MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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Welcome Kaza!
That was a great article, thanks Barb!
Xoxox Jo0 -
Barsco - "Tears are put inside us so that we can cleanse our souls at a moments notice and provide us with emotional release." I love that, that's exactly how I feel when I cry. I feel purged of built-up tension. It's not very often, but it's usually sudden and unexpected. Then I'm fine again with just a wet, salty face, haha.
I don't feel guilty, though, about my cancer. Even when my son was taking care of me I didn't feel guilt, I felt it was more of a strong, bonding period of our lives.
If anything, I want to assign blame to my abusive ex-husband, mother and brothers. Thankfully, I had a loving father in my life but he passed away 10 years ago and it's been a free-for-all since.
My favorite food when I had chemo was something I haven't touched since: Stouffer's Baked Chicken and Mashed Potatoes. But yeah, Elimar, it was those mashed potatoes I really wanted.
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Elimar and Starynights, I'm glad I saw this. Sometimes I cry and the people around me try to be sympathetic, but they don't really understand why I'm crying and I feel too selfish to explain. I get pissed off that the general plans I had for this summer are going to get screwed around with my treatment. I'm sorry about the language, but I'm just so frustrated. I worked seven on seven and the last 3 years my days off have been filled with my granddaughter. I'll spontaneously burst into tears, and someone will be like your going to be ok, it's going to be ok. I don't feel like I can respond, that's not what's bothering me. (of course it does bother me, just not to tears) What is bothering me is I don't see how I'm going to fit 15 days a month into swimming, fishing, or just going to the park and and goofing off. And the other thing that scares me to tears is what I have passed down to my dear daughter and granddaughter. What a legacy. now I'm crying again. lol
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cc - I'm sorry your summer is being ruined with treatment! Treatment can be a hard thing to go through, but hopefully it won't be as bad as you think and you will still have some fun times this summer.
Ladies, I have a question. I have been sick since last Thursday with a cough and chest congestion. When you get sick do you go to your MO or just a regular doctor? I seem to remember my MO telling me to come to her when I get sick but that was so long ago, I'm not positive she said that. And when I do go to other doctors, they always defer to my MO when I ask about something. I don't feel like messing with her for this, but am I supposed to?
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Barsco....thank you for sharing this article, rearly makes you think x
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Thank you all for such a warm welcome, warm hugs to you all x
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heartnsoul--go to your MO about the cold.
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My MO doesn't want to see me for colds or flu. I had to get a Primary Care Dr./Family Practice Dr.
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Welcome kaza and cc90118. Glad to have you aboard (although not so crazy about why you are here). Hope you join us often. We middies like to have fun, share everything and anything and are here to support one another to no end.
hns - I go to my PCP for most everything as she is only 20 min away and my MO is 2.5 hrs. My PCP will order tests etc if she thinks them to be necessary. (MO is copied on all results)
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Welcome, cc90118. I, too, felt like I had to give up (some) control of my life to cancer. Anyone with the least tendency of the control freak in them will not tolerate that aspect very well. Not that I am saying that the pissed-off-ness is exclusive to control freaks only. It just makes you mad that your time is no longer your own. It becomes like a job you hate, except no one is paying you for it.
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Thoughts...
Chemo-bald or flat-chested B/.C women: Have obvious symbols of cancer treatment, as they move through the world in their daily lives. It's like signage that you are going through/went through something pretty awful. Others give you the pity looks. It's an even split between whether you get a kind comment, hear something dumb, or get awkward silence.
B/C women with no outward sign: People oblivious to your plight unless you mention it, which you are not sure you even want to do (see three reactions above.) Even people who know, think "well, she looks good, so the subject is closed now."
Both: Most others (in the non-B/C world) are clueless that there is still a mental battle going on.
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barsco1963 thankyou for the welcome i am so pleased to have found you all.
