The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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sas: You mentioned all cotton sports bras. Have you looked at the Fruit Of The Loom tank style bras? They are 95% cotton & 5% spandex, available at Walmart in a package of 3 for $10 to $12. Also comes in other styles. Is that still too much spandex? Barb
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Starak thanks, Where was my brain when I treated myself to some new sports bras and they are 95% nylon and 5 % spandex. It (brain) sure wasn't with me that day LOL
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tink, she's a dink! Have you had a casual chat with the daughter and been able to provide some 'proof' without seeming obvious that you are a cancer patient? Maybe something that could be passed on to her mom. I know how you feel, you want to prove yoursef right. I hate when I know something is thinking wrongly of me!!
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Most stupid thing anyone has said....a hypochrondriac semi-friend saying "At least you know what's wrong with you. Imagine my situation...doctor after doctor, none of whom can figure out what's wrong".
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OMG now how the f**k are you gonna fake it??? Should we wish the big C on her?
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She may actually believe you can fake cancer. The problem is that people actually do try it. Every few years there will be news stories about some one who tries. They will pick a type where they can fake early to mid stage symptoms and complain a lot. If they live a distance from a major cancer center they may even make trips to that area to convince people they are going for treatment. Next thing you know there are fund raisers and they pocket the money. Sooner or later they are usually caught and prosecuted. There have been several of them in Western Washington over the last 20 years or so.
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I recently told my best friend about my diagnosis. I was explaining to her that they caught everything really early, Stage 0, and everything should be confined to just the ducts. I also explained to her that I am opting to have a BMX due to the fact that my Mom died one year ago from cancer, and they have also found AHP in the other breast now. Her response " oh you will BEAT this thing, you are so strong and so positive". I hate it when people say that!!!!! So the people who have died were not strong enough or positive enough??? puuuhleeeeze!0
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Hi Girls!
Pit-tit is what I call my implant that has moved from my chest to my armpit. It is uncomfortable! Throw it under the bus! I have some cording in my arm- that goes too!
I hate to admit this, but there is a lady at one of the support groups i go to that I don't think is faking BC, but I think she is milking (HA!) it for all it's worth. I usually don't question people's choice of treatment, but it seems like she i choosing the ones that make her stay out of work longer, so she can stay on disabilities. I'm horrible, I know, but she questions anyone who wants to work after their dx, at any stage, because there is money to be got. It kind of makes me sick. Most folks I know with BC just want to return to their normal life, but it seems like she is making being sick her full time j ob. I shouldn't judge, I'm out on medical leave till January, but it was sort of forced upon me, and Im working side jobs beause I'm bored and hate not working! Ok, throw me under the bus.
A cleaning ladie from Cleaning for a Reason came last week. She asked my story and I told her, to which she responded, "oh, you are so strong"! Really? Then why are you cleaning my house?
Have a great night! Alec Baldwin is on SNL tonight! I'm gonna laugh!0 -
so i am 6 months pfc, and 3 months from last rads treatment. im back to work and working 32 hours a week at a job that i am constantly on my feet, lifting, pushing talking to snotty people with 3 screaming kids, you get the point.
today i was exhausted, did not feel well, did not sleep well due to neuropathy. just a low day, ya know? well someone had to mention how i "looked tired"
to which i replied "yeah, i was up all night with nerve pain and didn't sleep well,"
this person replied 'how long does it take to get over ' your cancer" and chemo, you finished chemo like what 6 months ago, shouldnt you be better by now?"
asshole. i just walked off... i could have said sooo many things, but this person is a true idiot. i would have been wasting my time trying to explain because he is one of THOSE people.
that really did put me off though "get over your cancer, geez it's been 6 months since chemo and 3 since rads"
i wanted to punch him!!
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Angel------next time some idiot says something like that--try this "The body takes a long time to heal from being assaulted by chemo which, while it kills cancer cells, hurts the rest of the body . Radiation kills cancer cells , but the overall affect hurts the rest of the body. It takes along time for the body to recover from these assaults. Some of the damage done by the cure is permanent and only time will tell, if I will ever have normal feeling in my hands and feet. Cancer just doesn't go away like a cold. It far more serious than that." All of which is true. It may educate that person to a small degree. You are into educating know . Every opportunity may cause that person to be less stupid.
