The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Barsco, that is a good one. What a ridiculous statement. An ingrown hair?!?! Good thing your sister was there, I bet you were speechless!
I had forgotten about a good one from way back when I was diagnosed and had scheduled a BMX - a client said she knew just how I felt because she'd had "multiple surgeries" for an ingrown toenail. I'm sure that is very painful and traumatic, but please, if you're trying to make me feel better about having cancer/surgery, and that's the best you got, kindly STFU.
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BlueCowgirl, that is the funniest thing I've heard in a while... kindly STFU!
Reminds me of a friend who used to say "FU! Strong letter to follow." Don't know why but the mix of politeness and the big F just cracks me up. Thanks for the laugh, sorry for the reason for it though.
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It's been a long time since I shared but this email from my sister really pissed me off...
Doesn't she think I want me back??!!! People just don't get our anxiety..We have to remember they just don't get it. Find me the bus!I am trying to make you happy again. THAT IS SUPPORT. Presently, you are angry all the time. I just want you to be happy again, like you were your entire life. I want normal, fun Val back, not complaining, worried, paranoid, angry Val. I want you to laugh again- all the time, be fun, easy going, laid back. That is how I know you. 0 -
VALGAL-Thanks for sharing..the idiotic statements have made me laugh tonight and i was a bit down. Of course, you want your old self back more than anyone! My sister told me "I'd be fine" and "don't think about it". Okay, sure! She also took a picture of me before my mastectomy surgery after i asked her NOT to! Of course, with no makeup, jewelry,etc, you just feel lovely, right? She text me the picture a week or so after my surgery!!!
A girl I work with said "Maybe its from the deodorant you use?!!!" She gave me a bottle of breast-cancer approved deodorant in my office! I threw it in my briefcase......
People mean well, I suppose, but come on!!!0 -
Don't you just wish people would stop trying to "make you feel better. My younger sister also compared my bilateral mastectomy with her breast enhancement!
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WOW, thats clueless. A bilateral MX and a boob job comparison?!! My sister said Well, Im going to get new boobs out of this! I was like, "I'm 40 years old and didn't want a new set of breasts, thank you!" Its amazing. I understand no one knows what you are going through unless they went through it themselves but AT LEAST think before you speak!
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Ladies,
OMG I have just laughed out loud. This was great. I have had folks say really stupid things, but not laugh out loud funny.
Tatina, I am having pie tonight and going to figure out how to practice for my upcoming BMX!
Hope all have a gentle evening
Nel
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Another fave is "what have you been doing all day?"
Let's see...taking pills, sleeping, feeling like shit, coping with joint pain, taking more pills, trying to exercise and failing, being constipated from narcotics, sitting on the toilet for 3 hours, taking pills, sleeping again, eating and making stomach ache worse...
For everyone who seems to think having cancer is like having a free vacation - and we all know people who seem to think this - believe me, we'd all rather be cancer-free and busting ass doing just about any job in the world!
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Deleted above post because....waaay too self-pitying! Yikes!
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After reading these posts, my head is nodding as I also have heard some of the same comments. I cannot believe the stupidity of some people. I think the next time someone tells me what they believe caused my cancer, I will tell them, "You know, I just read an article that links stupidity as the leading cause of cancer. Promise me YOU will go get yourself checked out!"
Phyllis
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Hey, BlueCowgirl, if we can't pity ourselves who's gonna do it for us?
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Oh Phyllis, that is good!!! I love it!! My other sister said "I can't believe you are not trying to figure out WHY you got breast cancer! I mean, you are so analytically about everything else." I admit, as an attorney, I am rather analytical but sorry to say, I haven't figured out why i got breast cancer.
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blue cow girl--My Plastiic surgeon nurse gave me good advice and said "you are allowed to have your days of feeling down or sad and not to feel guilty over it." It was nice to hear because I felt like I shouldn't feel sad after my MX and reconstruction etc but sometimes I did and learned it was ok.
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Thanks guys. Nothing went right today. I know you *all* know the feeling! But at least no one said anything stupid to me today! Probably because I spent most of the day between the bedroom and the bathroom
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blue cowgirl--Sorry to hear you are having such a tough day. sending strength and prayers to you and hope tomorrow will be much,much better for you...
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Blue cowgirl, hope you feel better tomorrow.
I love this thread!0 -
The most ridonculous thing said to me this year was regarding a friend who found a "lump" in her breast (it was nothing serious thank the lord). I had been diagnosed with breast cancer last year. She asked me "dont you think its weird that we both hung out together last year and you got breast cancer and now i may have it?"...i nearly blew a brain cell! I was like "you cant catch cancer you fool!" She then had the nerve to lash back and say that i dont know what pain is really about?! go figure that!
