Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Good morning all
Yes that is Gus, No 2 cat. He is actually not that large, well small and squat with extrememly thick fur. You should have seen himm a couple of days ago when mu cousin arrive with her Cairn terrier pup, which was just a little bigger than Gus. Gus was one wild hissing spitting furball who actually laid in wait for us when we took Charlie for a walk and pounced as we came down the steps. Charlie went up about 6 feet in the air - it was so funny.No wonder Gus ends up in the wars. Barney our older cat informed Charlie that there was no welcome from the resident cats and left. Yet they both usually ignore dogs, maybe it was because Charlie is a bouncy pup who wants to play.
These are some of my roses.Finished the wedding cake do hope its OK, we finished about 5 pm - why do these young ones want black decorations on things?
Must start getting organised for the day.
Alyson
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Wow Alyson - beautiful roses - thanks for showing us.
I am looking forward to raking the remains of winter off my poor brown lawn in the next week or two. My garden might appreciate some care this year as last spring and summer chemo kept me from doing much out there. The sunshine somehow looks that much brighter now.
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I have a small amt. of time to write...so if I miss someone or anything please excuse me. I am at work and can get bumped on this computer in mere seconds.
First...shooting the guy with the dogs would end his misery way too quickly. It is simply not ok to do this for any reason. Also, we tend to forget because they DON'T speak to us that dogs and other animals have emotions too. They seem to deal with them better than we do....but even cats whose "lose" their offspring will go into mourning for them. We just seldom know what they are actually "thinking" about things....but they are thinking it none-the-less. I'm horrified, but trying like the animals to seem low-key and not so affected.
SV....I'm so glad your Oncologist is "back" and going to help you with the after-effects and se's of your chemo. My goodness....I was wondering what was the answer for you and how could anyone just hang you out to dry and act like they had nothing at all to offer. It is a comfort that you may soon be on the road to more stable health after the chemo disaster.
Pam... the coolness still sounds rather un-inviting....though even Southern California where I lived for such a long time had a time period that was not really too pleasant. It was one of the reasons I did not mind leaving -- even though over-all I enjoyed the 25 years I was there. As well, we changed clothes several times a day. Early morning you needed slacks and maybe light sweater...later 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. maybe some long shorts or pedal pushers.....then 3:p.m. back to the slacks because the breezes started coming back in from the ocean and it was too cool again. Hopefully we will be enjoying much nicer weather everywhere soon...or at least something that resembles what we normally have for this time of year.
Cats....I have 21 at home and none are allowed out. I do however have a huge screen room on the front of my house where several stay. I have heat lamps for winter and fans for summer. Lots of shade at my house so they are comfy....but we came to a point in time where we had serious vet bills and not just the money but seeing your best friend in pain and distress you could have prevented.
Well, I hear one of the Realtors back so must go. Will check back later on after work.
Hope you are all having a fine day and feeling well.
Hugs, Jackie
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lassie11,
I too feel as if I just took off the whole last year. My poor garden suffered the most neglect. I am determined to get ahead of the weeds this year. Am about to catch up inside.
pam
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Whew. My eyes are crossed from reading all these posts. Welcome, Marybe. For the most part, we all get along extremely well on this thread. We're sympathetic and tolerant. Connie07, I loved your short post in which you stated that it gets "real" on this thread. You're so right. Some of us have been more fortunate than others. Tarry1, you've had several responses to your post regarding the uncertainty surrounding your future treatment or surgery. I wouldn't be rushed into anything, if I were you. Get as much information as you can and then move forward. My BS told me I could take several months to decide on my surgery choice, but I wanted the cancer OUT OF ME. Unlike Pam, I opted for BMX and recon. and I'm happy about my choice.
Alyson, so sorry about your friend who passed away.
Rita, I'll be sending you my info in a PM. I would love to hear from any of you who happen to travel to my neck of the woods.
Without ruffling any feathers or hurting anyone's feelings, I would like to say that I am one of those who prefers some restraint in our use of language on the BC.org threads. I think we always have to be considerate of other people's sensibilities. With that said, I wish SV and Spar and everyone else would stick around and share their experiences.
Happy Thursday to all.
