CALLING ALL STAGE I SISTERS
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YAY Joan and Kaara!!! Rejoicing with all the great news!
macatacmv - great news from the doctors! Maybe try walking every day. I had to really force myself to start but once I started, it seemed to help immensly.
isa - I have changed my diet just like odie16 added way more organic foods and hormone free meat and dairy as well.
Kaara - I agree with you.. It does cost much much more to eat this way!
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It costs a small fortune to eat and buy the supliments the real way.When I call my wellness center i know he has a smile that goes around his face.
Isa-I wish you the best of luck.listen to the sistas.We all in a different way walked in your shoes.Ill be prayin for you.Prayin you do the right thing.Prayin that GOD will show you the way.He always does.
huggggggggs K
ps.congrats to the sistas that got good results.i almost forgot.
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Thanks for all the good wishes. I didn't mind the crumbs in my pocket at all, and the dancin' didn't keep me up either. It's always a relief to get good test results.
Kaara, glad your echo was good.Isa, It is so difficult to get that onco score that is near the boundary between low and intermediate. I had 13 and I questioned whether I should have done chemo. My MO left it totally up to me and she did not weigh in. I got two more opinions and they told me no chemo so I moved on to the pills.
However, like Kaara, I am older (63) and do not have such a long way to go with high levels of estrogen in my body. I sounds like you are in good hands. But it did help me to get other opinions.
For Stage 1 ladies, chemo and radiation is often an "insurance policy" for what we cannot see. For older women, the statistics are a little better because of naturally lower estrogen and fewer years to develop new cancers.
A lot of this is following your own heart, based on all the knowledge you can gain and on the advice of medical people you trust. Make your best decision, live your best life, and don't look back.
Hugs and prayers,
Joan0 -
Annette.............thinking about you girlfriend..................saying prayers, and sending hugs..............you can get through this.....................if you get "down"......just remember, your rid of an asshole, and no one needs 2 of them................
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macatac - I am so glad that pathology has confirmed your early stage and clear margines.
Wow, you really brought back memories of my first week at work after lumpectomy. I felt I was super woman and put on my best clothes and assured everyone I was fine - just a week post surgery. What was I thinking? Two things hit me - the fatigue was cumulative and crept up on me until I would crash at night and week ends. The other was the difficulty I had in dealing with people. Everyone would ask "how do you feel"? And that was irrelevant because physically, I had no pain. I found myself talking to people about my situation and afterwards feeling awful because they really were not significant people in my life. I'd go home and feel so depressed, hating my new cancer identity. I do not know if you can relate, but I think the scars for me were mostly from the emotional roller coaster and fear of the unknown. My breast started to swell and fill with fluid, so I stopped dressing up and went for comfort. I stopped talking to people about cancer and just relied on the dear sisters here for that. Soon after, I shook the "sick" identity and when co-workers started treating me normally again, I felt better.
Good luck and remember you have been through a lot -- most of it invisible to the rest of the world.
You are never alone.
Joan0 -
JOan and Kaara woohoo on the good reports.
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Joan811: I hear you. When people (other than close family & friends) ask how I'm feeling I say "wonderful". If they don't ask about my bc I don't bring it up because I assume they aren't interested.
Thank goodness for all of the comfort and support I've received on this site. It's been a blessing!
I just hope that now I'm through the worst of the journey, I can pay it forward.
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She is back!!!!!! When Ducky says someone has 2 ASSHOLES we know she is back.missed ya wise cracks.ya know i feed off them.ha.Annette knows he is an asshole.Why dont you come with me to meet her in the spring?0
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Joan♥ .......good news.....It's funny you said you looked at the pocket and smiled. I did that once and I comforted myself just fantasizing you were all there........
Kaara...that's wonderful news.
Granny has good news that our Ducky is back.
((isa))
(((SISTERS)))
♥ ♥ ♥
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Annette...i'm thinking of you during this difficult time.
And i can't wait to meet you my friend.
Between 3 of us or maybe 4 we have a lot to talk about.
