The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Eric- you may want to consider 3-d nipple tatooing rather than nipple reconstruction. I would google 3-D nipple tatooing to see some pics. The most talked about tatooist is Vinnie Myer and he has amazing photos on his website. He is in Boston I believe. Hope this helps
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I chose no recon because the boobs just aren't that important to me, and I had also heard lots of the stories of failed implants, infections, redos, etc. I couldn't see going through multiple procedures over several months to a year or more for possibly iffy results. Just to have bumps? Didn't seem worth it to me. I've several mastectomy bras and a spiffy set of prosthetics in a box on my dresser. My "Boobs in a Box".
I dragged them out for my uncle's funeral a few weeks ago. My sister looked at me oddly, so I leaned over and whispered that since I had told the family I would save them for special occasions like weddings and funerals, I felt duty bound to wear them. And then we both sat there trying to stop snickering.
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Hey folks.... Thanks for the kind words... I am in Maryland just outside of Baltimore...I'm booking October if anyone needs me... Thanks... V
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Eric, I've said the same thing about my scars, they are my badge of honour!! I am proud to walk around with them knowing I've beaten the beast for now (and have the scars to prove it!). You may consider a cool tattoo as well. You have to wait a year to let the skin settle down.
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Not sure why I was reminded of this but thought I would share anyway. Before the surgery when I was in a local women's health center store, I told my fitter I had decided on no recon and no prosthesis. She was visibly taken aback. She said you would have to have some really big cahunas to go without anything. Still haven't figured out where I hid them.
Funny how our life experiences skew our view of the world. I have seen comments from others with BC that they feel they would be stared at if they went with nothing. Having lived with the double D's in the 8th grade to having girls that would pale Pamela Anderson or Dolly as an adult, believe me I get what it is like to be stared at or to be made to feel as if your only value in life is the size of the girls. I must admit I let that woman's comment give me a lot of insecurity in the beginning so that I was going out in huge shirts and jackets. But as I started to gain confidence and dress in fitted feminine clothes, surprise surprise, nobody stared. Gee, the world may even think my IQ has gone up. LOL
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My breast shelf used to go around a corner before me! I got reduced to a 42D. Then REALLY reduced. So I'm happy flat.
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Starak--I, too had very large girls as an adult, and I can relate to the staring, rude comments, and being underestimated. I chose recon with much smaller girls, and have seen a big difference in the way people interact with me in stores and other public places. I can imagine how that fitter's comment could take you aback. Sad that a supposedly trained fitter would say something like that. Just goes to show that the medical world and the world at large do NOT know what bc survivors want or need.
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All this confirms what I've suspected - the ladies who accept themselves the most easily after BMX, no recon no foobs are the ones who had to deal with being VERY big beforehand.
I know I couldn't do it. Guess what - I'm size AA (or on one side now).
All our life experiences will influence how we deal with what BC sends us.
Leah
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Leah, I think you may be right, if I should choose a BMX and recon, I'm really looking forward to being smaller. My right breast is smaller and higher thanks to the lumpectomy, I like it better now even with the large scar right across the top. I'm a DD size and would love to be a small C
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Well, I was quite busty before my BMX - even very bIg as Leah puts it. I chose not to have reconstruction and normally don't wear foobs. I am used to being breast-less and don't feel self conscious about my appearance; however, I miss my breasts every day. I accept myself only because I have no other choice.
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Per UMX, I had one A cup and one almost A cup; now I have an A cup and a no-cup (I call it my boobette - I still have a nipple looking at Toreldo but no filler). So I will go with recon, but with the DIEP I will only re-build the boobette into an A cup.... Unless my BRCA testing comes back positive, then the A cup is gone, and I need to reassess. A co-worker ask about the genetic counseling, and then said 'Well, a brand new set wouldn't be bad!'.... hm.
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Just_V--I had DIEP recon last summer. Had the remaining breast removed and remade (didn't see how they could possibly make it go from DDD to B like I wanted, didn't want to go through the annual mammorgram horror show). More of a recovery than I realized, but now I'm glad I did it this way. I didn't get exactly a B cup as that wouldn't have looked right. I am very happy with my new C cup girls. I did BRCA testing after recon. Was glad to find out I didn't have any of the mutations, and still glad I had the remaining boob removed. It's a very personal, individual decision to make, recon is.
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Just v, my sister is convinced I chose BMX w reconstruction because I wanted plastic surgery. I'm no Heidi Montag! I loved my old boobies, saggy and all! I tried to explain that rads were not good for people with some other conditions I have and can't take tamoxifen, but she is convinced it is because I wanted a set of perky tits. Don't get me wrong, real perky boobies would have been great, but I wouldn't have paid for them. Guess I didn't have to pay for these either, except with blood and tears. Not much sweat, but that will come next month, after the ooph/hyst.
I guess it is good people who love us say stupid things, otherwise we'd have nothing to complain about!0 -
This year I went on a BC thriver cruise and seemed to be the only one running around the ship with a flat chest.It didn't bother me but apparently it did not go unnoticed.I was talked into a fitting on the ship and now have a proper pair.But still only wear them when I am getting dressed up.If I am putting on makeup then I will wear the girls.(the girls) thats what my DH calls them.
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mumayan, interesting...the only people who have tried to talk me into reconstruction are women (friend and plastic surgeon) who have had reconstruction themselves.
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Mumayan, I can relate with the wig. I have been going out for quite a while with just a baseball cap instead of a wig. I didn't even buy the wig until all my hair had fallen out for about a month. I was kind of hoping it would make my hair grow back faster. Whenever I remember to bring my umbrella, it never rains. I thought I would buy a wig and my hair would miraculously come back in immediately. Didn't happen. I like the way I look in the wig. I'm wearing it in my avatar, and now that it is cooling off, it's not hot in it. But I still feel fake in it. But I get comments when I just wear the baseball cap, why aren't I wearing the wig, I look so good in it. Because I don't feel like it, that's why! I find myself wearing it when I don't want to, just to please other people.
