The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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The 14 year old is not named Toni, but her current boyfriend sounds just like Tony. The family opinion is that she should get a clue, but she wouldn't be able to use it since she only had two brain cells and they don't communicate.
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Hi Ladies - I wanted to let you know I survived the family event by making like a manikin. MIL was distracted with meal preparation and grand-daughter, so I flew under the radar. I actually was quite calm and not as stressed as I usually am in these conditions - - - I knew you all were there with me!! So I quietly and politely sat and listen to observe how to deflect if needed. I certainly will keep my attendance to a minimum in the future - - this would be no way to spend my holidays. Hugs to you all!!!
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cp418 - attawoman, way to go!
I hope it's OK to share something your serenity reminded me of - it's an episode of the Muppets Show where James Coburn, cool dude In Like Flint remember, was teaching Animal to be serene.
Coburn softly and smoothly says serene and taps a small bell which resonates lightly. Then Animal yells SERENE and bashes a GONG which causes the whole screen to SHAKE wildly.
Sometimes when I am forced by circumstance to be exceedingly polite, I smile to myself thinking that at any moment I could holler SERENE and bang a gong and shake everything up hahaha, but of course I don't, just smile a bit and remain calm and serene.....
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You done good CP!
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Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George's father kept repeatin "Serenity now!"
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Thanks for the SERENE episode!! Too funny -- - exactly how I feel in these situations! I will certainly remember to use it again in the future!! Love and hugs to you ladies!!!
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cp--Good For YOU! WTG!
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I love that episode and good for you cp!!
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I've been known to scream "Serenity Now!!!" I used to do it at work instead of swearing.
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My mom is the only one who really upset me during everything- she came to stay with me after surgery and she was just jam packed with things trying to keep me busy and distracted when I really just needed to relax- she sucked all the life force out of me- I felt like she was more about her trying to feel useful helping me than actually doing anything that reallyhelped me. My bc diagnosis last year led me to cancel plans for abig hiking trip and she emailed her friends (and me accidentally) "thank the lord Dayla has realized the first of her limitations..." I stopped speaking to her for several months cause I just didn't have the energy to deal with her BS through chemo.
I was laid off my job a couple months ago (opening up the way to take that big hiking trip this year- I was pretty happy I was laid off- viewed it as wonderful karma -everything is as it should be - the universe making way for my grand adventure.
depsite knowing all my plans and how the layoff was a good thing (allowed me to qualify for unemployment and subsidized insurance- I had planning on quitting and paying full price COBRA) Instead my mom said maybe God was trying to get my attention with the layoff- !!???? WTF!! that is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard! We don't agree on religon at all- to me she is one of those holier than thou just spout memorized BS rather than actually listening to someone is saying and responding appropriately.
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SUSU1976 AND MOTHERDEAREST
There is a thread on the board called B/F AND HUSBANDS HANG OUT it might help your parnters the guys there seem really nice helpful and supportive ill bump it for you
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I know people say things when they are upset that don't make sense but that barely explains the only call I have received from my MIL since my diagnosis. She called to ask if chemo was cramping my style? Unbelievable! I had just been released from the hospital with a neutropenic fever when she called. Second only to my own mother asking me if I regretted exercising my whole life since I got cancer anyway.
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{{{alyda and kclark}}} So sorry you have to deal with people who really don't get it. At the very least, we can come here where everybody *does*. Wishing you peace and strength to handle every situation.
And I think I'm stealing that line - SERENITY NOW!!!! (altho isn't there an adult diaper named Serenity or something?? LOL, maybe everyone will think I need a diaper!!) At least I'm still not married to Tony.
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I love the "at least I'm not married to Tony!" I am very lucky to be married to a wonderful man who has been there for me in every way through every step! We had only been married 6 months when I was dx, but had been together 4 years- I joked- you didn't know the "in sickness and health" part would come up so soon huh?
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Thanks, Joanne, for the heads up on the BF/Husbands thread. Maybe I'll have my DH give it a try.
Alyad--sounds like your mother and mine might be long-lost relatives! My mom does stuff to make herself feel better about my disease. That's why I can't be around her too much. It's just like you said--too draining--and I can't afford that right now. Luckily, she can't visit me because she doesn't drive (she's 85) and my siblings know better than to bring her to my house! LOL
We had to cancel a trip to Disney World last June because I was recovering from a surgical wound infection and still had chemo to do. We were going to stay for a week and were going to travel with my brother, his wife, and their 3 kids. It would have been our first time there. When it got cancelled (we didn't go, but my brother & family did), my mom said something like, "It's just as well. I don't think you need to be spending all that money right now." Well, first of all, we were using my husband's bonus money. And second, it's none of her business HOW we spend our money or WHAT we spend it on. And third, did I mention that this would have been our first family vacation where we traveled by plane and how sad our son was that we couldn't go? Geez. She definitely knows how to push my buttons.
But, hey, at least I'm not married to Tony, right?
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CP,
I just caught up on this thread and saw your comments about your MIL. I also had a toxic MIL that did exactly the same thing (she left the world a better place when she died in 2001).
Nothing stopped this woman and her questions (deflections, politeness, rudeness, etc) until I did the one thing she wanted. When she asked a rude, invasive question, I answered her with the worst possible scenarios I could think of, even if it was beyond the realm of possibilities.
