The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Isn't it lovely Barbe!! My ister gave it to me last year from Bangkok...she gives me all my scarves and jewelry...my favourite colour....I bet it would love gorgeous with your lovely hair do and bright smile:).
where do you do Christmas Jo? I am going to be in Ottawa from the 25th to 2nd if folks are near by and want to do a meeting, coffee,,,,wine!
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kmccraw, How kind of you to care about my DH. He is Happy Camper #1, retiring the 30th of November! May return to PT work after 1st of the year. Right now I am Happy Camper #2 as this is the first weekend in 7 years we've been home together! (I work weekdays.) We feel so fortunate, looking forward to celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary next July
Hugs, CMG 0 -
Can you believe this thread is at 200 pgs??? It is amazing to think of how stupid people can be.
Kim- congrats for happy camper.
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Amazing, isn't it?
To pitch in about the "waiting to see the doctor" part, I do NOTgo with that. I might wait whenever it's a amatter of emergency - like it happened when I went to see my PCP one time and someone came in for a consultation about their leg and ... their leg was broken so the dr. chose to put a cast to their leg right there and then instead of sending them to the ER.I might wait in the 45 minutes-one hour range when it's about some top-rank specialist who also has emergency calls to the hospital next door. But when it comes to regular visits - no. As I told the last obgyn I recently fired, after waiting for over an hour to get in and see her, then once I got inside I had to wait in the room for another half an hour (after I had told everybody I had another appointment a few buildings away and I had to walk to that appointment in the heat of summer), and when she came in, she had to read again my file and then started droning again about oophorectomy - when I had told her before THREE TIMES that I do not want it - so as I said, I told her "I have the common sense and respect for you to come on time to the appointments. You do not respect me if you make me wait for so long - and if you aren't able to keep up with your schedule properly and have the common sense to read a patient's file and notes you have written yourself BEFORE you come in to see the patient, do you REALLY think I am going to trust you with my life?".
I am NOT a number in someone's records, and I do NOT have an expiration date label. So if I am not treated and respected like a person, out the door goes that doctor, and the money I bring from the insurance and my pocket go to another one who takes care of me. I also go online to all the websites that have ratings and reviews for medical professionals and give them a very low rating.
I don't see why I should regard doctors differently than any other service provider. After all, if an auto-shop would do that to you when you bring your car in, you'd go to another place next time. Why not do the same with doctors?
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I thought I could make it through the day without having one to share, but no, that did not happen...Noone meant to be inconsiderate - they just were not thinking that they may be offending someone or hurting their feelings. In summary, while waiting in a local barber shop with my 9 and 11 yr old grandsons this afternoon, the barber (female) and the client in her chair were discussing several people in our small town who have cancer. They both reached the agreement that they would not put themselves through chemo or radiation, but would just "take their chances" and enjoy the time they had left, no matter how short. I just kept reading my magazine, but my 9 yr. old grandson hugged me and the 11 yr. old whispered to me to just ignore them. They know how hard I am fighting to hopefully have more time - they knew the remarks the other people made hurt me. I told them I was fine and that those people must not have had anyone close to them have cancer. My 11 yr old grandson asked me to please not give up. I did not cry until I dropped them off at home....(I was wearing a knit hat - I still thought it was obvious that I am bald, but maybe not....)
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Day --- could not agree more!
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....as I re-read my previous entry, I just wonder....why are so many of us so considerate of the people who offend and/or hurt our feelings? I wanted, so badly, to tell them that they have no idea of what they would do if they were confronted with fighting for their lives or giving up. I wanted to say, "See these boys - they have a sister, mom and dad who I love dearly, and who love me. I am fighting to have every minute I can with them". I knew they would feel badly about offending me, so I, of course, did not speak up....I will sign-off for now and get my composure. I am angry and very sad....
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.....I also meant to state in my rant that I, of course, adore the boys, too. I wanted to tell those people that there flippant, small-talk also hurt and offended my grandsons....grrrrrrrrrrr.
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Anandagram ... I am sending you lots of gentle hugs! To make a statement like that is stupid - you don't know what you'll do until you are in that position. Before I got breast cancer I probably would have said something like "I'm not losing my breasts." Boy, you sing a different tune when you get that diagnosis. My response then - off with their heads - get those things off my body! You grandsons sound awesome. Give them my love and a hug from all your sisters.
