Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Sandy, Life, can be so difficult, as we all know too well. In 1999, at 6am, my son was ready to drive me to Rush for a splenectomy. We came downstairs to find tons of water falling into the living room and the ceiling coming down. I, hysterically, started trying to lift the couches into the hallway. We got to Rush 35 minutes late. The surgeon, and his Residents were pacing, threw me onto a cart and...But it all worked out.
We are all in your pocket, keeping you safe.
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Sandy: When it rains, it pours both literally and figuratively. Good luck tomorrow with your procedure. In the meantime can you draw up a plan for Bob to follow for taking care of you?
It is raining here with one thunderstorm blown through but another one or two in the pipeline. Our new gutters that have been installed, worked but we are still waiting for the last to be done and they did not show today even though it rained this afternoon.
As far as husbands, my husband knows where the dishes, his beer mugs and cutlery are, can work the dishwasher (and even unload it on occasion) but can't cook to save his or my life. He used to volunteer to make French toast for the children when they were small so I could sleep in. Wrong, they would sneak upstairs when he was busy to wake me, pleading with me to take over. So I feel your pain. He is a master at take-out so maybe you can dictate what you feel like eating and he can either gopher or greet the delivery guy? Feed the cats: no; can feed the dog but can't feed the parakeets but does manage to fill the outdoors bird feeders. My MIL did not do me any favors when she raised him and I keep reminding him I am not her as I do teach him some basic survivor skills like laundry and making a bed. As far as helping me, by the time I get done explaining what I need, it would have been easier to just do it but I am learning to ease up on that a bit. He is a whiz at vacuuming and can spend 45 minutes doing an 8 x 10 rug so I can't reassign him something else to do. Works for me because he is then not underfoot.
Here's hoping the weekend is less stressful than you think it will be. Hope the cat issues resolve so you can focus on your recovery.
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I'm really lucky. DH can cook (although the meals are getting stranger with his memory problems, do laundry, shop and basically clean the house when motivated (Christmas or a visit from his sister). Right now I'm totally useless because my right leg refuses to work. Needing to hold on with both hands to move around means I can't carry anything from one room to the next. That is a major pain. I think it's wonderful that younger men seem to think it's their responsibility to do some, if not half, of the work. DS can do anything plus handy at building.
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Wren: Sorry you are having leg issues and hope it resolves.
My DS can cook, calls me for recipes or cooking advice, does laundry, etc and took both cooking and sewing as electives in HS. Asked why about these electives and he looked at me like I had 3 heads and retorted "because that's where the girls are". So I did a better job raising him than my MIL did with my husband. He even does housework as needed to help out my DDIL. Meanwhile my poor DD has a husband who was raised more like my DH. He does like to clean so that is a tradeoff. His favorite part of any meal is dessert and he would prefer that to be the appetizer if permitted. LOL.
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I've got a gem for a DH - he cooks, cleans, does laundry etc. I do most of the cooking cuz I enjoy it, but he can do it if/when need be. His mother did everything when he was growing up, but he had his own apt in college before we met. My younger DD was upset several years ago when I was gone and someone said to her, if I'd known your mother was away, I would have had you for Shabbat dinner so you didn't have to eat hot dogs!!! All my kids cook, clean etc.
Good luck tomorrow Sandy
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The housekeeping/cooking stories are great. My Dh is marginal. He does things but oddly -- like forgetting ( I'm sure it is on purpose ) to sweep under furniture or wash under things on the counter. I guess I'm lucky that he will do something -- but it is generally a really short shelf-life. He says he can cook, but he just likes to say it -- if he really had to we would be in serious trouble ( thinking food poison here ) so most of his cooking really amts. to heating up left-overs in the microwave. He could load the dishwasher, but in all the yrs. we have had one -- I've never seen him get close enough to it.
