The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Good one, Lulu!
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Lulu .. I love you! That is priceless. Mine wasn't diagnosed by mammagraphy or ultrasound - it took a MRI. So much for putting your mind to rest just because you got a clear mammagram! You might also have on hand stories of women under 40 who got breast cancer if they think they don't have to be vigilent and are "safe." No one is safe from breast cancer so don't think we're in a class by ourselves. Just reading any of the threads you realize it rans the gamut from children to women inb their eighties, nineties and one hundreds. It crosses all racial barriers, creeds, social statuses, etc.
Fitz ..., what difference does it make what size you are? Mine were a D cup but I would have been just as devastated had they been an A cup. They were my breasts and I was fond of them.
Mamalou ... what an idiot. I'ved decided to ask my inappropriate sister why she would say anything that hurtful to me.
Too bad so many people put mouth in action before engaging their brain. If I am in an awkward position I simply say "I'm sorry" and, if I know them well, give them a little hug.
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Oh, BTW, my size D breasts were sagging before the bimast - now the extra skin left for reconstruction is also sagging - who says Mother Nature doesn't have a sense of humor!
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I've decided when people ask me something stupid about my treatment, etc, that I'm going to tell them that I've decided just to laugh and make fun of cancer until it goes away and finds somewhere else to play. That'll shut them the h3ll up!
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Good for you Eema. I am having a "lack of patience with stupid folks" day, and my natural instinct is to physically attack. I will try to follow your example instead.
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Kathleen:
LOL your comment about Mother Nature's sense of humor! Mine are the same too. My big ol' Ds were sagging, and so is my skin left over for recon. I have little fat rolls under my arms that was apparently pulled down by the weight of my old boobs pre BMX. All this is supposed to be fixed during exchange. I guess my PS has his work cut out for him!
Phyllis
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Momofrtwo - my skins sags too and I am tryiing to lose weight which will lead to more sagging skin. When oine of my sisters told me she lost 9 pounds and asked her if we could find a plastic surgeon who gave group rates, She told me she was goiing to use duct tape to hold it up!
Now delete the boobs and here I am:
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Duct tape! That's the answer if anyone has problems getting insurance to pay for mx bras! It will even help those who had unimx.
Leah
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Yes, that is exactly how I felt when I went to my local, small-town pizza shop last week - the wind was definitely knocked out of my sails! I was in a good mood when I arrived at the shop. My 9-yr-old grandson was joining me for dinner. I was glad he was on the other side of the shop at the video games when the young man working at the counter asked me how I was. I replied that I was fine - I did not want to discuss my condition - especially with someone I only know in passing I thought the inquiries would end with that, but no- the young man continued with, "I really miss your hair - it was so beautiful". I used to have shoulder length, thick, wavy auburn hair....I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I know he was just trying to appear to be caring, but what the heck? I wanted to tell him that I was so sorry I disappointed him by going bald! I was, probably fortunately, speechless. I returned to our table with pizza slices and was very quiet. My grandson asked me why I looked so sad......
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Shirleta, you crack me up! I so wish you had said you were sorry he was going bald to HIM, but love seeing it here.
When my hair started growing back in after chemo I woke up one morning and thought, hey, I think today I *finally* look like I am sporting a short hairstyle rather than chemo-head. And wouldn't you know it, went out to lunch that very same day feeling like a million bucks, and our waitress said, "Do you mind if I ask how your treatment is going?" Knocked the wind right out of my sails. Mind you, I'd never been to this restaurant before, so it wasn't like the waitress remembered me with long hair...But in the end, it turned out she was a 15-year stage III survivor, so that brought the wind into my sails again
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BlueCowgirl: So glad your story had a positive twist at the end! Thanks for sharing. I will be at the "short hairstyle" stage around Christmas - 'Looking forward to a hat being optional. It's not so much the vanity part that keeps me in a hat - I live in the Adirondacks and my head gets cold!
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KMCC...........how the hell, did you get my picture...........................good Lord is nothing sacred....................... hahahahahha
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duckyb1, I was just thinking the same thing, lol.0
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Oh my gosh ... we're triplets - in the same body!
