The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I just need to say this....when facts and data are spouted at us..."only 1% get X or medication Y is tolerated by 95%" etc....while this is good on one hand....data does help us make decisions ....they are also forgetting that someone IS the 1% or the 5%!!!! I was part of the small percentage of women who have heart attacks because tamoxifen can cause blood clots...Sher is part of the small percentage of people whose nails fall off....telling me there is only a 4% difference if I do or do not take Arimidex, and risk new side affects, is not really comforting. I am an English grammar teacher....(despite the late night spelling errors when I have taken my sleeping aid!) and I have to say that ADVERBS should be eliminated from oncologists' vocabulary. Also telling me that part of my treatment care is based on the fact that I 'live alone' has kind of messed with my head one year later....does that mean they would have suggested a different treatment if my partner hadn't left me 8 months earlier? I know it is all semantics...and the day you receive the information and whether or not we had enough sleep that night or not (and we all know we are not getting enough sleep, thanks for reminding us that lack of sleep can cause breast cancer) blah blah.....and I know that on different days I am more sensitive than on others and that there is no emotional gauge on earth that could guess how I am feeling at any one given moment (or so it seems for this I was once an incredibly, emotionally stable woman!)......but geez louise!!!! The stuff people say.....incredible...0
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It's worth noting that women who do chemo first can have a harder time in radiation. Going straight to radiation after surgery is a different bag, to be sure. I think the doctors forget that.
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The onc never really gave me numbers, but said things like a very small percentage of patients have heart damage from AC and Herceptin. Not sure if it would make a difference to me if she gave me exact numbers or not. I am not sure she ever said anything about some patients having lung problems from taxol or not, but I ended up with pneumonitis. Luckily, it seems my lungs have completely healed from it. But when I asked about chance of recurrence, she said it doesn't really matter for individuals, that only matters for looking at a community. Huh? I think I am going to press her on this next time I see her.
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So can we still post the dumbest thing - I was at a retreat and my breast cancer came up, this lady walked up to me and told me how lucky I was to have the easy cancer, nobody dies from breast cancer any more - I was dumbfounded, it's probably a good thing I was speachless, because if words had come I'm pretty sure the wouldn't have been very nice - I guess you gotta laugh - I hope she doesn't get the "easy cancer", she would be up for a rude awakening.
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nobody dies from breast cancer any more? really? Well I guess we had better call Statistics Canada then....what does an easy cancer look like? does it mean you are not afraid? don't have to go for radiation and bare your breast to whomever walks into the room? does it mean you do not have to wonder and worry about whether or not you should take your paltry rrsp's., buy a house or empty yr savings account for that bucket list of surprises you my never have the chance to do because oyu may not make it to 50? what the hell is an easy cancer???? seriously???
I know that I said I was 'lucky' to have gotten a cancer where there were a number of treatment options...and I do feel lucky to have options even if they scare me tearless....but lucky and 'lucky' are not the same thing...if that makes any sense.
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And how many BBC sisters and family and friends of BBC sisters have died of breast cancer in the last few months? And no one dies? My great Aunt Fanny!
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I thought I was posting something dumb. I thought it was dumb for the onc to tell me statistics don't matter for individuals.
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Easy cancer...
Yes, of course I enjoyed whipping my boobs out for people to cut on, mark up, line up and palpate, that is when I still had them after my first easy cancer. Doing surgery, chemo and rads was a real party. Getting checked every 6 months for six years. Then being told, you're doing great! We'll see you in a year now...
Then I was soooooo fortunate to find a lump of the easy cancer a second time only 5 months after my all clear (7 years of NED). Of course there was just lopping them off, cause you know that's what most people would do if they were me, then a hysterectomy and chemo with menopause during the summer in the south. But I had the easy cancer. Do I absolutely adore being bald and boobless? Why sure cause it was the easy cancer after all. So easy I did it twice, but not by choice.
Sorry if your computer screen needs cleaned after all that dripping sarcasm. I would never wish any of this on a person. It sucks.
Oh, my most recent stupidity encounter... Ran into someone I hadn't seen in a while. They didn't recognize me in my do-rag and work clothes and sunglasses. Got closer, looked at my work ID which happens to be on my shirt. "Did you go through cancer treatment? Breast cancer?"
I was nice and answered as such but now I'm thinking I could have said: Gee, what makes you think so? OR No, I strapped 'em down and shaved my head just for fun. OR I lost weight and it all came off my chest and I'm going to be Mr Clean for halloween.
