Stop Smoking Support Thread
Comments
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LisaMarie - I agree about the AA meetings. Also a good way to get out of the house & meet new people. Once you take the test & are certified, does the salary get better?
Bosum - sending hugs. Don't despair.
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Morning to all of you!
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And for those of us with snow!
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Judi - thanks for the valentine wishes.
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Your welcome MT ... hope you and everyone have a great day!
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Went to an afternoon play with a neighbor. Really edgy piece by a NYC Korean woman. Then early dinner at La Madelaine. I had grilled salmon w/wild rice & asparagus. Early to bed for sure.
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MT, sounds like your day was fabulous. Glad you enjoyed it!
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https://disabilityrightslegalcenter.org/sites/www....
The Cancer Legal Resource Center gave me free legal advice when my insurance company denied covering the last stage of my reconstruction. This booklet has lots of good information about our legal rights as cancer patients. I hope this helps some of you who are dealing with these kind of issues.
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VJ - you always post such useful things. Thanks.
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Interesting new research about depression & smoking that I thought might just tell us IT WASN'T OUR FAULT that we started or kept on smoking. But looks like it's inconclusive. Still - 50% might be genetic? Wow.
The DNA linked to depression and tobacco addiction affects risk but doesn't by itself produce those conditions.
The researchers focused on bits of Neanderthal DNA that had been identified in prior research. They looked for effects from about 1,500 of those bits in the medical records of some 28,000 Americans of European ancestry for whom they had genetic information.
One analysis supported a previously suggested influence on the risk of depression, with some DNA bits raising the risk and others lowering it.Overall, the analysis found, this DNA affected the risk by about 1 percent. For an individual, the effect would depend on just which bits that person carried, Capra said.
A second analysis found evidence that a particular bit of Neanderthal DNA, one quite rare in the population studied, roughly DOUBLED the risk of getting hooked on smoking.
Overall, Kendler said, he found the evidence for influences on depression and tobacco use to be suggestive but not convincing.
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LisaMarie - please tell me more about the NC state test to be a CNA. What does that mean? Will you be able to get better jogs? Thinking of you.
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hi ladies, Happy Valentines Day Late .. minus sounds like a nice time out . The Cna is just a test certified nursing assistant . Ive been certifued since 1987. So I coukd pass with no problem. Then yes its more money . My daughter had her baby .Gianna Paisleigh she was 6 lbs 5 oz and 19 inches long . I was in the delivery room assisting. We both cried. Oh Bosom , please dont give up . I do however apply the12 steps to my smoking ..here is a photo for everyone to enjoy ...xoxoxoxo
PS still homesick.
Lisamarie
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LisaMarie, love the photo of you and your new granddaughter. You both are beautiful! You look so happy and I am happy for you. Wish your daughter congrats on the safe arrival of Gianna!
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LisaMarie - beautiful baby & grandma. Thanks for posting. Neat that you were in the delivery room. Congrats.
Read an article today while waiting for PT at MD Anderson about how to quit & stay quit. I'll recap when I have more energy.
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Love it! Enjoy every moment with that new grandbaby Lisamarie. Nothing like that feeling of holding a newborn baby. They are heaven. Hang in there lady and you too Bosum. One day, and it will happen, you will just have had enough of the cigs. I NEVER thought I would but I did. Paying for the privilege of making myself sick no longer appealed to me and man, after you quit for a while, when people come near you who smoke, you realize how much they stink!
Ok ladies, work calls me. Hugs and stay warm!
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Bosum - how are you my dear? We do worry about you, ya' know.
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What most cancer survivors don't know is that we are prone to depression AFTER the treatment is over. This was true for me the first time I had cancer. ( When I was 32 in 1987). During and after treatment, I had been in therapy and then my insurance stopped covering therapy and my therapist left town. So I went therapist shopping--trying to find "the answer" --fix me, change me, make me feel better. Since I couldn't afford therapy, I ended up at a free service. I only went once because the therapist was bat-sh** crazy. I left thinking there was NO WAY I would do anything she said, then I realized I was looking outside of myself for "the answer". No one knows me better than me, so what can I do today that will make me happy--then do it. I would answer--having a boyfriend would make me happy---but I couldn't make that happen today, right now. I chose things that I could do and I was able to do--such as just enjoy a cup of coffee outside on the patio. I decided to be selfish and think about me for a change.
There was so much wrong with my life that I had thought of suicide but said to myself that is always an option down the road if my searching for happiness didn't work. I ended up rebuilding my whole life from the ground up and it didn't happen overnight. But every decision was a selfish one and every day, I tried to find something that would make me happy or would bring joy into my life or a smile to my face. I had already started facilitating classes for the American Cancer Society stop smoking program and sometimes that was the only thing that kept me going--that I could help someone else. My life was a wreck but if I did decide to "check out", maybe my life wouldn't have been for naught because of helping others.
Fixing the big problems didn't happen right away (I didn't met the right guy for almost another 20 years) but slowly and surely my life got better. And even when I had more problems dumped on me, I still tried to find something to be happy about.
