The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I think Sharon wins the (booby? hehe, pun intended) prize for dumbest comment ever made to a woman with bc!! How the hell DO you respond to that?? Well, at least you're not married to Tony, Sharon.
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Holy crap Sharon!!! Having seen you in person you are the vision of health! Maybe she has eyes for your hubby? Let me at her! I'll set her straight!! Grrrrrr. I've never had a violent tendency in my life until I've read some of the things here -- I just want to whack all the idiots.
And Sharon -- I finally made the pancakes with the maple syrup you gave me. Mmmmmmm, yum!!
Oh, oh, here's my latest one. I have this friend that wants me to get out walking with her. I told her that the mets on my spine kinda hurt a bit. She has this brilliant idea that getting more exercise will help. I've even resorted to being brutal -- I said it really doesn't help grinding my tumor into my muscle and spinal column, ya know, it hurts more. Her answer -- "well, I just don't buy that, you have to get walking and shaking things up". Ya, right...how would I know. Geesh!!
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Holy crap Elizabeth! I HATE when people tell me to exercise!!!! Like, I'm waiting for an appointment with an orthopaedic surgeon to get plates put in my hips! Duh! They think everything can be fixed with exercise. I used to be friends with a marathon runner. Then he dropped dead during a race. At 45 years old. Glad I didn't run with him!
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You laddies are great! I don't know any of you but love you like I have known you all my life!!
I am also sorry I had to join the club under these circumstances. But like I have posted before, it's bitter sweet. Anyone outside of this (club) doesn't know what they are missing to have your friendships, & honesty and to be loved by some pretty awesome ladies.
Really I didn't go out and get BC on purpose so I could be on this website with you, but if I have to go through this I know you will not disappoint me and make me do it alone & I couldn't have made it this far without you all ;-x
Bobcat- No his name is not Tony. but I think he's a wanabee!!!!!!!! lol
groundhog- Thanks for the hug when I really needed it. & back at ya, ))))))HUG((((((
Karen1956- you are very luck to have a man like that. I thought I Man was going handle it different, and that he was my best friend too. But friends don't talk to each other the way he did to me. I understand it's hard for men or anyone to put them selves in our shoe's even for a few minutes, but if you cant say something nice........................... You all are different, we share shoes with each other so you have the authority to 'say it like it is'. it's OK. You have ALL the right. A permanent pass.
susu1976- The t-shirt is thing is hysterical. I always liked the couples t-shirts, I think I need to get. His says "Stupid" & mine would say ">I'm with stupid". Hey your in Roch. NY? I am in the area, Ontario, Webster boarder. If not too personal, PM me. Maybe we live close or are going to the same Cancer center. I want to join a group and go out to talk to other women in person. Do you belong to any, besides the on-line ones?
Are any of your Hubby's, BF's, sign. others...etc... going to meetings for them to talk about us behind our backs? lol I think it would be a great idea to see that their women are not the only ones in the boat, and we are not crazy. I don't know of anyone to talk to him and recommend he talk to other men and share feelings. hahaha hehehe. Can that really happen? I know they exist, but how do I get him to go.
cp418- Kick a$$? Where? When? it would be considered aerobic, cardio work out right? I need more exercise!!!
konakat- Birthday cake is my favorite!! and Ben and Jerry,,,,,,,, Personal friends of mine, in fact we have been intimate. I have had a had a thee-some several times!! My Man doesn't mind, he even joins in. But my favorite is when I cant sleep, I get up and finish off a whole one myself. Cinnamon buns is #1 but i'm not prejudice, coffee heath bar crunch, or chocolate will do too!! hehe Oh yea, & Perry's makes an awesome Birthday cake ice cream!! ;-}
Anyone else- can I ask a personal question? how did, or do you make a decision to chose mastectomy(double or single) over Radiation? I am afraid I will chose wrongly and then you cant go back. I am a worry wort my kids say its' like my job or something. I have pros and cons about both but cant seem to lean one way or the other. I don't want to worry all my life about getting BC again. But not sure ill be happy with reconstructed breasts. And if I get Radiation it drags it out another 8 weeks and there is no guarantee it wont come back and if my left breast is fried it is not a candidate for a replacement implant. They will have to reconstruct it totally anyway! So do I do that in the beginning and save myself time, stress and have the reconstructed breast, or breasts look somewhat real?? Either way is a crap shoot right? And the Dr.'s they don't wana hear it, they keep talking about Radiation treatment schedule. Hey hold on I didn't sign on for that yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please respond, your story or opinion is very helpful. PM me if you don't want to put it out there for all to read. And be honest and brutal if you have to. I know in the end it is mine and a personal choice but maybe there are things I didn't think about that you all did.....