Example, when my brother was dating the granddaughter of one of her neighbors, she kept asking me "Is Jon knocking up Michelle?" I couldn't stop her from asking until the day I looked her in the eye and said, "I don't know; but I doubt if he is. Jon, like the rest of us in the family, has a congenital venereal disease. We can't take a chance of it showing up in our partners until after marriage." (Her son and I had were newlyweds at that point). She never asked again.
When at a Thanksgiving dinner, she insisted that I pie I had made had to be bottled filling because it was so good and I couldn't possible had done the work that pie entailed (minced meat), I looked at her and said, "You are right, everything here for dinner is canned. Did you know that salad comes in a can? And you shouldna seen the size of the can for the turkey!!! It was this big!!!" as I held out my hands two feet apart.
So what can you tell your MIL: how about "Did you know a study was done that showed breast cancer can be spread by sneezing?" followed by an uncovered, loud AH-CHOO!. Or, "My last scan showed I had brain metastases so I am going in to have my head removed. But that not a problem, they do head reconstructions now. I think I am going to pick the Jennifer Anniston model."
Think about it. It actually is fun; the look on her face will be priceless.
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I just thought of another outrageous answer. Tell her you have just been given two weeks to live and because (husband's name) is not willing to let you go, you have found a taxidermist to stuff and mount your body. And because your husband has always liked (green eyes, big butts, or something else that you don't have), the taxidermist is going to add that feature during the mounting.
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Oh Sassa, you are baaaddddd !! 0
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HAHAHAHAHA! OMG I'm rolling on the floor right now. I have a precious MIL too.
I'd have to say, the comments that have bothered me the most were at the very beginning of my diagnosis because that's when I was the most sensitive.
"Look on the bright side...at least they caught it early". This after being misdiagnosed for almost a year, and finding out I had a 4cm mass and lymph node positive. Sure, that sounds early.
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"Stay positive. You're going to beat this thing". Drove me batty. I mean, all I wanted was sympathy. I wanted people to feel like it was as serious as I thought it was. Sit with me in the fire for a while, people! I needed it.
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You girls are BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD! but i did LMAO. I dont have that kind of fun, my Mom past quite some time ago and my SO's mom( ill just call her MIL) ewwwwwwwwww, no I wont!! lol.. My boyfriend doesnt talk to her so I cant have any fun there!! Did you all just ever think of ignoring them? No I mean REALLY ignoring them, as in, "Im sorry did you say something, I didnt hear hear you". Or look them in the face and say "CANCER? what are you talking about Cancer. Wow you must be going senile and mixing me up with someone you met in the supermarket". Or better yet look at them and just mouth the words and dont talk, even sing and whistle without making a sound!!! Later tell them thats a sign of cancer, being confused and hearing loss!!! hehe
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Too Funny! I am so glad to see that we haven't lost our sense of humor. I also wanted to mention how really tired I am of hearing, "Well you don't look sick." I just want to say that's because I spent an hour on my make-up. Would it make you less of an a**hole if I did look sick? A "good" friend of mine just called to explain that the reason she didn't invite my family to her Super Bowl party this year was because she didn't want to burden us. I think that's code for she didn't want my BC to come up at her party. Oh well, I had made other plans anyway! Go Colts!!
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Lately when I see people(ex-friends?) that pretty much forgot about me for the last 18 months - and this happened about 3 times this week. They see me, look surprised and say Hi, how are you doing? I say great how are you doing? They can't really follow it up with anything because I think what their really thinking is - oh, you're still alive? looking well? whatever? Just very funny to see the expression on their face when I turn the question back on them. My pet peeve of the week. But I haven't seen Tony's wife in a very long time - I'll have to think of an even better response for her
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bobcat, I have recently responded back to people who ask how I am doing almost the exact same way. "Oh, I'm fine and how have you been doing?" You are right, they don't know what to say back to that. I work hard to redirect the conversation off of me and on to them. They don't always like it. Too bad.
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Next time someone asks me how I am doing, I am going to say "I'm great because I am not married to Tony!"
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Just when I was struggling with my Radiation decision my Med. Oncol. threw Chemo into the soap opera. She found some mean and nasties on the Lab slides and the Onco test. Looks like I have vascular invasion! I go wed. to talk about setting up a schedule, great..................... Im guna make a t-shirt "I may have Cancer and be bald, but Im not married to Tony" OH & I get to keep my Boobies!!
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Hi Ladies - I just checked back on this thread and saw Sassa posts!!!!
I will check in with you ladies again when I need more ammunition!! - - - I love your creativity!!
Ditto - Bobcat when people ask how I'm doing and I reply great and how are you - - it confounds them and they don't know how to reply.
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Sassa - love it - thanks for the ROFLMAO!
For folks like me who read forms before signing, you'll appreciate an ironic disclosure on the anesthesia consent form, one of the side effects of general anesthesia is total unconsciousness! OK now, that's funny to me, I sure as heck hope so, I prefer not to be awake during surgery...
I said as much to the anesthesiologist, who laughed too then told me about a guy who didn't want to pay his bill for anesthesia because he didn't remember surgery (colon surgery)...
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Groundhog -- "total unconsciousness" -- gee, I sure hope so!!!
BTW, do you celebrate February 2 in any special way?
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I do now - it's the day I lived through surgery! 0
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Groundhog,
So you saw your surgeon when you came out of anesthesia? Does that mean 6 more months of winter?
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