Hugs and hugs......and more hugs♥♥♥
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How do I know if the drs will try and make me take chemo? are there oral chemo drugs? I never wanna port for various reasons mainly cause my mom had one before she passed. Sorry about all the problems..Mimi1964, hope you're feeling better now. Wondering if my final foobs will remain wrinkled looking...wondering if I'll ever feel pretty again after the surg or if thats something I just need to get over? Try to take it one day at a time but all I do now is worry about the impending surgery and if I will ever feel normal and be well again. Trying to stay positive but going into a downward spiral. The clients at work are so mean. One even told me to die and go to hell. I wonder what she would have said if I told her I have an appt there to get my boobs chopped off in a few wks. I told her thanks and have a nice day...I am so tired of being nice to mean people..I'll probably kick somebody when I come home from the hospital...lol...maybe thats why the dr will sedate me!
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Joan & Kaara - Yay for good reports.
Isa - ditto with the others on the diet changes and wow it is expensive to eat that way. Buying hormone free milk for DD and it's more than twice the cost as regular milk. But it there's a chance it will make a difference, it's worth it. I think you might be making a good decision on the 4 chemo tx's as young as you are. I'm 44 and had an onco score of 39. I was totally bummed because that meant def. chemo for me, but it also took the decision out of my hands. I'm not sure what I would have done if I'd been borderline. Good luck with whatever you decide.
Layla - that's awful that you have to work with such toxic clients. I know it is hard to stay positive and I know everyone is different, but I don't mind my foobs and they are slowly looking better and better. You will feel normal again and you will come through this and be a stronger person than you ever knew you could be. We are all here for you. (((hugs))) Judy
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Joan and Kaara- your good news is OUR good news....funny how this board works.....we all get synced to each others joys and pain....doesn't even matter whether one is a veteran or new....there is something that just opens the flow....and the caring helps so very much....in a way, even more so to tough broads that are not used to turning to anyone with doubts or fear-hell, not used to even admitting doubts or fear....being honest I would put myself firmly in the * fake tough broads* catagory:)
I have been amazed at the outpouring of love and support received since I stopped lying. I lie you see. It has been a part of my life for so long it became second nature. No, I won't tell an aquaintence or stranger when they say hello or how are you...."well, horrible actually, please excuse me as I have to attempt to stuff my guts back in and keep my heart from bursting." I have never been a fan of that type of disclosure. On the other hand, my innate denial of pain or discord from anything, including BC, is not healthy either. I would let slip out some feelinge but for the most part slapped a happy bs patina on it all and plunged on some like gothic warrior-invincible. Doing that is hell, for inside one roils with the frustrations and fears and have boxed themselves in by thinking they can truly do it all, that it is a failure or weakness to allow the fears and sadness to come out. It becomes incredible lonely being a psuedo super hero. Who has no special powers. All the intelligence in the world does not offer any answers when you think you can do it all on your own and then resent the loneliness and the fear. That is bad place to be. For the bad stuff can slip out in ugly ways. And damage your soul.
So after swinging way over to the other side....a crying openly bleeding ball of naked emotions....I am slowly trying to find that elusive middle ground. It is a better place to be. Clearing my puffy eyes and popping my head up I look around and find myself surrounded- both here and in the flesh- by people who were always there and I just couldn't see them...they knew my *super* powers were a sham for the most part (although I have a few:)- it has blown me away to feel this love and support....I wouldn't allow it following BC and I wouldn't allow it during any major catastrophe throughout my life....screw that! hahaha....I can't blame anybody for this self-imposed isolation of my inner self- it is just me- but I am working on changing it...
