Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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keywestfan - Yes, there are some big drawbacks in the drive to FIND OUT. I worked myself into a state yesterday because my appointment was moved up two days. I imagined they changed it because the path report was so bad that they wanted to break it to me as soon as possible. I sobbed and hiccupped, railed and wept, cried and took an Ativan. In reality, maybe the nurse just wanted a different day off.
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The body has its own way of knowing, a knowing that has little
to do with logic, and much to do with truth, little to do with control,
and much to do with acceptance, little to do with division
and analysis and much to do with union.
Marilyn Sewell0 -
LOL at "On the flip side a friend of a friend who was dx with bc wanted to know nothing, just get it out." I can understand the immediate demand for an amputation, but not the no desire for research. Maybe no knowledge base of computer skills? As the first post of the thread says, there are many in our age cohort who are computer illiterate.
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I tended to research only what was in front of me at the time. I also tried to not veer off into too many parts at a time. That worked okay for me since the stroke I had long ago tended to sometimes compromise/mix up information I took in, so staying at a minimum/just what was needed each time was easier and more rewarding. It did cut down on possibilities of methods not being used or even discussed. Then again, as a V.A. patient I was only allowed (unless I independently pursued them) certain treatments -- so better for me all way around to not veer too far from what was coming up.
I did take Arimidex for the first couple yrs. and did great. Then the generic Anastrozole was put in its place. I took that and had some reactions at first until my body adjusted to the carrier portion. I did think I was going to have to quit at first though. I went through almost the whole three yrs. I had left and didn't notice much until towards the end when I discovered that I was getting irate about little things very easily. I chose to quit the Anastrozole for the last three months and I slowly got better and became if not my old self, far, far better. It did take the whole three months and a bit more.
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If I were to become interested in resuming my sex-life after many years, I would have to have an estrogen replacement to even make sex possible. And I could do that.
Even if my ca were hormone positive, given all the stories and the effectiveness of chemo + herceptin, I probably would have declined the hormone blockers. Several years ago I had a scan for osteoporosis and my bones are solid. This break would have been much worse otherwise. But that little broken spot is not changing, the joint is going to have to depend more on tendons, etc. to function properly
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CindyNY: I wish I lived closer to you and that it was the proper season for us to have lantana. Yes, it is an annual here and what attracts my faithful hummingbird each summer. I have them close to the feeder and it enjoys both. My SIL has a second home in FL and was telling me how the lantana are actually bushlike there.
Vandercat: my results from my original beast bx took over a week (though my surgeon sat on them for 2 days which is why I fired him post surgery) and the ones from each subsequent lumpectomy took that long as well. Once you get some information it would be nice if you posted these so we know what you might need help with. As far as response to AI's, it really is an individual experience. I did not have good results with the first 2 I tried but then they were generic and it might have been the base and/or the drug. Since they were generic it would be hard to tell. I am on the third and last and seem to tolerate it very well and wish I had listened to my MO earlier by about 8 months. I get mild ankle swelling (as the SE) especially when it is extremely hot and I can live with that. So taking an AI can be a trial and error experience but I would never not take them since I am hoping this is a once and done BC experience. Personally I found the indignity of radiation to be the worse experience.
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I had a lumpectomy and expected to follow with radiation. The margins weren't good, so I had a re-excision for better margins. That turned up a second tumor larger and higher grade than the initial one. It was not on the mammogram. That's the point I decided I wanted a mastectomy because who knows what else is lurking there. The mastectomy had good margins and I didn't need radiation. I had so few side effects from the AI that I wondered if I was even metabolizing it. I have osteopenia which the AI didn't make any worse. I would like a preventive mastectomy on the other side so it would be even. Given the covid surges, it's not a high priority.
I read Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book from cover to cover but didn't use much Google. My initial paperwork had sources that were reliable and the second one was this site. My husband has Alzheimer's and I wish there was a site for caregivers that was as supportive and informative as this one.
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Betrayal - thank you for your kind words. Everyone I have encountered on this site is thoughtful and caring. I will post whatever I learn Monday morning sometime later in the day, if I can process it. Thirty-eight hours until the appointment, and counting!
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Vandercat - I liked having brachytherapy because it was just for a week twice a day (about 30 minutes each time) and I was done. No burning. Only pain I remember was when they placed the marker. If they haven't talked to you about it as an option, it probably isn't. I started mine only a week post op because they put the seeds in the surgical cavity.