He does do his own laundry -- even then he often forgets the last load and when I go to use the machine I have to fold all of the last load. Grrrr. Still, he does do some things and I'm so used to this I seldom think about it long enough anymore to even be annoyed. He will help when I ask so that has been pretty much enough for me. During the night or two I've spent in the hospital recently he didn't say but we have a number of fast food outlets so he knows where cooks ( of a sort ) can be found.
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My DH was a gourmet cook in the past and seriously considered going to chef school. Heart bypass took the fun out of that and now I think he has problems putting a meal together due to memory problems.
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Although his father never did a thing around the house other than occasionally mow the lawn, Ken has run our household since we retired. We have cleaning help every two weeks but he shops, cooks, and does the laundry. I worked in his early retirement but things didn't change when I retired. Before we moved to AZ, we both had high stress jobs and did meal planning, shopping together and whoever got home first cooked. I am spoiled. Married 54 years on Friday so we think it will last. What a keeper!
Sandy, so nice to read your story about the neighborhood clean-up. Bet that doesn't make the national news. Keeping you close. Bet Bob could call the restaurants that do delivery. Or there is cold cereal.
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Wren, I sure hope you can find some relief for your leg. I think all of the best chefs seem to be men. At least that is pretty much all I've seen or heard about. I also feel for you that there are memory issues now for your better half. It sounds like he can cook fine -- just not pair things up well. It must be unsettling to both of you, but as I've been fond of saying for longer than I can remember -- it is amazing what we can do when we have very little choice. I think women in particular seem good at just carrying on.
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Sandy, good luck tomorrow. I'm thinking of you.
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Taco - happy anniversary a couple days early. 54 years is something to be proud of. We will be married 43 years in a couple weeks.
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Good morning, ladies. It is sunny this morning and not too hot and muggy. No real plans for today, so I will work on projects. Hope everyone has a pleasant day.
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Wow, some of you ladies have great husbands! My dh has a limited number of one-pot meals he will cook on occasion. He can do laundry, wash dishes, load and unload the dishwasher, vacuum but has the attitude that he's "helping out." It's my own fault for following my mother's role pattern.
It's dark and overcast this morning. I'm thinking of skipping women's golf league and catching up on laundry, which involves exercise. I make multiple trips walking to and from the laundry room and using the one washer and dryer.
We have a medium high pollen alert.
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Really great people have a curious feeling that the greatness is not in them, but through them. And they see something divine in every other person.
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My internet got fouled up. I fixed it, but didn't know I did because I had not re-plugged in my wi-fi.
I think I have resolved my sleep problem. Dog gets benadryl at bedtime.
Coming closer to getting those teeth pulled.
Physical therapy is going fine. I think I will be talking with her about surgery for the midfoot arthritis in my left foot.
I had a date yesterday. Interesting-- we know some people in common from years ago.
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I'm not a stranger to losing function on my computer. I had some work done but somehow the only thing that got tangled ( meaning extremely hard to use ) was right here. I use a link to jump into BC. Org. and it would no longer allow me to open once I got there. I found a way to do it but oh so circuitous. Very un-wieldy. After three more calls taking up about four days I was able to erase whatever problem held the link hostage.
You seem to be getting lots of issues resolved MC. That is really nice and the common ground with a 'date' always a nice place to be. Glad things are moving in good directions for now.
Sun is out -- but we could still get some rain. Overcast this morning which was okay because it kept the heat at bay and since it was early the humidity was far less bothersome. We have had a fairly wet week and I think it looks like we are going to get a dry one next. I didn't look at night-time, but only saw the little sun emoticon the weather service uses for the daytime.
I hope you all have a really good day.
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IllinoisLady,
I am an "older" lady, diagnosed in November, 2019. I have to admit that I have been lurking on this forum for a couple of months, but sign on each day to see what quotation your have posted. Thanks for the inspiration!
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Mom2bill: Thanks so much for coming for the quotations. I have been leaving them on this site ( BC. Org ) since 2007 -- very late that yr. One of the reasons is that sometimes we don't need a lot of talk to help us -- just an encouraging smile daily and in this case ,in the form of a quote.
