Stop Smoking Support Thread
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Judi - my CT December 2014 showed "Ground Glass Opacity". No one could really explain it to my satisfaction. My CT in December 2015 says "ground glass resolved" - which meant it was gone. WTF. Don't we have enough worries about whether BC is coming back w/o worrying about some damn "glass" too? Hope your docs will settle your worries.
April - made perfect sense. But then I just finished a 2nd cocktail while waiting for my son & DIL to cook dinner. They won't allow me in the kitchen.
LisaMarie - hope today is better. Bosum - same for you.
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MT, thanks so much for your words. I see the doc today to get what this is all about. I hope I go the same route as you!
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Saw the family doctor today who reviewed the CT scan results. According to the doctor, "ground glass area opacity" is terminology used by radiologists who don't know what the area means. They found two spots in my right lung measuring 14 mm and 8 mm. They couldn't tell what the spots were, could have have them all my life, etc. So they automatically make a follow-up appointment with the thoracic surgeon for review. The surgeon may want another CT scan right then and there, ask for a follow-up scan in six months or say it is nothing. As well, they found another area of concern in the left breast but again don't know what it is. I discussed with the doctor my lumptecomy and it could be scar tissue. Doctor will contact the oncologist to see if my last mammogram showed anything or is this something new that they need to do another mammogram. They don't want to do another mammogram if it is unnecessary. So right now, I'm seeing the thoracic surgeon on March 30th to see what is happening. April, you are so right. BC is one fight that is enough. I can't believe this is happening to me. I was so happy to be finished with the meds and now this!
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Oh Judi - sooooo sorry. Hope the thoracic surgeon is useful. As I mentioned, time is what obliterated my "ground glass opacity". I sure hope it's nothing to worry about. I'm at the point that I think I will stop all further testing. Maybe not smart, but my port has stopped working and I don't want the "contrast" material injected into my arms to aggravate the lymphadema. Unfortunately the word from my BS is its unlikely they can clear this one & that I'll need another port. Maybe time to say "F" it all.
On the other hand, sourdough bread is fantastic in San Francisco. DIL is vegetarian so she's been cooking most nights. Japanese food tonight. Fresh fish tomorrow. Calves have finally quit hurting as I walk up the hills in both Carmel & SF, but knees are not so happy with tons of stairs everywhere. Again - I'm not going to stop & will deal with the consequences when get home.
LisaMarie - hope you are OK. Thinking of you.
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Thanks MT. I hear you about stopping future testing. Sometimes it will be just what it will be. On the other hand, I'm glad you are enjoying San Fran. Food sounds wonderful. I've never been but hope to go one day. Enjoy yourself and worry about the aches and pains when you get home and you are back into your routine!
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Yesterday i went to The American Lung Association's Respiratory Rally. A doctor spoke on the CT scans. He has been involved with the research for them for 15 years. He said that 95% of what they see on the CT scans is not cancer and that GP's are not well versed in reading the results.
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Thank you, thank you, thank you VJ!
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Hi ladies , I am so sorry I have not been here but like I said my tablet wont work anymore and this laptop works when it feels like it . I have also been in the hospital here since sunday , my work sent me out on Sunday because my BP was 155/111 .. and after taking it 4 times it was not going down , so I spent 2 nights in hospital stress test and nuclear medicine .. with one suspision that turned out to be a false positive due to my breast implant , go figure and my thyroid level was very high so they increased my medicine .. now I will have a bill from hell as I do not have insurance here ..
