The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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In a survey of this board, there are a lot of women who deal with difficult partners during treatment. I think it's perfectly fine to allow for a level of upset and anger, we all "get" it. After all, I've never heard of a woman abandoning her partner during treatment, or speaking in this manner. We still live in a sexist society.
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LtotheK, unfortunately, I did
. I also know a few cases in which the husband/boyfriend was battling cancer or other terminal disease and the woman in the couple was neglecting them and going out with other men. And I'm not talking online cases, but real life cases I'm aware of. If you only look on these boards (especially this thread) you can have many, many examples of women who acted outright evil. Not all women are angels and not all men are evil.
And yes, for all the men out there who stand by their woman, be her their spouse, girlfriend, daughter or mother, may you be blessed. You are angels on Earth.
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I think all you women are tops, and besides a couple of small incidences, what I get from these boards is overwhelming love, compassion, and intelligence. I'm also a feminist and hear the pain of sexual addiction, use of pornography, and physical expectations of partners. I just don't want anyone to feel chastised, because this is harsh stuff.
But I respect you like the dickens, so we'll agree to disagree! Your a great person, and I learn from you all the time. I am grateful for you and so many people on these boards, I wouldn't be where I am in my treatment and care if it weren't for you!
May the world be full of wonderful partners, both male and female, and friends who stand by us in our time of need.
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Oh I so second that!
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Thanks, ladies, for agreeing with me that my husband's remark was simply beyond the pale. I admit I was stunned, and a year later I still am. I guess it's possible he was trying to be funny, but if so, he missed the mark by about a million miles. (Or maybe I am too sensitive?)
Anandagram, I also refused to let him accompany me to dr. visits, radiation treatments, etc., for fear of what might come out of his mouth as his idea of a "joke." A supportive companion would have been most helpful . . . (sigh)
Aza
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Valgal, I hope you'll make sure your future ex-husband thoroughly understands why you want out. You are right, if he was the one facing a big medical crisis, it would be a whole different thing. He might even lose his sense of humor and upbeat attitude.
Aza
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Aza, the truth is that we are over-sensitive, all of us. But it's also the truth that your husband's remark was beyond anything acceptable.0
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Aza - OMG I would have shot him on the spot.
Stupid comments: Has it metastized?; What is your prognisis now (same as it was 2 weeks ago idiot!) and pull up your big girl panties and deal with it. Really. You deal with it
nel
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Aza, I hope your husbands remark was meant as a joke, but wow, in very bad taste. I guess many partners have a harder time with diagnosis than others. My DH remarked to me that I seemed to be taking it much better than he was. As you know the background of what was going on with me, I was in shock, but I think he was worried about losing his partner. I'm hoping that this is possibly what is going on with your husband. A bad attempt at humour to cover his true feelings. ((hugs))
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I am super lucky with my DH - he is great... but I do need to tell this story - so I am 51 (almost 52) and had my last period in July, just prior to going on Tamoxifen -- with Tami I got hot flashes but my period stopped - I figured, OK - good trade-off! So this week - four months later I get my damn period (really????) - and my husband says 'Maybe we should have another baby?" --- LOL - maybe not so much, right???
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I think there are a lot of good men out there but we don't hear about them very much here because it seems insensitive to brag about how wonderful one's husband/SO is when so many women here are suffering with insensitive or downright mean men.
My DH says a lot of things which, if someone were to overhear them, would sound awful. The key is that we have the same sense of black humor and I give as good as I get. His ribbing cheers me up and lets me know in a subtle way that he doesn't consider me too fragile for joking. He would never do this when I was feeling especially vulnerable.
An example was his joke that he could borrow my hospital bracelet for the reduced patient parking prices at the hotel next to the hospital when he had his next tryst. He said it at the end of 3 days glued to my side at the hospital. I responded back that we could do even better on the parking if he carpooled with me and Raul (the imaginary poolboy).
Aza's husband's comment, on the other hand, was just plain sh!tty.
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Lulu ... you and your DH sound like you have a great marriage - sort of best friends kind of marriage!
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Just before Thanksgiving, I was waiting for the results of both a liver scan and an endometrial biopsy. Needless to say, I was a wreck, so I called my oncologist for some reassurance. This was his nurse's advice to me: "Well, why don't you just expect the worse, and then IF it turns out okay, you'll feel better." OMG.
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Was that supposed to be helpful - NOT.
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omg that is ridiculous. You know when i read and experience all the stupid things people say to us I have learned not to become to surprised. BUT I am always disgusted when it comes from a doctors office nurse etc... they should know better... just my thoughts
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That doctor should be informed that he has a nurse that is not equiped to deal with cancer patients.
I'm sure Jo will take care of her for you.
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Miss sophie--------That person may not be a NURSE, she may be lesser trained. Docs aren't required to hire NURSES. They can take them right off the street and train them the way they want-------giving shots even. Most hire at least medical assistancts now, but still not required . So, ask what they're qualifications are, I hate to hear NURSES getting an undeserved bad rap when it might just be an OTJ trained (?) person.----------Hope you have a better experience in the future Sheila
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Yesterday, I bumped into a woman I haven't seen in years at a fundraiser. I've lost weight since then.... She looks at me and says:
"You've lost so much weight you've lost your boobs."
"I had a BMX a few months ago and am now doing reconstruction," I told her.