About the AI's - arimedex made me very "bitchey", joint pain, and bad headaches. Femora left me in a much better mood but the joint pain was bad. About 6 months post knee replacement, the orthopedist said that the AI could be contributing to to my continuing knee pain. It really was a quality of life issue. I ran the numbers on the Predict scale and couldn't see continuing gave me much. My MO didn't push me to continue so I assume she made the same calculation. I will also add that I fear dying from dementia like my mother and cousins have more than dying from cancer.
It is also true that people who are moving past cancer are less likely to post than others who are struggling. These are several on this thread who just see it as part of their daily routine and don't mention it. There is actually a thread "doing well on AI's." Someone can probably give you the link if you can't find it. AI's will be the last of your treatment though so try not to get too focused on that now.
You will know more after you get your path report. Treatment plans are based on the size of your tumor, whether there is lymph node involvement etc. Plans are also dependent on whether your tumor expresses excess estrogen, progestrone, or is HR2 positive (which they have only been able to identify in the past 10 years.). When my husband practices general surgery 25 years ago, the standard treatment was mastectomy period. Twenty years ago everyone got tamoxifen regardless of age. Cancer treatment has changed even in the five years since I was diagnosed.
It's good to do your research but don't get consumed by it. Remember that you have the final sign off on a treatment plan so ask questions until you feel you understand your options. Then... don't mess with your mind by playing "could have, should have..."
When you get your treatment plan, go to your profile and complete it. Make each section "public" so we can see it like you see ours at the bottom of our posts. The next few days will seem very long but you can do this! As we say here, "we're in your pocket."
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Might venture out to Argyle St. (our north side mostly Vietnamese area, with some Cantonese restaurants) for Lunar New Year tomorrow--pick up half a BBQ duck, spare ribs and stir-fried veggies. I would prefer dim sum, but once I start eating dumplings I can't stop. Parking will be nonexistent, but it's right on the B'way bus--and now that I've already had COVID (plus Paxlovid and three shots) and have N95s to wear I'm less wary of taking the bus.
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1946Taco - Is that your wing I'm under? There are tears in my eyes, so I can't tell.
Tomorrow is going to be a very long day. I think I have absorbed what I can from what I have read on this site, on cancer,org, and on the patient portal for my treatment center. (I don't want clickbait or conspiracy theories.) In the morning I will try to stay off the cancer sites. I have to kill time until late afternoon when I'm having a drink with three friends, only one of whom knows my situation. The evening is another stretch of hours in which to avoid getting myself all het up about things that may not happen. Probably exercise bike and hair-washing.
Then it will be Monday and my friend will drive us to the cancer center (much faster and easier than train and taxi solo). She will come into the consultation room with me and take notes and ask questions, I will record the consult on my phone, but two heads are often better than one. This is the first time anyone has come with me, I confess it feels comforting.
Eventually I will attempt to summarize the pathology and the putative plan for my treatment. If only I could remember to keep breathing.0 -
Why celebrate a birthday only one day out of the year? Why not celebrate life every day? I can! I can make every day a day for giving thanks! -unattributed
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We had a snow white frost when I got up this morning. My patio plants and rose bushes are on their own for survival. The sun is shining giving cheer.
I remember the lantana bushes in my grandmother's yard. No one called them lantana. I'm trying to recall the common name. It had something to do with food. Maybe ham and eggs. Another common plant was hydrangea and it was called hy-geranium. People got their plants mainly from cuttings that were rooted and became new plants. Another ubiquitous shrub was cape jasmine, with dark green leaves and white flowers with a sweet fragrance. I don't remember the common name for it.
I blamed arimidex for a number of health issues. Weight gain, hypertension, high cholesterol. When I stopped taking it about six months shy of the five years, none of those issues went away. In retrospect, I think it was stopping hormones that took my quality of life downward. I would still be taking them if I could.
Happy Sunday. My coffee tastes so-o-o good this morning.
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Sun is shining here today, and it may warm to close to 40. Seems if the extended forecast is correct, we will have a few days at those temps. That will not make me un-happy in the least. The cold really gets to me this yr. I'm assuming it is due to all the lost weight. All that padding made a difference. Carole, your bushes sound so nice. I would love to have more in our yard. Maybe when sil takes over doing the whole yard.
