The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
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I certainly would not of had such a polite response to that idiot.
Where is that bus or maybe a Mack Truck would be more appropriate.
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The comment that bugs me the most is when someone says something about me being sick. My response back to them is I'm not sick I had a disease. Being sick to me is a cold or a flu. Something like that. I do recall though many years ago when I had an ectopic pregnancy and lost the baby the company I worked for sent me a flower arrangements with a stuff lamb and the other girl who had a baby just flowers. They were so embarrassed and apologetic.
I don't know I guess I just don't let too many things get to me any more. I can expell my energy in better ways.
This is a good avenue though to get your frustrations out.
Stay positive!
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Oh my, so much going on. I am so sorry everyone has to put up with crap, especially from loved ones. The other day I went to my PCP because I thought it was chest pain (I think it was heartburn!). They did an EKG. As the tech was placing the leads on my chest she told me she would not, in a millon years, would she would have assumed I had had a double mx. I thought, well maybe no one can tell ... I guess the flat chest isn't a sure give-away?!
Like many of you who did not go with reconstruction, I don't bother wearing anything even remotely reminiscent of a bra. I like that part - I was a D and saggy so not having to wear one is great - of course, I would still like my breasts back, saggy and all!
I tried reconstruction but there were too many complications. I may try in the future or I may stay just the way I am.
People who think you just want perky boobs are boobs themselves. They rarely look like the real thing and its been two years and it is still numb around the surgical site, so they wont function as they should. After my bi mx my one sister did compare my surgery with her breast augmentation!
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Kathleen, I love that line! "People who think you just want perky boobs are boobs themselves." I forget which thread it was, but someone else had a great line this morning as well, and I said it should be on a t-shirt. This one defintely should be too.
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Huh!! You reminded me of something a guy at work said and it was THREE years ago!!! When I said a double mast even though cancer was only evident in one side at that point, he said I should think of my husband and maybe leave one for him. WOW!!!!!!!! I have blocked that comment out for the last 3 years!!!
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Good grief, barbe! Where do these people come from? I would have blocked that one out too!
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Barb, that last one was a jaw-dropper. People.....they sure are something!
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Wow! Just wow!
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Barbe ... I would have blocked that out too! Idiots!
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for some reason, photobucket wouldn't let me copy n paste this last night... we're overdue for the BUS!!!!!...........3jays 0 -
Well, I just got a new dumb comment via e-mail. I was told that even though I had a BMX and everything was caught early I still shouldn't "count by chickens before they hatch" because the BC could come back again. My DH and I read the e-mail together and just rolled our eyes. Will sleep on what reply to send tomorrow. Geesh!
They just keep on rolling in!0 -
Tatina, you could reply that breast cancer sits quietly growing WAY before it's even found! In fact, your friend could have it growing in her right this second!!!!!
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I am facing my second mastectomy in 2 weeks and my mother in law said "Now you will no longer be a real woman". Big sigh.
"Sticks and stones can may break my bones but words can break my heart". Is how I feel sometimes.
But hey, I consider the source, I have to chuckle even at the dumbest of comments to save my own sanity.
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Thanks for sharing, Hollyanne - Yes, thank goodness my tolerance level is fairly high, also - It is great to be able to share our "stupid" stories on this thread - Two dumb questions I am often asked are: Did they catch "it" soon enough? "Are you going to be okay?" I always want to respond, but do not, with: "Catch what?" or "No, I will never be "okay"?
Thanks for sharing -
Sher
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,,,me again....there were almost missing teeth when I was getting out of my car and heard one man in his 30's telling a younger man: "No, she is probably not a lesbian - her eyes look wierd, so there is probably something wrong with her". They were making observations about my baldness and baseball cap. "Something wrong" with me? It would not have even been as hurtful if he had said, "I think she is ill"....Oh well, I got back in my car, cried a bit, and got over it....almost....
Sher
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Barbe, love your reply.....
Crystal, I am so sorry your mother-in-law said such an awful thing. I'll tell ya, it's comments like these that we've heard which makes me truly wonder why some think that only "boobs" make a woman. So, does that mean if a woman's real breasts sag she is no longer a woman? If she goes through menopause or had a hysterectomy does that mark her off the "real woman" list?
People must come up with this stuff at IIAI University (I Is An Idiot Univeristy).
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This is all I have to say:
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This thread scares me. I guess I need to be prepared. I have only begun sharing my diagnosis with some on a need to know basis. So, thank you for the warning of stupid things to be said.
I have been fortunate to have not had any stupid things said to me yet. EVERYONE has been supportive. The one man who said anything close, I did not take as a negative. He said "you are the strongest person I know, but even you may need a shoulder, and I am here for you". That made me cry. I thought it was quite a gentle way to both recognize my strength and my humanity at the same time.
Typically, in my life, when people say stupid things to me I reply immediately with disbelief and let them know it "did you really just say that?" "do you know how stupid that sounds" or "really?". I hope I can continue to do the same in my emotional state.
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This thread scares me. I guess I need to be prepared. I have only begun sharing my diagnosis with some on a need to know basis. So, thank you for the warning of stupid things to be said.
I have been fortunate to have not had any stupid things said to me yet. EVERYONE has been supportive. The one man who said anything close, I did not take as a negative. He said "you are the strongest person I know, but even you may need a shoulder, and I am here for you". That made me cry. I thought it was quite a gentle way to both recognize my strength and my humanity at the same time.
Typically, in my life, when people say stupid things to me I reply immediately with disbelief and let them know it "did you really just say that?" "do you know how stupid that sounds" or "really?". I hope I can continue to do the same in my emotional state.
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barbe1958 wrote:
Sometimes I just look down at my flat chest and say "Gee, I hope so! There's nothing left to take!"
