Catholics
Comments
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Michelle and Traci,
Prayers and hugs. Maybe what I just went through might help re the "stepping out of it." I went to the Oncologist this Tuesday for my 3 month check up. I told her the fatigue was as bad as when I was going through chemo and expected I'm anemic. Well, my blood levels are all perfectly normal - not anemic, no low B, etc. Hmmmm....what's causing this deep and chronic exhaustion? They looked very worried - my paranoia re going from Stage 3 to 4 got full blown that quickly - but doc went over my recent mammograms, everyone felt my boobs up in case of another lump....nothing. No red flags anywhere. Just the joint aches and exhaustion....both SEs of Femara.
So, the nurse practitioner said, "How old are you now?" 58, "Still raising your 4 year old grandson?" yup "Still working full-time?" yup "Still food shopping, cooking, doing laundry, and chores around house?" yup. She looked at me and said, "Stop expecting that you can do today everything you did pre-cancer. Your body has been through a major trauma and is still recovering...and will be recovering for quite some time. Even without cancer, as you grow older you get tireder quicker and need to give yourself more rest. You got to give something up. and you have to get others to pitch in more. And, you have to start exercising and eating as best as you can to feed your body and help it recover. You are going to have a new normal....which most probably won't be the old normal. And, if you don't give yourself more breaks and less work you will wind up very sick again."
So, there ya go. We're simply not what we were before BC and need to adjust our own expectations. Michelle - your posting talks about all the stuff you were doing (and enjoying) and then, bam, you hit the wall. I CAN SO RELATE TO THAT!!!!! THat is exactly what is happening to me. And then the exhaustion lingers for weeks as my poor body is trying to get back up from the ground. Yes, constant sniffles, coughs (allergies), aches, pains, etc. Then paranoia - why am I sick? Mets?? I don't like being like this!! But, I need to embrace me, get priorities in order....me, my husband, grandson....and then work....and maybe never housework.
I pray for all of us that we find the endurance, courage, balance and enjoyment we DESERVE.
Love you!
Pat
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Pat - that is so on the money. I can't get rid of this cough and wonder why I'm sick all the time and now I have to take leave without pay every time I'm sick until I build up my leave again, just to take it for being sick. It's an unending insane cycle. That nurse was right. We'll NEVER be the same again. Between going through menopause, being on tamoxifen and recovering from surgery, rads and chemo. I, too, expect too much from myself. That's when I have to give it up and give it to God. Let others help. Stop fretting about a not so neat house. Enjoy life b/c I don't know when my ride is over.
Michelle, yes, prayers this Friday for you, Traci and I would appreciate for me too. My cough is in the exact spot as yours. It wakes me up at night and everyone at work says "Wow you still sound awful." Lungs are fine. Disease just gets ahold of me and won't let go. Maybe like Pat said, we work too hard. Maybe expect too much out of ourselves and others.
Pax et bonum. I love you all.
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Pat, Amen to that,
Yes prayers for Traci and Michelle tomarrow. Ladies you will feel the Blessing of the Lord just like I did. Open your spirit up for over flowing Blessing.
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O Holy Trinity, we thank you for having given to the Church Pope John Paul II, and for having made him shine with your fatherly tenderness, the glory of the Cross of Christ and the splendor of the Spirit of love. He, trusting completely in your infinite mercy and in the maternal intercession of Mary, has shown himself in the likeness of Jesus the Good Shepherd and has pointed out to us holiness
as the path to reach eternal communion with You. Grant us, through his intercession, according to your will, the grace that we implore -- the miraculous cure of a woman with Stage IV breast cancer--in the hope that he will soon be numbered among your saints. Amen.0 -
My Dearest Sisters,
I have been shown such spirit that I don't know if I can handle it all! God is working God is working. I am closer to help thanks to the generosity of a dear friend and her husband. I am trying with everything I have to pull myself up and out. My sister's words had their truth, and the real story is how I have let myself be treated for so long. Years of hurt, swallowing pain, deep despair. Now a bit of hope and I won't let go, promise! But was it not for the incredible Christian spirit of my friend and her husband, I would not be facing the light I begin to see. How blessed am I? I promise to share soon, I am still scared, going through it...with promise on the other end. And it was because I was shown love. Love of my fellow humans, and the love of you all, and yes, even sister
I hope to never be as scared as I have been again, but to trust in the Lord. and trust me, the Lord spoke loud and clear. I have been reading everyone's posts, how moving, how beautiful in spirit. We walk this together, and I have learned that I can do nothing alone. I need you ALL.
I am off to call my friend and again, THANK YOU for your prayers.
and I shall go put on my Nurses cap and see what we can do to get you all feeling better. Not allowed!