In real need of sisters help!!!! :-{
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There is way too much here to remember everything worthy of comment... Here are a few thoughts, in no particular order:
Yes, "Too late" works a lot better when you can say it as you pour that 2nd glass of Bailey's.
"At least I'm not married to Tony" immediately made me think of one of my two favorite TV shows: NCIS. Which, of course, means I was thinking of Tony DiNozzo. And, I'm SO glad I'm not married to Tony!
My MIL is the dearest person in the whole world. Really. There are times I would like to transfer some of her kindness and concern (and patience, and tolerance) to certain other people I will not name here.
Grakenmom, someone actually thought you were wearing a scarf because you were embarrassed that you don't have boobs? Maybe it's chemo brain, but I don't get it ... unless you were wearing the scarf draped over your chest or something. Otherwise, I'm thinking having no boobs is sometimes preferable to being one huge boob.
I received a comment that wasn't really so bad, but it did startle me and I had to bite my tongue to avoid saying something stupid myself. I was visiting with some distant relatives when a neighbor of theirs showed up. We all talked for awhile, and then someone mentioned my cancer treatments and asked how I was doing. (That comment wasn't a problem at all, considering the context and the person who asked it.)
The neighbor (whom I had only met once before) looked at me quizzically for a few seconds, and then said, "Oh, so you're a survivor!". My mind flashed to the movie, "The Sixth Sense," where the little kid can "see" dead people as well as live ones; and I thought, "This guy is telling me that he's discovered I am a live person?". I didn't say that, of course. I knew what he meant -- he had spent quite a bit of time at our first meeting, telling stories about his own cancer dx as well as other personal things. So, I just replied, while smiling, "Well, yes, I guess I'm still here!".
<sigh>
otter
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hey, otter, can I steal the "better to be missing a boob than to be one" line? That's a great one! Ihave some freinds who will think that is just hilarious, and couple obnoxious friends of my mother's could stand to hear that when they start asking for every, single, imaginary detail about my "life with cancer" !
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scroll back on Tony - I thought Tony was not the partner of a bc sister, but a couple-friend of a bc sister who got divorced. Tony forbid his wife from having contact with our sister. later, Tony's wife refused to directly contact our bc sister to express concern about her health because it would annoy Tony. And yes, while Tony sounds like an a**hole, and I am certainly glad none of us are married to him, what about the wife, hiding behind him? I think she is worse than Tony.
NativeMainer - that 14 year old needs help, how sad.
Motherdearest -the biggest decision I ever made was deciding what path to go down in pursuit of parenthood. I was struggling in much the way you are struggling - it was all going around in my head and driving my husband crazy, like it is driving your SO.. A dear friend suggested I make a chart - which was/is totally not my personality at all. Well I did it. Down the left side, I laid out the options IVF, more surgery, private adoption, conventional agency adoption, domestic, international, surrogate etc. across the top I laid out the issues which included factors important to me like assurance of success, threat to my health, optimum health of the child, speed, cost etc. Laying it out on paper and the thought process - esp about the factors important to me, and then sorting out the alternatives and how they compared helped me a great deal.
Julie E
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You make a good point about Tony's wife, Jelson. I can't argue with your logic.
Otter and Native: OK, so now we have our choice of two t-shirts for fundraising
1. I may have breast cancer but at least I'm not married to Tony.
2. Better to be missing a boob than to be one.
I can't help it--I just really like the first one.
Motherdearest: My husband wanted to join a men's group but there isn't one in Rochester. There is a support group sponsored by the Breast Cancer Coalition of Rochester. Check out their website for info. I did not have a choice regarding double mx. I had cancer on both sides, so it was a given. I had recon at the same time, but developed infection and had to have it all removed within a month. I'm currently flat but considering recon again. I had to do 4 chemo treatments of Taxotere and Cytoxan.
Chunky Monkey is my Ben & Jerry's favorite...but there aren't too many flavors that I would turn down to be perfectly honest.
Don't you just love being told what that you need to exercise, cut out red meat, stop drinking diet soda, stop drinking alcohol, take more vitamins, reduce your stress level, get more sleep, and my personal favorite, (just got told this today): THINK POSITIVELY. It really works! Gee, if only I'd thought of that sooner, maybe I wouldn't have bc....
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susu1976--- ))))))))HUGS((((((((( In a way I wish I didnt have a choice. Sounds dumb hu? Because then I wouldn't always be second guessing myself if I did the rite thing or not.
There is a support group I got a paper from the cancer center, it was in the pile of info they gave me. Its for Caregivers only Im guna call Monday and see if it is for Husbands and SO.