Once again, dripping sarcasm. Passing the bounty, oh wait that's another thread.
Nobody "gets it" until they've got it and people aren't banging down the door to voluntarily join this club are they?
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Yeah, once again, feel free to give Ms. Easy Cancer my number 41, in early menopause, osteoporotic, 4 rounds of chemotherapy, and a host of changes to my body that are irreversible. And I was Stage 1. 0
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Easy cancer? Someone actually put those two words together in a sentence? My BMX, an infected TE, and now nursing the right side to get it ready for a TE again has been a breeze. My mother also died of this so-called easy cancer not too long ago and my sister got it, too.
I don't know about you, but I think these people should be fined for stupid comments....Can't we somehow write up BreastCancer.org tickets on the spot?0 -
no one dies from breast cancer anymore? tell it to the 39,450 expected to die from breast cancer in 2011. I am sure they will be glad to know!
kay1963- I think your doctor's response was dumb. he/she is obviously not comfortable with statistics.
Julie E
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I knew you guys would understand. I know the last year and half was a kick for me - and I'm left with a ton of side effects that keep me disabled - neuropathy, joint and muscle pain, LE, chemo brain, stress issues, PTSD....... And those are just the fun ones. I love this board, it's so nice to be able to say things and have people that really understand. I really was speechless - Thanks for being here!!! And let the fun continue!
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Sandee - IMHO, you make perfect sense. I am on this thread at this time of night because I am having feelings so similar to the ones you are sharing. Hats off to you for teaching through all this. I am a retired English/Social S. teacher - I cannot imagine teaching right now with my general lack of focus and patience!
For all: Here's another one...My local hospital recieved a grant that provides free counseling to cancer patients and caregivers. My Onc PNP suggested that I try counseling to help manage stress, so I did. I was truly amazed at what the psychologist told me at my second, and last visit to her. She told me that she was glad to hear that a surgery date had been set as I now I could "get the cancer out and put it all behind me." WTH?? I understand moving ahead, looking forward, living life, etc..., but at that time, and my present time in treatment, the thought of simply "leaving it all behind", sounded, and sounds, like a big fantasy! I was, fortunately, speechless at the time. If anyone told me I could now leave cancer behind, I might ask them how I should go about doing that as each time I look in the mirror at my scarred caved-in boob, thinking that I should not have listened to my BS and should have had it removed, with the tattoos, black x's and red circles drawn in marker, and each time I try not to imagine what negative effects regular beams of radiation will cause on my body.
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shirleta: im in the same club as you, only way farther ahead, time wise.. i started out with some marks on me. to begin with , multiple sclerosis; but im in the can't sleep at night, and canned my therapist club.. still have ptsed. think i always will, to some extent. ive gotten to know the aussies and kiwis here, they're on the other side of the world; so thy're awake at 3 (or 4) pm. its just morning for them!!! im so sorry you've been thru so much, already{{{{{{{sigh}}}}}}}}}}}......3jays0
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Hi 3Jays,
I could write a book on stupid people. And insensitive people. I have learned to ignore things said by "outsiders". Most have good intentions but then there are way too many know it alls out there too.
The most offensive statement I heard was recent, " my sister was diagnosed with a 'low grade' case of breast cancer, she died within a year. But she did not know it was coming".....hellllo? do you have a brain cell or two?
I think I know one of your Aussie friends! She is the best breast friend a gal could ask for. As she would tell me "go and get some sleep"....good morning, time to wake up and go back to sleep lol.
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The onc that said something about statistics, I think I got it when I read the post. She/he meant to say that there are statistics for a group, yes, by there is no way to give an individual their part of the statistic. Will you be the lucky 95% or the unlucky 5%? No way to know. That's why I don't even consider statistics. My body just considers them a bar to jump!!
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Shirleta, that psychologist needs to be reported in some way, or you really need to tell her that their information is dangerous. My guess is, with that level of ignorance, she doesn't know the difference between stages and prognosis. Shame on that medical professional!
Barbe, beautifully put!
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Shirleta- good grief....and good for you for NOT going back to her...I saw a counselour last year...he shared that his mom had had breast cancer 17 years ago and was going strong...and he wished me strength to carry on...and his words at the time were so gentle and kind hearted....wish you had spokento himinstead of your gal....
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Great thread! Here are two of my favorites:
The first time I was diagnosed, and had a mastectomy/chemo, a work colleague told me she knew just how I felt because of how she felt her body had betrayed her a few years earlier when she had...an appendectomy!