All the while , you can be thinking " This is the stupidist person on the face of the earth -cluck'em"
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i think this bus is in order..but, Eema, YOUR not allowed to throw yourself under...3jays
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can't get days bus to post grrr.3jays 0 -
PLJ-Every time you see you "close" relative, mention how much time she has left from when she first said 6 to 8 months. I'm thinking of very snarky and nasty things like "Wow, you look really good for someone with only 4 to 6 months to live! You haven't lost any weight, you haven't turned yellow, you don't need a wheelchair, you have all your hair, you're not on IV pain medication-What's your secret?" Or "Wow, only 4 months to live and you are still working, traveling, shopping, driving! Who IS your doctor? Can you get me an appointment right off? He's doing miracles with you, and I want that too! Does your doctor see people who have real cancer, too?"
Eema-there are some people who just "enjoy ill health" as part of their makeup. I don't understand them, but as a visiting nurse I see many of them. Some quirk of their personality makes them seek out more and more treatment and more and more attention. It does seem to become a full time job for them. Often I find they were lonely people before they started on this road, now they have people in their lives. What a sad way to get people into your life.
Hdangelbaby-I've run into that "shouldn't you be over that by now" line a few times. Depending on who it is and how it's asked, I either explain (friends or people who are actually asking from lack of knowledge) or say "No, I'm only 3 years into my 5 years of treatment, then it will take 10 years to to find out if the side effects are permanent or temporary. " and walk away. Or watch them flounder, depending on how bi#<$y I'm feeling at the moment.
3jays-LOVE the BUS!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Chabba.. How horrible that someone would actually fake it! ugh it is something I would wish on no one let alone pretending
BARB1958. You are so right there is apart of me that wants to prove her wrong and rub her creepy little face in it and say SEE!!!! and anothe'r part that says consider the source I have nothing to prove. I dont know of anyway to "prove it to her . I actually do have a card given to me by the hospital I had my surgery in when they sent me a masectomy care package basket with my name on it, would love to tell her "hey , maybe somone should of told the hospital and my surgeons that spent 13 hours with me in surgery that i was fakin it huh"????? My DD friend and her dad and sister dont doubt it though, according to her they were all yelling at her telling her whats wrong with you and as far as my son goes, why would I fake his disability, i dont get anything for it I pay to have him helped, and if she knew anything about anything Apergers IS a high functioning form of Autism that is why it gets diagnosed much later in lfe.
ANyone the bus is too good for this women she does need to go into the fire!!!!!
Maria
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Maria, I so agree.
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The Bonfire of the Goddessess await a burning
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awesome I am sending her over SAS!!!
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NativeMainer...your comments gave me a chuckle!
Today is for making memories...enjoy every moment! Dx: May 3/11. 1 cm Mixed Mucinous Carcinoma inside 6 cm DCIS Stage 1, Grade 2, 0/1 Node, Oncotype 16, ER+/PR+, Her2-
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did someone need a bus??hahaha 3jays 0
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Always love the bus !
This isn't something someone said, but something dumb my aunt saw:
"From the weird sightings file: This morning while driving to work, I stopped at a traffic light and looked to the right and saw a car with one of the pink ribbon magnets on the side of the car. The pink ribbon magnet had the words "Cancer Sucks".........but the guy driving the car was smoking a cigarette!!!! Unbelievable. I thought about taking a photo, but the light turned green."
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Sandeeonherown: Re your Sep 20 post on going to the dentist. You should make sure your dentist knows about your cancer especially if you had any reconstruction with implants or have had chemo as both can be affected by dental work according to other posts I have read in the recon threads. The gist of what they were saying is some women have lost or had problems with implants due to infections caused by dental work and they recommended taking antibiotics prescribed by their dentists. Chemo definitely can affect your dental work too and may cause problems.
So maybe your hygenist just wanted to make sure your charts were up to date???
Phyllis
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I have had a lot of dumb things said to me, but this one took the cake. A co-worker came up to me and told me she was jealous because now I had the opportunity to get "new, young, perky breasts!" My jaw just dropped and I said, " UMM, I would rather keep my old, saggy ones and not have cancer!"
Another comment I hated was several people told me --- "Oh, you have breast cancer, that is the "good" kind of cancer to get. It is so curable these days." I want to say, WTF are you talking about??