Shirleta .,,what an idiot! You traded your hair for your life which seems like a great deal, considering you hair will grow back. (((((((HUGS))))))
When I shattered my shoulder 2 years ago and couldn't raise it over my head to blow dry my hair, I thought I would get a really short cut and just blow it dry without a brush. I used to have curly hair all of my life - suddenly its straight! It was with that short cut that I found I had a cowlick! So now I have decided to leave it alone - I don't color it or cut it (which was why my sister said I had gotten so gray). So hair comes and goes - its a renewable resource.
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Kathleen:
Love the picture! LOL. And the duck tape comments too. And now it comes in so many pretty patterns and colors too! Your sister could really make a statement!
Phyllis
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lulu - I love that comeback!
Cowgirl and bikerbabe - Interesting stories. Since my diagnosis, I've occasionally noticed women either with bald heads or pink t-shirts or some other indication that they may have/had breast cancer. I haven't figured out whether it's okay for me to approach them and start a conversation. Not that I have an immediate reason to cultivate more 'sisters' in my support group, but if the occasion ever arose, what would I start it off with?
For the most part, I've been lucky in having received few stupid or annoying comments, even though I've been pretty open to a lot of people. That said, my Dad came out with one when I was discussing preparations for chemo. I mentioned I planned to get my hair cut short prior, as recommended, and he griped, 'Well, just don't get it cut too short - at least keep it feminine.' Geez.... okay, true, the last time I got my hair cut really short was when I was 11 and my mom left me in the hairdresser's to do some shopping and I had my glasses off, and by the time she got back... well, they had to put a flower in my hair a week later when I was the flower girl at my cousin's wedding so people would know for sure I was a girl. But I'm not doing this haircut as a fashion statement! That one hit me in the gut.
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I get the opposite from the powers that be at work....i have ust quit a big part of my job that i loved because i do not have the energy to do it...cut me a wee bit of slack! seriously...i say that i am exhaused and will take fewer work hours (and less pay) because i am exhausted...and then you argue about my not going to a stupid meeting and tell me I am not a team player? Hello!!! I built the damn team....I am just toooooo F***ing tired to play outfield or ump!!! Why don't they lisen to themselves...just LEAVE ME ALONE!
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Kathleen - thanks for the hugs! Right back at ya...
Here's one to start the day... My rad onc started our weekly visit this week with, "Oh, you have the same birthday as my sister. That's the same day date that Hitler killed himself. I was in no mood for unrelated, forced small talk that day - I had already waited an hour to see him and just wanted to have treatment and go home - So, I responded with, "Yep, and it is also the date of the OK bombing and Waco tradgedy". He then moved on and ended up comparing my lumpectomy site to his ankle surgery - WHO CARES!!! We never discussed cancer or radiation.....except for the fact that I have to add an extra day to treatments, in addition to making up three, because their darn machine was down for three days! Sorry to rant - I just go for treatment today and do not have to listen to his irrelevant babble. I know he is attempting to connect with me, but he is actually pushing me away. Oh well, have a good one.
Sher
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I love reading this thread - the funny, the sad, the great combacks! I try to give people the benefit of the doubt - which just means seeing them as incredibly stupid and/or narcissistic, but not intentionally cruel.
My Dad has not called me once in the nearly two years since I was diagnosed with mets. When I call to keep him updated, he thanks me for keeping him posted and says he thinks about me but doesn't call because "there's really nothing I can say." When I got a scan in June showing NED, he was thrilled that he could stop worrying about me. (Now the bone mets are back and I think I'll just keep it to myself where he's concerned.)
I am very grateful to have supportive friends and a sister who is also very familiar with medical systems and terminology. The are my lifeline! I just try to think of the insensitive buffoons I encounter as comic relief!
Hugs to you all. Your humor, strength, hutzpah and honesty are an inspiration!
