The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Ok, my turn again... *sigh*
I did get quite a few insensitive remarks, but I guess I startedbeing more forgiving, as in people really cannot know how it is as they've never been through this.
But this morning I got almost out of my socks, I got so angry. On my facebook profile, this guys (a friend of a friend, I accepted him on my list of friends just on recommendation) posted on my wall the animated photo of a woman bouncing her boobs up and down with her hands!
How freaking rude, inconsiderate and plain cruel it is?
You don't want to know what I wrote to him before removing him from friends. Enough to say it ended with "I guess there is no limit to stupidity on this planet"
Arrrrgggg!
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Holy crap, Day!!! That is just too much!! How do such morons manage to survive without getting the crap beat out of them on a daily basis? So much for the recommendations of friends, huh?
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Facebook scares the bejeesus out of me - now I know why!!
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Well, cornelalum, I had one that probably equals your relative who likened an biopsy to mast & snb. My relative said she knew "exactly how I felt" after my mast because she had a breast reduction. And asked to see the scar.
Politely refused.
Leah
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What is it with relatives? My mom wanted to see my lumpectomy scar. I also politely declined. She has since asked if my BMX scars are like my lumpectomy scar was. Um, no, a little bigger than that. (??)
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What is with wanting to see the scars? WHY does anyone WANT to see the scars? I can not understand why anyone would want to see the scars, of if they did, would be rude enough to ask! Really! I am aghast!
If anybody REALLY wants to see my scars here they are:
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I'm planning a prophy mast for the remaining side and then diep recon. I'm waiting to see if this relative asks to see my foobs. Which will also be politely refused.
Leah
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Maybe you should ask her to show you hers, first.
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Edited out as my "rant" offended some. Sorry!
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barbe1958 - what??? they're seceding???? Civil war on bc.org???? Let's just settle for keeping Tony off here, how 'bout that? We've dealing with enough foolishness out there, why on earth would we turn on each other?
Can we see their scars? Do they want to see ours? Who gives a crap what stage you are?
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On the subject of scars...
A nurse once said to me what a great job my surgeon did and how well I had healed. She said "In a few months you won't even notice the scar."
Hmmm....interesting.....I think I will still notice my breast is missing!
Fortunately I thought it was funny and had to stifle a laugh.
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It's Valentine's Day, I feel like s$$t, I'm trying to get some sort of understanding out of my cement-headed fiance (or was, anyway).
He says: "You're really overreacting. It's just a little spot of cancer in your tittie, they'll cut it out and you'll go on with your life. Jeff's mom (his buddy) had the same thing, they just cut off her tit and she was fine."
My birthday is March 9, and I have vowed to myself to be elsewhere by then.
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OMG! That's a terrible thing for your partner to say to you 1vamom. Haven't had anything that tasteless or insensitive but MIL did say that chemo was making me tired as I was bored (?).
Actually, the ps I saw the morning of my lumpectomy was a bit odd - first he asked me how old I was, and then said, "huh, well, you look 35". Seeing as I am 35 I wasn't sure how to take that as he seemed to be implying I should look different. And then told me my bs hadn't scheduled any reconstruction so I would be disfigured and wouldn't be happy with the result. Not what I wanted to hear an hour before going under the knife!0 -
Thanks for the OMG, as whats-his-name didn't seem to think it was insensitive at all. But, old news, as I am now actively thinking about active plans to go.
I am sorry to hear about your PS. "Disfigured" is a horrible word, and what a way to start (I'm assuming here) not a great day. Some of these doctors, I guess, just cash their paycheck, and think little about what they do.
I am 40, but look (or looked, before this) much younger, so I get the how old are you question all the time. I try to take most offensive comments under the category of- "People who don't know what to say, but are trying to make conversation, or something like that" Not that it helps, but I try to think they aren't really trying to cause me pain, they are just ignorant. And that's what I said to SO. That what he said was ignorant of my situation, and he should try to educate himself, just for general knowledge's sake.
Incidentally, we are having dinner with said friend and his mom this weekend (I have never met her, but she is a personal care nurse, and seems tough). I dared SO to ask her about it (not at dinner, of course! and she has offered her private cell-phone for any and ALL questions I may have, bless her!) and to use those terms with her, and see if she was as comfortable as he suggests. I doubt it. But, he may have to carry his new-found knowledge into some other relationship, I fear, because I need more.
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I hesitated to write this yesterday, as it was still a fairly hurtful statement. I am 2 months post exchange, and was waiting to totally heal before being fitted for a new bra. This is something I have been looking forward since the MX ( July). I went to a highly regarded store, seeking the saleslady my PS referred.
The first thing this saleslady said was " Why is one bigger than the other?" Now, I was concerned about this, my DH can't see it, but my daughter can. ( Yes, I showed it to her, as I have shown a couple of other people, my mom included. I really don't know the hang up as far as showing the scars. I feel if it helps another woman to realize what bc looks like then so be it.) Anyway, on with the story, after not quite being able to answer the saleslady's question ( which my PS will be answering in about a week, I was fitted with two bras. Why are they so ugly? Or was my saleslady not caring as to whether or not I felt good about wearing it.
Oh and her final statement was " So...you had breast cancer, but you're alright now?" How can anybody be " alright now, I DON'T HAVE BREAST !!! no matter how pretty the foobs can be made, or hopefully will be made, they aren't mine.
oh yeah, Happy Valentine's Day. I know I feel romantic.
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Leah, I too think it is weird that people ask to see your scar. There is someone I barely know, that keeps telling me she wants to see my new boobies. I don't think so.
