MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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Eli, thanks for the note about page toppers. I won't feel stupid anymore !!
About emotional side effects, I think lots of us are so intent on our treatment right after our diagnosis that we never properly deal with the facts then. We research, we discuss options, we interview docs, but we just do it on auto pilot. Then we get into our patterns. I really believe that PTSD affects many of us at a later time. Talking with our docs and maybe getting a little pharmaceutical assistance if necessary is an important part of tx too in my opinion. Hope those of you who are struggling give that a chance. I didn't have to personally, but I wouldn't have hesitated, I know that.
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walker2222, I had twinges for a year, and that was just with lumpectomy, so to have them for a couple years out from Mx and recon. is probably also normal, but something that needs mentioning. How was the visit with BS today?
Welcome to both kaza and MENA1954!
My RO was so happy that I had recovered enough to resume rads. While I knew a week off should get me right again, he must have been more doubtful about me. Ha! I showed him. :-) I also did get my little tank of chemo tyranny strapped back on, but I believe it is yet a lower dosage than all previous. Some is better than none to boost the effects of the rads, so I am happy enough to take the scaled down dosage. My finish date is January 18. I have a BIG circle on the calendar already.
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Had my annual ob-gyn appt this past Monday. The Dr told me I could have my pelvic exam every two years now, but of course to be sure to continue to have the breast exam each year. (I will be 61 on the 19th)
To the post-menopausal gals, what has your gyn told you? Each year? Every two years?
E ~~ chugga, chugga, chugging along....You're almost done with this phase. You're doing it. Keeping good thoughts for a smooth ending. (in more ways than one!
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Kaza - to answer your question directly - Yes. All the Aromatase Inhibitors have affected me emotionally. I have been on all three Aromatase Inhibitors which depression and sadness were one of the side effects of many side effects.
You might do better on another drug. But, the only way to know is to try the drug. Hope this helps. AMP
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Have not posted in awhile, looks like lots of new faces. My journey continues and I am scheduled for a breast biopsy today. Been feeling a spot that did not feel normal and BS wants to be sure, thinks it is an irregular lymphnode but wants to make sure. He reminded me that only 4% of radiated breasts come back positive for cancer but only 5% get radiation damage and breast infections and I get both so not so sure those odds are good for me! I know we have to be commited to understanding our bodies and how changes feel, I also know that when I do feel diffrent sometimes it is challenging to convince our doctors. My doctors acted very quickly on this and let me know I should have come in Novemeber when I first felt it but have had a frustrating 6 months and did not want to deal with one more thing. Have a littel cough so hopefully will have the biopsy today but will see.
Eli sounds like you have had a rough 6 months too! Hope all goes well, some of us are just blessed with more than one of the lovely cancers!! Glad all of you are here to listen even for us who don't post regularly!
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Carollynn--next time you see your doc, remind him that statistics like 5% only apply to groups of people. The only statistics that apply to an individual person are 0% and 100%. You do or do not get cancer. You do or do not get a side effect from treatment. All other numbers are irreleivant to you, personally and he needs to remember that.
Ugg. A pet peeve of mine.
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Native Maine, good point, since I already a 2 time cancer patient I tend to look at these numbers with skeptism. Love Maxine!!
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Eli, appointment went great, I am now seeing the BS once a year. I did ask her about the pains, well acctually it was an ache that radiated around the infected breast area not just a localized place. Since I backed out of the recon in 2011 she said this is normal but to let them if it happens more often. Because I had BMX with expanders for a while there could have been rubbing of the musle area. So I am ok with it. I will probably have a revision later in the year as I have excess skin that the PS did not remove at my last surgery.
I see my MO on Friday and will have my bone infusion for my bone density loss from 2011. I had my annual bone scan done in Dec. so should know if it got better or worse. I am on Femera and have been since Oct of 2010. MY PTSD really did not hit me until last year with mood swings and such. I have been thinking about taking a sabitical from work and what I am doing can be real stressfull "collections". Then take some partime work through a temp agency. Through it all I do not think I gave my "mind, body and soul" to heal completely. I hate the new normal.
Eli, be praying for you.
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Walker 2222, have to agree about hating new normal, I say the only thing consistent is change! Appreciate the good days and learning to deal with the low days much better.
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walker2222, Unfortunately "new normal" often contains strange new aches and pains and all we can do is get them checked out, because the old "wait and see" normal is a thing of the past for us now. Glad your aches don't indicate a new problem. Bad enough it's something persisting from the old problem. Forgot to say that when you took a break from posting, I just figured you were busy with all the Fall band hoopla.