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So I wonder whether I am just unduly sensitive. I went to see the oncologist to discuss whether or not I need chemo. My Oncotype DX score is 18, which gives me 11% probability of getting mets over 10 years. The resident came in before the doc, to tell me my score and then said, "you already have great numbers, we'll just do tamoxifen." Now, I realize that I am in an oncology clinic and many people there would feel very fortunate if that was the prognosis for their disease. And I feel guilty complaining about this number, but for a 46-year old person with kids who are not even teenagers (well, one is barely), it is not something to celebrate. Yes, of course, it could always be worse. But, still somehow it feels insensitive to say "what a terrific number!". There are advertisements everywhere that 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer, and nobody says that's a great number -- well mine is almost exactly the same. I wanted to give this resident some advice on what would have been a better thing to say, but nothing came to mind right there. I guess if he would have just added, "well, that is a very good number in the oncology wolrd, but I realize that it is still quite distressing and here is the best way we think of managing it...", I think that would have been better.
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"Unduly" sensitive? Wow, I think not! If there is ever a time when you are due sensitivity, it is at this overwhelming stage of making decisions about your life based on a terrifying array of numbers and jargon! It seems to me that the doc's job is to give as much information as clearly as possible, with as much context as possible, but without characterizing it or trying to tell you how to feel about it. I fell in love with my onc when he told me - almost 18 years ago - that his job was to give me all the information he could to help me make a choice, and then support my decision.
The resident probably meant well and thought he was being encouraging. But you have every right to state your concerns to your doc, and to have your say in how aggressive you want to be.
Best of luck to you.
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Here's another one - sad, but true....my ex-significant other of 14 years told me that he is so glad he now has internet access as he can view lots of porn. I, admittedly could care less about sex now and do not participate. I understand his needs, but how could he tell me what he is doing and be so happy about it!! How could he insinuate that porn is taking my place.
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Shirleta, porn isn't taking your place, his right hand is!! Hate to be so blunt, but aren't you glad he is your EX?????? My DH's ex used to call us up in the early years to talk to my DH about whether she should go out with someone they both knew or not. It got kind of old fast so I started screening those calls. Don't want to know it! You, too, can just hang up. It's not like you need him to still like you, right?
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How timely... just saw this quote posted on FB a few moments ago:
when your ex says "you'll never find anyone like me", reply with "that's the point"
Hugs to you, Shirleta, and everyone else here.
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Thanks, Barbe - I think you may have been the person who referred to him as my "not-so-significant other" a few weeks ago, in response to my post about how inconsiderate he was about smokikng around me. I definitely do not need him to still like me - I do not miss him at all - in fact, it is a relief to have more time to spend alone or with family.
Hugs right back to you, Orangemat - the quote is perfect! Thanks
Sher (I go by "Sher" - it was taken on sign-in, so I used my given name of "Shirleta", that I rarely ever use)
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Hello to all - As you will note from my response to Barbe, I was previously "Shirleta" for my sign-in. I have never liked my given name, so I decided to select a more meaningful name. My daughter just named her newly adopted stray kiity, "Ananda". The word (in some language), means "blissful". Ananda was already taken as a user name, so I added "gram", as being a gramma is the most wonderful part of my life.
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Thanks for the explanation, Sher! I did a double-take when I saw your post, because I always make the effort to spell people's names correctly... having grown up with the name Esther misspelled without the H has made me a stickler for such things. And yes, I knew that "ananda" means "bliss", from my Sanskrit studies.
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It is interesting how we come up with some of our screen names. My Father died in December of 1967 and I still miss him. Since my DX he has seemed to be even closer to me than at any time since his passing. I think that is why when I was picking a name the first thing that popped into my head is the nickname he used for me when I was very little. As I grew up he seldom used it except at very emotional times---like when the father looks at the bride and thinks that's my little girl. I didn't realize until I had typed it in and it had been accepted that I had made a typo but I decided to keep it that way cause it shows Dad how emotional I was when I chose it.
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Chabba - that is just awesome. My dad called me Bright Eyes.
My screen name is from a soul-mate cat, named Miss Peaches (that was her name when she found our home, long story). She lived to be almost 22, and was amazing.Purrs,
Jenn
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Chabba, what is your typo? What is the name supposed to be?
Shirleta, yep that was me with your NOT-so-significant other!!! I hope he is gone from your life now. Please say yes?
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