The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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That must have been upsetting for you, Cooka. I'm sorry that happened.
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sas-schatzi, I took your advice and posted over in whippetmom's thread. She said that the implant style that was used for me is totally the wrong one, considering my narrow ribcage! So I currently have a call in to another PS for a consultation, one that she recommended (and within an hour from where I live). So thank you so much, and here's hoping for good news!
cooka, that was truly an insensitive thing that was said. Some people just don't know.
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Thanks everyone...I am having a steroid kinda day:) That is a very cool shirt Orangemat!
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So sorry cooka! Hope your having a better day!
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Cooka: That was truly insensitive! Hope you find the support you need here. Not every one is insensitive and sometimes people don't realize that what they are saying is insensitive until after it is reacted to. I hope that made sense!
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Thanks cooka. I had that photo on FB from over a year ago... and with all the pinkification going on, I figured it was a good time to bring the green back. 0
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Eema- last year after Rads, I found a camisole in Walmart...$14...called cupid or something like that...had a bit of support but didn't hurt whereas EVERYHING else did...I am a 34 DD and it was plenty of support and soft...did not hurt me at all...check it out:)...
AS for comments.. people don't think...and when they do and mean well, it still doesn't always come out right to those of us listening. I had a gal at work come in and say hi..good to see you here today ..then told me how good I looked and did I think it was because i had quit my job and it flooded me with the same feeling I of what///i didn't look good before?" and you know what...likely I looked really stressed...i had not told the staff yet and it was a 'secret; for a week and then things moved FAST...feels like breast cancer all over again in a very weird way..this job has been mine for 11 years...i kept it instead of quitting last year because i felt i needed the stability with everything going on with breast cancer and my ex leaving etc....rambling thoughts..but my point is...it kind of felt the same way when people find out I had cancer last year and then tell me I look great...I think we are expected to look gaunt, and pale and ill and unable , if that makes sense..and people are suprised when we weather the storm looking fine...or better in some way..perhaps because we have resolved to be or appear 'strong' or because we are ok....we are learning how strong we are and that is truly beautiful
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cooka: i'm so sorry you been a vicim of that crapoola... homo phobia at its; best!!!!i wanted to tell someone else something, but it went right outta my head!!!chemo brain is still here!!!hope all goes better, ladies, there's a lotta stupid out there. i just remembered.. a kiss on the side of the head; with a baseball bat...tooo funny.. no pic, though. we'll have to make one!!.....thanks, starak!!...3jays
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Sandee - my neighbor came over about 10 days post MX and when I opened the door she physically took a step back and said something about not expecting me to look so healthy! She gave me the cut-up fruit and brownies she'd made for me and I felt a little guilty for not looking worst.... LOL.... People sometimes are just so uncomfortable or surprised that who knows what will come out of their mouths next.
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I hear you. A friend came over to see me and the first words out of her mouth were" Oh, you look so good!" I'm thinking, yeah, I look normal. If we automatically looked like crap as soon as cancer started to grow, we'd catch it a lot earlier.
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PLJ, you must have the same neighbor as I do!
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NativeMainer, you crack me up!
Orangemat, if we lived closer, we could present a united front.
I have to say, this thread helps a *lot* with the stupid comments. Thanks for the giggles and comradery, ladies.
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Cooka, some people can be such BOOBS! HA! Cluck 'em if they can't take a joke, is what I say!
I want to know what a lesbian looks like, because I have some girl friends that have girlfriends and some of them have long hair. I have short hair but I'm married to a man. If short hair makes one a lesbian, then I'm a lesbian, too. But just folically.
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Oh I hear you about the "and you look so healthy!" -esque comments. Comments in this bucket include:
But you can't have breast cancer--you look so healthy!
How are you still working? I thought you would be on bed rest for at least a year.
You skin looks good. You don't look pale at all.
My personal favorite is "thank God this is all over". Over?! If it was all over I wouldn't be taking hormone therapy for 5-10 years, I wouldn't have stopped drinking--I have had 1/2 glass a wine in 6 months, I wouldn't have increased my exercise routine to include 5-7 days a week, I wouldn't have become a borderline vegan, and I wouldn't be worried every single day about a recurrance! I gently explain that it isn't over, and it never will be. Its a constant battle that I intend to always have the upper hand.
Oh, my second personal favorite--"You are so blessed". I am blessed? To have had cancer?! It usually goes along with the "thank God its over" comment above.
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Oh, yeah, I am SO sick of being told I got a 'good' cancer! Really? Then do you want to trade? I'd rather take Curtain #1 with NO cancer, thank you very much!
"You look so great!" You mean without boobies? What were you expecting, a shell of who I was; perhaps the removal of my breasts would mean I can't dress any more? Or that I wouldn't care about my appearance? Or that you've been staring at my tits for a while now and are revealing that to me with your comment?
My BIL asked if he could feel my new ones, because since they weren't real, it wouldn't 'count.' Yes, my sister knows:) She passed on the message!