Two strange events....on two subsequent nights ....went out for dinner with husband - still processing that-the only thing i kept saying to myself in side over and over is be true to me and when emotions threatened to overwhelm I excused myself patted my eyes and went back to the table. I am always so quick to say all is well I am ok ignore the gaping wound its all good...or shriek out my fears and pains- so I chose the middle. Sick of being extreme. What is amazing is how hard it was not go right or left but just be. To actually not unzip my soul and say Here take it. Funny how a socalled strong woman can do that so often - puts a lie to the whole super hero thing:) I did not whip out any bandaids- even my really big covers all variety. It was amazing. I could recognize his own amazement at my sitting there. It is so not me to do that. Always one of two extremes for me. I am finding the most extreme thing is just pause sometimes.
Then last night I went out with my friends. This is huge for me. Which is also an anomaly. I travel all over the place for business and speak-animated and full of life. I did a radio interview a couple of weeks ago sounded so damn smart and analytical- yet when invited to lunch with the cohosts I mumbled an excuse that I had to other plans. That is me. This over the top happy nut in public who doesn't let anyone in my private life. Anyway, a friend from work was playing with his band and bunch of folks were going out there to see him. He has been the most incredible friend to me despite my best efforts:) I made plans, secured yet another sitter for the kiddo ( amazing that I am now able to do that-always could I guess just didn't) came home from workand promptly passed out. I woke up and saw the time and saidnah no way- 40 miles to drive to Clear Lake and it was already almost 9pm. I put on my pajamas and when i was washing my face I said Annette, stop it. Get your butt going. So I did. I walked in and it felt so damn good and it was so damn funny as the affection and surprise flowed out that I was there. We have all worked together for 15 years...all in various positions with the company... As I have moved up through the company they all have supported me with their hearts and last night was nothing to do with being coworkers....they are indeed my friends. I just didn't realize it. It was the same core group that showed up the day after my BMX. I tried to throw them out of the hospital. Seriously. I am lying there in a daze bandaged up with tubes and no idea what is going on and sat up and told them to leave. I yelled at my husband for letting them know where the hospital was and about my surgery. I told everyone to leave. They told me to shut up and go to sleep. That they were not leaving. I was so pissed ....and so damn scared. How dare they be there and see me so vulnerable. A veritable rainbow coalition in that hospital room. In one corner a tough black chick from Baltimore, in the other a born and bred Texas baptist white boy (one with the band), another sister of color who I bonded with the minute I was hired for our shared home town of Detroit, and my scared blonde german husband who wouldn't listen to my request I didn't want ANYBODY there. Damn them for being there. Bless them for being there.
Anyway (geez, can I write a long post or what? hahahaha....) I am glad I went last night. Just a couple of hours and I put the beer down after just a few sips (I knew that could end badly as I can get drunk off of one:) and just relaxed with my friends. Patting me on the head like was their damn chia pet hahahaha....My buddy up on stage was so surprised to see me and it felt good to give back a smidgen of the support I realize he has given to this strange armenian hungarian crazy woman that I am. I was dressed more appropriately for a hot NYC club than a dive bar in Clear Lake but the who the hell cares? (Oh yeah, the side effect/silver lining of all these gyrations of mine has resulted in me shedding the last few pounds putting me at 118-I haven't weighed that since high school for god's sake- I actually LIKED how I looked-which is a whole nother subject:)
Aw, you all are great. and if anyone recognizes anything of themselves in what I just wrote and finds something that helps or even just makes them chuckle...or scratch their heads and ask WHAT IN THE H*LL IS THIS BROAD TALKING ABOUT?= that is ok.
I love you all- have a good saturday- my mom is coming over to spend the day and I can't wait to see her:)
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annettek: Welcome to the world girlfriend!! You have a whole new life ahead of you. When you release yourself from the anchor and chains that you've had around you for so long, you will see that the possibilities are limitless for you! Have a great day with your Mom!
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Annette - I think we all may see something of ourselves in one way or another in what you wrote. I know I did. It is hard to come to terms with all this bullshit and get on a path and is straight and full of brighter days after the journey you have traveled so far. It is possible - it really is. It takes determination and that you do have. Just remember, we are always here for you. You can email or pm me anytime you like. Heck, I may even see you on facebook and surprise you with a message like I did last time - LOL! Brighter days are just around the corner for you.