Val, Seems like the newer guidelines are telling women that if they have had a certain number of normal paps (like 3?) on a yearly basis, that it is now suggested to go every two (or is it three) years. I am supposed to have my appt this month BUT with so much else going on, I think I will push my annual appt. out to 18 mos. and take care of it in summer. Also, going to ask about the two year program but, in my case, I may need closer monitoring for life. Not only because I am a cancer two-timer now, but with all the rads to the pelvis, you just know I'm mutating something in there. Remind me again when it is time to celebrate your move into the "ish" years.
carollynn79, I had been thinking about you recently (Val's being from MI brought you to mind) and I am sorry you have a biopsy looming over you again. I feel like it will check out o.k., like maybe just rads related changes or something. I had a lymph node scare too. In the midst of getting scanned to the hilt over my latest cancer, an enlarged node was noted on my treatment side of the chest (but outside my field of rads) and I was worried that it was a speck of B/C that didn't get killed off by the rads. Well, when they got around to doing the PET on me, it had absolutely NO uptake, so false alarm.
NativeM, That is the way I think of it too...recurrence as an all or nothing deal.
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AMP47 ......Thankyou x
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You guys sure are a noisy group...my pockets were jumping! Lol...BTW I feel like shit.
Mondays chemo was terrifying, I had an event, the anti nausea drug almost did me under...I had the dangerous side effects, loss of motor control, incoherent, sweating, BP shot to 180/100 they called the onco he said it was taxol, not! It was like my mothers stroke which I was there when she had it but my symptoms were on both sides of my body. They could have yelled fire and I couldn't move a muscle, good thing hubby was there he knew I was in distress and insisted they stop the drug for a bit. Sure enough I started to recover and my treatment took a lovely 6.5 hours. I get why people give up...
Tuesday, well that was port install day, I was sick all night from Mondays fun day so he really examined me to make sure I was able to withstand the surgery....I had to have the port as they poked my only good arm 4 times. Didn't hurt on install but hurts like hell ever since. Today my sister, bless her brought me to the care clinic to have the tape and badges refreshed, did I mention that I'm so allergic to the glue on the tape that I bleed? So I'm told that removal of the dangles and tape for the port is scheduled for next Tuesday..oh joy! I'm not gonna shower, I don't care, just doing the important parts!
My sugars dropped drastically today, probably cause of the multiple BM visits to the toilet since Monday, and no wonder I'm not hungry!
Sis and I had to go to cosco and had the free snacks which picked me up a bit but I'll have to see a dietician as I don't know what to eat anymore..onco doc said easy on dairy eat crackers, drink teas....jeez...they also know I have a weight problem....
Tomorrow is bloodwork, glowing body cat scan and I just found out I have to drink something as well....shit...there is a nodule on my adrenal gland so they want to see if its active...hmmm...little bastards are everywhere! The back of my left knee hurts, told to pay attention for blood clot...
When I'm alone I can pretend none of this is really happening...soon as I see anybody I'm jolted back to my reality and I cry, a lot.
Reading all the encouragement makes me cry as well but they're happy tears! Xoxoxox0 -
Jo,
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Jo. You have certainly had a rough go. It's about time you catch a break. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Sending gentle ((hugs)) and warm thoughts for a brighter tomorrow.
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JoC, You were having a real chemo DAYmare! It sounds very scary and horrifying for both you and your husband. Good thing he was there as you got so incapacitated by the chemo. Please keep in mind, just 'cause we read how "doable" chemo is, don't think for a minute that if something starts going wrong that you are being a lightweight and maybe things have to be individualized or customized for you. We aren't all the same and we don't all react the same. Hopefully they will find a way to administer that it will be more tolerable next time. Oh, and my port was uncomfortable for 2-3 weeks (even tho' so many said they were good two days later.) I think that sounds like a good plan for you to work something out with a dietician. Everyone on this thread knows what a formidable opponent B/C is.
The fact that we are just average women stepping up to deal with something like this is incredible all by itself!!!
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I was so happy to find this category for middle age women!! I have a very strong family history of BC, maternal G-Ma, Mother & 2 paternal Aunts. Mine was found during routine mammogram, Stage 1, Grade 2, HER/PR+, NEU-, 0 lymph nodes involved. Had BM 08/30/12 & starting reconstruction 01/18/13. Started Tamoxifen 09/01/12.
I lost my Mother 2 1/2 yrs ago to Satge IV BC - she was given 5 yrs to live and made it 4. I was the one who cared for her every day during those 4 yrs and always wondered how I would cope if I had to go through this as she was always graceful, kind, optimistic and positive. Well, now I know how it feels and she is my inspiration.
