The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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thank you to you and others that wrote back. it just really took me by surprize for 2 days of being so tired, and it also showed in my eyes and had breast color chanes, so something is still going on. i am very lucky i know i didnt need chemo like my mom and brother, i have seen that in my home growing up. but some people really dont know radiation really takes a toll on you. i am feling good now. prayers and strengh to all
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afterglow, do something just for you this week,
I am crazy and recommend things like manicure, pedicure or such, we need to be nice to ourself now. Go take a nap! seriously!
a friend who had mastectomy at 40 and then at 50, said her doc said he would give her antidepressants or she could join a gym
she joined the gym! it helps me
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Cindyl--priceless. Under different circunstatnces your words would seem cruel BUT BUT BUT---it seems that this was the only way to get through to such a Stupid. Sad part is I'm thinking she will still not get it, and repeat your words to other Stupids who also won't get it. Ah if there was only someway to give them an infusuion of gray cells
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Yeah well, I didn't actually say it because I'm one of this woman's supervisors and it's important to set a good example. And I absolutely don't mean to compare what I went through with the ladies who have gone through so much more. As breast cancer goes, I have been lucky. But I wish people were a little more aware of what a bummer this whole experience is even for those of us who are really lucky...
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afterglow...what a rude and insensitive comment. I think they only realize the physical part of the treatment and do not realize the emotional and mental exhaustion that comes from the whole BC thing. Those have been harder on me than the physical SE's for sure. Makes me fall into my bed at the end of the day--way earlier then the old me
Maggie
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exactly, the mental part was hard since i lost my mom and brother to it. last fall my daughter got married , 2 weeks later dad died from dementia and exactly 2 weeks after that went for my yearly mamo, i am 50, they told me right there and then it was cancer. they called my family dr while i was waiting in the room before they told me. people just dont have a clue.
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afterglow, mano but you have been through the wringer not to mention your docs is not the most caring of persons!
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Afterglow. -- be kind to yourself -- you have been through the wringer for sure. No one can ever understand or estimate the toll that this has taken on each one of us. Physically is only part of the cancer fight -- emotionally is a big factor too. Each day I can feel myself get stronger but it has been a battle for sure. Hugs and know you are not alone and we do understand the fight!
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So I just got back from grocery shopping at walmart. While I was there I ran into a "friend", supposed to be my best friend for the past 20 years. Since she found out about my DX we've talked maybe 5 times, 3 of those times were when she called to ask me a favor. No how are you or any of that, just will you do this for me.
She was telling me how mad she was that I didn't tell her when my surgery was going to be because she wanted to be there for me. Yeah whatever.
Then she asks me "So, did they get it all?" Wow, really? I told her months ago that I was stage IV, that it was in my bones, and the last time we talked I was going to get a bone biopsy on my rib a few days later just to be sure.
I said "Uhh, no. It's in my bones and more than likely other places as well, it's just not big enough to see yet. There is no get it all. It's going to kill me, probably in the next 5 years or so statistically." She says "Oh my god, you can't just say it like that!" I told her "Yes, I can. I like making people that ask me stupid questions feel uncomfortable." Then I turned around and walked away. I wonder if she got the point?
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thank you for your kind words, wishing you well
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I posted this in the stage iv brain mets thread but I think it fits here quite well :-)
My SIL sent me an email asking how I was. She live about 40mins away and i havent seen her for about six months. My dh keeps his brother up to date so i guess she usually hears how i am from him. I replied saying that I had an MRI scan which had shown more brain mets, so had needed more gamma knife treatment and that added to that, because my liver function was really bad and I was jaundiced, the onc had put me back on chemo. I also said I was so tired I hardly got out of bed except to lie on the sofa or go to the hospital.
She replied to me to say I was a 'georgeous miracle' (?!) and why didn't I get someone to drive me over to her house so that we could have lunch!!
Is it just me or is that just so thoughtless. I have friends around me who text and say 'shall I pop over for 10 mins this afternoon' then if I say yes, they arrive, usually with some tasty little snack, make me a drink, stay for only 10 mins then go. If I don't reply they know I'm sleeping and don't bother me.
The thought of getting up, getting dressed, arranging a driver, staying awake for the 40 mins there, the trip to the restaurant, sitting at the table for an hour, the journey home ...... For goodness sake, Just book me into the hospice now!!!
I'm not allowed to drive (brain mets mean an automatic ban in the uk), she drives a lot. She doesn't work, has adult children who are no longer at home and is a 'lady that lunches'. Do you think she is just thick or that she REALLY doesn't want to see me :-))
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she is thick, it is not you!
hang with the folks who get it
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Holly cow Tilly, that is just nuts. I can not believe she really thought that was a good plan. Geesh.
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tilly - you don't need that ... I think your DH needs to tell his brother what exactly transpired. Your SIN obviously does not get it.
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I really don't think anyone gets it---unless u've lived it---the toll it takes on u'r body is horrendous then u'r mental stage goes right with it. U'r operations heal (for the most part) but some can't raise their arms like before, u get headaches that u never had, bones ache everyday and sleeping is always a mystery when--sometimes in the middle of the day u collapse and then can't sleep at night. Swollen legs--(kankles)One arm bigger than the other--wearing all these contraptions. crabby when u never were, don't want to talk to people when u always did--Having crazy bathroom SE, so maybe u have to wear different underwear etc, etc---But I don't have saggy boobs anymore haha.