Love you all so much,
traci
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Amen for Traci, Michelle & Theresa for Friday prayers!
Here's what I'd suggest. Let's reflect and make up our own prayers to say at the same time for these three sisters tomorrow night. That way no one is taking on yet another task and becomes another chore in the day. Everyone sounds pretty exhausted. We don't need to be perfect for God to hear our prayers.
Traci Michelle, Theresa - maybe just a quick post on your top intentions (sort of like the others did thru their email to Michelle last time) and we can insert those ourselves as we pray?
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OMGosh Pat I cried when I read your post thank you for being so honest. I always feel so weak for feeling this way. I have to explain to you sisters just to get it off my chest. I get going and feel good I eat well exercise, take care of my 3 boys, work, run a foundation etc. Then something happens ...I get sick or a bad pain somewhere, it lingers I get frozen thinking about mets can't move forward. I just sit there and play out scenarios and I can't relax and enjoy my life until it either passes or I get a scan or test that proves otherwise. I hate this, for the last 2 years it was every 3 months but for the last 6 months I have been good and not believing anything sinister. These down periods last a long time and I find it hard to recover my health.
I got the cough at xmas and it has lingered and I am scared to death although logically my son has the same thing and I have had the same thing before and chest X-ray was normal and that lasted 2 months. I know I have severe allergies but even that is getting me down. Its like I can't shake anything, and then I am frozen I am putting off important things and not finding the joy in life. Tonight I was just so beside myself so for the first time I poured myself a big glass of red wine and downed it. ( I don't even drink much at all anymore) but it was there and I needed something.
Ladies I am so depressed about my job too as it requires travel and last week I had to be out of town for 3 days away from my little guys and especially my diabetic son who really needs care every 3 hours. It is stressful and I don't love it, it pays exceptionally well but it is not in my heart and I feel almost like I did prior to dx, just working for the dollar and not in my soul.
I am scared again and really frozen, hiding and unable to make any personal strides. My cough is really wearing me down. I just don't want to have a chest X-ray way to stressful.
I feel so much relief just sharing with those that understand, I just feel like weeping.
LOVE TO ALL OF YOU Michelle
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Michelle, Traci (and all of you going through such trials right now)
How I WISH I could physically hug each and everyone of you! There is something about a good, warm, tight embrace that just makes us all feel loved and cared about....I truly believe we need at least 3 hugs a day. It's only my husband and I, so I'm always going up to him to just hug him and have him hug me back...it does wonders for me.
I know exactly how each and everyone of you feels regarding aches and pains and worries about tomorrow. I'm not even done with my treatments, and yet I find myself going to those "dark" places and worrying...sometimes for a couple of minutes, sometimes for hours. It's exhausting really and makes me crazy with madness...Why has this disease taken so much from us?
My husband leaves for 3 months (military) on February 1st and I will be alone for my rads and followup mammograms etc....I am afraid already of how I will be while he is gone....I am angry that I"m afraid already...but, I continue my prayers and somehow, it calms me...I read this thread about all of your triumphs and successes and I feel empowered....your words of wisdom and strength have become what I need to be better and stronger as I continue this walk each day.
YOU ARE ALL STRONGER THAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR...SOMETIMES IT TAKES SOMEONE ELSE TO REMIND YOU OF THAT...AND TONIGHT, IT'S ME!
God loves you so much and so do I!
Tori
DE COLORES!
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Tori, Thank you, we are all stronger than we give our self's credit for. I certainly know where every ones fears come from. Please don't take this wrong but we just don't know the future. Now I do the best I can and know God has a plan for my life. By know means do I have peace of mind and I certain don't know how I will handle sage 4. I think my biggest fear is that I wouldn't live a life. I fear I would just get ready to die. I am stage 3 and the longer I am out the more scared I am about my future. This disease has given me a new way I look at my future, everything I do I think will this make it easier for my family if I not here. (and sometime I think why am I cleaning so much is he going to keep it clean) lol Anywho I don't want to keep going on. I just want you all to know I know where your coming from. That being said I thank God every night that I got to raise my childern. Love you ladies and I will be praying for your special intention to marrow night.
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Betty-Your words are honest and hit close to home for me, and I'm sure for many of us. Thank you for being so truthful and open with your feelings....I'm praying for you, and all of us....
Peace and prayers,
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Tori.... we are here with you going through Rads...... I did them two years ago... if you ever wanna talk about them..PM me.... You can do this!
I will be praying on my own tomorrow night for you all..... I think I will be praying with my own words with our God. There is so much pain and hurt going on with you beautiful women right now...... that I feel called to have some one on one time with Him. I promise you, that I will be begging for your peace and health.
Michelle..... oh sweetheart..... You sound SO much like me....