Still, we are here ( a small group ) and any time you feel you might like to join in here please know that all who are here will welcome you. I had never been on a " blog " before, and didn't know what or how to do it. I am shy and started using quotes because it seem to make it easier for me to overcome my apprehension at using a blog and talking to people I didn't know at the same time. It became a wonderful habit for me and I am no where near ready to give up BC. Org or the quotes.
Thank you again -- it is encouraging to know the quotes are appreciated.
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IllinoisLady: I am also on the quiet/shy side. Hence, the tendency to lurk rather than participate. I've just started getting my feet wet, posting a comment here and there on a couple of forums. I hope to become a bit more active once I feel more comfortable. It's nice to know that this is a welcoming group.
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Welcome, Mom2bill.
Uneventful ride down to UIC. Bob was able to go home, as the surgeon called him with a time frame. I was awake for the whole thing (albeit with some "happy juice" in my I.V., and an anesthetic block to the eye). The block wore off around noon--and I am in considerable pain (and getting worse). But the surgeon told me what pain I will feel (especially when blinking) and why, so it's a bit easier to emotionally tolerate. He explained that the plaque was placed at the front bottom of the eyeball, and the gold edges are slightly visible along the lower lid. Also, there's some soreness from the (ugh) needle biopsy. No photos to post (use your imagination): I look like a creature from Alien landed on the right side of my face (dressing, lead shield, pressure dressing held in place with a stockinet headband, which I clipped up to my hair above my L eye so I can see). I have my reading glasses on, so I can type & read via my L eye to some extent, but I'm still kinda tired (Sleep-deprived, though I did get in a brief nap when I got home). So I will be taking a break from posting for awhile (which is why I'm posting this on 3 threads). I got an Rx for Tyl. #3, but I am saving those for when the pain starts getting worse and I need to sleep (1 Tyl. #3 and 1 extra strength, q.6 hr. 4 hrs. into extra-strength Tyl. x2--counting the hours till 7pm....
Have to keep the dressings & lead shield on overnight, then start the various drops & ointments tomorrow, with the lead shield in place, covered by a regular perforated stainless shield (like after cataract surgery). Mercifully, I have a slightly later arrival time for Monday's removal surgery. Surgeon/onc says I shouldn't have too much vision loss--maybe no worse than 20/100 and may improve down the line. I need to wait 4-6 weeks before being refracted. Of course, my depth perception is not great, so no driving till I get the go-ahead. (My follow-up appt. is 8/26).
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I have finished treatment and had regular yearly m
3D mamo which was normal! I insisted on an MRI and had it done today I thought I would get instant report like I did with mamo but it will be 7 days How do I manage the freak? Is it common to have a recurrence only a year and and half very scared and have sever anxie
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Sandy, GREAT to hear from you. I’m sure most of us were thinking of you all day. Be good to yourself
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Beaglelove, congrats on normal mammo! If you have a patient portal for your hospital system, check it daily for MRI results. Mammos are usually read on the spot by the radiologist on duty; but MRIs are usually read by a different radiologist. Highly unlikely to see mets this soon after initial diagnosis, so take a deep breath; if you have severe anxiety, can your PCP prescribe you a tranquilizer (or can you take some CBD)? Meditation and breathing apps also help tremendously. If all else fails, your comfort food of choice...(but don't go overboard).
Thanks, Judy! How are you & Gil holding up? Bob's office still doesn't have its power restored. My BFFs in Rogers Park (with whom I Zoomed last night) had no damage from the EF-1 tornado that hit their neighborhood, though a tree across the street was uprooted (blocking the street) and large branches in the alley missed their car by inches. They didn't lose power. Freaked their cats out, though.
Will let myself have some frozen custard tonight for dessert. Tyl #3 + extra-strength OTC Tylenol is helping a bit, though I now have a drippy, congested R nostril due to the tear duct draining out my nose. My "snort" of choice is Ayr saline spray. Trying to stay upright to keep the pressure off--will have to medicate myself to sleep tonight. But dinner first.
Ciao for now.