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Hi, just found this, I think I may fit in. I'm 59 and a widow of 2 years and love my 4 Lassa Apso's, If you don't recognize the name they are very hairy dogs. similar to a pekinese. Hair is supposed to part in middle and drag the floor, but I don't let mine get that long due to all the stickers and fleas etc. But they are my best buddies. Just dx'd this year and went throug a smx. will be going through chemo soon. NOT FUN!!!!!!
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Hi Barb welcome to this thread
I REALLY like that you told us about your dogs before you mentioned yourself !!!! My kind of gal !!I'm sorry you have to be here, but you will find an absolute mine of information on these boards....MUCH, MUCH more than the doctors are inclined to tell you, unless of course you get a super dooper doc.
Myself, I was told very little at all. I think I have got all of my knowledge from this place.... nothing was explained to me, symptoms were dismissed, treatment conveniently not mentioned, unless I brought it up myself., and worse of all I was made to feel I was the only bc patient in my hospital who was complaining about various symptoms.
You'll fit in great here, there are lots and lots of other threads where you can find very good information about whatever is bothering you. We just rumble around down here chatting away like little old ladies !!!! But we're FAR from little old ladies in our outlook, we all contribute something to our group, and I know , speaking for myself, even if I don't find time to post I will read everything once or twice a day.
SV, the little backwards calf has been in the wars. It 'blew up', as we call it...NOT as in explode !!! but its belly extended just as far as it could expand WITHOUT blowing up, I would think. he he he. I don't think the calf thought he he he, I had to get the vet. The meds I had were not touching it He brought something I have never seen before, uuuurrrgghh I wasn't too pleased I had to try and hold the calf still for him. First a local anaesthetic was injected, at the top of the 2nd stomach, (cows have 4, but for the life of me I cannot remember just when they develop all 4 of them, but at the moment he has 2 ) Then a plastic hollow corkscrew was SCREWED into the stomach, thru the fur, and it was stand back time....phew,the smell of the gas coming out nearly did for me !! The corkscrew has to be left in place 3 days, leaving the stomach open, then I had to put a bung in to check if gas was still trapped in the calfs stomach or not. IT IS, it blew 3 bungs, so now waiting on the vets advice as what to do next. I don't want the corkscrew 'growing in' as my drain did, and I won't be able to catch the calf much longer if he goes on growing at the rate he is now !!
Alyson...you describe Gus just as I would have done my Reggie !! Small, squat, extremely thick fur...thats why I was always threatening to turn him into a pair of gloves !!!! He was a born nuisance, always clambering across windowsills and knocking things flying....I really miss him. Those roses make me envious, especially the apricot one...lovely. i have a 'thing' about old roses, most all of the roses in my garden are centifolias, Portlands or shrubroses. I bought 2 climbing roses last back end, Zephirine Drouhin'...the thornless rose...and plonked then in an old plantpot in a corner of my conservatory, they looked almost dormant, but about a month ago. I looked and saw one had thrown a branch up, with 2 buds on....this was February in all the snow.I went a bit dotty looking after this rose, feeding, watering it...then what did I do?? lean over it and forget there were buds on and snapped them off !! Sods law. ooops is that swearing !!!
Lisa , your roses were lovely I am so envious of all the lovely flower pics you put up. Sounds a silly question, but do you have seasons, as we further north, or further south people might have, or do you always have things blooming away ? You seem to post flowers all year round....and the foliage always seems green. I would kill for a little bit of sunshine now. I am really sick of this long drawn out winter. Tonight it is raining again, winds are howling, and its just not a nice night to be outside.
I did manage to get quarter of an hour in my garden at the start of the week. I bundled up and braved it !! I have been nattering at DH to empty my wheelbarrow since last summer. He filled it with rubble, then just left it. I have just no chance of shifting it, and anyway he still hasn't mended my garden gate !!! Men.. this gate is my only way in and out with a wheelbarrow, and its completely snapped off. DH has it tied up with rope, it looks a real eyesore, he has some serious mending to do before long. I got my G/son to tip the rubble over the fence today, piece by piece, so now I can clear up a little. I can only work in about 15-20 minute stretches, before my back starts to scream at me to go inside and sit by the fire !!!!!
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Ladies - First, welcome to alll newcomers. This is a wonderful thread with info, support, compassion and love for anyone having to deal w/BC.
Lisa - I enjoyed your pics of roses too. I have a rose garden, but at the moment, I do not have any blooms. In about 2 mos. I'll have some. Looking forward to them.