I recall fondly the old-fashioned lilac bushes of my youth. Some got huge. Also, the old-fashioned purple irises. My mother had three rose bushes in the yard, red, white, and yellow if I am remembering correctly. She loved those bushes and I guess part of my fondness for often using roses as my avatar stem from that. I have planted daises several times in our yard here only to have Dh mow them down -- accidently of course. He just used to ride the lawn tractors so fast he was over the top of them in a flash. Often knocked down any barrier I may have placed in the way to try and prevent it.
Anyway, I hope everyone is getting some healing sun if you have been having gray or really cold days. I'm leaning hard on welcoming Spring and will be looking for the first tell-tale signs which are the green thin tree-type bushes that circle the areas we don't mow and that are left in the wild, woodsy state around our property. Spring is one of my favorite times of year when I watch our Sentinel trees slowly get redressed for the season with their beautiful shade producing leaves.
I hope you all have a good Sunday.
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Vandercat - good choice to take a friend to your appointment. I'm certain it was hard for folks during the height of covid who couldn't have that kind of help. You mentioned that only one of the friends you are meeting today knows about your diagnosis. I was very glad I was very open about my diagnosis. Got tremendous support. I was amazed at the number of people who welcomed me to the club. At our age, everyone knows someone who is a BC survivor. And I was amazed at how many I knew.
After your see you doctor tomorrow things will be clearer. Hang tight.
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Life is short. Each year passes more quickly than the previous one. It's easy to deny yourself many of life's simple pleasures because you want to be practical. Forget about practical and decide instead to become a joy collector. Always be on the lookout for gifts without ribbons. God is strewing them across your path right now. His gifts come tagged with a note: "Life can be wonderful. Do your best not to miss it!" Enjoy what it is before it isn't anymore. . . . Dare to slip on a pair of bunny slippers once in a while! Surprise yourself! Enjoy the little things because one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things! -Barbara Johnson
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More warmth and sun today. By the end of the week, if weather forecasts are correct, we will have a whole lot of melting going on. A couple of days are due to be in the 50's, but I am not sure about that. I do see a big yellow sun featured on all reports. Here's hoping. I do hope as in yrs. past, this signals better and more spring-like weather although we have had the occasional late storm -- as late as first week in April. After just one storm and a lot of weeks of cold I am more than ready to give winter up.
Vandercat, Taco is quite right -- four ears are better than two. Try not to be too apprehensive. Our worst fears usually bear little resemblance to our reality. I do recall having no idea that there were so many people with a cancer dx. around me. I was amazed when I first got on the website for the first time of BC. Org. Even more when I happened on a site that featured mainly people from my state. My feeling that I was sort of alone started to dissipate almost immediately. I did know that a fair amt. of people had this issue -- just not that there were so many people so close around me. I discovered that there were at least five of us in an approximate three block area around me. Likely more that I didn't hear about.
There are all sorts of treatments and much has changed since my original dx. in 2007. Life really does go on. Concentrate on your strengths, some of which you may not have realized you have.
I hope you are all going to enjoy the healing rays of the sun today.
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Carole, after you mentioned the common names for plants such as the lantana, I did a google search and found that one variety of lantana was commonly referred to as "ham and eggs (common lantana) and the camara variety was commonly called "bacon and eggs". The latter is the variety I prefer and usually bye. My DD found me a lavendar variety last summer but it wasn't as popular with the hummingbirds and butterflies. I liked it tough. I have blue hydrangeas and one pink one and they grow well here. They line the front walkway and have a tendency to get massive if not pruned annually. Its funny how they will indicate when they need watering by wilting during our summer heat and humidity; give them a drink and they spring back within an hour. Your cape jasmine sounds wonderful but I learned it would not survive in our growing area since it gets too cold in the winter.
Jackie: I have old fashioned lilacs that my Dad grew and then transplanted a few here for me. One was killed when we had the tree fall on the house. It survived initially but was so diminished in size that it looked like a stick and had one final bloom before it gave up the ghost. It made me sad to lose it because it was one of the last living attachments to my Dad. I still have one left and still have the azaleas he gave me though. My purple iris is a prolific bloomer and was blooming up to November this year and it is my favorite though I have other varieties throughout the yard. Gardening is one of my pleasures because while it requires work and dedication (unlike housework which is never ending) you get a brilliant, visible reward that even with a short lifespan is so pleasurable.