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Sandy - you most likely won't be reading posts, but all good juju being sent to you. HUGS
Wren- hoping your leg improves.
MCBaker- dates are made easier when there are common things to talk about. Hoping the people in common are people you like!
Mom2bill - welcome to the group.
Husbands being helpful around the house is interesting. We've been living together going on 25 years, so partner can do a lot. But mostly I have to ask. He enjoys doing the grocery shopping which is a help. Laundry he can move from one place to another but not inclined to just do it. Meals, well he can make concotions I wouldn't eat, but he wouldn't starve. One of you mentioned vacuuming, my partner is a slow vacuumer, but he'll do it! I usually can't watch, because my head goes to "I'd be done by now." It is what it is, and he is a keeper.
Today I got out and repainted sunflowers as well as a bee, butterfly, dragon fly and lady bug, on the side of the newly stained garage. My nieces daughter loves them and was worried I'd stain over them. I tried my best to save them for her, but parts we're stained over.
Pool was dropped off today, the install set for tomorrow midday. I put the deck rug, table and chairs back out. We are ready!
Everyone have a good restful night, and look forward to a good day tomorrow.
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ChiSandy I really appreciate your response I had a difficult childhood and have had severe anxiety since 5 Now with BC I was dx with PTSD and have been working really hard every week with Psychologists which means lots of homework I also take kinds two kindsanxiety meds but I never quit thinking of recurrence I so appreciate your encouragement not sure how to get CBD or know much about it but certainly would look into it
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Sandy, Glad the op is done and you're back home. Hope everything goes well and you're able to get some sleep tonight.
Beaglelove, Having a clear 3D mammo is a really good sign. Anxiety is really hard to control and I congratulate for working on it with a psychologist. Best wishes for the best outcome possible.
Mom2bill, Welcome to the group. Don't hesitate to post. The first few are difficult but it gets easier and easier.
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CindyNY: It was my DH who could spend interminable amounts of time vacuuming a rug and I am in agreement with the "yeah, I would have been done by now" but it kept him from being underfoot (or undoing what I had just done elsewhere). He can make a sandwich that covers the entire countertop with "remnants" that he doesn't see but would support an ant colony. No dusting because, "why do I need to move anything? Who sees the dust under them?" Provides some laughable moments for sure.
Beaglelove, welcome to the club no one wants to join. I spent over 2 years lurking before I chimed in and met some really supportive people.
Sandy, glad to see you are home and just a reminder that depth perception can be a challenge for stairs so be careful at home if you need to change levels. Totally forgot about the shield I had to wear to bed post-cataract surgery. Take it easy and use pain meds as needed.
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Beaglelove: Welcome. I hope you will come often. It is a great group here. Very supportive.
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beagle love, i just posted a new topic that covers your story. I'm trying to get rid of anxiety and depression and its 3 years. I just took some cbd oil. No antidepressants are working.
Any good advice you have please let me know. I want to live. Thank you
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Beaglelove - Anxiety on top of anxiety is not good. I agree that more cancer is unlikely at this point, especially if your 3D was OK. Hope you can follow through on the suggestions about seeing your chart sooner. Maybe an extra call to your therapist? Do you have a cancer nurse navigator? Maybe she/he could hurry up the results.
We welcome lurkers but love it when you check in. Small group but very caring. I didn't start hanging out here until after treatment - I was already on several threads - but am glad I have.
Sandy, sounds as if things are going OK. When can you expect the path report?
My excitement for the day is that the clothes rod in the closet crashed. Ken got to remind me again that I have way too many clothes. Went through about half on the floor and have two garbage bags of outfits that I haven't wore in forever to take to the food bank thrift store. Some don't even fit since my weight loss. Ken thinks he can fix it if he can find the bracket - but he really is Lowe's/Home Depot adverse and I don't know if our local Ace Hardware will have what he needs. Oh, and my daughter's foster kitten count is again up to five. How she does it, I'll never know. She is definitely not "one kitty short of being a cat lady."
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