Oh, I like that. I'm gonna hold onto that one.........
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Sorry, SheChirple - Please don't let this thread get you down - for me, it is a place I can say what I sometimes wish I could say, but never would. I have also had many wonderful people say supportive, caring things to me. Maybe a thread should be started for all the wonderful things caring people say. Best wishes,
Sher
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Shirleta, I think that's a great idea. In spite of all the negativity, we should focus on the all the positivity that exists out there as well. It's that whole "law of attraction" thing that I totally believe in. Even when it comes to random strangers saying things to you.
Though I have to say, when I was first DX'd and was working hard to maintain my usual positive spin on things, so many people were saying to me how much of an "inspiration" I was to them. You wouldn't think a positive thing like that would be bad, but it pissed me off so much. Hey, I'm not trying to be an inspiration to anyone, I'm just trying to manage what life's thrown at me at this point and not get bowled over by it. Hearing that I was such an "inspiration" almost made me feel like I had an extra responsibility on top of just dealing with the trauma of having BC. So if I had a bad-attitude day, they'd be disappointed? I know they were looking for something nice to say, but sorry, that one just got to be too much.
It is what it is, and you deal with it as you can. Sorry about the tirade, but people being judgmental, even when in a good way, is still being judgmental.
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Hello, Orangemat - I know what you are saying about the pressure to be inspirational and positive.No apology needed - tirade all you want - I just went for a walk in the woods to go off on mine! I am starting rads next week, so I am bit on edge.
Sher
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I work in a retail store where we have a lot of regular customers. One day, shortly after I came back to work after my chemo "vacation" one of these regulars, an older ladie who likes to speak before thinking sometimes came in and said, "Oh you're back, I thought that you had died or something". We kind of chuckled over it, then I told her why I had taken time off. She was a bit embarrassed about what she had said, and she apologized, but then she leaned closer and said "Do you still have them?" Aargh!0
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After I had BC back in 2003, occasionally I'd run into people who didn't know or know me back then. So then they ask questions and I'm happy to educate until they ask "did they take your whole breast?" and yes, they were staring at it... I'd answer no, "just" a lumpectomy, chemo and rads...
Now after a second dx and tx, there's not much more I can "give" for breast cancer, or be any more aware...0 -
I've finally gotten to the point where I truly feel sorry for people who don't know how to be appropriate and articulate. As they say, we all get off the train at some point...and I'm afraid these people don't quite understand that by pushing people away and not having good coping skills (as in, be kind, generous, and get the dumb comments under control) means they may find themselves lonely in their time of need.
My latest: a guy who said, "Well, you look okay, but the hair is kinda middle aged." Thanks, boss. It's as long as CHEMO has allowed it to be for now. Sheesh.
And now, at the one year past treatment it's "are you all better now?" or "how is your health?" Good thing I'm not Stage IV, pretty sure none of them is banking on anything other than the "yes" and "fine" replies....
Edited to add: I'm not concerned with being "positive" or "negative". I try to be real, to be genuine. That to me is the hallmark of mental stability, and I think everyone benefits. I believe in rigor, sometimes it's not as easy as being positive. Sometimes you have to dive into the dark. That, too is part of the human experience.
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Also wanted to say: this thread doesn't get me down! When I was first diagnosed, I would come here to literally laugh out loud (and I checked in today for much the same, and to vent my latest so I'm not bitter). One thing I know for sure: the BC community is a smart and rather humorous group of people!
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I think people just don't know what to say...I think breast cancer freaks people out...men and women for different reasons anad sometimes when they ask did they take your breast? etc...it is part morbid curiosity and part not being able to see the difference...and somehow thinking you should have a flashinglight over your head saying "I know I look healthy but I had/have CANCER!"...people are so weird
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I haven't visited this site in awhile and it seems there is just no end to how people can open their mouths and offend with a stupid comment.
I have been pretty lucky of late with no real comments and I just avoid talking about it when my boss is in earshot. (ever non-supportive with my situation and now walking for the Susan G. Komen walk for the cure - go figure)! Anyhow my latest was when the BS office scheduled me for Dexa bone scan. The hospital calls me at home, after we scheduled it while I was in BS office, to tell me they got the fax but I needed to call my doctor (who is gen surgeon, BS and GP) as she forgot to schedule a mammogram. I said no need as there are "no Mammos left to Gram". I thought my DH was going to burst out laughing and the poor girl on the other end of the phone did not quite know what to say. I told her that I informed them 2 years ago that I would no longer be requiring their Mammo services and to remove me from their reminder list. I have had no reminders in past year so girl must not have even looked at their records.
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I just saw the doc (my new kitties had ringworm
and I needed to be treated, too). Since it was a hurry-up appt., I got one of the other docs in the office instead of "my" doc. He's looking through my file, asking when I last had a pap, mammo, colonoscopy, etc. I told him I didn't have to worry about the mammograms any more. He evidently hadn't got to the part of my file mentioning BC, as he looked up, surprised. I told him, "I have no boobs. Ain't got no mams to gram." His jaw dropped, then he hastily started scanning through my chart, realized what I was saying, and burst out laughing. I was laughing, too, and a nurse popped her head in to find out what we were having so much fun about. He said he would definitely have to remember that line, and we were both grinning through the rest of the appointment.
On the other hand, add me to the list of people irritated by being told I'm so "brave" or an "inspiration". The last time that happened, I rolled my eyes and asked, "What choice did I have? It's not like a Girl Scout badge I signed up for. (Ooh, wouldn't that be totally sick if you could?) It happened, I'm dealing, the end." They had the nerve to be offended. I told them they got off lightly because it was a first offense. They're still not speaking to me. BAD ROLE MODEL, CAROLYN! BAD!
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