In my book there is a section about changing your attitude and these were things that I did:
Activity: Develop tools to change your attitude.
Experiencing positive emotions (not just the absence of negative emotions) can improve your coping responses to stress. Positive and negative emotions are not mutually exclusive; even in the depths of despair, positive emotions can be experienced. Strive to foster and amplify positive emotions even if you are swimming in a sea of negativity.
- Notice and savor positive events; appreciate even small ordinary occurrences, such as a good cup of coffee, a bird singing, a beautiful sunset or the scent of a flower. Amplify the good feelings by spending time reliving the event and sharing the experience with others.
- Throughout the day, appreciate something that has happened which helped you through the day; maybe a kind word or deed from someone. Don't dwell on something negative by going over it again and again; that only keeps you stuck.
- Look for the positive or what you can learn from a difficult situation. Reappraise a difficult situation: "See the silver lining", "believe something good can come of this", or, "see how things could be worse". Start with small issues, not life changing problems. For example: You have to park far away from the store door. Instead of grumbling about how far you must walk, think of it as a few minutes of more exercise to offset cravings.
- Develop an attitude of thankfulness or gratitude. Every night write down five things for which you are thankful or something you appreciate about your life. There is always something to appreciate: Do you have a roof over your head? Enough food to eat? Clothes to wear? Someone to love? Do your eyes see, your ears hear, your tongue taste, are you able to walk? Be thankful for what you do have, there are always others in the world who don't have the physical capabilities or material belongings that you do.
- Reflect on your personal strengths and resources. Remind yourself of your worth and your good qualities: dependability, being a good friend, kindness, compassion, courage, humanity, generosity, capacity to love, loyalty, leadership, faith, enthusiasm.
- Practice acts of kindness and forgiveness, using forbearance, patience, compassion and tolerance towards others. Forgiveness can be hard when you have been wronged, but it is something you do for yourself, not the other person. Get outside of yourself by volunteering to help others.
(My offer of a free PDF copy is still open to anyone on this list--while it is about quitting smoking I have this section about changing your attitude because it builds on reframing:Reframing or Changing Your Attitude. Several times you have been asked to reframe your words to something that will support your goal of "Becoming Smoke-Free" instead of hindering your desire, and to alter your beliefs and fears about quitting into a positive attitude.
Reframing is a psychological term meaning making a conscious shift in your perspective or mindset to a healthier, more optimistic viewpoint—a change in attitude. Many smokers have a negative, pessimistic view of quitting, which constricts thinking and triggers a stress response. When confronted with quitting, smokers will defend their "right" to smoke (fight), they will avoid the people encouraging them to quit (flight) or will deny or negate that smoking is causing a problem (freeze). None of these responses are constructive.
Reframing is not a "Pollyanna" style of thinking that ignores or denies negative emotions or situations, but shifts a person out of a stress response into an action mode and promotes personal growth. Obsessing or ruminating on the negative prevents a person from moving forward and finding a solution.
An open attitude towards difficulties in life, such as quitting smoking, can help you generate human strengths as you develop new resources to deal with the adversity of quitting: resilience, creativity, persistence, problem solving, confidence, ingenuity, critical thinking, courage and self-control.
"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement."
Helen Keller
I have lived this and my life is the better for it. I hope that others may find some comfort or help in my story.
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VJ, I love your post. You are so right about experiencing depression. I was depressed after my diagnosis/treatment because I KEPT THINKING (I capitalized these words because it applied only to me) WHY ME! It was a lot to get through and then one day I said to myself "by God, I've made it". So I became a little selfish and it was a ME, ME, ME situation and it's something I have to get over because the world does not revolve around me. I found nobody gets it whey we feel this way and in truth, a lot of people don't care. I find now that I'm at the end of this journey (fingers crossed on the 23rd) that I'm scared and again, most people don't care. So in the end, it's up to me what I make of it and move on. This is what I've decided to do and if cancer gets me again, I hope it doesn't kick me in the ass!
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Hi Ladies , things are not so good here either . I cannot win to save my life. My Daughter thst just had the baby, wanted to smoke so I took a walk with her , she gets mad asking where sre uutaking me this us so far. I say I dont know this hospital and I dont smoke anymore , im sorry this us thd onky way I know out, she proceeds to call her husband and say where do you go out to smoke because this Fu#k is taking me all over ... so needless to say , I have not been around her since . So sad .I swear I am not happy here. I think im jusg going back to NY... so bummed , miss my dogs abd my cat .xoxo lisamarie
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LisaMarie, I agree with Bosum. You are hurt and so you turn to what you know. We all do that. Remember, the hormones are probably talking instead of your daughter. Rethink your decision!
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VJ - great post. We all need re-framing once in awhile.
LisaMarie I agree w/Bosum & Judi. Don't jump out of the frying pan into the fire. But ain't life a bitch?