Vit. D (someone asked about it) is important for the absorption of calcium and the immune system. There is a thread that focuses on it and has some interesting info. If you're curious, check it out.
My new "girls" are doing fine. They are working on settling in. Have a colonoscopy scheduled for next week. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to that
. After that, its a bone scan. Never ends, does it. Oh well, I'll manage.Hugs and prayers, Chris
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Shhhhh... don't say colonoscopy very loudly. My med onc suggested it the first time I saw her and it has not come up again. I would just like to put it off a while. Like a year would be good. I've had more medical intervention in the last year than in the whole rest of my previous life. Enough!
Let us know if the stuff you have to drink is not as bad as it used to be. And good luck.
pam
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Ladies, Thank you for the welcome. I have really enjoyed getting to know you all thru the posts I have read....it's almost like a book. So much variety on here....a cake decorator, a cattle farmer, a photograper, many animal lovers, It made me sick to read about that guy and the dogs....right now there is a case here in the news about some teenaged boys who took a baby alpaca and killed it for no reason at all....they interviewed the person who raises them on the news and he said the mother just stands by the fence bleeting...I guess they make a noise sort of like a lamb. Sick sick people in the world today. Those are my two dogs in the avatar...Brattie, a rat terrier and Harley, a silky terrier. I also have a cat named George. I had nothing to do with these names...Tim named his dog and the other two came with their names as they were both from other homes when I got them....I figured they were having enough changes without getting new names.
I don't have all of you straight yet, but hope to get to know you as time passes. SV, are you the one they gave a huge overdose of chemo?...amazing that doctors get away with things like that. You are a brave inspiring bunch and I love it that you all seen to have great sense of humor.
I must go because I am baking sugar cookies in the shape of shamrocks tonight.....yes, they are late. That's the story of my life it seems and it is getting worse every day. I have things to do and just keep putting them off and will do just about anything other than what needs to be done....cleaning my house and getting my income tax info together are two good examples. Cooking and baking I love, but I just couldn't get it together once again.....was still delivering Xmas cookies in Jan. Fortunately my friends are understanding and always say my baked goods are worth the wait, but it's getting to be embarrassing and I honestly think I am depressed and don't know it. So maybe it is time to go talk to someone or get a Rx or something or maybe I will just unload on you all from time to time. Again thanks for the welcome. I always knew there was life after 50 and you all are proof.
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Evening ladies and welcome Barb. I have an ex and his wife that live in Las Cruces. How close or not is that to Carlsbad. I think the ex talks about the Organ Mts. that are very close to the apt. building. where they live.
Chris....glad you are doing ok. Oh, do I dislike the colonoscopies...I only had one but geesh, I prepped at home....then had to drive 70 miles to where it was done....then back home the 70 miles. Might know I had a bit of an accident on the way home. Seems I always have a "delayed" reaction -- even with all the strong gallons of liquid you get to drink hour after hour. Fortunately I had brought along portable seat covers, but lets face it -- it's just not fun to have several miles to go when this occurs.
Was a long day at work so I'm going to go dump myself in my favorite chair and lose myself in some boring t.v..
See you all tomorrow.
Hugs, Jackie
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PS...I actually had a colonoscopy in Dec. and they really aren't nearly as bad as they used to be and it actually did get me straightened out. I had chronic diarrhea for almost four months and all tests were negative...CDif, IBS, nothing conclusive. Then after I had the colonoscopy I was fine....think I just needed a good cleansing or something. It disappeared as it appeared....for no reason at all. And really the stuff I had to drink was not bad at all mixed in gatorade.