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For Annette♥My friend i read your post many times. I have no words except i feel great happiness for your freedom from your past.
It's so hard to overcome from old habits but you took the first step...........
Yes i did relate to so many things you wrote and i feel your passion. Thank You God.
HUGS and a better life ♥♥♥
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Annette - thank you for putting into words what I can't.... I thank heaven for this site every day as it's where I can say & read what's really in our hearts - our thoughts & fears can be overwhelming at times & this is where we can let it all out.
Love you Sisters
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Annette thanks for your words. Glad you had a good night.
((((((((((((((((((HUGS to everyone)))))))))))))))))))))))
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♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
GOOD NIGHT ♥♥♥♥♥
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Annette, great post.... so glad you went to see your friends! And, glad you found out how really strong you are!
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(((Annette))) that was poetry....publishable as is....
I lie ... every time I say the F word which is FINE - how many times do we say this when people ask how we are? I spend half my life trying to convince everyone around me that I am fine....then find myself up at 3 AM all alone....and actually better off because I am not hiding.
Anyway, I have to admit that last week I had this overwhelming feeling of love for the people I've met here....but I didn't want to say it since I'm a newbie of sorts....I was wondering "how can I love these people I haven't met?" But it is true - this is real, and the masks are off.
I can't sleep because a supposed dear friend passively betrayed me...I mean they didn't even know it....I was madly texting the play by play of my recovery from my hospital bed to someone I thought was there but turns out was making frivolous plans elsewhere with someone who's not sick ... sounds childish, but....oh how I wish I had not spilled my guts....I am healing and I am still standing even after life has thrown the book at me this past year.
Thanks to all for total acceptance....that is the most powerful thing we can do as women and human beings. It costs nothing!
Layla, I hear you and I remember well the fears and anger I felt. I had a fairly easy surgery but the emotional scars go deep for all of us. Keep being honest and put your fears out there....don't deny how awful it all is. But it is true - there is a beautiful life on the other side of this....and you will find it.
Hope y'all are sleeping....
Joan0 -
it was a very good Saturday....my mom is magic...it is amazing that a mother's love trumps alzheimers...she wanted to nap so the three of us (Mom, Russ and me) piled on my new bed which I knew she would love (a memory foam covered by 4" featherbed topper) and had a blast laying there listening to music from the 40s (it helps spur good feelings in her memory from her youth). Russ stood up and starting crooning ( a deep low sound from the pit of his soul only released when extremely happy) while Mom had sweet tears remembering some very good things. No matter what happens in my life, I am so grateful. (and need to stop beating myself up with guilt for not moving mom into my house....since of course bein the anal retentive power tripping chick I am thinks I would take better care of her than my sister...who indeed loves her just differently than I - but once again, Mom helped me out with that...I was sniveling about it yesterday and she shook her head, snugged me up to her and said -"you have too much on you already...you just can't...I know you and me" once again she blew me away with just a few words
Joan- yes- betrayals of our innermost thoughts hurt so deeply....or when they are treated casually. That is part of the magic here....in a world that sometimes doesn't even come close to getting it, we can find *it* here. Hey- you are in New York- you should (along with anyone else that wants to) hook up with us in May! I am still trying to figure out if I am going in before my conference (May 1-3) or staying a couple days after. But Shelia, Granny and I are meeting up in Grand Central Station! All aboard:)
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Hello...jumping in here! I just had my lumpectomy on Jan. 19. Prior to surgery the BS had classed my IDC as Stage 2 based on the estimated size of the tumor. However, after surgery it was downgraded to Stage 1 because the tumor was actually smaller than estimated. So far everything is going well. The incisions are healing well and the only (slight) discomfort I have is at the SNB site. I'm awating results of the Oncotype DX test to see if I'll need chemo...keeping my fingers crossed on that one!
Hope everyone here is doing well and stays that way! I know I can count on the sistahs here if I have any questions.