Minus I worry about you too , I do understand no further test .. but you are an amazing person ,,and I do love you . I am so happy you are enjoying your trip and the food sounds fabulous.xoxoxo big Hugs' I am anxiously awaiting April 2nd for my test ,
April thanks so much for the kind words and I am finding that God oes work in many ways , I went to a womens meeting and met great ladies , then i was invited to another meeting in another church .I was scared because I am used to this one meeting place and finally got some friends .. anyway I made myself go .. and spoke abouy my move and needing a netowrk of women and my sons death .. and after the meeting a man came up to me and said i understand my wife and I lost our daughter to heroin in june ..she was 26 and we have another daughter in treatment now .. and the women over there in the white shirt she also lost her daughter to heroin. i felt a sadness like no other but i also felt a sence of not being alone and he suggested alanon for me as well and informed me of the meetings . I am grateful for the rooms of AA they keep me sane and offer support that I never imagined ... so just for Today I am still sober and smoke free .
Judi , I always love the messages you send and the posts you share with me .. xoxoxoxo I will pray that all is well with the lung scans . I dont know much about it and am afraid to get it done myself .. but so far my chest x rays have not shown much except th copd .. love and hugs and prayers
Bosom .. my dear friend please drop a note to let us know you are ok , I miss you and wish I could get here more often .. if no for all my crazy technology problems .. hugs to you and love
xoxoxoxoxo
'Lisamarie
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I'm back. Had a great trip but I fell & broke my arm up by my shoulder joint on the last day. My son had to fly me home. Saw the orthopod yesterday. So far no surgery & doc hopes by immobilization that the 4 broken places will grow back together. In a sling for 8-12 weeks. More X-rays in 2 weeks to see if this plan is working. 6 months for "total" recovery. Mostly taking pain meds & sleeping. Hard to type but I knew I had to check in. Thinking of you all.
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Minus , i am so sorry to hear that sad news . I sure do hope you heal fast and get better soon .. No typing get some rest .. Lots of Love and Hugs
Lisamarie
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Wow ladies, we are a "bunch" aren't we? MT, I can't believe you broke your arm .... rest and heal yourself. LisaMarie, you are doing well even though you may feel like you are drowning. Last week of 20/20 the show was about the number of youth using heroin and where it is prevalent. It is so sad that youth get caught up in this horrifying situation. LisaMarie, you are not alone and you saw it at these meeting(s). Take heart and take it one day at a time. That is all you can ask of yourself. Step by step you will heal!
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I have started smoking and drinking just recently. I've never done it in my life but with all this stress I like the way it makes me feel. I see my oncologist on Friday and will discuss it with him. I'm not smoking lots but I know it's not good.
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Minus, please make sure you rest a LOT so that your arm heals...sorry you hurt yourself on vacation. Ugh...always something!
LisaMarie, you are so strong that it blows my mind. You will come out of this with amazing grace. I just know it. As for the hospital bill, make sure you ask to speak to the social services department in the hospital. There are resources available for people who are un-insured or under insured and they never tell you about it. They can reduce your bill a lot...like 90% in some cases. Hugs and feel better chica. Stress is not good for you at all. Try to breathe and take walks and meditate if you can or maybe you can try yoga if you want to?
Judi, I will keep praying your lung issue turns out to be nothing.
Bosum, where are you my friend?
Lillp07, now is definitely not the time to take up this habit. I know you are stressed. Maybe ask the doctor for Xanax or Ativan? Anti-anxiety meds can help you at a time when you need to be calm. Hugs.
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Thanks April. Scheduled for my mammo/ultra sound on March 23rd. I'm going to pressure the tech to tell me if she sees something. Sadly, all my worries about "lung cancer" are nothing compared to a colleague who has been diagnosed and fighting "Stage 3 Lung Cancer". God dammit, she went to the ER with wheezing and bringing up blood and they did a chest x-ray and said it was nothing. It persisted and she went back, and wham! I truly don't understand the medical system.
LisaMarie, I found something that I think applies to you and your BF. Truly, I hate to say it, but I don't think he is the one for you. You are such a beautiful woman who has had a lot of hard times but always come up smelling of roses. I hope you always come up smelling of roses!
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Judi, great great great!!!
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Judi - wonderful quote.
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Happy St. Paddy's day!