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Welcome Marybe and yes I am the one the ONC O'd on CT chemo combo. Been sick as a rat for 6 weeks-like does it ever end. My innards blew up too (poor calf and Miss Isabella of the Vale) but no needles in me gut this time. New onc has me on Carafate and lots o' good drugs to settle me tummy down (major IBS from chemo and gatorade) and every drool out of my mouth leaves a 'chemo trail of burns' down my face-for real. Da' Queen of Everything is not a happy camper-well the hydrocodeine DOES help!! And don't worry, we can't get us strait either. And new onc does want BOTH ENDS scoped-upper endoscopy and colonoscopy. MB, you must be in fine shape to chirp that Colons aren't so bad. For us old bags, well, I need Mac Anesthesia to get thru it.Isabella, truly I am so sorry about moo-baby-crikey, it blew up?! I think this is going to be a problem child, either that or it is related to your DH (my bad!). And welcome too Barb-you are in the right place. I have had one chemo and it went so wrong! Can tell you the do's and don'ts. Carole my little 'goof ball' as in Titan? I never played golf. Simply hate the idea of it. and yes, I am working to be more mindful of me type-I really do not swear unless I am over the top-in which case I will now PM everyone I know with a potty mouth (CB and Miss Kitty!) I did turn myself in to the moderators for writing the f-word in my post but I have heard nothing from them-YET! Very Tired tonight-good night and sweet dreams PODS. XXOOO SV0
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Morning Girls....I was on the Tamoxifen link, & a gal found this story...It's kind of long, but it's worth the read! It says so much of how we feel.....
With cancer, words are inadequate
By Dana JenningsWe're all familiar with sentences like this one: Mr. Smith died yesterday after a long battle with cancer. We think we know what it means, but we read it and hear it so often that it carries little weight, bears no meaning. It's one of the clichés of cancer.
It is easy shorthand. But it says more about the writer or speaker than it does about the deceased. We like to say that people "fight" cancer because we wrestle fearfully with the notion of ever having the disease. We have turned cancer into one of our modern devils.
But after staggering through prostate cancer and its treatment - surgery, radiation and hormone therapy - the words "fight" and "battle" make me cringe and bristle.
I sometimes think of cancer as a long and difficult journey, a quest out of Tolkien, or a dark waltz - but never a battle. How can it be a battle when we patients are the actual battleground? We are caught in the middle, between our doctors and their potential tools of healing and the cell-devouring horde.
We become a wasteland, at once infested by the black dust of cancer and damaged by the "friendly fire" of treatment. And ordinary language falls far short of explaining that keen sense of oblivion.
As a patient, it's hard to articulate how being seriously ill feels. In a profound way, we are boiled down to our essential animal selves. We crave survival. We long for pain to end, for ice chips on parched lips, for the brush of a soft hand.
It pays to have a positive outlook, I think, but that in no way translates to "fighting" cancer. Cancer simply is. You can deny its presence in your body, cower at the thought or boldly state that you're going to whup it. But the cancer does not care. You're here, the cancer has arrived, and the disease is going to feed until your doctors destroy it or, at least, discourage it.
Then there's the matter of bravery. We call cancer patients "brave," perhaps, because the very word cancer makes most of us tremble in fear. But there is nothing brave about showing up for surgery or radiation sessions. Is a tree brave for still standing after its leaves shrivel and fall? Bravery entails choice, and most patients have very little choice but to undergo treatment.
Which brings me to "victim." I didn't feel like a victim when I learned that I had cancer. Sure, I felt unlucky and sad and angry, but not like a victim. And I have no patience for the modern cult of victimology.
Victim implies an assailant, and there is no malice or intent with cancer. Some cells in my body mutinied, and I became a host organism - all of it completely organic and natural.
And what are we once treatment ends? Are we survivors? I don't feel much like a survivor in the traditional (or even reality TV) sense. I didn't crawl from a burning building or come home whole from a tour of duty in Afghanistan.
I'm just trying to lead a positive postcancer life, grateful that my surging Stage 3 cancer has been turned aside, pleased that I can realistically think about the future. I'm trying to complete the metamorphosis from brittle husk to being just me again.
The phrase "salvage radiation" is not used much anymore, but when one doctor said it in reference to my treatment, it made me feel less human and more like a "case." It meant I needed radiation after surgery, because the cancer was more aggressive than expected - I needed to be "salvaged."
I felt as if I had been plopped into some screwy sequel to "Raise the Titanic!" - time to raise the U.S.S. Jennings, lads. Or maybe I was going to get picked up by a scrap-metal truck and then get zapped at Frank's Junkyard, laid out in the back seat of a 1960 Ford Fairlane.
And I'm still troubled by this sentence, which I've heard many times: "Well, at least it's a good cancer." It's usually applied to cancers that are considered highly treatable, like those of the prostate and thyroid.
Most people mean well, but the idea of a good cancer makes no sense. At best, the words break meaninglessly over the patient. There are no good cancers, just as there are no good wars, no good earthquakes.