After diagnosed with Stage IV/mets 20 months ago, an acquantance of many years who knew me during the first go-round (and who is a pain-in-the-a** new-agey yoga teacher) says to me, "When you figure out what's causing this and change it, it will stop happening."
Yeah, I'll get right on that!
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Oh, one more...After my mastectomy, I waited until after chemo to have reconstructive surgery, went to the "best" plastic surgeon in town. The reconstructed breast tissue started to die within days of the surgery. Twice, I had to go back to surgery to have necrotic areas removed. When the breast continued to turn black, he said it was time to "cut our losses" - by which he meant remove the reconstructed breast. When I started crying, he became irritated and said, "I know it's upsetting - I have a lot invested in this, too, you know."
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maybe he should've lost an appendage over the whole thing, eh.. then, he'd understand.......aaaarrrgggghhhh3jays0
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Hello to all - I have missed reading and making entries for a few days as my daughter took her laptop to a friend's home - I was so glad to see it on my kitchen table when I arrived home this evening. I was having withdrawal symptoms due to not communicating on this thread and some others on this site.
Here's another one that is not about my cancer, but once I explain, you will see why it is relevant! My "not-so-significant other" - a revelation I finally made after being diagnosed and joining this thread and some others, mentioned last spring that he would "sue someone if they did something like that" to him. He was referring to the two "bikini-cut" incision scars and built-up layers of scar tissue I have from three C-sections and an abd hyster. It took him 14 years to be insensitive enough to say that to me?" He mentioned that it would be great if I could have a tummy-tuck. I advised him that the way I look does not bother me and that I would rather help my children and grandchildren financially, rather than spend money on a tummy tuck to make him happy! I advised him that the surgeons who "did that to me" were saving my life and the lives of my children! At 57 years old, I do not need stupid remarks like his. This is the guy who wonders why I will not show him my lumpectomy site!!!
Sher
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Maybe they should make an App for people about what NOT to say when people have cancer, serious health issues and loss. I can't even call one of my closest friends about this. She had a very close friend pass away due to BC, when I told my friend that the DR's had suggested BMX, she also said well at least you'll get nice new boobs
and reminds me her friend died and maybe if She would have had the surgery she might still be alive. She also reminds me how good I REALLY have it because of B, a friend who is a paraplegic due to getting drunk and rolling her vehicle, because she will never walk again but I can. She chose to drink and drive, I didn't choose this!!! 0 -
Right On! I'd have been glad to help relieve him of one!
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I'm thinking we should invent that App. Am I over sensitive or what?? I spent last weekend on an annual girls' weekend with old high school buddies. A half an hour of Saturday's breakfast was spent talking about growing old, taking care of each other in old age, living another 30 years, and have a living trust. They seemed to have no clue that I'm seriously wondering if I will even be here in 10 years. I just sat silently while they happily talked. And these people all think that they have been so supportive.
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Sher, does your 'not-so-insignificant-other' not realize that a tummy tuck will give you a scar from hip to hip?????????????
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And Sher, does your "not-so-significant" other realize that you could point out flaws on his body that don't look great? For starters, let's focus on those private parts which head south due to gravity and start to resemble tea bags.
Smiles,
T
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My "stupid things people say" story actually made me laugh. I had my nipple reconstruction three weeks ago. A couple of days ago I was rushing to get ready for work and of course, I am behind on my laundry, so ended up wearing the zip up camisole I wore to hold my drains after surgery that day. Well, the way it is made, it has tucks on the cup part that stuck out a little bit. At work, I was walkng down the hall and one of my co-workers looks at me and says, "Well, I see your new nipples are there and working." For a second I had no idea what she was talking about ~ then I realized the camisole tucks made it look like my nipples were sticking out! I almost laughed right out loud!!
I never tried to explain and just said, 'Well, guess it was worth the surgery then." 0 -
Ubelievable the things that come out of peoples mouth. Hmm we should carry duct tape around with us! lol
Yesterday I told a friend of mine I have to go next Thursday for an ultrasound due to some bleeding and if that shows anything then a biopsy.. her response was " YOu must be so tired of doctors must feel like bringing the car into the shop all the time to figure out whats wrong".... my response was " actually no its nothing like bringing my cars into the shop I dont give a crap about what happends to them there just CARS!!! .. Ugh.. unreal
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oh yes I must finish it up.... then she said " oh dont get upset it was just meant to be cute"... how about NOT so Funny!
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