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Deep...That is absurd. Truly mindboggling. Don't people think before they open their mouths?
Thanks again everyone for the well-wishes...I will be just fine
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its crazy! but i have learned to ignore these bizarre people! keep smiling and being positive! :-)
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I hope you are feeling better BlueCowgirl.
I liked what Angel was told by the nurse: "You are allowed to have your days of feeling down or sad and not to feel guilty over it." Thank you.......I needed to hear that!
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Glad you were able to laugh, Nel. And don't forget to be cheery five days after surgery, okay?
Take care of yourself!
T
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how about the original breast surgeon saying to his med student (in front of me and my ex who had accompanied me) 'if we need to do a reconstruction, no problem as she has some fat to spare'....really? and that makes me feel less vulnerable how? so now I have breast cancer and I feel fat...oh...and this was after he had reached into my blue gown and told me 'not to worry..that I would still have ood cleavage'...really? like that was my concern? maybe he meant it as a reassurance and was laughing about it to show he was trying to make ight of a difficult situation??? but no...he was just being arrogant....thankfully, he was going on vacation and I got a female,no-nonesense surgeon (whom I also interviewed before I'd let her operate because of her idiot colleague)...she was not impressed by his comments either!
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Sandee:
I know only too well what you are talking about as I too have a little extra! I ditched my first PS because of his remarks about my weight. The one I have now has never mentioned it as any kind of an issue. I did have somebody at my work say to me -- I will bet you wish now that you had kept your weight off (2 year ago I lost 75 lbs and gained a lot of it back). You probably wouldn't be dealing with this now (she was referring to my BC, of course). I just shook my head and walked away. Wish I had thought of the stupidity link to cancer then!
Phyllis
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My, my, my people do say the dumbest things. I was at a fundraiser for a local therapeutic riding center and the dumb comments started flying. This was one of my first social events since the whole journey began so I had a lot of anxiety even about going. The best was when I had to listen about someones mom who had a BMX back in the 60s and she lived another 14 years before it was back. I just smiled the first time then she went into more detail and repeated the story.........I could not help myself I just busted out laughing and told her I hope I got more than 14 years ahead of me.
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Yay another horsewoman! Despite my screen name, I do hunter/jumper stuff, or at least I did until docs said "no horses" for a while...Anxious to be back in the saddle!
DrDolittle, I love your repsonse and I would have loved to see the look on the storyteller's face...
I may have mentioned this earlier in the thread, but it continues to piss me off: Why do people always say "At least you caught it early." Um, no...I didn't catch it early, I didn't catch it til it was approximately the size of an effing walrus and had spread to my lymph nodes. Maybe they mean I caught it early as in, I "caught" cancer when I was in my 30's? And this is a good thing somehow? I am still trying to think of a snappy comeback for that one...
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i heard one today that blew me away..
this guy i work with knows bc stripped my ability to bear children away.. but he is an idiot all the same.
so in the breakroom today i was talking to another co worker.. i said "i think i finally know what i want to be when i "grow up", "
and before i could finish.. the idiot says " let me guess.. a mom!"
i gave him the look of evil... some people..
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He needs to be fixed so he can't perpetuate his stupidity. If that sounds viscous, in the 45 years I've been married i've heard too many stupid and hurtful comments about childbearing and childlessness to count. I know how they hurt all too well, even now when I am years beyond the age of fertility. I was not able to have children. I sometimes think the worst ones are those who assume that any childless couple is that way by choice out of selfishness and a desire for a standard of living they could not afford if they had kids. Or maybe those who congratulate you for being lucky enough not to have them, yeah, think they are even worse.
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im so sorry girls, for you're being subjected to the ugliness of people.. te ones about not bearing children were hard for me, too... years ago, bf bc.. i decided to adopt, then.. now' i'll send the bus for ValGal et al...........3jays0
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3jays... 0 -
I enjoyed catching up on this thread. I would love some advice. I have been seeing a licensed therapist who is also a methodist minister. I thought he could help me deal with my sadness over losing my breast, chemo, rads, AI and almost overwhelming fear that I may die of this disease. He does not seem to get what I'm saying. Yet, when I read this thread, I hear people experiencing the same things.
So far, his advice seems to be "you seem like a serious person, have you tried to add humor to your life?" He also told me a fable where someone sat on a staircase with an ax hanging over her head. I think the point was that it was easy to reach up and remove the ax,rather than allowing fear to destroy her present life experiences. This advice isn't helping at all. I feel diminished by his comments. I'm glad to know that other BC know that 16 months isn't enough time to get "over" this.
Help
Elizabeth
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