Words can just be inadequate. And as we stumble and trip toward trying to say the right and true thing, we often reach for the nearest rotted-out cliché for support. Better to say nothing, and offer the gift of your presence, than to utter bankrupt bromides.
Silences make us squirm. But when I was sickest, most numbed by my treatment, it was more than healing to bask in a friend's compassionate silence, to receive and give a hug, to be sustained by a genuine smile.
Strangely enough, although cancer threatened my life it also exalted it, brought with it a bright and terrible clarity.
So, no, cancer isn't a battle, a fight. It's simply life - life raised to a higher power.
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GOOD MORNING PODS! Oh CB, wonderful post. I need to copy for keepsake. Welp, most know that i turned myself in to moderators to try to get constructive ideas on how to deal with mudslinging and fights in the sandbox. I got an email with said offensive post (I know what I wrote) and a list of things that may get me temporarily banned from the Board. Sorry, I wanted to come back here with a major bandaid for everyone, but simply told, "Don't do that again!" Now for real, i wish that there had been something more but I suppose that we should "get it" that we (I) are grown up and should be able to deal with this on our (my) own. Again for my part in all of this and if I made anyone uncomfortable, i am so sorry. And i will promise to monitor myself in the future. The first "swear" I did was an accident on the board, but the "flippant' post I did after that was uncalled for and beneath me-so sorry again. And if I give offense, it is not on purpose-so please PM me and let me know-I will do all I can to correct! BUT, I don't like the public stockade spanking solution that was used against me by one very loud person. Again, happy to resolve anything without the need for public humiliation. We are all too important on this Board and Lord knows we have been through enough. "Kindness, acceptance and tolerance" I hope will be my new code. But with chemo brain and mega drugs, sometimes, mistakes will be made or attempts at humor will sour. Please know that I love you all very much and I would never purposely insult or hurt anyone, least of all the women warriors here! Enough said in public. Ellen is on and going to crawl back into bed. Got to work in the studio all weekend to get greetings cards restocked (watercolors that I do of the beach, etc). GORGEOUS DAY OUT THERE!! Big kisses to all the gals here and talk to you later after I have done something worthwhile!! XXOOO SV
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Connie -- what a great post. I think I shall copy and paste that into Rita's thread. I think this person was really in touch with their inner self when they penned those words.
Got to get to work and not be late. Will talk to you all later.
Hugs, Jackie
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great post.
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Good morning all, I really do appreciate all the support and responses that I have received here and because of that I have done a lot of soul searching and I did talk to my onc and nurse practioner yesterday, My blood count is down as it usually drops after chemo, then starts to go back up starting 10 days after chemo. So the np filled the onc in my conversation with the radiologist. So she listened to my concerns and she also said don't be rushed int anything. She explained thaat there was on right or wrong an that whichever I decided I should be comfortable with and that I would still be monitored by them. she said wait until I see the surgeon on Monday and then weigh my pros and cons. BUT now I'm thinking that if removing the breast might be more benficial in the long run, So you can see where I'm leaning and the rad dr really put me off.I will still wait until I see the surgeon and get feedbck from him before making final decision
This is an aside, I haven't had anything to drink since I started chemo and i am thinking after going through all of this, I would like nice cold beer. My question is when if ever did anyone start drinking after their treatment? Right now though, I think I will go make a lemon cranberry loaf.
Thanks again forr being here.
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CB ... EXACTLY! For someone who doesn't have the words, the author surely nailed it. I feel nothing like a hero or a victim or a survivor. This line "We call cancer patients "brave," perhaps, because the very word cancer makes most of us tremble in fear. But there is nothing brave about showing up for surgery or radiation sessions." Getting treatment for cancer is not brave ... we had no choice.
Jackie ... I kind of try to do the same thing but nothing sets me off like anyone hurting an animal or a child. My first response is always pure unadalturate, give me an AK47 anger.
Marybe and Barbe -- welcome! I am so glad you found us!
Marybe ... love your "children."
Isabella ... didn't the calf come out kinda folded in two - butt first? BTW, your are like the characters in Animals Great and Small. I always enjoy a fantasy trip to your farm and a story about your life. You are a great storyteller! It puts me in mind of a time when I worked part-time at a furniture store ... all I had to do was process any sales. One night, a terrible cold and stormy night I was reading an Agatha Christy story, with the pounding of the rain in the background. As I am sure you are aware she is English and her books transport you to the English countryside in a quaint little village. The phone rang. When I picked up the call a voice with an English accent was on the line. For a minute I had to re-orient myself and come back to reality!