I so agree with you elimar.....this not being in control is so hard sometimes..as you say it is not because we are control freaks. being independant makes this sneaky uninvited guest harder to cope with, forever trying to shake it off, its like a dog with a bone keeps coming back for more, one day they will get rid of this beast..for good!!!!!x
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Guilt...such a heady topic! I do not experience any guilt about getting cancer. I don't know, maybe if I did something more likely to cause it I would, but I've eaten in moderation and kept a consistent weight all of my adult life. I haven't bathed in pesticides and actually wash fruit and veggies prior to eating them (although not always in the recommended soap solution)! No major clues to WHY I got BC. No control over the situation = no guilt for me.
Where I DO find myself feeling guilty is when I zero in on everyone's signature lines. My cancer has a good prognosis for being a single incident. Surgery is behind me and I feel almost like my old self. While I feel empathy for those with "worse" stats than mine, at times to the point of tears, I also feel blessed that I did not (yet) have to experience what they did. And that causes a degree of guilt; since my situation is not as "serious" as others, how can I justify complaining about it? But I think we all experience the fear of the unknown and the fear of prematurely dying and being able to share our feelings validates them.
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staynsane - Like you, my guilt is not directe towards feeling that I could have done something to prevent getting cancer. But even with a stage iv dx I feel guilty about not having gone through what other metsters and even some earlier stagers have gone through. I know that eventually I will experience some of the same. But right now I feel pretty good for the most part. I have learned however, that I need to listen to my body and take the time to rest when it tells me to which is why I have taken the past couple of days off work.
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Wow, TAB55, they like to flip-flop on that one (and the benefits and dangers of coffee go back and forth almost as often also.) So, we can all drink up in moderation until the next nay-saying report comes down the pike, right?
Chin-chin everyone! That's Chinese for chug-a-lug, rough translation.
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My approach is to believe the studies with results I like. I know it's not a rational approach, but it's fun!
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Coffee too, things are looking up: http://www.thelocal.se/47526/20130424/#.UXjtcStgb8k
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Staynsane--I hear you about reading the signature lines. There is always someone with a worse situation than mine. I know that I am lucky in many regards that way. Still, it's a big hit to my psyche, body and life. There are a lot of times during this journey that it has been all about me, and I think that is universal. Like you said, we ALL experience the fear and validating our feelings is important.
TAB55--your approach may not be rationale, but it makes life easier!
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Not being much of a drinker, I haven't had a problem giving up the alcohol. But just try and take away my coffee!
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Staynsane, I do confess that once in a blue moon, when someone with DCIS or stage I is being all manic about purging sugar from her diet and taking 35 suplements, some small part of my brain lets out a huge "seriously!"
But then I think that if I were lucky enough to be "only" stage I, for example, I would probably feel the exact same way. Cancer is a scary sucker, any which way you cut it, and I am glad for all the ladies here, stages 0 through IV.
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Jeez, Momine, can't you remember that I am only taking 33 supplements! (Kidding. I do take a few.) Commenting on what you said, I think we all try really hard to keep things in perspective, at least after we go through the initial period of shock. Most times when you see and early-stageer going on about the horror proportions of their Dx, they are new to these boards. After they read around a while, they settles down.
I like to over-dramatize my situation (but I inject drama into everyday life in general, for better or worse.) I definitely remember calling myself "disfigured" in this thread (don't ask me what page...I'm not that good.) Well, I still feel that way whenever I look at my scar HOWEVER I never lose sight that my Dx could have been so much worse.
Do I think all cancer stages are equal? No I don't. Some of us have a more extensive and challenging ordeal to go through. Yet when we first hear those words Breast Cancer, we all enter the dark side of our minds. We all get the scans and go through the anxiety that goes with them, but for some of us the picture does lighten up when we hear "no nodes" or "no chemo."