Everyone diagnoised with BC learns how fickle BC can be. Finding the cancer early is best but doesn't promise a return down the road. I just had my 4 mo follow up with my Oncologist and the anticipation waiting for the appointment/test results were nerve wracking. I have my faith, boyfriend, great family and friends but I find most people who haven't experienced cancer and the fear have a difficult time understanding the fear(s) we face. I feel like my boyfriend wants to keep moving forward and don't look back though he has been more than 100% supportive/giving care, etc. Friends want to make me feel better by telling me not to worry. Rationally I know there isn't any way to know if my BC will come back and I don't want to allow it to rob me of anymore time by worrying but the irrational part is there and I can't pretend it's not in the back of my mind
I didn't join any support groups because the loss of my Mother/best friend is still too raw to allow myself to think too deeply and reflect with others while going through my own experience. I didn't think I needed support but I am learning I do. Cancer taught me the lesson that I need to chill out, quit stressing so much, more strict diet and enjoy each day, person, etc. with more clarity and love. So any words of widsom for those who have traveled this road/and or still are would be appreciated.
Thank you and Blessings to all of you!!
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Welcome, acaligirl! There are several of us here who have been in the caregiver role. As demanding as that can be, there is a deep satisfaction to be able to give back to a parent on that level. Good for you stepping up to do that! Have you any daughters to be concerned about genetically?
re: Rationally I know there isn't any way to know if my BC will come back and I don't want to allow it to rob me of anymore time by worrying but the irrational part is there and I can't pretend it's not in the back of my mind
Truer words were never spoken. Very impressive that you have already discovered what it takes some a few years to come to appreciate...that to live in a way that is not dictated by the cancer or by the fear of the cancer returning is our best bet to getting to some kind of normal feeling again. The magic 5-year period is not all that meaningful for those with hormone positive cancers, and I kind of feel that I will be looking over my shoulder for cancer for the rest of my LIFE, but it really is up to us as to how much of our lives we give over to cancer. WE owe it to ourselves to KEEP IT TO A MINIMUM because there is a lot more to life that deserves our attention.
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When attending statistic 101 in college, the professor told us that we were now going to learn about lies, lies and more lies. He further went on to explain, in case you are wondering what I'm referring to - that would be the study of statistics. And, by the way, if you think you are and A student - I don't give,"As" so,good luck. .
After my surgeon, he told me that my chances of recurrence are either 0'or 100. I have made this point many times on this site with strong resistance to the statement from my doctor.
A very sobering awareness of breast cancer - Native Maine is correct.0 -
Caligirl, glad you found your cancer early, but agree that it is a fickle beast, and it can be hard to remain calm.
Welcome to our group.
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Elimar - love the picture at the top! That's going to be me when I can afford a new motorcycle, lol. I still have the Kawasaki 250 I learned to drive on when I was a young teenager. Needless to say it needs some work, but they aren't all that hard to work on. Just gotta convince my ex-husband he should do it - haha!
Actually, lately I've been thinking about getting a Vespa and ride it around à la Sophia Loren. Probably wouldn't look quite the same, nor have the same vibe. But I've been looking at them - I like the baby blue color. But it is doable around here - I'm within walking distance of everything, it's just not safe to walk around here because of the traffic.
I also signed up for some drum lessons today! I get two 1-hour lessons for $50 from a woman drummer who was in the Top 25 Women of Indie Rock or something like that
Then I'll try to teach myself via classes on iTunes and YouTube. Yeah, I think my 2nd childhood is starting....
acaligirl - you've got a terrific attitude! I need some attitude readjustments every now and then, but mostly I stay on the positive side of things. Welcome to this fun board!
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Welcome acaligirl - You sound like you have a great attitude to help you through whatever life may throw at you. Glad to have you join for fun, merriment, support, encouragement, laughter and tears.
heartnsoul - I'm sure you would look every bit as elegant as Sophia on a vespa! Drum lesson?? Sounds like a lot of fun - I have been thinking about getting back into the guitar (used to play a bit about 20 some years ago). Maybe you could post a video of your talent once you get rockin!
Happy Friday everyone!
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Biopsy went okay one spot was not a irregular node but a cyst the other suspect area may be scar tissue but will know next Friday as BS is on vacation, ok I am going on vacation nex month no matter results. Feeling crppy today cold or flu is back think my body is staying stop rest so no work no nothing but here and tv!
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Take care of yourself, Carollyn. Hoping for an uneventful week until you can get the results next Friday.
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Thank you for your posts. I tried to learn from my Mother to have a good attitude and I will say it is easier to have that when you seem to have a good prognosis. Not so sure how I would do if it was more advanced.
My Mother was my best friend and there wans't any other place I would rather be than with her helping her through that terrible time. I miss her greatly but I have peace knowing she is no longer suffering. I don't have any sisters or daughters to worry about thank goodness but we have discussed it with my brother to watch (since men can get it as well).