It was sunny yesterday but today is gray with misting rain and low temps. Heard the weather man announce the other day that it was 42 days (then) until spring. It is less now but can't come soon enough for me. I have a pot of tulip bulbs sprouting on my back porch. I didn't get a chance to plant them last summer so I may recycle them in the house when the get ready to bloom and make sure I plant them this year.
We have been breaking our backs in the basement trying to get everything cleaned and put into its proper place. Yesterday my DD and I cleaned out the crawl space storage area, found lots that can be discarded and lots of spare leftover tile that can be donated to Habitat. She even found some of my bathroom flooring that she can reycle into a small storage closet she has. So win-win there. My DSIL and Dh were able to get the shelving units back into the larger storage closet. We had to reassemble the shelving in the one corner and of course, nothing ever goes as planned since lining up the screw holes proved a challenge. We are making visible progress and DH has finally realized he is a pack rat given the numbers of duplicates in supplies we have found, since much of it is excess electrical parts, etc. Habitat will benefit. Once we get things where they belong then we can concentrate on debulking what is stored in the living room and garage (DH's stuff). I had already culled my stuff but he was dragging his heels and is now under strict orders that nothing goes back without being looked at and culled it necessary. I mean how many pairs of nedlenose pliers does one person need? He probably has in excess of a dozen pairs and again duplicates galore. So I am heading back to the basement because my DS is bringing us an order from Costco and we'll enlist his help in moving heavy furniture when he gets here. Have a good day and week.
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IllinoisLady -
Try not to be too apprehensive? But that's my middle name. My appointment today turned out to be a wound check. The path reports take 7-10 days the nurse said. I have another appointment (that they didn't tell me about before today) already scheduled with the surgeon next Monday, Valentines Day. My friend has offered to drive me and accompany me again.
I am somewhat deflated, having girded my loins for any kind of news. The nurse said the wound was healing well. She took off the bandage so I saw the incision line for the first time. I think I'm going to have an obvious dent.
And Taco -
I will start my profile. Thanks for your guidance. I much prefer the idea of brachytherapy (Git 'er done!) to the endless 4 or 6 weeks of the more usual treatment. There is an hour of travel time to add to each treatment, and the rising cost of gas could be a factor. But I will put one foot in front of the other for another week and try to forget this is happening.
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Vandercat - that is torture to have to wait 7-10 days for pathology report. Thankfully, I got mine 2 days after surgery. My BS called as we were walking in the door after my discharge from the hospital. I remember the surgeon asked me if I was alone and sitting down . That was the end of a month long of not so good news but I'm here 16 years since hearing those dreaded words. Yup, it's just one foot in front of the other. hugs to you
Gorgeous day today - 50 and sunny. It should be nice most of the week. DH and I didn't walk tonight after dinner - I'm tired and he's just finally feeling better, but I did make my minimum daily steps goal. We did walk when I got home from work, which I try to do to decompress from the work day.
Stay safe and stay healthy.
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They sliced up my whole breast which was filled with DCIS to find 7 MM of cancer. It was an automated process. Evidently it had grown quite a bit from mammogram to lab. In the beginning lumpectomy was an option. When we were close to surgery day, I was getting cold feet, but she showed me CAT scan of my breast, and tole me mastectomy was the only option. It had grown that much in six weeks.
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Good morning. It is 48 degrees and raining. I got up at 6, took my meds, fed the cats and fell asleep on the couch. I think a low energy day is coming on.
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Vandercat- my bandage was enormous in comparison to the actual incision. I too have a dent, I call it a divot, which has somewhat filled in since surgery in 2017. I’m thinking from weight gain and muscle loss due to covid and my gym closing.
Petite- your morning sounds like mine yesterday. Asleep by 2, awake 5:30 toss & turn, up at 6, back to bed around 9, up at 11. Totally messed up my day. Hoping you just picked up some needed rest.
Overcast and 60. We’re driving across state to visit with grandkids who have been in FL for a Disney trip. Hoping I miss the rains on the drive across alligator alley tonights return trip more so than today. I don’t like driving in the dark on rainy nights especially.
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One of the most common words in the invalidating, self-blaming stories we believe about ourselves or our situations is the word "should."The psychologist Albert Ellis has coined the phrase "Stop shoulding on yourself."When you tell yourself that you should feel or be another way, you are likely to feel bad about yourself.As an alternative, try telling yourself that it is okay to feel or be the way you are, even though you have some idea that you should feel or be different. -Bill O'Hanlon
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Cindy, hi, I'm in NY too. (waving)
Sorry to hear you've had bad covid-time. My gym is open (!)
