Catholics
Comments
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Traci - Wow what a story to start the feast of the guardian angels! I have to tell you, after prayers last night, I went to bed pretty tired after a depressing week. I felt so good praying with everyone, so grateful. I slept like a baby!!! Normally I wake up when DH comes to bed, but I was out like a light... he said I was laying on top of the covers (hot flash) just sleeping as peacefully as he's ever seen. What a wonderful blessing. And your cancerversary!
Janet - it sounds like you're doing what you need to be doing right now, resting and moving to keep your swelling down and body fluids moving. I didn't have a mastectomy, so I don't know what you're going through. But I know you're loved and cared for and prayed over every day! :-) That was a nice poem.
Pat - I know alcoholism well. My first husband was an alcoholic. Just tears the family apart. My prayers tonight for your family, especially your niece.
Apple - Paula took the words right out of my mouth. I haven't been here long, but I look forward to "being" with you all as often as I can and I think of and pray for you all every day.
Jan - {{{{Hugs}}}}
St. Bernard wrote a lovely homily on our guardian angels... it's too long to type... but I'll share what really inspired me this morning:
We should then, my [brothers], show our affection for the angels, for one day they will be our coheirs just as here below they are our guardians and trustees appointed and set over us by the Father. We are God's children although it does not seem so, because we are still but small children under guardians and trustees, and for the present little better than slaves.
Even though we are children and have a long, a very long and dangerous way to go, with such protectors what have we do fear? They who keep us in all our ways cannot be overpowered or led astray, much less lead us astray. They are loyal, prudent, powerful. Why then are we afraid? We have only to follow them, stay close to them, and we shall dwell under the protection of God's heaven.
That blew me away. Yes, we're God's children, but we've been appointed guardians, just like children on earth whose parents are gone are appointed guardians. We take baby steps, just like children, toward heaven. Our angels hold our hands and help pick us up when we fall. God's messengers for us. Our guardians. I have a profound, new appreciation of my guardian angel today.
God bless you all. I will light a candle at church tomorrow for all of us, healing, cure, and peace.
-Theresa
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Thank you Theresa, that blew me away too. Thanks for sharing it
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Hi All,
Janet - glad the news was good! Welcome, Monika! I'm so sorry PatMom about the grief and stress in your family right now. To all the others, I am amazed at the amount of posting and kindness and love in this thread. You all inspire me.
I've been grouchy the last couple days! I love October, I love the crispness in the air, the signal that the leaves on the trees are turning soon...I even love Halloween because of all the wonderful memories of my childhood (was a big deal in South Philadelphia and was like a big neighborhood party)...plus it's my birthday this month! However, I feel like BC has taken my happy October away. Here's my reasons for grouchy:
1. I found the lump last October - I don't know if that qualifies for a cancerversary but it certainly brings back the angst and terrified feelings. I can't believe it's almost a year...and I haven't felt "myself" and healthy since then (surgery, chemo, rads, hormone therapy SEs etc). So I feel like this October signals 12 months of sick....when does the feel great stuff start? I'm still mad at BC.
2. There's pink ribbons EVERYWHERE! I went shopping at Sam's Club today and there was a whole isle of pink ribbon stuff -- what do pillows have to do with BC? Why sell thermal underwear with a pink ribbon on it when everyone I see on this board suffers from hot flashes and sleepless nights...no one is complaining they're too cold! When I stopped at the local supermarket and went to checkout - there were pink ribbon bags; the cashier was asking everyone if they wanted to contribute to BC when they paid their bill. When the poor guy asked me I said, "Well, I've got BC and I've been contributing alot all year long. I'll pass on this." I am astonished by the commercialization of the whole disease. I know we're obsessed as a society with boobs....I just didn't realize that sick boobs made so much money.
And, I'm tired...tired physically, emotionally, and tired of feeling tired. Hence, I'm grouchy.
So, I've turned to praying the rosary for God to give me patience, tolerance, and a brighter point of view. However, I don't think there's any amount of praying that's gonna make me feel better about October until it's over.