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Thanks so much, Kathleen - Gentle hugs right-back-to-you. I am cuddling with my kitties now in my nice cozy cabin, counting my blessings, so all is better. You and my sisters are truly awesome. My grandchildren live one block from me - I am very fortunate to be actively involved in their daily routines every day.
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Knowing me and my sick sense of humor, I would have walked over to those two idiots, bowed and took my hat off just for them and then let them know how they hurt those boys.
Today I told my therapist how she hurt my feeling two weeks ago and how today I was going to tell her that it was my last therapy with her. She had told me last time that I had the treatment, I'm better and basically get over it. I told her that was tupid to say that I will always have this hanging over my head. I try to enjoy every day as much as I possibly can. I do have my days when I cry but they are getting fewer and fewer. She sat there in her chair and heard me out. She actually apologized. She looked like she wanted to cry. She felt bad. I told that I wasn't strong for what I did...I did what I had to do and she would do the same thing too.I told her that I hate how I have changed. I'm not myself. I have to find the new me (and like her). I am angry, short tempered and down right nasty. Its not a good new me. I get really annoyed when someone says that I am strong or that I am there inspiration. That's just crap to me. I was terrified and scared. Just be honest with me. Tell me that you are scared like I am.
Sorry for going on and on like this. I accepted her apology and made another appointment. She was sincere. Sometimes we need to teach the professionals.
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Veggie - I should have done exactly that!
Also- I am so sorry you had to go through all you have with your therapist. You are far more patient and tolerant than I was. I decided that the last day with my therapist was the one when she said, "Oh, how good that you have your surgery date all set. Now you can have surgery and put it all behind you". I know she was trying to say that I had a lot of life to live and did not always have to feel like a patient - or at least I think that was what she was trying to say. I do hope that someday I will not think continuously about cancer, but just putting it in the past? I cannot ever see that happening for me. Yes, Veggy - I AM terrified - I am so scared of being as ill as many of the people at my radiation center - I am so scared of mets- I also hate the fact that every ache, pain and injury scare me - I recently received a 2nd degree burn on the middle finger of my left hand (lumpectomy side) - I have honestly compared the size of my left arm to my right arm, several times a day for several days, just waiting for lymphedema to set in!
No need to apologize for going on. I certainly did when my therapist also told me that I am not angry enough,,,,, I hope you and your therapist can build a good relationship - at least you are trying with yours - I gave up on mine.
Finally....yes! The comments about us being "strong". I used to thank people for saying that I am strong, as I did not know what to say. Now I do not say anything - I just let them babble on and ignore them - Strong? no, I am not being strong - My survival skills have kicked in and keep driving me on....
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....sorry I missed spelled your name, Veggy!
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I am so scared because my best friend is stage 4 and is not doing well. She did not do chemo or get the beast out of her. Everytime I see her I am reminded of the "what if's".
I almost gave up on mine and did let her know today. I get better help here.
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There's an old busybody woman at our church who corners people all the time and repeats the same stories over and over. I'm usually able to avoid her, but one Sunday, she came up to me and said, "I've been looking all over for you. I wanted to tell you about my friend. She had breast cancer about 10 years ago. She did really well until about 6 months ago. The cancer came back, and she died." I was stunned that she would tell me a story like this. Everyone at church knows I've had breast cancer. I didn't say a word.
Looking back on it, I should have said, "So and so-why on earth would you think that was a story I wanted to hear???" Of course, given her penchant for telling the same stories again and again, I still may get the chance.
Mary
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So sorry about your friend, Veggy. I know what you mean about the help, here. It is an amazing source of support. Even though I have been through chemo, surgery and now radiation, I did not truly feel like a "cancer patient" until I looked in the bathroom mirror at my cancer center today. I have been feeling as though I do not "look" like the other people in the waiting room - I realized today that I DO look like them and that I am one of them. I am bald, hunched over because of back pain, have suken eyes with dark circles, etc... The realization hit me hard at first, but somehow made me feel more at ease in the waiting room today. I began to talk with other patients who initiated conversation - although I am usually a social person, I was a loner in the rad waiting room before today. I did not look at people and only gave brief responses when they spoke to me. I do not even know what point I am trying to make by sharing this experience - I guess I am not trying to make a point - just sharing.....