I hate to say this....... and I hope you do not get mad at me..... I know EXACTLY how you feel right now.... because I did the same thing... and am just now.... SLOWLY...... pulling back.
Ok..... here it is: YOU ARE GOING BACK......... NOT FORWARD. You are going back to your Pre BC ways...... honey.....You pointed out to me.... a year ago..... that you never wanted to go back to that over worked.... strung out.... not enjoying life kinda gal. Bless you Michelle.... but it sounds like you are slipping back into that rut. STOP IT NOW! Happiness is ALL you and ALL OF US should even be thinking about in our lives now. GOD GAVE US ALL A SECOND CHANCE....... He allowed us to live for a reason... PLEASE TAKE THIS SECOND SHOT! I love ya....... and I hope I do not sound TOO much like a " witch"... I just care. Step back sister. Step back.
Ladies........ I am praying for you all. I was woken up Tuesday night about 2 am.... to PRAY FOR YOU ALL........ I was not tired...... and was moved to pray for you all.... and I just prayed and talked with our Father for you all here.... about an hour... then fell back to sleep.... I felt someone here needed my prayers......
I am so sorry that many of you are hurting right now...
God Bless you beautiful women.
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Laura and all,
Wow, we are all on a big wave together, as if we are in a life raft bobbing around. We must ask God for a lifeline, and to calm our fears. I think fear is the common theme here? of all kinds. I have been under siege for a long time in my apartment, too oppressed to speak, scared. My living situation is causing me the most fear, and it gets greater everyday. My landlords are completely negligent, and the woman became verbally abusive towards me as I was wading through the latest flood from upstairs ruining my rugs, my box springs, some of my clothes. I had said to God earlier that day I can do this for one more year...unless there is something wrong when I get home. I had no idea the mess that would greet me in the back bedroom. I was badly flooded in July, cleaned all of it up, and it was clogged drain from upstairs. Their other building is not much better, and the two people that gave their all in great kindness to help manage the other building and help me with pipes bursting etc...have had to back away due to the landlords fraud, horrible verbal abuse,the gambling, the drinking....I have been desperate. Feeling like I will die down in this basement. Mice running upstairs all the time. I hear them in the rafters, and I am terrified, duct taping the many gaps in the walls. God help me.
My friends stepped in as rental lease guarantors as my credit is awful from a few years back. I was approved due to their wonderful grace and Christian spirit. The rent of course is higher than I would have liked, and I am scared of that. Scared of it all, but know I MUST save my doggie daughter and myself. Heat either beyond tolerable to not on at all depending on how drunk the wife is. My windows wide open in the middle of winter. and she was so nasty to me the other night I wanted to vomit. So this is why I am just barely holding it together. Pray for me please. I had a friend that promised I could go stay with him if it got that bad, and he just blew me off. I used the words emergency, and he was having drama with his partner. Yet I had sewage seeping through the wall.I am so sorry to be so graphic. So pray for me to make a smooth transition, use my money very wisely (I don't do anything crazy, not even dinner out,) and need to keep up at work full time. I should make it, just have to keep everything together and get representation for the previous debt etc...I had wanted to pay much of it off, but now this savings must be re-allocated for survival.
sorry to ramble...or say too much. This is my life right now. and keeping it together at work a priority (I had to take the day off to deal with the leak and monitor the two guys hired to ahem "clean up," they usually smoke and drink beers in people's apartments. ) I think I understand the deep word despair, and am trying to get up and out now.
Dear Lord give me strength, and thank God for my dear friend and rescuers. Thank you for my Dear Sisters, and I am sorry I have not been as present as I could have been. All of your prayers mean the world to me.
Till tomorrow...
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Oh Squidward....... my sweet sister..... I HATE that this is going on with you... and TO you. I was off to bed... checked in one last time.... to make sure my prayer list was up to the time ... and saw your post. I am so very glad I signed on. You are on this list and you are very much so cared for here. I am very sorry for you too... beautiful girl ! I am praying for you... and on Fridays vigil... Bless you !
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Thank you Dear Laura
I woke up...no heat, whereas last night I was covered in sweat and the furnace was too hot too touch. Pray for today to turn this around, please. I have my cashier's check in my purse. Then if all goes through, it will be to have a careful reflective year of being strict financially, and planning for another move (unless I win the lottery
in a year probably out of the city, or further away where rents are cheaper. One step at a time...0 -
Oh Traci. You certainly have more than your share of troubles on top of dealing w/health issues. Have you thought about going to a free legal aid clinic for help & advice on debts, landlord, etc.? Laws exist to protect you and pro bono (free) attorneys do this work because they love it and want to help people - not just sit in a corporate law office. And bankruptcy laws (as negative as they may sound) are actually designed to allow people to get out from under past debts entirely and start with a new slate. Afterwards it only takes a few years to get full credit back. The DC area in general is expensive - my daughter has had good luck using Craigslist to find housing/roommates. Don't know if you're interested in a roommate or not - but that helps to share expenses in housing that neither one can afford on their own - and you might end up with a wonderful new friend to boot!