I go to Wilmot. I really like them there but am always looking for more, new, better!!lol
Did you go to a group, or just us? Is it better to go to a group meeting or is it TMI and will confuse me even more.?
I havent eaten in days, B & J sounds really good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Dee...your DH is your caregiver, he could go!
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If I could drag him there!!!!!!!!!!!!! He doesn't wana do anything like that. He thinks he's OK!!!!!!! why are men like that. maybe its a good thing, they're more................................simple????
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Wow! So many posts - too many to comment individually. But I laughed, I was stunned, there are some jaw droppers. I love the "you can't fix stupid." Reminds me of the comedian Bill Engvall. He does a routine about when someone says something really stupid, you should give them a sign that says "stupid" and just say "Here's yer sign!" Any of you remember that?
So for the MIL and other morons - just say "Here's your sign!"
Sharon51 - you should have told your neighbor you really are dead and that very few people can see you. Then of course add "Here's your sign!"
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motherdearest:
If I could drag him there!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drag him here.
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Yes - here's your sign, great bit about how stupid people should wear signs to warn the rest of us in advance.
Googled Bill Engvall, here's a good link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7eYnDddsic
motherdearest - he talks about the simplicity of men in the video, may help explain a little.
{{hugs}}I vote for Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia AND Haagen Dazs Rum Raisin AND Breyer's Peach...
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You are right ---Tony was the husband of my EX-friend after my divorce. My comment was at this point "yes I'd rather have cancer than be married to Tony!!!" - poor woman. I pray she never has any life threatening issues as Tony will tell her just get over herself and "when is dinner?"
Some great comments on here about how to deal with clueless and/or cruel relatives and friends. I'm hoping it's all just cluelessness but so many tales really are clearly cruel. That is sad. Ladies - you are all my heroes....we will win this battle and we will educate those in our world as best we can.
Saw my college age son today. He hugged me, kissed me and told me I was his hero. I have to have my ovaries removed next month and he said "mom - I just want you around forever" Do I love that boy??
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These posts are hilarious!
All of you know how expensive bc is (even with insurance). Well, after I had finished surgery, chemo, and rads I was driving 2 co-workers to lunch. One of them starting talking junk about my air conditioning not working good. I said, "I was going to trade my car in for a new one this year but instead I got breast cancer." I meant it as a joke to shut her up and instead it went right over her head! She just kept on talking.
There are many Tony's around and she's married to one of them.
3 years later I'm still driving my 13 year old car, the air still doesn't work good, BUT to the best of my ability, I don't have breast cancer anymore!
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No bc, no ac....sounds like a wash....
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Eureka, I just thought of a comeback! "The rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated".
Great maple syrup eh konakat? Another month or so they'll be tapping again.
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Wasn't it Samuel Clemens aka Mark Twain that said that? 0
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I think you're right--but it's a saying that many have used since!
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Yes, it was Mark Twain, after a newspaper printed an obituary of him.
Now as far as Ben and Jerry's - I once told my dh that, after him, Ben and Jerry are my favorite men. He was relieved that I said "after him".
Leah
edited to add: that's because I'm not married to Tony
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Not so much the dumbest thing said to me, but the cruelest... my mother blew up on me a couple of weeks ago and told me that my breast cancer was God's punishment.
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marie317 - that was vicious and mean and just WRONG for your mother to say that to you.0
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Marie, I am so sorry. The most painful comments or actions I have gotten are from my mom. I've never been able to understand it, I get angry, hurt, let it go, and the cycle begins again. We just have to be sure this cycle stops with us!
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My mother doesn't say cruel things but blames herself for my cancer so I have to deal with her guilt!! Told her I'm not going down that road with her.
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In many ways, I'm glad my mom did not have to live to watch me go thru this. I'm BRAC 2 positive. She died of this. She would have felt very guilty, too. But she was my best friend and I miss her so very much.
But at least I only had cancer and I'm not married to Tony.
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I wonder if Tony will ever know how (in)famous he has become.
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That 14 yr old is her name Toni?
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I was thinking the same thing. Feels good in a bizarre kind of way without being cruel I hope.
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mbticsw01:
Your post brought tears to my eyes. My mom died almost 3 years ago (92 years old). She was a 47 year BC survivor and died from other causes. She used to feel guilty that I was at higher risk for BC because of her. I recently tested negative for the BRCA1 and 2 genes. I know what you mean when you say she was your best friend and you miss her because I feel the same way. In some ways I'm glad she is not here to see me going through this, but at the same time I wish she were here because she would be a comfort to me -- she always knew the right thing to say to me.
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