(Pat
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Pat - I just posted something on another thread about the pinkness of BC. I guess I'm the last to know it must be BC month or something. But I think those of us who have BC, especially the newbies, are overwhelmed by the PINKNESS of BC - candy bars, ribbons, like you said, grocery bags. Yes, it's a very important cause and we need to fund it until there's a cure, but on the other hand, where's the sensitivity to those of us who have BC. In the other thread I commented about when the radiology doc who did my biopsy and gave me my results gave me a bag of pink stuff, like a charm bracelet and angel pin and ribbon pins. Crikey, I was just told I had CANCER, don't tell me I'm a survivor, don't shove this stuff down my throat when I'm choking from tears! I'm getting better at it now. I have the pink ribbon pin on my purse and have the BC license plate and the angel pin is on my backpack. I figure if someone sees those signs and asks me, I'll share b/c it might help that person.
So, with all the October talk, it was October of last year when I had the mammogram that found the tumor. It wasn't until Christmas Eve that I was told it was malignant. What a year.
But there are MANY things to be grateful for that trump the bummer things: like beautiful autumn days like today, family and friends, warm apple cider, crisp apples, changing leaves... we're all here, STILL HERE, to enjoy those things, after having that fateful diagnosis.
-Theresa
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Pat ~ You wrote "brings back the angst and terrified feelings", you took the words out of my mouth. I feel that I'm still hanging on to the handle bars of this roller-coaster ride. It's been a wild ride for me this whole summer. No words can express this ordeal. Just when one thinks it's calm, something else pops up. I want to get off it right now! Like the BC never happened! Right now, I'm just counting the days when I start rads and then the daily count down from 33 txs.
Please know that venting is healthy and we are all here to embrace each other.
Theresa ~ Speaking of BC awareness, we were all a little surprised when our local newspaper was printed on "pink" paper on Sept 30th. Not just one section, the entire thing. I read on another thread on BCO when someone was frustrated when the phase "awareness" was so over-used. That person mentioned that it should say "find a cure"...I totally agree. So what if there's awareness, then what? Do we have a drug that guarantees that it won't come back? We want this disease eradicated - DISAPPEAR! GONE!
There's so much frustration. You're right, it's so commercialized.
And this just dawned on me, we need to pray for a CURE and fast!!
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Pat,
You have been through so much in the last year. I understand the hormone therapy comes with a lot of side effects. This is from what I have read. I have some thoughts if I may share. I hope this comes across as supportive, it's hard on the internet. I feel in the bottom of my heart, that it's important to not let BC have power over how you experience something that has given you much joy in the past. There is a new normal, absolutely. You do have control over how much BC can infiltrate your emotions and your joy. Breathe in the crispness of the air, let your inner child have those fabulous memories of Halloween, do anything you can to get the upper hand on this.
This being a month which signals a BC anniversary certainly brings a lot of feelings to the forefront. When we are going through treatment, we have our game faces on. We have something to fight, or the chemo has us in a world of hurt, and all of our energy is put towards getting through it. I have also seen threads talking about PTSD and BC. It is very traumatic to go through these treatments
I have found my weekly therapy appointments and support group to be just as important as the other treatments to help me fight and recover. I was part of a pilot program with the BC Center that focused on survivorship. So I just want to encourage you to ask for help if it is too much right now. Talk to your MD if you are having a lot of trouble with your hormone treatments. I pray that you will come through this and start to feel better soon.
Your feelings are valid, you have every right to be grouchy, and being tired is probably an understatement. To me the tiredness feels like mono with a touch of malaria. Unreal. I finally am feeling better now that they finally found my thyroid was whacked. I just kept bugging my MD's until we found what was going on. You deserve to feel better, so I pray you do, real soon. If you need to bug your MD's do that too. Dig deep and get that fight going...
give this over to God, let Jesus carry your burdens, and I will pray in particular for Raphael, the healer to intervene.
We love you Pat, and we are here to help pull you up.