I also admit that DCIS doesn't seem as scary to me either, being a "pre-cancer" but I realize some DCIS ladies have had a more extensive surgery tha I have. Because that pre-cancer spreads through the ducts, rather than try to extend beyond them, often the area involved is quite large. Many choose Mx, and even the ones that get Lx get a bigger lump out than I did.
Momine, I'm not really writing AT you. I just used what you said to have some opinions of my own. I love this thread because we have all stages here and our perspectives may differ a little because of what stage we are in, but support is here for ALL. I really like how we can speak out and "get real."
(BTW, one recent thing that I liked was when staynsane was getting ready to fly for work after her recent revisions/fat graft, and a bunch of us said, "don't do it" and she did it anyway. Way to know your own self, staynsane. Words are only words, it is up to the individual whether to apply them or not.)
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I found the following article to be very thought provoking. Unfortunately I am not able to attach a link, but it's worth a read (very long though). Really puts so much of what we thought we knew in perspective:
Ny Times Magazine, 4/25/13 Our Feel-Good War on Breast Cancer
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I found the article to be a clear and concise summary of the current state of the many incarnations of B/C and their treatments.
HIGHLY recommended reading and here is the link gals: Our Feel-Good War on Breast Cancer
Something not touched on in the article was the recent advent of ultrasound screening (especially suitable for dense breasts) in which early detection is possible, but without the accompanying risk of the mammo radiation.
Something I disagree with is what was said about SBE (and by association CBE.) Personally, whether self-exam is precisely by the calendar month or not, I feel it is an important tool (again, particularly for the dense breasts) because the better you know the topography of your own breasts, the better to detect when something is amiss. I am biased, yes, because I found my 7mm lump that escaped mammo detection. Had I waited until mammo picked it up, maybe the outcome would have been the same, but maybe not.
p.s. Yes, it is a long article, but it does save you from having to get all the info. from about a dozen or so shorter articles, so put the effort in and stay with it til the end.
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Thanks staynsane, I thought it was a great read...makes me wish it was a man's disease...when I look at the progress AIDS and prostrate cancer has achieved......well
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Eli, no offense taken and I sincerely I gave none either.
That NY Times article is really good and is also being kited around Twitter.
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Mo, I know.
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Hi ladies thanks for the comments regarding parents. Last week was a night mare as my FIL passed away later that night after I had posted. It all happened really fast. He slipped into a coma and the hospital called and said his breathing had changed. DH and I went to the hospital and realized we needed to go get my MIL so went to her house and got her and my SIL and took them to the hospital. The nurses where so nice they brought in a recliner for her so she could keep her foot propted up since she had just had surgery that morning. They put it by the bed and she held his hand until he passed. One of our sons that lives an hour away came and we were all there when he passed. It was all very peaceful. My MIL is actually doing really well. I think she was so tired and overwhelmed with taking care of him that it is kind of a relief to her.
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Sherryc, So sorry for your family's loss. Even tho' he was in the hospital, I know he was expected to go on to the nursing home so I am sorry about the suddenness that must have taken everyone by surprise. I thought your FIL was just in with a bladder infection? Was there more or did he just "wear out" at age 90? Your poor MIL has had a heck of a past few weeks.
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Sherry, I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL. I hate it when it's sudden like that. I hope your MIL can find the time for herself to heal now that things have calmed down.
NativeMainer - I took your advice and went to my MO and I'm glad I did. She prescribed Levaquin and methylprednisolone, which surprised me. Looking at the pharmacy printout, it's either for allergic reaction or immune system (?). I'm not sure, but a regular doctor would have just given me the antiobiotic and a decongestant or something. I was wondering aloud about it with my son and he said, "Yeah, like Dr. Jay doesn't know what she's doing." She's been voted Atlanta's best oncologist according to Atlanta Magazine several times so he made me laugh at myself.
staynsane - looking forward to reading that article when I can focus better!
Jo - I agree, it's a man's world. I still would like to see them have their scrotums squashed in a machine.
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Do you mean like in a prosto-gram, or will any machine do?
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