself number 1 and do the things that you feel are right for you? If I am overstepping my boundaries, I apologize in advance. I can appreciate how you are feeling - if you ever want to chat, please PM me.  MinusTwo, you are so lucky to be gardening at this time of year - I would love to, however, I'd have to shovel at least 3 feet of snow first!  Take it easy this evening.

    Carmen

  • lisamarie68
    lisamarie68 Member Posts: 971
    edited March 2014

    Thank you Minus and Carmen .. yes my DD knows the situation and always says mom you can do so much better than that ... I feel that sometimes I cant .. and I am very scared to meet new guys and have to explain my situation ... Breast cancer and fake boobs that have no nipples and look funny .. It is such a self esteem thing and makes it hard to want to date .the only thing about the BF now is that his mom went through the same thing and he understands and makes me comfortable about it .. but I still wear tank tops all the time when we are intimate because I still dont feel good about the way I look ..hence the pin up photos , that made me feel pretty for a day .... I do not have the money to relocate at this time .. and I do not have the money to get a place with my DD ... besides that she lives in a tiny apt with her hubby and my DGD .. no room for me .. not that she would not let me stay there .. Ny is very expensive when it comes to rent that it makes it near to impossible to live here unless you are making 30 or above and hour... I am feeling very confused and dont know what to do .. sometimes the BF says I love you so much with all my heart then a couple days later he will call me crazy tell me i need medication and the c word and tell me to get out ... he flips in moods so fast ... so on the good days I feel happy and loved .. on the bad days I feel sad and scared and want to go .. I do not know maybe I am Crazy ... lol anyway I am done chewing everyones ears off .. big hugs to all xoxoox

    Lisamarie 

  • april485
    april485 Member Posts: 1,983
    edited March 2014

     "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

    Lisamarie,That line above changed my life. I spent almost 30 years with a verbally abusive jerk and I felt like you did. Who is going to love me? Well, guess what! I am remarried to a wonderful man who treats me like I am entitled to be treated. Like a human being.

    Please know that your self-worth is the most important thing you hold. You are a wonderful person. Loving, sweet, kind and beautiful, inside and out. Do what is right for YOU! The rest will fall into place, I promise. If Vegas is where you need to be, then so be it. Go there and live with Mom and you will find a job eventually.

    xoxoxoxo

  • Carmen1954
    Carmen1954 Member Posts: 18
    edited March 2014

    LisaMarie,

    I agree with April485.  You are smart, beautiful and obviously a lady with a big heart!  You have quit smoking, which in and of itself is a tremendous feat (keep it up)! I too was married to an abusive, alcoholic husband who I ditched when my boys were 4, 8 and 9 years old - it was not easy - I raised them as best I could with no child support or at best $60.00 a month when he felt like it.  I worked hard and kept my head held high.  I too asked myself who would want me - 3 kids and little money.  Well today I am happily married to a man that loves and respects me for just being me!  He stuck by me through my mastectomy (no reconstruction), chemotherapy, radiation treatments and going bald - I stuck with him when he had a major heart attack 8 years ago - I still pick up after him and remind him of things when he becomes forgetful (which is happening more often lately) and I will love him until I take my last breath.You will make the right decision when you feel it in your gut and you will also meet the man that is out there just for you.  People pick themselves up and start over many times during their lifetime - I firmly believe you can too.   As cancer survivors, we have been through so much - live the rest of your life the way you want.

    Carmen


  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited March 2014

    Good grief $9000! Our deductible with BCBS of Tennessee is $5000. We were blessed we were at 100% when I was doing RADS. How do women do it who don't have any health insurance? Surely doctors/hospitals don't turn those women away when they need treatments to survive. Reprehensible. You are so courageous dealing with this monster again. We are all petrified in varying degrees about a recurrence though I chose not to let that fear factor control my life. I have a husband, 5 children and 8 grandchildren and 3 of my brothers and sister are still living. Lots to live for. I am in a breast cancer support group at my church and one of the ladies just had a recurrence too. She is an older last and in such pain. They did a biopsy; having heard the results yet. Keep the faith! Diane 

  • lisamarie68
    lisamarie68 Member Posts: 971
    edited March 2014

    Diane , I am one of those who did not have insurance .. NY has a cancer program and that paid for my double mastectomy and reconstruction . I am ever so grateful to them . I do not think that there are many states that would just say oh well we cannot help you ... I still do not have insurance . we are all entitled to health care . just a thought .. hope your friend at church will be okay .. I will pray for her . 

    Thank you April and Carmen and Minus , I am still researching and hunting jobs online and tryin to figure it out one day at a time . I think that is all I can do for now . Hugs to all and I hope everyone has a great weekend ..xoxoox

    Lisamarie 

  • minustwo
    minustwo Member Posts: 13,357
    edited March 2014

    OK Lisamarie.  Nuff' said.  But save & re-read these posts when the psychotic, crazy BF is on a rant so you'll remember just how special you are!!!  Maybe even print them out and tape them to the mirror. Keep repeating 'I AM SPECIAL' and I deserve to be treated like a princess.

    And BTW - congrats for not smoking.  And to all the rest of you!!!  And to those of you still trying, we're here if you want support.

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