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Traci...
Again {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}. I wish that we could be there with you, helping you and doing what we could to take some of this burden off of your shoulders.
Janet has some good suggestions for you...I wish I had the words and the means to help you more than just this short email....
My prayers today will be in your honor, that you may feel some comfort is this sea of stress that you are in right now...
love you and bless you!
Tori
DE COLORES!
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Traci
REACH OUT you must ask for help! God Bless your friends for offering to help! I am just so sorry that you are dealing with this as it makes me feel like there can be no Peace for you until this situation is handled. We must have a comfortable safe living environment so there is a place we can deal with all that is going on with us. Traci I will be praying for a miracle for you all day long.
You are so deserving and I know God will come through soon!
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Laura
Your words are an echo of my own. I would love to hear more about your business and how things are going? How ARE you? Please let us know.
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Ladies
Prayers needed: Prayer for Peace from intense Anxiety, healing of long lingering cough. Prayers for my Diabetic Son. Prayers for my Marriage (need my Husband to be the financial leader and step out of his fear)
I humbly ask for a healthy and financially viable way out of my current career that curtails my travel and allows me to be home to take care of my boys especially my Diabetic. I pray that Mother's Grace can help many this year. I pray that I can begin to live in the blessed moment and find grace in each day.
I pray for the mental Health of my beautiful support network here on this thread that the peace of Jesus overwhelms us and sets us on the right path.
Thank you for praying for me this evening, I really am so appreciative to have your support.
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Just got home from work and read all the beautiful words of my sweet sisters. So much to deal with! Squid, Ihope and pray you find a place where you feel safe and secure. Blessings to all of you! xo
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Traci ~ please reach out like the other sisters are saying, I thought about you contacting the Fair Housing. http://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/topics/rental_assistance
Also google: Landlord abuse
Michelle ~ I hear ya, my DH needs to step up too. We seem to be in the same boat.
Theresa, Tori, Laura, Betty, Janet, Pat, Sheila, LMFSM ~ peace and blessings to you all.
About tonight's prayer: I am with most of you regarding being in a mess. Mentally and finally. My neighborhood dropped below 60% and we do not want to be left to hold the bag. There are 9 houses on my street and only 3 are occupied (including mine), there are 18 houses total in my community and the other streets have only 4 houses occupied. Very stressing and my mother is showing signs of no appetite due to her deteriorting kidney.
I would like to request for prayers tonight too.
Prayer needed for sucessful loan modification of our home, the interest rate is due to adjust next month
Prayer needed for my mother, Terry Chan (for a miracle), that her kidney function improves to about 300 points, regain appetite & strength.
Prayer needed for my son Michael to be accepted at Northwest Career Techical School (it is a magnet school) and he has to go through a lottery system.
Prayer needed for our sales and finances to improve.
Prayer needed for Apple (Mary) for swelling to subside and be nothing.
Amen. Thank you!
I will post a prayer for tonight in the next post.
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Let us see the signs of your presence
O God, our Father, we praise you and thank you.
You who love every man and guide all peoples, accompany the steps our our nation,
Which are often difficult but are full of hope.
Let us see the signs of your presence and feel the force of your love that never fails.
Lore Jesus, Son of God and Savior of the world,
made man in the womb of the Virgin Mary, we confess to you our faith.
May your Gospel be light and strength for our personal choices and those of society.
May your law of love lead our civil community to justice and solidarity,
To reconciliation and peace.Holy Spirit, love of the Father and of the Son,
confidently we invoke you.
You who are the inner teacher reveal to us the thoughts and ways of God.
Grant that we may look at human events with pure and penetrating eyes,
that we may preserve the just inheritance of sanctity and civility of our people,
that we may turn our hearts and minds to the renewal of our society.
Glory to you, O Son, who for love became our servant.
Glory to you, O Holy Spirit, who live and reign to the end of time. Amen!
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I am here and ready
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I am here too Betty - starting to pray.
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Hi sweet Ladies, and thanks so much for your love and support. I am going to keep moving through this, and keep on praying.
speaking of praying, I am here and ready too
Are we reading individual intentions?
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Joining you!
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Dear Jesus, I love you so much. Please take care of all our sisters and protect us and keep us strong and keep our hearts on you. Amen
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I am here..
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I'm here
Pat
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I am here too
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