Traci
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Pagowens--just as each has tried to comfort you, so, I to wish too. But what we are all going through is a tight grip of an unknown source that tries to steal our souls, our hearts, our solace. Where we were strong an independent, it seeks to make us weak. Where we laughed with brightness and the carefree love of life, we now feel that taken from us. The constant worry is hateful. Know one who has not experienced the fatigue brought on by cancer has a clue. All the volunteers that give so freely of their time to help whatever cancer is their soup dejour, has a clue what we face on a daily basis. The mail piling up. The eobs trying to be matched to a bill. Seeking grant money and the complicated forms asking for seemingly endless information. The once meticulously cleaned house, that now is not.
WE come here when our need is more than we can bear because even those closest to us don't really understand. We cry. We vent. We rant. We scream.
Then we pray and when the tears flow during our prayers, we think of each other. We hope for each other. We believe that our collective prayer will give each other strength. So, instead of one we are many. In the many we find strength, we find hope that each three birds seen are angels. That our sister that just had surgery has less pain today than yesterday, gained strength through her contact with us. Do not let despair enter your heart. Whomever through your life, that you have prayed to, that has brought solace, find them again. Pray each moment that negative thoughts enter your mind. For myself, it is Mother Mary. In a moment of need, I found my Mom's rosary. It was blessed by Pope John Paul 2nd. I had know idea it was in the house. It was brought from Rome by a family friend. My mom moved from our home in 98 and passed in 04. So, why did I find it now. Why did she leave it. Was it happenstance. I have only a belief right know that there is a Guiding Hand. This beleif is my solace now.
Pat -pagowens ---Working towards the peace you once felt is a daily struggle. We all feel it. WE may never feel it again the way we once did. But keep trying. Take from each person here what grips your soul. You will know it because you heart/ mind/ soul will say to you "That is what I need to do".
Squid-Traci has started a 10pm prayer group. Even when we can't be here everyone here is THINKING it, and entering into the collective prayer when it comes to mind. That is as powerful at all times as the one time. SO, if it is missed just pray, it will calm your soul. It will still be part of the collective thought.
Many others here have heard this story, but I will tell it again because when I first heard It, I so grabbed the belief in me that is central to all of us. There is this beautiful nurse on the nurses thread that on a Himalayan Trek observed that when the Sherpas met each other, they folded their hands as if in prayer and said Namaste. The translation they gave her was "I Salute the God Within You". The power in that statement, I believe goes to the core of what Jesus taught. It, also, goes to the core of many other religions. In the case of the Sherpas, Karla thought it was Buddist in origin. Each of us carry GOD within us. It is how, we carry God within that matters. SO, when the devil fights to take our spirit, by all that is hateful and negative, is when we must fight the hardest. That is why I say, return to the Saint or Mother Mary(you have already said you are saying the rosary) who will lead you back to the God within you. This will bring you back from the brink that you are now on. Let it be.
Namaste-I Salute the God Within You---L&H and Faith Sheila
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I'm going to re-read all these recent posts - so much wisdom and understanding in them. Pat, we all feel your pain. I avoid looking in the mirror because I don't see my normal happy or healthy self - just a tired, sad, worried person. I feel like I've aged years in just the last 3 months! BC steals so much from us and getting that anger and frustration out is important. I read so much that being strong mentally and a positive attitude is just as important (maybe more) as the medical procedures - but that's much easier said than done. I had not thought about it, but as one of you said, maybe that is the evil/devil at work. He tends to find weakness and prey on it relentlessly. We can't let him do that. Here, we can hold each other up to the light.
I try to find one small joy or something to laugh about each day to try to stay sane! I have a family of cardinals that have been coming to my bird feeder all season. The 'baby' birds are as big as the parents now -- but they still sit on the deck rail fluffing their feathers and stamping their feet until one of the parents comes over & puts a seed in their beak! I'm sure they're totally able to get that seed themselves from the feeder! Sort of reminds me of my adult kids and it makes me smile
My 84 year aunt sent a whole list of jokes to me about church - she said laughter is important to my recovery. Here is one. A Sunday school teached asked her small children as they were on the way to mass "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
God bless us all - hope each of us has a good day today.