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I just have to say thank you to all you wonderful ladies , I guess its nice to have others think you are so strong and beautiful..I am trying to work on myself and the meetings help a lot . I started going to the wednesday night womens meeting and the girls come from the treatment center and I hope that I can make a difference in their lives by sharing my experience hope and strength . I am still amazed at me when I think it's been 18 months since I had a smoke or a drink for that matter and going through this crazy life how I actually do it ..
Judi , I have been trying to tell him what you left in that message , then he tells me im nothing but a selfish bitch , and he misses us , amd i am a liar , and to have fun with my new man ect ... the guilt trip if you will.. I dont know what to say . I have just said that I love him and I donr have anyone else and that we cannot live together and function as a couple . I tried and I can no longer deal with being called names and his anger and control issues .. then he explodes and starts the crazy name callling cycle all over again . I miss my Animals so much and still have a hgard time imagining life without them . It's srping and I really am sad about the Garden as well.. maybe someday I can have a puppy and a Garden again...thank you for thinking of me all the time .
I hate to mention this because I have gotten this far before in the interview process , but I am trying hard not to be think negative.. I got an email from Davita here in NC (it's the dialysis center here ) anyway a position bcame open , so I applied ,, I sent my resume and they sent me an email to do an assesment ,, I did that now I got the third email that I have been presented to a manager ,, I am keeping my fingers crossed .. as this is what I went to school for last year .. I am praying a lot . although I am still waiting totake My CNA test in April and that is paid for so I will test and work to keep my licence current regardless of outcome ..
BOSOM , where are you I hope you are okay .. just sending you big hugs and letting you know I am thinking of you all the time .
Minus , How is the arm? I sure hope all is goin well and tha you are healing .. sending gentle healing Hugs to you ...
April , thank you too for always telling me how strong I really am... Hugs to you .. Hoping all is well..
xoxoxoxoxxo
Lisamarie
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LisaMarie - I had a relationship like that once. I hear you about the guilting. I finally had to quit answering his calls, and actually turning off my phones at night since he would call at all hours. Maybe a week w/o talking to him would be a good break. And just delete his messages w/o listening. You don't need the aggro. Good news about Davita & good luck.
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I must be crazy. Been told to stop smoking for years, copd damage seen in my lungs and feeling it, hard to breathe some times, surely not normal as most. Don't know why I didn't stop when diagnosed, but then said after the lumpectomy, but kept on. Now I'm facing chemo on Wednesday, TERRIFIED, having a really hard time emotionally but more so breathing. I'm a nervous wreck and surely that's not helping, but what is wrong with me? I've been around others who've been sick or been through something, giving them the old lecture, not letting them smoke but what am I doing to myself?! I need major help and at this point, don't want meds but hopefully cold turkey with the help of hypnotism or relaxation. I know there are C.D.'s out there and obviously, I've been my own worst enemy.
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Welcome MFPM! Sorry that you are suffering emotional guilt over the cancer and smoking but that will come to an end when you are ready to quit. Luckily, you've found a great group who will be with you as you fight the devil's of quitting smoking. Don't beat yourself up as you go through the throes of quitting and beating cancer. When you are ready emotionally you will decide that enough is enough. I know it's easy for us to say but we've been in your shoes and know the feeling. We are with you all the way in fighting the beast!
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LisaMarie, wow is all I can say. You've allowed this man who you think is your bf to emotionally abuse you even when you are not there. My God, I can't imagine what you are feeling. This man just loves the power he has over you and even from a distance he is enjoying it as you have allowed it. I'm going to try a post stories of women in the same boat. Please seek help from a professional who deals with this. I'm worried about you. Yes, we miss the animals, gardens, etc. but you are missing the most important thing and this is the celebration of you and being away from this controlling person. Good luck on your job interview. You have this one in the bag. Maybe it will be the boost for you to move on from this jerk who loves to put you down because he is not a man, and so he has to make someone else's life hell as it's they only way he knows how to think he is a man. Girl, I'm worried about you!