I started a weight loss plan a year before Covid, and am hovering about 50 pounds down from what was my typical weight before age 68, so my breasts are a little slack to begin with (and the left one is a bit larger). The surgeon did a wonderful job of cutting around the nipple on my right breast and the scar is healing well, but ...My lumpectomy dent/divot is at 12 o'clock. No way to pretend it isn't there. I'm 71 and I don't have a partner at this time, but I was looking around before the shit hit this particular fan. A MSW in oncology told me I could get plastic surgery eventually.
TMI?
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Now that I've survived Omicron, I'm considering going back to the gym--assuming their locker room is open again. (Not going over there in gym clothes with all my valuables stuffed into my bra and sock cuffs). But first, probably a visit to the Walk-In ortho clinic at Skokie Hosp. to find out what's up with my back (lower right side, likely piriformis or iliopsoas strain, becoming more frequent) and get an X-ray or at least an exam to rule out spine or hip mets before getting a PT referral. (I do have the handouts from my last stint in 2017, but the one exercise on there I absolutely cannot do is "bridging:" lifting my butt off the bed or massage table. It actually causes the muscle to spasm). All my chest X-rays, abdominal MRIs and CTs include the incidental finding "age-related degenerative disk disease, no fractures or lesions noted." (My most recent imaging was done in Sept. in advance of seeing the melanoma MO).
So meanwhile, I'm doing treadmill 3-5 days/week, plus whatever stair climbing and walking I do in the course of shopping and hauling groceries in from the car and to the basement. I still can't do the stationary bike without getting thigh aches within the first few minutes--and they don't go away until I stop. That doesn't happen to me on the treadmill, even at incline and higher speeds. (Running is a no-no, because it could loosen my knee implants--or so my surgeon warned me).
Thurs. is going to be a nail-biter: my HK is going for diagnostic imaging after her annual screening mammo "showed a questionable finding." She already has her hands full with a DH on 3x/wk dialysis and postural hypotension. She was there for me in 2015, so I'll be there for her...but hope I won't have to. (Hoping the spot compression mammo won't require an ultrasound).
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I sent my doctor a message saying I need help with pain management on Saturday. This morning I got fed up and called the office and told the lady that I was going to increase my gabapentin to 900mg three times a day unless I get a notice otherwise, because my knee is triggering nerve pain. I got a response, and a prescription for a different form of gabapentin will arrive tomorrow. I am really pleased with myself. Doormat I no longer am. I didn't know I was taking the extended release, and the max on that is 1800mg a day. I am tired.
Working on a new crafts project.
My client is busy with work, I'll hear from her when she can stop long enough to breathe.
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Vandercat, After surgery my surgical breast was tiny and tight, it looked like a 10 year old's, but as it healed and after radiation over, it went back approximately the same size. It did take some time. I had to put 2 removable cups in my special bra to even up. Now I can wear a regular bra. Though my ON thinks I should wear compression bras. It does have a dent and my arm pit has a big dent for the node removals. I have to remember to keep my arm down if wearing a sleeveless shirt. DH has lived through the Hysterectomy, the Cholecystectomy, and BC and still thinks I am beautiful and his little blond girl. (I haven't been blond for years. I am gray.)
It is sunny this morning. Yay. The 2 gray rainy days were getting me down. I have to shop. I hate seeing empty shelves at the grocery store.
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We can learn to trust ourselves by inquiring within. To practice doing this, sit quietly, close your eyes, and for a minute focus your attention on your breathing. Gently visualize your inner wisdom as a graceful butterfly. Admire her beauty and encourage your butterfly to sit on your shoulder and whisper her wisdom in your ear. Be still and listen. -Sue Patton Thoele
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Petite, you are fortunate to have a fellar' around who loves you however you are. Time changes so much. I have many of the same issues. A 'divot' but I can still wear the same size bra. I have a bit of a rough feeling underneath where the material was taken out of my breast. It is okay. I never once ever entered a beauty contest, and I knew I never would. It is comforting to me not to be perfect -- that is too high of an impossible standard, and no one really is. A blessing to be sure.
Sandy, hope all goes well with your house-keeper and you too.
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