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Sister Sheila,
Am I seeing a new calling for you? I feel like I just went to a fabulous church service. Namaste! Namaste! Namaste!
Janet,
Much easier said than done (positive attitude) yes, I agree. I think it is important that when we have positive thoughts that are truly for our benefit. Hum, that doesn't sound right. Trying again, sometimes it feels like there is an expectation from others, that if I give them positive rhetoric, they feel relieved. It's like a dance they want you to dance with them...they ask us to heal their discomfort by telling them we are fine. If we have no fears, then we must be healed.
I do this now only with those who truly need me to be that way (my Dad for example.) I do not want him to worry, so it is through love that I may hold something back until I have a better handle on what's happening. But I cannot go around telling people light stories, tempering my truth and letting myself go down in the process. I don't walk around sad sack at all..I usually flash a smile that has been with me since childhood. My answer is I am hanging in there, or I am not so great today if I am having a bad day. I remember cursing like a sailor and crying on the phone to friends during chemo. I honor those around me (in my humble opinion) by bringing them in to my reality, maybe with the hope that they can be strong for me where I feel weak.
Let's start by relieving and soothing ourselves first, so that we may in earnest speak positively to others. Let us be real with one another, so that we can share what brings us up. Enjoying the family of cardinals who visit everyday, or sharing a laugh about church (Good One!) I think of Pat who has shown us her hurts, and now I see a swooping in of our own Angels on this board, and Sheila our collective is strong and mighty/ We have good teachers.
Namaste.
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What wonderful words of wisdom, I agree Janet!
Sheila you said it: The constant worry is hateful. Know one who has not experienced the fatigue brought on by cancer has a clue.
Traci yes: To me the tiredness feels like mono with a touch of malaria. Unreal.
I've been pumping myself with vitamins lately to try to fight the tiredness and achiness. By the end of the day, I'm zonked. By the end of the work week, wiped out.
Sisters, my daughter told me about a friend of theirs who was just diagnosed with BC. She's 38 and just had a baby. She was having trouble breast feeding out of her left breast and that's how they found it. Her name is Amanda. Please keep her in your prayers as she's very early in the journey and I'm sure really scared with lots of decisions ahead of her. I went through this ordeal with grown children. I can't imagine those young gals who have young families *and* have to deal with this evilness. God bless them all. I sent her the link to this site so she can gather useful information and find support.
We're having football night here watching the Redskins and Eagles. DD is making the food spread. Grandsons are wrestling like little bears. DH is doing yard work. All's right with the world! :-)
-Theresa
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Theresa,
God Bless Amanda, and may she be supported by all of her family and friends during this very stressful time. May her Guardian Angel be ever vigilent, and give her signs of God's love. I am sorry that we have another young Sister and mom that joins us, she has our very sincere prayers and wishes for the best news possible. Please keep us posted.
On a lighter note, I love your description of your Sunday Family Football gathering. Very cute indeed!
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Thanks Traci - I'll tell my daughter that Amanda has the prayers from our group behind her. I don't know if she's a faith-filled woman or not, but we are, so I'm sure she'll feel it! I'll keep you posted and hope she joins the breastcancer.org community. I wish I had joined earlier.
Yep, it was a nice afternoon. Watching the boys wrestle reminded me of my son and daughter when they were little. They wrestled like that too. I called my daughter Bam-Bam b/c she was so strong and could wrestle any boy. Probably still can!
Now I have to clean up the kitchen. We have a rule - if you cook, you don't have to clean up. It's usually my DH or DD who get dibs on cooking b/c they hate to do dishes, but that leaves old Mom to clean up. Most times it's not a bad deal, but tonight, sheesh!!! I'll be in there a long time.
Let's see... is there a kitchen prayer? Who is the patron saint of pots and pans?
-Theresa
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Theresa,
I think you are on your own there! Samantha on Bewitched just twitched her nose, have you tried that?
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A beautiful way to close out Sunday and say the Hail Mary. Enjoy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvdX5Ht3U9w (Bocelli)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiM9QVdJyVQ (Evancho)
The Latin:
Ave Maria, gratia plena, Dominus tecum.