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MFPM - welcome. We'll support you any way we can, but cold turkey is really hard. Hope you find the hypnotism useful. Most of us quit several times before it "took". If you look back, you'll find VJ's offer to send her quit smoking book to those of us on this thread who are still in the quitting phase.
Look for the BCO thread about current chemo treatment - maybe winter chemo or March chemo. It's much easier to go through this process with others who are on the same page.
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Often when we begin, we just don't know where to start. I wrote my book to give smokers a guideline of what they can do. Often once you get started, things just snowball, but it is taking that first step. So to anyone on this list who would like a free PDF copy of my book, "How to Win at Quitting Smoking", just send me a PM with your email address.
Today is very bittersweet for me. It's my birthday and last year my BF took me on a cruise to Cabo San Lucas for my birthday--I have wonderful memories. This year, I am alone. we broke up a few weeks ago and my heart is broken. It was a long distance relationship where he came out here every weekend for two years until he had some major stresses and the distance just added to his stress. I'm still in the denial stage, thinking he might work out his issues.
On a good note, I am doing a webinar for the National Assn of Addiction Counselors on e-cigarettes on Wednesday. It's free and it will be archived, if you are interested in listening. Preparing for it has been a great distract. http://www.naadac.org/e-cigarettes
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VJ, so sorry about your break-up. Long distance relationships are difficult and very stressful. My daughter and her fiancé are in a long-distance relationship (4 years!) and they have had a few break-ups due to this being a huge stressor. They are both busy attorneys and the 3 hour commute to see one another and only being together on the weekends and vacations has been a major problem. He just got a promotion pretty much ensuring he won't leave (he was looking at least) and my daughter made partner at her law firm so no way she will go. This summer they are moving in together mid way between their two jobs. We shall see what happens there. His commute will be far easier than hers because she will be going IN to Boston and he will be driving in the other direction. Once again, sorry for this outcome. I know you were very happy with him. Hugs and hope things work out.
LisaMarie, you know he is toxic despite still loving him so you did the right thing getting out of there. I know that somehow, all of the hard times you are going through right now will make you stronger and you will find your way. I really believe that.
Hugs to all...am at work and it is MONDAY!
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VJ - so sorry to hear about the break up. I'll keep my fingers crossed that he'll get his stress issues under control. What a bummer on your Birthday. Hope you'll treat yourself to at least some little thing. Thinking of you.
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Oh VJ, meant to wish you a Happy Birthday!!! sorry bout that xoxo
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VJ, wishing you a very "happy birthday" and that the boyfriend will come to his senses and work out his stresses. He'll realize that he let a gem go. Sometimes a breakup is required to reset the relationship. If it is meant to be, he'll come back. Stay positive, and keep calm!
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Thanks for the birthday wishes. I can't believe I'm 61. And it hit me recently that next year I could apply for SS. I'm too young for that!
My mantra is "Everything always works out the best for me." This was true when I had cancer and it is true for me now.
I am hoping for a "reset". I don't think this would be happening if we lived in the same area.
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Vj, sorry for your breakup . I hope the best for you . It also looks like you are a strong woman and things are going to be ok ...
April,Judi. and Minus . I know I am better off without him. He says he dont mean all those things he says to me that he is just mad at the time and that is his only way to deal with it .. But what he dont get that after years of it he had me beliving it and that I can no longer live like that .. but he still makes me feel the guit like im a bad person , I ddi not try to fx things and I did not talk about it .. all i do is run away and send me videos of the animals so i really feel the sadness .. basically its all my fault .. but i am moving right along and counting down the days until April 2 and I can stop pushing this housekeeping cart .... and have not heard from Davita as of yet ..
welcome to the new ladies .. you can do it ,, I did although I did it with chantix .. but everyone's journey is different ..good luck on yours ...
Where are you Bosom ... I miss you so much .. I hope you are okay ..
I love all you ladies and all the support I get here ..
one day at a time and just for today I will not smoke ...
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Lisamarie
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