Folks ... we are so accustomed to gorgeous pictures from Lisa - but it was Alyson who posted those beautiful roses.
SV ... I had a somewhat unpleasant experience when I first joined - someone made an erroneous comment about my religion. I came back at her. One of the wonderful women on the third commented that she had Stage IV cancer and came here for love and support, not to argue. She said it in a gentle way that was so sincere. It was a wake up call to me. At once I knew she was not admonishing me but just stating the facts. It was never mentioned again, I felt like a jerk but I gained a new perspective and I learned a lesson. Enough said.
I know I am missing so many sisters, forgive me and love to all my sisters.
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Tarry1 - regarding that beer - it is a source of pride for me that throughout all of surgery, chemo and radiation, I never missed joining my friends for our weekly appointment at the local pub (except when I was out of town for good things). There were a few times when I didn't have my usual one beer, like when it was right after surgery or the first week of the chemo round. Sometimes I had a shandy (half beer, half gingerale) but mostly, I had that one beer a week (wicked drinker that I am!). My chemo side effects were not bad comparatively and my spirits were raised by being able to do something so normal. I think I told my nurses about it and since it was just one a week, it hardly counts as serious drinking and is OK. Some purists might disagree but it's my body and that's what I want to do.0
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Tarry1,
It has only been in the past couple years that I had begun to drink one glass of wine most nights. I had heard so much about how good it was for your health! But there are recent studies that show DAILY consumption of alcohol increases the risk of recurrence of breast cancer. There was an article on BC.org about this... you might want to search the archives to read it.
So my medical oncologist said one or two glasses of wine one or two nights a week was fine... just not every night. She said the studies did not show any increase in risk limiting it like that. And no decrease in risk by totally eliminating alcohol. I wouldn't hesitate to ask your doctor who might feel differently.
BTW, there was an Italian study that showed drinking red wine during radiation TX made it easier on the patient. That's pretty much a no-brainer.
pam
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Morning all from a beautifully sunny day.
The wedding went well yesterday and the cake and tasted great. I was really worried about it as it is a very runny mixture and takes a long time to cook. Only problem is now my knee is really playing up as we had to walk about15mins to a waterfall and it certainly wasn't a flat walk.The setting was beautiful - will post pictures when I download them from my camera.
Like Lisa I love taking pictures of flowers especially in my own garden but have many many others I just take because the flowers are so beautiful.
I must go and do some house work as little was done during the week.
Tarry I had very little to drink (alcohol) during my treatment. My taste went on the first chemo and I didn't like the taste at all, would have a little for a special occassion. Wasn't told not to just didn't want to and I don't drink a great deal anyway.
One 'good' thing chemo did was cut my coffee intake. I used to drink as much as 10 -12 cups a day and I mean real coffee, straight and black. With chemo I couldn't drink it at all and now two cups a day is the most I can do.
SV hope you picked up your art supplies and are finding some energy to get some work done. Would love to see more of your photos especially of the beach and the sea.
Hope you are all having a good day.
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Dearest Alyson, i am so glad that the wedding went well. I KNEW the cake would be perfect. Rest that knee and cannot wait for photos. I did get my art supplies, but something feels so wrong. I just feel so incredibly ill still. I did a few things today because it was so gorgeous; and I came home just shaking physically. I am so cold and I had to lie down-slept for four hours. Woke up and I still tase Chemo-chemicals in my mouth. I feel like I have had two bottle of tequila and i do not drink. I am starting to get scared-like panic attack scared and not sure why. It feels like the chemo scrambled my brain. Anyone else had chemo and felt like this. I know that I was OD'd and had an allergic reaction to CT, but geesus. Peripheral neuropathy is bad-I cannot feel my fingers or toes. Ok, need to talk to my ONC. ERRGH!