Benedicta tu in mulieribus,
et benedictus fructus ventris tui, Iesus.
Sancta Maria, Mater Dei,
ora pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc,
et in hora mortis nostrae.
Amen.The English translation:
"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee;
blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now
and at the hour of our death.
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Beautiful.
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Oh Lord God Almighty, who has safely brought us to the beginning of a new day.
Defend this day by your Power, so that we may not only turn away from all sin, but also that our thoughts, words and deeds may proceed from and be directed according to Your will, through our Lord Jesus Christ, Your son, who lives and reigns with us in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God, world without end.
Amen
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Amen.
I was just thinking I need to look up a prayer for today, and there you go! How are you feeling today?
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Traci,
I'm hanging in there. Headed out shortly to get my blood drawn to see how my WBC is doing. I'm hoping and praying it all looks good.
Have a blessed day!
Tori
DE COLORES!
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you too Tori, best wishes! Let us know how it goes..
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do you all know I am a funeral musician?
it seems 1/2 the funerals are for cancer patients. It's a holy profession. Prayers for all my sisters. (and yes the weather is great again.)
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Hello Angels!
You are the best. Just by reading your words and feeling your love, my spirits have risen. I am grateful beyond words. Namaste!
I have an oncology check up on 10/10 and intend to list all my physical woes and get them addressed - the tiredness, left-over neuropathy, aches/pains from the aromatase inhibitors, etc. On the whole, I'm doing a lot better than 6 months ago....and figure I'll be even better 6 months from now.
We decorated for Halloween this weekend and my grandson was estatic...and afraid of some of the things, like spiders. I told him to have "courage" and told myself the same thing. I get great relief praying the rosary - takes me back to Catholic School and the "peace" that sitting in class or morning mass brought to the day. God bless those wonderful nuns!
Hugs to you all! Thank you for being there and not judging my vent.
Pat
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Apple - what a great vocation! Do you play an instrument or sing (or both?). I'm in a parish that actually has 2 churches. I like the historic church best. Only room for about 100 people. It's a national historic landmark - built before the Civil War. It was used by Clara Barton as a field hospital! At the time they stripped out all the pews to make room for the hospital. There are many relics & photos of soldier patients inside and also laying outside the church on the ground. After the war Pres.Grant made a special order to replace the pews. I can feel all the souls in that church and think of the surgeries, suffering and healing that took place there. Name is St. Mary of Sorrows. There are only about 8 in the choir, but they sing like angels
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Pat,
Seeing your post put a big smile on my face...of course you would not be judged, it's good to get it out there, let it blow into the wind. Anger can be motivating, and believing that you deserve to feel better is important. It is incredibly hard to be your own advocate when you are feeling depressed or anxious. But what if these feelings are due to medical reasons? Then it becomes very hard to come out of, much less recognize. And if it has more to do with dealing with the other parts the BC brings, then this too can be addressed and get better.
So I am thrilled you were able to do some Halloween decorating this weekend with your grandson. In my neighborhood, we have several houses that pull out all of the stops in decorating for Halloween. One place looks like two houses joined together, with a big iron gate, and they have a haunted house. There are many kids and families that come from different quadrants in the city for "safe trick or treating..." I am going to try and get my landlord, who loves Halloween, but has some dementia and loves people, to join me again this year, as we have done in years past to dress up together, and hand out candy. The whole neighborhood comes out on their stoops, and I kid the guys across the street that we should hand out Ibuprofen for the adults.
I hope your appointment goes well on the 10th. I finally see the endocrinologist on Wednesday, and not a moment too soon.
Peace be with you.
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Apple,
No I did not know that...do you play the organ? I had them play The Holly and the Ivy at my mom's funeral, even though it was in August. The organist put a spin on it that was very nice. My mom passed from pancreatic cancer, and this was a song I would play for her on the piano. I would also play it on the flute along with a CD. I'm glad you have beautiful weather, we are unseasonably cold here, so it feels like I should be having soup in from of a fire.