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Hello all,
It is great that we have this site to say what is on our minds without being told "don't feel that way". I know people are use to me being strong and able to handle all things, but I certainly don't feel that way now. I hate that word fine. This feels like a struggle up from the deep. And I cheer when one of us has a break through.
Joan, all I want to do is sleep. I fell asleep last night after dinner on the couch and woke when my son called me at 10:30 got up and went to bed and slept through to 7am. I think there is something else going on and the docs are so focused on the bc, we are missing something else. I am not sure who is taking care of the whole me. I have the BS, the ONC, and will meet the RO this week but they all seem to not hear how I am struggling. They don't seem to be ordering tests or concerned about my overall health. I will go back to my PCP on monday and ask to get a blood work up, but he says he doesn't know much about bc and wants to help, but just offers a script. I know I have to be my own advocate, but I really have no energy.
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Snoopsmom: Welcome! Glad your surgery turned out better than expected and will hope that you get that low oncotype score! Sending you prayers and positive energy!
I just got through my surgery, no chemo needed due to low score, and no rads. Will probably do some hormone therapy like tamox.
Maca: I felt the same way for a while...no energy, needed naps and so on which is not like me. Recovering from surgery is hard on the body and it takes some time to get back to normal. I have a naturopathic doc who has prescribed supplements that have helped boost my immune system. Maybe some vitamin D-3, C, and a good multi would give back some of that energy. Just give yourself permission to rest when you need it.
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Snoops- you jump in wherever you want:) Sounds like things are going well and here is hoping they just keep getting better-it is odd about the snb-that actually hurt worse and longer than my bmx. but it eventually healed.
maca- I am echoing Kaara here...this stuff is hard on us- no matter what is done- toss in the pain to our very soul and it is hard to feel right. Or to even know what is right. The vitamin D3 really has helped- pretty typical for most of us find out that we had really low levels leading up to dx....it was actually the one commonality throughout all of my docs that they agreed on-needing to pump that up. After an intense dose to boost it -now am on a maintenance dose supplemented by the best supply in the world- the SUN (15 minutes a day is all that is required). Nothing beats rest. And then some more rest. Followed by a little more rest. Can make you feel like a bit of a slug, but gives our bodies and minds a chance to heal.
I hope everyone has a good Sunday:)
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annettek: I was born and raised in Houston...still have cousins in the Dallas/Denton area that I visit on occasion, but not so much since my DA passed. I still consider Texas my home although I've been away for much longer than I ever lived there.
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I have been reading this thead since Oct. I do agree that with stage I people think it is no big deal. Even my own family!! Sometimes I feel really alone and wish I had just one person who really understands what I am feeling. Am so glad I found this site. Having said that, my RO and BS have never ordered any lab work (that I know of) to check vitamin D levels. Only labs I have had were presurgery. Have wondered if things have been checked as they should. I will see BS this week and have a list of questions for him, but sometimes believe he will just say it's all good and don't worry.I don't think doctors even understand our worry, since we are not "serious enough" in terms of stage of cancer. Thanks for all the information and hope all have a great week.
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bgail, the 'normal' level for vitamin D is > 35 but my PCP wants me around 80. Most BC people have a D deficiency. I take 1000iu per day and try to get at least 15 min of sun per day. Yesterday I actually lay by the pool in the swimsuit for an hour. Will do it again today.
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bgail84: You will rarely get a conventional doc that will check your vitamin D levels because they just don't get the connection between vitamin D-3 and the immune system. The first doc who checked my D levels was my bioidentical doc and they were low at 27. After taking 5,000 IU's they came up to 57 and I am trying to get them to at least 70 which is optimal for fighting bc recurrence. I now have a naturopathic doc who is in charge of my supplemental program and diet. They should be a part of your medical team, unless your cancer center has someone on staff like a naturopath....some do.
Diet and supplementation are a huge part of preventing bc recurrence. Why do all that chemo and rads only to go back to the old way of living that caused the problem in the first place. All cancer is serious, and we have to take charge of our own lives..no one...even doctors are going to do that for us.
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