I would also like to support our sisters who have chosen to start another thread for "older Christian women." Blessings to all who are working to get their needs met and blessings to all of us on this Board-period. Kathleen, thanks so much for the example. I think things are quite hard for me and not sure if others feel this way. i have never been a 'joiner' in any sense of the word. i have lived my life as a veryindependant woman. i am not where i would like to be on the 'socializing scale." I feel like I have brain trauma and now I am facing a double mastectomy and I am scared to death. i was never taught the 'niceties' that other women appear to have. I never had the role models. My parents were hard core alocholics. i tended to be a loner and i was never in one school for more than a year because my Dad always lost his job. We lived in remore areas because that is where we could afford to live. So i did not get the 'schooling in social ettiquette' that others may have gotten. I do, however, love the Lord with all of my heart. And I tryhard to seek and do His will for me everyday. i fear that there true evil in this world, not because it was whipped into me, but because I have seen it. I have watch it play out in the simplest of acts. It is easy to be deceived. i know what I am trying to write, but the words are not there. Mostly because I am so tired. Truly, since surgery and one chemo, my life has consisted of getting up in the morning, trying to get a few things done (like one) being terrified that I haven't done enough; trying to shake off the physical pain and to give the emotional pain to the Lord, as i understand Him to be. And praying that i will see a light at the end of the tunnel-very soon-because this journey is becoming very long and very hard and very lonely. i cry a lot because I am getting clinically depressed and then I am so exhausted, just from doing these few things, that I have to lie down and sleep. i just don't know about much anymore. Most of all, I am praying that 'this too shall pass" and that while I believe I carry a heavy load, i hope I can do it with grace and most of all, a sense humor. There is not much humor in cancer.
Lastly for now, does anyone know what happened to Northstar? i believe that she started this thread for us older and i hope wiser women. I am so glad this thread is here for me. i know that while i do not pass muster for a specific group and I am glad I have options to get the love and support I need and hope i can give. We have all been terribly struck by BC and often the world, itself, seems a hurtful place. I feel so serene knowing that there is a port in the storm that is just for me.
AS to the drinking alcohol, I am not sure it matters. i have 21 years sober and I still got BC. Lots of love to all of my sisters. And remember the one true thing in this world is change. (((Big Hugs))) SV
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SV - "chemo head" is a well known side effect of chemo. Even if you had a regular reaction, or a regular sized dose, you would be subject to that still. At that point, I was happy to be able to do one thing each day - the rest was for sleeping/resting/watching cheesy movies.
Some years ago I figured out that frustration is caused by expectations exceeding daily lived reality. If you don't expect to be full steam yet (and that is highly likely), you will be far less likely to be frustrated with your daily lived reality. I am amazed that you have even attempted going out to where the horses are and all the other things you report. No wonder you are tired and/or out of sorts! Take care of yourself.
Also - surprisingly, if you do have to have the mastectomies, I only had one and never had surgery of that scale before - but was pleasantly surprised with how little pain and mess there was afterwards. (Except the drains - and they are much more of a nuisance than a pain).
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Hi Marybe,
I know we are all pleased to have you join us.
I've been thinking about your remark that you didn't see many (any?) Stage IV women in our group. I hope we don't come across as a bunch of whiners. The things we complain about must seem so petty in the face of a more advanced stage and the ongoing course of treatment and/or scans you must face. You can be the voice of reason who brings us back down when we go off the deep end :-)
I doubt if we can tell you much about breast cancer but we surely can share our special comaraderie. So glad you are here.
pam
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Wanted to let you all know I am here but whipped again. Just so much going on the last two days of the week. I always think something magical will happen and I will be bursting with energy no matter how much I work. Mind you this from someone who has never at any time in her life been bursting with energy -- what makes me think I would have it now. I can get into some real wistful thinking obviously.
I hope you all had a super day. I will be back some time tomorrow when I can hopefully be logical. See you all then.
Hugs, Jackie
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Hi Marybe ... I think Stage IV women feel (and probably justifiably so) that the other stages can't understand them. For the most part I stay off those threads. I do, however, have my say when it comes to weddings, good news on the cancer front, condolescences for losses and just plain old support and love.
To be very clear, from my diagnosis, and the fact that I had a bilateral mastectomy, my doctors felt no more treatment was required for which I am eternally grateful. Having said that I have the same symptoms of those of you who did have chemo! Yesterday, for example, I drove my sister to the airport, got lost for about 2 hours, then stopped to pick up some prescriptions and food shop. By the time I got to the car I was hurting and dizzy. I had to slowly put the groceries in the car and kind of hang onto the car to keep from falling. Today I then took a 3 hour nap. Sometimes I think I see something in my peripheral vision. It may be dark and I see a white plastic grocery and think it is one of the dogs. I don't feel like myself and although I realize I am getting older, I have never been in this kind of shape.