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I have shown close friends that asked because I thought it was good for them and for me to share - they were so supportive throughtout all the treatment and procedures. But people I barely know also say they can't wait to see the new "boobies" - I also hate that word!! They will not be seeing my new boobies.
Oh! Going to mass today at the church where Tony's wife attends. 1vamom - is your soon to be ex named Tony??
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Bobcat,
You're right, I didn't mean I would show them to just anybody. Your statement about "boobies" brought back to memory of when I went in to see my general practioner. I wanted to make sure she had been given all my BC information. While I was waiting for her, her nurse was updating everything. She told me I needed to get me "some big honkin ones".
Don't you just love people?
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Ivamom - I don't see that guy becoming warm and fuzzy anytime soon. He must have been made on a Monday or a Friday. We all know that's the day bad automobiles are made. Surely it works the same for men.
lizziesnunu - sales people can be shits or dreams. Yours was probably made on a Monday or Friday. Also, she probably is married to Tony - or maybe she IS Tony.
Lots of women here can recommend nice places to shop - you don't have to go back.
bobcat - doesn't Tony go to church with his wife?
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Tony is such a good Catholic that he doesn't need to go to church but he "made' her convert!! Oh, he's a gem alright!!
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Tony takes the cake...
"Boobies" reminds me of something I posted on a "worst things someone said to you" thread awhile ago... but still sticks in my craw! Someone at work -- works in a related office at the hospital where I work, but I don't know her well and don't work WITH her, and certainly had never told her my diagnosis (hello, I know we all have to take HIPAA training once a year -- fat lot of good THAT does
)...Anyway, I walk in to that office 2 months after I've been back at work (almost 3 months after mx), and this woman says loudly, gleefully, in front of everyone, "How's your BOOBIE???!!!!"
I just stared at her!!!
And the really crazy thing is that this psycho (incredibly rude in so many ways to many people!) is always carrying on about how "manners" are so important to her, and nobody else has good manners anymore!!!!
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I've made it a point NOT to get any treatment at a hospital where I work or have worked just becuase there is absolutely NO privacy despite HIPPA regulations. Personally, I'd be inclined to make a patient complaint about the woman in the other office saying something like that in a public setting, but then, I've been told I can be a vindictive b!$@h before.
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For AnnNYC....
Woman working at desk in another department: "How's your BOOBIE???!!!!"
Ann: "Excuse me???" [That's Southern for "What the h*ll did you just say???"]
Woman [still probing for information]: "I said, 'How's your boobie?' . I heard you had a mastectomy."
Ann: "Oh, Hon ... bless your heart. Now, where on earth would you have heard something like that?" [Then, with a puzzled smile on her face, Ann shakes her head and walks away, leaving the woman speechless, since she can't reveal her source without disclosing the name of the person who violated the HIPAA regulations.]
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Otter, you are just wonderful!! I read your posts all over the boards and I just adore you!! Jessica
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LOL, Otter!!! I guess at the time I reacted like a Wisconsin native of Scandinavian descent -- i.e., just giving her a look, and imagining that my silence would be "read" the way we kids read my Dad's and his mother's (Swedish grandma's) silent looks -- "ooh, what we did was so shameful, Dad/Grandma can only give us that look, because for them to put it into words would bring even further shame upon the whole family!!!"
Which of course seems entirely futile when you're not the parent who instilled the "controls" and the person is not your child!
So I was wishing I'd had enough New York under my belt to say something like, "how's that HIPAA training workin fer ya???"
But I think the Southern style is the winner!!!
(reminds me, someone said on another thread here the other day that, in the South, the sewing circle "Stitch & Bitch" would probably have to be renamed "Stitch & Isn't That Precious?!")
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Otter--that response was brilliant!
Ann--I work at a hospital, too. And I got all my treatment here, but luckily, the breast care center and pediatrics are quite a distance apart so I didn't run into anyone while coming to see my doctors. Plus, I was out on disability from the time of my surgery until after chemo (about 7 months) so I didn't have to "explain" things to co-workers until I got back.
Oh, I know "the look" even if my parents were German and not Scandinavian! I use it on my son all the time, and he reacts just like I used to as a kid (silently retreating and wishing you had kept your mouth shut). Unfortunately, it doesn't work on other people. More's the pity. And seriously..."boobie"??? Grow up.
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Hey I had a comment that I get ALL the time happen to me this weekend and I am looking for a good response because I get the comment so much...
I don't know why people upon me telling them I have had a bilateral mastectomy ask me if I had my nipples removed. What an odd thing to ask someone they don't know well. (or even if you do know them well) I am not one who has ever talked about my nipples before and I just think it is bizarre!!!
How do you guys handle it???? This weekend, I just looked at the woman and said- "I'll be back in a second" and went and got a glass of wine and stayed away from her. But, I really wanted to say- why do you want to know about my nipples? I have had at least 10 acquiantances ask me that.
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That is a weird question Cheri for anyone to ask. Have any of you watched the Dog Whisperer? He makes this shhhhhhht type of sound to train dogs, recently read an article how people are using it on their kids instead of yelling at them. Maybe we can all start responding to these ridiculous comments that way! LOL!
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My dear sister who has been wonderful throughout this finally said something that made me go WTF?
I had just gotten the results of my second post surgery biopsy, I have I high risk of recurrence, when she said, "I know you are just getting these biopsies to comfort yourself."
Because I know she meant well I merely said, "It is the result of the biopsies that is a comfort because so far I don't have a recurrence." She has never had a biopsy so she has no idea how stressful it can be to wait and wait and wait for the results all the while expecting the worse.
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Sometimes even dear sisters can say dumb things. It seems to hurt the most when it's someone close to you. We need to speak up and educate them!!
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