Then someone says something really dumb and that's my answer.
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camillegal == so right about the kankles -- funny I never really thought about it being tamoxifen or anything else but I always had ankles and now I don't -- I even asked a friend one day when did I develop kankles? Now I know ...
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Bah! Stupid Tamoxifen giving me cankles!
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Stormy, your response to your idiot "friend" was priceless!! I bet she STILL didn't get it.
Tilly, that female is NO friend of yours!! Why doesn't SHE drive over to see you?? I don't get it.....people never cease to amaze me...sigh.
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oh please, my neice called me (she never called when I was doing treatment but now she wanted her wedding gift~~),
anyhow she said why don't I drop in sometime, I live in central NJ and she lives outside of DC.
drop in? that is one major drive dear~~
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oh please, my neice called me (she never called when I was doing treatment but now she wanted her wedding gift~~),
anyhow she said why don't I drop in sometime, I live in central NJ and she lives outside of DC.
drop in? that is one major drive dear~~
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Stormynyte- awesome response!
Tilly - oh my word, that is just awful. I cannot believe that she said that. I really think DH needs to talk to his bro about this. At least prevent you from hearing such a stupid comment again. I've had a few beauts over the years and after I 'recover' I just tell myself that if it was meant well, that is what matters. This idiot is not just clueless, she's selfish and does not mean well.
Proud - say yes and make sure there is no present when she stops by.
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Annie, actually, I got sick of being the one who drives to visit my brothers family, stopped years ago and have invited them to visit me, many times but no takers
I even told my greedy little neice that I would give her a gift if she visited but apparantly no time for her to visit
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I HATE when people say "drop in anytime". I dont DO that. Sorry. I need an invite. Even from my kids and their families. ESPECIALLY from my kids and their families. I don't want to walk into a fight or something (never see them fight, but they must....right?). I told them all when they got together that I come by invitation only. It's a respect thing. When I shut my door at night, if I haven't invited anyone over, I don't expect to hear my doorbell.
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Barbb, I totally agree! who in the world would drive 6 hours to visit without a specific invitation? I think it sooths the soul of the person who suggests it as then they can say "but I did invite you"
yeah...actually my doorbell is not working and I have not felt the need to fix it as if I know someone is coming, I tell them THE BELL DOESNT WORK! and I listen for the knock
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It's funny I never minded drop ins and certain people an always drop in, but if I don't feel to well and not want to talk it does make a difference now.
But the ones close know this so it's not an issue---but "dropping in" from afar craxks me up.
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I had a friend growing up - We were born just a couple of weeks apart, were neighbors, and were best friends until high school when we stayed friends but had separate things going so drifted apart. About 8 years ago she moved out of state although we would talk usually about once a year around our birthdays. She heard last August that I had been diagnosed and I never once heard anything from her. About two weeks ago she showed up at my door for an unannounced visit. She stayed almost two hours and didn't say anything about my diagnosis or how I was doing but when she finally did say something just before she left, she said about five times that she was so surprised, she expected to see me on my death bed. Really?! And to keep repeating it!? The only other thing she said was she liked my chunky butt - I gained weight on the steroids - and she had never seen me this heavy before. I didn't know what to say. I always think of something way after the fact.
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Mom had a brother and SIL that were notorious "drop in guests". They planned their vacation to stay with friends and relatives as much as possible even though they oil millionaires and they never spent a penny they could avoid and she especially was very good at avoiding. Just showed up at the door unannounced and expected to stay several days. Mom always called the closest relative on their itinerary to forewarn them.
On the other hand, we went to visit my Grandma every summer from the time we moved to WA until she died. Not once were we ever invited to their house, even for coffee.
Needless to say, I've never been a "drop in guest".
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I would have to say my radiation doctor took the cake. I asked him about getting a double mastectomy to prevent recurrence and he said 'why you probably won't get it back in your breasts next time, you have systemic cancer'. He also said time was not my friend (I'm 47), and that I have done all I can do. He said 'you dropped the bomb with chemo, rad, surgery etc. and there is nothing else to do if I get it again'. Is that true? I don't think so.This lovely gentleman also told me to go on Effexor without discussing the withdrawal effects. Please check out Effexor, it's side effects, and withdrawal effects. It's brutal! My question is why is such an insensitive man in this business? CRAZY!
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I would have to say my radiation doctor took the cake. I asked him about getting a double mastectomy to prevent recurrence and he said 'why you probably won't get it back in your breasts next time, you have systemic cancer'. He also said time was not my friend (I'm 47), and that I have done all I can do. He said 'you dropped the bomb with chemo, rad, surgery etc. and there is nothing else to do if I get it again'. Is that true? I don't think so.This lovely gentleman also told me to go on Effexor without discussing the withdrawal effects. Please check out Effexor, it's side effects, and withdrawal effects. It's brutal! My question is why is such an insensitive man in this business? CRAZY!
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Lfree Wow u got a headful with him. Geeze I would think that would never be said getting radiation to u. Talk and ask u'r onc. not him--That's one of the reasons I don't like to ask questions--sometimes they feel the need to over expose and give the worse scenerio which doesn't have to be true.
so don't believe him. I wouldn't.
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