Went to my old "local" today for a "post wedding" shower. A couple that has been together for 30 years just up & got married a month ago. I pretty much quit going there when I quit smoking. (BTW a "local" is like a corner bar). Just too hard not to want a smoke. But still, I've known some of these people for over 30 years. I haven't seen most of them since 2005. I'd guess only 3% quit smoking, or stayed quit in the last 10 years. There is a porch in the back since you can no longer smoke in the bar, and people I was visiting with had to keep going out for a smoke. Saddest thing was four of the women's husbands have died in the last 5 years. And I didn't even know. And another guy uses inhalers twice a day & one is on full time oxygen for COPD, but still smoking. We all acknowledged that none of us have been there much & we really don't hit the bar scene anymore, even it it is a local. Strange afternoon.
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It's quiet out there. Hope everyone is OK & weather isn't causing anyone problems. Thinking of you all. Just for today, I didn't smoke again. LOL
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Good morning ladies,
Wow am I glad I'm not alone here. I go for surgery Wednesday and plan that to be quit date 3/2/16. Yes, it's killing me, but alas it is my crutch in times of joy and stress. I think this is by far the hardest thing I've ever tried and failed many times. I will try again though..wish you all the very best of luck if you have been or are here. I heard myself yesterday trying to reason out all the cancer in my family with the genetic screening folks and I swear at that moment it sounded just like when I justify smoking. Truth is I knew this beast would call and I've been determined to live life on my terms including smoking. Just never thought I'd lose my boob made damn sure to a avoid hormones and that's what caused moms. So much for that stupidity!! So sounded like I only smoke because sometimes life sucks. Anyway wish me luck cause I can't hide anymore, thanks for making this support group as well
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Hi Pammac, you came to the right place for support no matter where you are in your quitting journey. We welcome all, even if you struggle as we all have done so. Smoking is something we all had a hard time giving up. Most of us would likely smoke again if....it weren't so unhealthy, expensive, smelly, detrimental to our lives, a pain in the rear in an increasing non-smoker's world and on and on...LOL. What I am trying to say is there are so very many reasons to keep trying to quit. Not too many on why we should keep doing it. We are here if you need us and we want to listen when you need to vent.
Me- 40+ year, pack a day smoker. Quit three years ago this April. Whew, can't believe that but it is the truth. Used all tools to help including smoking cessation clinic given free where I was treated for my BC.
Hey everyone. As usual am at work and in a hurry but wanted to say hello and Minus, you need to give us a few more details about Hawaii! I am so jealous!! What did you eat? What did you see? Etc....
Lisamarie, hang in there chica xoxox. I know it has been a rough ride for you lately (((lisamarie)))
Judi, Bosum and all others, hope you are well!
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Welcome Pam! What can one say ... April and Bosum have said it all! We are here for you no matter what. Hardest thing to do is quit but when you get there you'll understand what April is saying. I remember being so jealous when I heard someone had successfully quit and wondered why I couldn't do it. For me, I just plain didn't want to quit I guess. I had my friend who was with me at all times and passed no judgement. For 40+ years we were such good friends. The only time I really didn't like it was when I was hung over from a party where I probably smoked 2 packs instead of 1 and the smell from smoking. Oh how I think about it but for me, I'm glad I quit. My dh just said to me that if I was still smoking, he wouldn't be with me now. Hmmmmm, don't know if that is a good or bad thing but in all honestly, it would be a bad thing. It's snowing like the blazes here and he's out driving in it ... hope he gets home sound and safe. Sounds like I still love him a lot!
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Good luck with your surgery Pammac47. I offer a free PDF copy of my book, "How to win at quitting smoking" to anyone on this list. Just send me a PM with an email address. VJ
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Pammac - welcome. You can come here any time. We will cheer you on, celebrate with you understand if you have slips. Basically we will understand if you want to rant & scream & cry & kick our proverbial wall. Hope everything goes well.
Judi - I smoked when my DH and I got married. After 19 years, one of his excuses for wanting a divorce was that I smoked. No chit sherlock. It was just such a dumb thing to say at that point. Lots of other reasons. Oh my, I remember those days out drinking & partying & smoking an extra pack. The burned mouth was worse than the hangover.
Bosum - sooooo glad you feel attached to us. We're with you sister!!!
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MT, ha, ha. I love it. I thought my dh was nuts but said "really". Like if I give a ______ (insert whatever word you want here). But you are so right about the "burned mouth". I forgot all about that. I likely put it down to the hangover and parched throat.
Ladies, here is a ad from a local Toronto newspaper from the late 30's to early 40's. Can you imagine?
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JudiH, can you tell us how your onc appointment yesterday went? I meant to ping this thread yesterday, but the day ran long and I passed out early. I hope you heard the news you were seeking about the meds - and even if you didn't, I hope you're at peace with it and feel good!
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SVG - so glad you're still checking in. Are you in the process of having TEs filled? How's that going? Do you have a tentative date for exchange? I can't remember - did you stay quit the last time? Or if not, Is your doc hassling you about smoking & skin healing?
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