Janet,
I can see why this would be a Church that would feel very full of spirits. God Bless Clara Barton, she has my utmost respect from a fellow Nurse. I will look up your Church on the internet to see it's beauty. How are you, btw?
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Traci - I'll bet you are an awesome nurse! I'm getting along OK. I started walking again. I try to walk a little farther each day, except today I think I went a little too far not thinking. Turned around and thought "uh oh, hope I can get all the way back home without getting shaky or having to sit on the sidewalk!" Have to pace myself better. But I've been very good about not doing anything with my arm - surgeon read me the riot act about that for the first week. Sometimes though I'm just sitting still not even moving and get little "lightning bolts" out of the blue on my chest and under arm. I read somewhere those are the nerves coming back. The rest is just numb.
Tori - hope you got good results on blood test today.
Theresa - how bout those Skins!
Your football party must have been good luck.Rainy & very chilly here tonight. Had to turn on the heat for first time! Thinking of all of you sisters & your angels tonight. God bless.
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Tori: good luck on your WBC! I well remember those days.
Janet: I was rather shocked when I turned on the game to see the Redskins winning! It was fun to watch.
Apple: my husband is a liturgical musician ... when we lived in NJ he played (guitar) and sang at the 5:00 Saturday Mass. He has such a calling. We haven't settled in yet back in VA, but I hope he gets back into it. People like you and DH provide such a wonderful gift to the church.
Traci: I didn't know you're a nurse! I agree with Janet, I bet you're a wonderful nurse, and now as a BC survivor, I'm sure you have a much better understanding of the other side! My brother died of pancreatic cancer. A horrible cancer. He was 47. He was such a strong, athletic man and the cancer robbed him of everything ... he wasted away. God rest his soul and your mother's soul.
Pat: I was happy, too, to read your post. Yes, prayers and love come your way from us and I'm sure it comes back to us from you. "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the midst of them." Matthew 18:20. I believe the Holy Spirit touches us each time we come here. And I have a stronger sense of our guardian angels too. We just moved from Absecon, NJ back to VA. A big part of me misses south Jersey, especially our parish. It's very different here and we're trying to adjust. And I'm a native Virginian!!
Today is the feast day of St. Francis!! As you probably remember, I'm in formation to be a secular Franciscan. I hope I make it, but like I said, we moved away from our faith family and haven't found a meeting here yet. Here is my favorite Francis prayer:
Saint Francis' Blessing to Brother Leo (adapted to my BC sisters in faith)
The Lord bless you and keep you;
May He show His face to you and have mercy.
May He turn His countenance to you and give you peace.
The Lord bless you, BC sisters in faith.-Theresa
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I am so inspired by Jackie and all my bc sisters! God bless us all.
Ellie xo
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Ladies,
Awww thank you. I have learned so much from my patients over the years, and sometimes it is just a privilege to be a Nurse. It has been hard for me to leave the bedside, mostly due to my back and nerve injuries from my endometriosis surgeries. I realize God has a plan, and I do good things now, but I have never fully recovered from leaving my charges in the hospital. So many times I have been angry with God, here I was a willing servant, and I never wanted to be anywhere else. If I had to do it all over again, I would still be a Nurse, no questions asked. I'd even take the BC again, but would leave the other health challenges off. I know that may sound strange to hear, but with BC, I have the support and Sisterhood I have not had in the past. So there it is. I am very open with my patients, and I had a patient come by and show me her negative mammogram results. I was very touched by this, so this month everyone gets the once over by me in our busy clinic. The MD's all know too, so I can be of some good here.
Theresa,
To your brother and my mother, you are missed beyond measure, but we knew we had to let you go. It was too much. truly a horrible Cancer.
I hope you find a meeting place in Va. Have you looked into DC area? I am very interested in your spiritual journey.
Thank you for the St. Francis Blessing. I like it's simplicity, but says so much.
I will look for a psalm to post, but wish everyone Sweet Dreams in the meantime.
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iIm here late - 6 Hail Marys said & one our father- Love and belief sas
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Sheila,
I fell asleep earlier trying to get a comeback to your very funny interpretation for ttyl...I gave up. You are hilarious.
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