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When I was going through treatment I didn't talk to many people at the hospital. I kept to myself. It took my a while before I went to ay support groups too. They frightened me. I finally started to go to the meetings but sat by the door. I just listened. I was too scared, It took some time before I anything. I'm more relaxed now. I'm the last one to leave. It really hit me that I was a cancer pateint when I lost my eyebrows and eyelashes.
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Mary, that is one of the "standard" inconsiderate things that are being said to us.
I have to say (if you didn't realize it yet) that I am not a very kind person when it comes to stupid sh@t like that. I'm the one who started this thread, remember? lol
Yes, I did have someone coming to me one time to tell me a story about a "friend who had cancer and did well for 2 years then it came back and killed her in 2 months". The person was a vague acquaintance and came to tell me this while I was at a community picnic, in a conversation with about 8 people. She HAD to come interrupt the conversation, look very pointedly at me and said that she heard of my diagnostic then told the tale of the friend. I looked very pointedly a her and said "Well, I hope that happens to you too, and soon". You should have seen her face. She did a 180 and practically ran to the other end of the picnic pavillion. The friends I was talking to totally cracked up.
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God love you Day - that's the best response I've heard for those with the dooms-day-tales!!!
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I think I would say "Thank you very much for sharing. I didn't have enough to worry about. Do you also beat puppies in your spare time?"
These people are just cruel. I can't even think what would cause one person to say that to another.
Perhaps another response would be "are you that unhappy that you have to try to make others feel bad? Does that make you feel better about yourself."
Day ... good for you! Putting up with crap only gets you more crap!
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Hello to all - Here I go again, off to rads - past the 1/2 way point - yea!. I plan to take the back roads and NOT stop at any stores today. If I get home as soon as possible, maybe i can make it through the day without having a story to share with you! lol....I would just rather check-in with all of you later today to say that noone said anything offensive to me today...'Have a good one my friends - talk to you later.
Sher
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Wow! Some people just don't use their brains before using their mouths.
Some of the things said to me... "At least it's only breast cancer and not something serious." ( Yep, losing my breasts was a cake walk!) "You probably got BC because you wore underwire bras." "Did you breast feed your children? I did so I'll never get BC." "You get BC when you wear deoderant." And the number one stupid thing said to me... "If I ever get cancer hope I get BC because it's the easiest cancer to have."
I have also had people ask if they can touch my new foobs since they "are fake." Really?! Sheesh!
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Catqueen - our foobs are real -- I mean, we really paid for them with our breasts, right?
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"So are you good now?"
(Honestly I think I've always been good, it was my boobs that went rogue...)
But my answer really was, "had a PET scan and it looked good, go for another in three months and I'm going to see a dr next month about growing a new pair..."0 -
I've heard the "So are you good now?" one a bunch of times. Usually I just say something vague and change the subject. From now on, though, I am going to count the days until my next appointment and my response will be "I'm good for 30 days, then I find out if I get another extension or start coffin shopping."
I wish I had the guts to actually say that to someone. Sigh.
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I have a doctor's appointment on the 22nd of this month. So I guess I have 16 days to be good. Love it! May I use it?
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Yeah breast cancer is so easy, some of us get to have it more than once. Maybe because it is so easy, and fun too right?! Didn't we all just skip down the yellow brick road to the dr singing "surgery, chemo and rads, oh my!". And for our heart and courage we are awarded the pink ribbon and chemo brain...
Those comments, they are assumptions, and you know what happens when people make them!0 -
NM- i like your idea! you have the guts, probably just that most of us are kind, consider the source of the question and they just won't get it anyway,
Veggy- go for it!0 -
wow---did not realize I was so lucky for getting the "easy" cancer. dumb dumb dumb. I love how everyone stares at your chest too. So annoying. I want to start sticking up for myself when people say such idiotic things like the stories of friends that have past from what we are fighting.
Maggie
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I almost said something incredibly stupid yesterday. I met up with an acquaintance who told me she had suffered a stroke recently and would require brain surgery. As we discussed our treatments and sympathized with each other she said "You have to deal with surgery and chemo." What flashed through my mind was, "Yeah, but if they screw up my surgery I'll end up with a mangled breast. If they screw up your surgery you'll end up with a mangle BRAIN." Thank God my brain kicked into motion before I got out more than "Yeah, but..." Yikes. I think I almost ended up on some stroke forum's "Dumbest things people have said" thread.
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