Also, re the bimx or the unimx, I had that decision too. None of my docs ever mentioned doing both breasts. I had to bring it up. They all recommended just the uni. Now that I am done with the surgery, I am happy I have one breast with all the regular feelings and sensations that I am used to. (This was the biggest reason my onc said not to do both.) But I agree, it would be nice not to worry about it and not have to get mammograms on it. It's a tough decision, I agree, think it over carefully and make sure you do what's right for you. Don't let anyone talk you into something you're not comfortable with.
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It is true I did chose reconstruction I had a DIEP reconstruction last summer I was a DD and way unproportioned for my size and structure and went down to a B and like it much better. They dont walk into the room before i do, so there must be some truth to that Leah.
Have a good day ladies
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I agree with Leah, I was an A cup and decided to have immediate reconstruction...
But also, immediate recon is not recommended to larger sized women, right? I was told by the BS that I was a "perfect candidate" for NSS BMX with immediate recon (implants) and that's what I had done on 6/28/11. Well after a horrific summer dealing with major skin necrosis, implants replaced with TEs, TEs removed during a latissimus flap surgery, I am left looking "botched" and I'll probably be too afraid to try it again...any thoughts?
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(((((((miasanta2007))))))) It may be still too soon to know how you're going to look. I would think the scars would be less prominant over time. You've been through a lot. I was speaking to someone last week (DorothyK) who had a similar ordeal. She also had the implants first, they failed and then, about the same time as you, they replaced the implants. Instead of using abdominal tissue, though, they used tissue from her back. Maybe you can pm her for more info? I wish I could be more help. My DIEP boob does look frankensteinish with the nipple missing and the big flap there. I am hoping that the nipple tattoo will eventually make that look more normal.
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Yikes! All this talk of difficulties with reconstruction confirms to me that I made a good choice to go without. It's not that much of a deal to stuff a fake boob into my bra each day. At the moment no one else sees me but if that changes, whoever it is would have to take me as I am. At my age, none of us are perfect.
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Leah - I believe you are right that probably a large proportion of the women who are happy with flat used to be very large or more. Over the years I have seen studies that show statistically women who have reductions tend to be happier than the ones who had augmentation. Understand that these were not women with BC.
It really saddens and perhaps even angers me that after all that women have been through with BC, that anyone would feel the need to brow beat or talk them into any decision in this process be it whether to have a lumpectomy, UMX or BMX or to recon, go with boobs in a box, go FATT (Flat All The Time), or anything in between. I would hope we give each other permission to look in our hearts, look at all the pros and cons, and then make whatever decision we feel is right for us and who knows even permission to change our minds. You go girls.
You too Eric!!I was so very blessed to have friends and family who asked me to look at all the factors but then supported me 110% when I had made my decisions.
I do think there is a tiny take away from those of us who went from the very large to flat and it is this. We were no more of a woman when we had a lot and we are no less now that we have none.
Barb
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Hi Leah,
There's always an exception to the rule. In my younger days I was AA. With age (and weight) I topped out at a B.
I've had a UMx and will be having a PBx in early October. No reconstruction is planned or desired. I've had no difficulty adjusting to one breast and i have no doubt I will have no difficulty adjusting to no breasts.
I've found, even with no attempt to even 'em up, that no one really notices it unless the topic comes up. If it does come up then they just CAN'T stop themselves from looking.
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Kathy, what I've done when it comes up is say "Go ahead and look, you get 15 seconds" and then I turn my head and look away. I have no idea if they really do look or not, but it gets a laugh. Curiosity is human!
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barbe - I do love your humor.
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Mind if I steal that line, Barbe?
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"You know, I'm going to die someday too.", ( thought: Yes you will... and it might be in the very next minute. GRRR)
"I've heard if you eat an onion everyday, you won't have cancer, it will disappear.", (thought: Yes and so will the Doctors, Nurses and all my friends. LOL)
"Well, thank goodness your older and you're not going to need your breasts anymore. It could be worse". (Thought: Yes... it could be worse, it could be you.)
My question: "What stage is it?", Surgeon's reply: "We don't like to talk about that around here." (Thoughts: We don't? Whose this we we're talking about? U gotta frog in your pocket?)
Surgeon turns to me, as I am lying helpless on her table, holding a huge brass looking needle the size of a straw in her hand, and says: " Let me know if this hurts." (Thoughts: Ouch!!!! oweee oweee.) Nurse assisting the Doctor: " I told you to look at me and not the Doctor." (Thought:If I had only done what the nurse had said I wouldn't be feeling any of this. Who knew.)
This is only the beginning of my journey. What's coming I should know about?
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OMG Jazz I hate that you are here b/c of BC. But have you considered the comedy field..Please give me permission to -repost this on OMG they found a cure for Stupid. Your sense of irony and humor.
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Jazz.. your a riot! sorry we met like this but your humor is awesome! i wish you all the best and please keep us posted on your journey... hugs/!
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OK - I know I lurk on this thread, but I really come here for the entertainment... come on ladies!!!
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I went out with a woman I haven't seen in 10 years or so. At the end of the night she said to me she didn't know how I could go through so much. She said if it were her, she would be so worried about dying and leaving her kids. I told her I worry about the same thing. During the evening, she tugged at my hair, under the pretense that it was getting so long. Does she think I am whistling a happy tune throughout this whole cancer s**t? Unbelievable!
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