"Are you going to be okay?" she asked.
"Yes, we caught it early," I told her.
"Good, because I hate funerals especially when they're around lunchtime," she said.
There's another one for the list....0 -
Omg...what is wrong with these people! They can't be that dense, can they?
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Tatina, your reply should've been "Well let me know what time is good for you, and I'll pencil it in."
GEEZE!
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Great idea!!! I've laughed out loud reading postings about people's ignorant responses. I purposely told nobody at work about my diagnosis except my supervisor based on historical references. My contributions:
1. Best friend of over 40 years, her response: "If one more person tells me they have cancer, I don't know what I'll do!
2. Very late running oncologist resulting in an exam by "Nurse C." who:
- failed to notice or mention my BP was 96/56 (lowest on record, usually 130/70). - poked my sensitive 10-day old surgery site for no apparent reason and told us the treatment I would have with emphatic dictorial statements such as , "We want to nip it in the bud." "We assume..." in response to our comments/questions...as if we/I had no say in my treatment.
Appointment was @ 3pm on a Friday, admitted to a consult room at 4:00pm. By 4:35pm emotionallhy drained by Nurse C. I told her we'd been on the road since 9am & were going home. "Where do you live??? she asked. Gave her name of my city (about 12 miles away), to which she responded with a blank stare! We are both in our 70s, had 3 medical appointments that day including my husband's 1st infusion treatment lasting 2 1/2 hours with little sleep the night before. We left without seeing my oncologist.
I did not remember Nurse C, tho she remembered me - probably because I declined to participate in a Taxomifen Study 5 years ago, when she leaned toward me over a table and held my hand calling me "My dear" as she spoke. I didn't like her then and I do not like her now; however, I will just as surely remember her!
The crowing glory was a colleague's comment when I received a phone call at work telling me my husband was unexpectely admitted to a hospital ER (4 days prior to my scheduled surgery.) I mentioned my husband was in a hospital & I was leaving the office. She asked which hospital; I told her the hospital name. "I hope they don't kill him!!!"
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I subbed yestersay at a school i worked out and the principal saw me and he says oh Hi how are you nice to see you looking healthy... wasnt horrible what he said I guess just was wierd the way he said like it wasnt what he expected to see I guess.
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where do these people hatch???? why do they always find us????
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miles2go: I am so sorry to had to wait so long, so sorry for callous remarks and especially sorry your husband is not well.
Doctors have no consideration of anyone else's time but their own. The other day I waited 1-1/2 hours for a 20 minute test.
Please let us know how your DH is.
Gentle hugs.
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"easy cancer" isn't that like "a little pregnant"?
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Delays do happen in all settings and i don't like them either. Please don't bag on all doctors having no consideration. Just like all populations, yes there are some stinkers, but I have seen quite a few go way above and beyond. They have patient emergencies to deal with and other patients are not made aware of the situation, calls that have to be answered and personal health and family issues too. The staff, tech, nurse and doctor have to respond and attend to unexpected allergic reactions, falls, technology problems, etc. and as a result do run late on planned appointments. The staff should acknowledge and apologize for the delay but hardly ever tell you the real story of the delay.
Not attacking anyone's point of view, but shedding light on the other side people don't see.0 -
I waited for a test performed by a technician. Tests are standardized and the tech knows the duration of each test. To be 1-1/2 hours late is outrageous. I don't believe there are "emergency" dopplers that come in unexpectedly. In "olden" times yes, doctors had a lot of balls to juggle. Today, emergencies go to the emergency room, if admitted they are seen by hospitalists, and doctor offices now have medical personnel who do the vital signs before you ever see a doctor. I've worked for a doctor before and have been friends with other people who work for doctors and all say they double book. The was one OB/GYN who was always 2 hours late but then when he was with you it was if no one else in the world existed. He took whatever time you needed to talk. He did that with every patient and I understood and just took a book to every appointment.
I'm not attacking anyone either - but the doctor's "time" has always been more important than the patient's time.
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Waiting is definately the pits. But I was lucky. I never had to wait at my surgeon's office and he has been wonderful throughout. Only problem - he is leaving Dec 31st for an office type job with regular hours. I have a lot of anxiety about who may be replacing him as I still have my other breast to deal with.
Speaking of stupid things people say - when my brother had brain cancer (he is now deceased), and I went into his doctor's office to renew the handicap parking sticker, the receptionist said "oh, is he still dealing with that cancer thing?' Like he had a cold or something!
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I have had a number of people I have not seen recently see me and say 'You look great!"....and my inner (read inNER) response is usually "why the hell wouldn't I look great?"...but then I remember ...oh yeah....I've gone through cancer, surgery, treatment, heart attack and recovery from both in the past year....ok...I can see why you are saying great...but are you saying I look great because I look great.....or because of what you expected the alternative to be....what I look is, well...how I always look. A little dishevelled, usually colourful and bedazzled with silver jewelry...what I am NOT is full of bubbly gp-all-night energy.... now THAT is something someone should comment on!...hen again my dear old pal today said it from the heart....and acknowledged that I was recovering but still walked a heckuva lot faster than these little legs could go right now...so I just walked my pace and let himnotice and slow down...
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Sandee, I honestly believe I have the EXACT same scarf as you are wearing in your new avatar!!! We obviously both LOVE colour!!
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