Just like everyone else, most days I do pretty well, stay positive, live, laugh, love but I will admit fear always seems to creep back around. I feel it will be up to me to use my own inner strength/faith again to get through this. I thought it would be nice to find others (in my age group) who could understand what this is like for us.
Thank you again for your words and I look forward to more on this board!!
Have a fabulous Friday Girls!!
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acaligirl,
I also lost my mother just over two years ago, but to ovarian cancer. She was a stoic and very independent woman, and did not go to the doctor for a long time after discovering lumps in her gut. When she told me about them, I made her make an appointment, and she learned a week later that she was stage 4.
Her diagnosis scared the hell out of me, for her, but also for me and my girls. After helping her through chemo and radiation and other surgeries to try to prolong her life, after five years she said "no more." She lived in her own home by herself until two days before she died (she went to a hospice facility on Friday and left this earth on Sunday. She would not consider moving in with us or going somewhere else that offered living assistance. She wanted to stay home with her two elderly dogs, so I set up daily care assistance and was there every weekend for the last year of her life. I got to know who she really was and treasure that time with her.
One of her dogs (they were sisters) died in the night two weeks before Mom did. I truly believe Mom was waiting for them to die, and they were each waiting for her to die. When Mom went to hospice, my brother and I put the other one down (she was very sick herself). So they had each other for 14 years, and all went together. We buried her dogs in her backyard and sprinkled Mom's ashes over the two graves. Mom lived her life on her terms and for that I am grateful.
Your post made me emotional. Mostly I am ok with thoughts of my Mom, but I miss her.
When I was diagnosed, I had to remind myself that my Mom's diagnosis was not my diagnosis. I also choose to be vigilent about my health, and if I notice something, I will not wait to have it checked out.
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Carollyn,
Hopeing you feel better asap. Being sick on top of all of this is never a good time. Wishing you love, health and a great Friday!!
I too am going on vacation soon. (Well, in March) We go to Key West every year for spring break. This time my vacat will be totally different. No swimming and water activities b/c I'm sure the water, the chlorine and the sand and salt won't be good for the hair folicles, while using the cold caps. And then there is the sun exposure. LOL! I'l be sitting on a lounge chair under a palm tree enjoying the view and the family. But hey... it's all good, right? A vacation is always good. Smile! where are you going?
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Elimar,
LOVE the bike picture at the top! Riding is a love of mine. I don't own one, but will some day. I have a ton of friends who take me riding when I go home to Boston. Big love for that!! You look awesome! And drum lessons, huh? I was thinking about guitar lessons myself. One of my boys takes guitar lessons and his teacher comes to our house on Saturday mornings. Brandon (the teacher) told me anytime I was ready to start to jsut let him know. Your drumming might jsut be what I need to kick my ass into gear to get going. Thanks!! TGIF!
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Staynsane,
I am sorry to hear about your mother as well. My mother's mother originally had BC & it came back in her ovaries 7-10 yrs later. She also ignoored it & by the time she went to the doctor it was too late to save her. Because of that my mother & I have both been vigilant about screenings.
Her diagnosis scared the hell out of me too & when they found mine - Deer in the headlights, numb & thought I would pass out. I watched her mother go through mastectomy, chemo, etc. when I was 15 yrs because my mother was caring for her mother in our home. Then years later I watched my own mother go through it all over again & it was very surreal. Possibly this has all heightened my fear(s). My Father was diagnoised with an aggressive form of PC 10 yrs ago, had radical surgery and did well but it returned last year. Had rads and is now in remission.
I lost my mother 04/20/2010 and then lost my kitty exactly 1 month after that. By that point I was so numb I don't rememeber much pain, just plodding along each day through a soupy, numb world. I am OK to talk about my mother but when I hear how much & many people loved her & feel others losses, it overwhelms me. You are correct, my mother's diagnosis is not mine and rationally I know this but after all the family members having cancer, I just feel like my future is going to be short. But nobody really knows so I am leaning on my faith and taking that part off my shoulders. All we can do is be vigilant and watch the things we think can contribute to it returning.
Thank you for your comments and I am sorry about your loss(es). I have learned to live on without my mother and I am going to enjoy my life just like she did hers - she would be dissapointed in me if I did anything less!!
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Amrdbit, Oh no, that is not me on that cycle, but that woman had a good "I'm livin' my life" look, so she can represent for a couple days up there. I find most of the pics on image hosting sites, and they are not ladies (or pets!!!) from here.
I am easily amused and one thing I like to do is change that picture every few days to reflect a mood or our struggles or just to display how wild and silly some things look. Those pictures are my whims. Enjoy!
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