Pam, you are a good kid, always so supportive and kind. I like that in a person!\
For everyone else take it one hour at a time and if you're tired, go to bed and remember if you overdo it you will spend at least the next day in bed. Much love.
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I am so POed.....the cat just caused my big fat post to disappear and unfortunately there does not seem to be an automatic draft on these message boards and I do not feel like writing it all again. Me the animal lover wants to kill the cat!! a few things I will rewrite however or I won't recall them later...Pam, I do not really feel that I have been through any more than any of you have....yes, I am Stage lV, but I feel like we are pretty much all in the same boat and I am just happy to still be afloat. Believe it or not there is still a lot I don't know about breast cancer and I have found BC.org to be an excellent source of information. Thank you and the others for welcoming me. Now that I am 60, I feel more comfortable being with the "older women". I don't think any of you are whiners. If I had been through what you went through with the chemo overdose, SV, no way would I be as cheerful and still making jokes the way you do. I think I would probably be in jail for having stormed the onco's office and committing assault. As for drinking, I seldom do.....used to love my wine,the dryer the better, but now it just doesn't taste good at all. I think my sense of taste has totally returned, but now alcohol burns and just doesn't taste good. However, I would not say no to a good marguerita.
Your post, Chevyboy....excellent way of looking at it. I have always said I prefer to think of it as living with cancer, not dying from it. This is not something anyone wants to have to deal with, but we at least have the choice as to how we deal with it and I love life so am not going to throw in the towel. I have never really felt like I was fighting a battle. I went to a support group once and they told us to imagine our treatments like a little pacman eating the cancer cells.....well, all I could imagine was the cancer as the pacman eating my bones ( since they had found it in my sternum). It took me a long time to get rid of that visual.
I changed my avatar....that is me with my post chemo hair which I have decided I am going to keep short as well as gray. Harley, my silky terrier, is in the picture with me.....note his shirt...it says I have chemobrain. What's your excuse? Good night, Ladies. Marybe
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Hi Marybe,
I am posting on my laptop, at a dog show in Wanganui, New Zealand. Today we showed two Lhasa Apsos Tane 6year boy, and Dotti 20month girl, Tane is gold and white and Dotti black and white,so we share your love of the breed. I joined this thread in January after watching and reading for a while, the PODS are wise and wonderful women who share knowledge and provide great support for us "mature" ladies
Dotti (real name Chris) already a pod called Chris
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Hi all, welcome new members! I've been just reading trying to keep up and not writing much lately. There's so much going on, so much to do, just 2 weeks after they, my family, shared a stomach crud 24 hour type bug, and this week, the baby got sick again, with ear infections on both sides, OMG, fussy-MUCH? Cranky, runny nose, wants to be held, so I dropped the rest of the world and tended to my DD and my grandbaby. How wonderful it is, now, to know that there really is nothing more important than this. Caring for her, a lot like I did for my own kids, but it's SO MUCH BETTER NOW!!! I can't put my fingers on mere words to describe the peace and wonderfulness of rocking my baby's baby to sleep. I am a lucky, LUCKY woman. We are trying to get them moved by the end of the month. The mommy has been sick too with an upper resp. thing. The Peditrician swabbed HER throat for strep, she has thrush, can't seem to beat it. Peed said to be checked for diabetes! Geez.
You know how when you look back at the order of things and how they happened against your plan? How cold and alone that feeling of WHY am I having to go through this? If it was a Divine plan - I followed all the steps in order to be here, now, for them, my kids. .. We have a small home and two old paid for cars and dh is still trying to keep his business running. But what an opportunity I've been given to help raise another child. Help! That's the best part. She has a wonderful mommy who is completely and totally responsible for her child. So, I get to take my time, do the parts that I like best and DD will do the rest.
Jackie, that was not my post. It was ChevyBoy/Jeannette - But thanks for thinking of me.
Goly gosh darn, SV Mel - Sometimes, some things deserve a shocking adjective. Some people are just at a different place, you know?
Tarry1 - I think that you are really handling things well. Bring out the brew! Good for You! I love an ice cold Miller Lite. Think I'll go get one now. ....oh, its so good.
THANKS! ~Connie
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