I had not intended to tell many people about it at least at first, however, my BS called me at work (this was after having a core needle biopsy that was benign and then having the lump removed because of family history) and told me I did have cancer afterall. All I heard was invasive cancer and the tears rolled down my cheeks. My boss saw me as I was walking into a private office to finish the conversation privately. She came in the room and asked me what was going on. I told her and asked if I could go home, which I did and I worked at home the next day just so I could deal a little with this privately at home. The following day I came in the office and people were acting funny around me and a few people told me how sorry they were for me and when I opened my email I had several emails from people asking me about it. I was caught off guard as I even had a email from someone at out Mexico location. I asked my boss how everyone knew. Apparently she felt the need to let everyone know what was going on with me and she had called a staff meeting to tell everyone. I was so upset! This should have been up to me if and when I shared it with anyone else at work!
Phyllis
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Phyllis - yep...should have been you telling them if and when you wanted to tell them...
As for the dental hygienist- I did not have chemo or any reconstruction and my heart meds do not affect anything either..I checked. If it was something she needed to know, I would have old them at the outset. The only reason I said anything at the dentist's office was they were talking about how difficult it is to reach my back wisdom tooth and once again broached the subject of having them pulled instead of filled and I said, I am NOT going through any other procedure this year of any kind...breast cancer and a heart attack were enough. Nothing else is coming out of my body....was not planning to say that ..just did. The receptionist/dental assistant just looked at me and dryly said ; well, guess you should update your 20 year old file then sweetheart'...which I have...not even sure why she told me on the next visit that the hygeinist was upset with me...
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The first driving experience I had after my BMX was to meet up with a few of my co-workers during the summer break. It was a happy little get together, but it was also the first time that I disclosed to anyone in my school that I had been diagnosed with cancer.
The next week I showed up to prepare for the start of the school year and the principal was in SHOCK. I don't know what he was expecting, but it obviously wasn't to see me looking fairly normal. First he started gushing about how great I looked. Then he started to make small talk while sneaking glances at my breasts. (I had TEs filled to about 220ccs at that point). You could tell he just felt AWKWARD, and he wanted to say something, and he didn't know how to broach the subject. So, then he just said, "I didn't know about the...uh...uh.." and he looked directly at my right breast. What? did he think it was going to respond????
God forgive me, but I let that very awkward moment hang in the air for a few more seconds than was kind. Then I rescued him.
Mostly, though, the people in my life have been gracious and thoughtful.
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Everyone---------------google HIPPA and find out what your rights are. If your rights have been violated. Follow whatever path you choose. Report. Which can be a fine. Decide to make a policyif your workplace hasn't done it. Teach what HIPPA means.
Toooooooo many people are completely stupid in regard to any forms of cancer. and to say you got the right kind of cancer. Personally, I love to cut their nuts off, and ask if they agree. Cluck'em
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You know, I really didn't consider other people's comments as affecting me until I read this thread. In fact, I was the one going around telling people that my NSM was basically a "glorified boob job". Though I suppose if anyone had suggested that concept to me, I wouldn't have thought it was so funny... we can make the jokes, but no one else can; is that right??
A cousin in my husband's family is a radiologist/oncologist. So when I told her my diagnosis (stage zero/DCIS) she said "Stage zero? That's not even real cancer."
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orangemat - Since I only had a lumpectomy perhaps I shouldn't comment. I seems to me though that someone who has been there, done that, felt the fear and knows the pain, emotional as well as physical, understands and has a right to joke if they wish. The rest of the world can't understand and I think almost if not all of us wish they would restrict their comments to I'm sorry, I care, how can I help - and then follow through.
And yes, your cousin's remark was dumb.
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Chabba.. well said I agree.. I had a bilat masect with reconstruction and yes only I can make the jokes about the " Frankenboobs" lol... it is my way of coping I guess..
Orangemat.. yes that was a dumb statement for sure... especially coming from a oncologist wow!
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tinkertude - yes, I've used the term "Frankenboobs" too. All those scar lines, why not? Also, "cyborg Barbie", because the implant feels so fake, and way too large.
Do we make self-desparaging comments out of self-loathing? A friend of mine had a BMX and literally jumped at the chance to reshape herself, because she said she hated her boobs (an exact quote). Me, I always liked how I looked, small and serviceable enough, discrete but still there. Now I feel like some misshapen monstrosity. Oh, but I should be so grateful now that I'm cancer-free....
.... needless to say, I'm still having issues...
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