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I get the "you look so good" comment also. Another one is, "If I didn't know any better, I wouldn't be able to tell that your boobs are gone." I kinda wonder if they noticed that they have gotten bigger every coupe of weeks because of the expansions! I get the "you are so lucky!" and "are you over the cancer thing now?" I guess that is because I look so good!
Phyllis
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The other one, as Corinne said, is the 'you're already back at work!!!! (gasp)... I was out three weeks and my company approved only two of the three... so,yes, I like food so I am back at work.... and really, mine was caught early and even with an MX, I was back at work.... once the drains were out.... and I loved PLJ's - "If we automatically looked like crap as soon as cancer started to grow, we'd catch it a lot earlier. " --- EXACTLY! LOL.
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PLJ: The funny thing is, I was only diagnosed in May and had my BMX on July 21st. I just got back to work 3 weeks ago and was still wearing 2 of the drains until last week! I still have exchange surgery and had a bad papsmear so have to get a cervical biopsy too. I do not feel like I am through this journey at all! Plus, what you said about watching for a recurrance. I have an OBGYN appointment October 25th and because I also had uterine biopsy about 6 years ago, he wants to take a look at that again.
I guess I am supposed to feel bad because I am not "over the cancer thing" yet???! I get this from 1 of my coworkers and my boss. I think the coworker is freaked because she actually had to do some work while I was off. She said to me, "well, since your cancer was not that bad, you should be able to get over it."
Phyllis
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Nah, I'm 3 years out and it doesn't get any easier!! In fact, I feel the longer I go without it coming back, the closer I get....I know, dumb! But I'm ER+ and the 3-5-year mark is about when it pops it's lovely head back up...
I HATE when people say "Did they get it all?" I just say, I'll never know until I die of something else. That shuts them up pretty quick. No point going into the fact that both breasts are scraped off and there was no more to take!
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Had another person today tell me how lucky I was that I just had breast cancer, not the bad kind of cancer.
I told her no cancer is good cancer and ignorance is bliss. I guess I am tired of the ignorance. 0 -
Barbe somebody asked me the other day.if they got it all. I said I did not know because Iwas asleep for the procedure and they did not wake me and ask me to take a look to see if they got it all. Can you tell I am crotchety? LOL.
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Sometimes I just look down at my flat chest and say "Gee, I hope so! There's nothing left to take!"
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What I hate the worst is when other women (especially family) attempt to distance themselves from the possibility of getting it themselves by saying "well I <fill in the blank>" with any of the following:
don't drink, eat carefully, exercise, am extremely health conscious, am vegan, etc....
as if it was my fault for getting cancer for some sin of either omission or commision that they think they are (or are not) doing. It's just the old blame the victim routine, but anymore I just say: "yeah, (naming the four of us in the family who have already had it) are just lazy drunk slobs who never exercise and gorge ourselves on crap. That usually shuts 'em up since the other 3 were energetic tee-totaling health food maniacs who are now all dead (I'm still hoping to not join their ranks).
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Yes gardengumby it must be all our fault because we did not stick to a diet of wheatgerm all our lives, NOT. This disease makes it's living in any body whether they smoke, drink, chew vitamins or excercise twenty hours a day. It does not discriminate. Good come back LOL.
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Boggles the mind, hmm?
I have had four people I know (close and friends of friends) diagnosed in the past two months. I have reached out to each of them with an "I am here" email if you need information, a shoulder, an ear or company in the waiting room...or a virtual hug from someone who simply knows...women of all ages...strong women..healthy, motivated, vibrant, kick-ass women....it is nothing we did...
I went to a lecture a week ago and the professor talked about living in Nova Scotia...on granite, which 'we all know is bad news' and no wonder Nova Scotia has the highest breast cancer rate in all of Canada...then a brief chat about wells and minerals and water testing and and and....I raised my hand and said 'huh? what? how is granite connected to breast cancer?'...Am I stupid ?? then a brief discusion about granite, radioactivity and breast cancer...and I tell you ladies...I wanted to pack my cat up, grab my passport and RUN for the hills...dear god....scared the crap out of me, truth be known...
Meanwhile I am walking around with my prescription for Arimidex in my purse...checked it out with the pharmacist..no known drug interactions with my heart meds...but there is a big caution with Arimidex if you are on heart meds as it can cause stroke....ok...well, I didn't like the heart attack in March but I sure as hell don't want a stroke at the age of 49.....so....anyone who dares say I am lucky or have the treatable kind of cancer will be tossed into Jo's fire because honestly? hat does Not bring me any relief...neither does knowing I have an 85% f neve hearing the words you have breast cancer ....1/9 women get breast cancer...I was the one....I have no idea of the stats of women aged 49 who have heart attacks and do all the good things hat gardengumby mentioned above...but I was also one...so I am not feeling very confident here...not at all.
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Oh sandee honey you have certainly had your share. I want to offer you one big cyber hug ((((())))))
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Orangemat--------glad Deborah was able to help you. Her knowledge is amazing.
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