The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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OMG! I think I wouldve said...WTF!!! What do you think SHERLOCK???!
thats a new low!
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Stuff like this really fries my chops. The eye doctor's assistant has absolutely no business asking that. What possible influence can your mastectomy have on the health of your eyes? She's just being nosey and using her position to do it.
I hope you gave her "the stare."
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Elizabeth--Funny you should ask that, what possible influence could the mastectomy have on my eyes. The optometrist later said to me that I should come in immediately for any new floaters or problems of any type because breast cancer metastisizes to the eyes. I said... Really. Because I was told it was bone, brain, lung and liver that were sites for mets. The optometrist then said that would include the eye because it was part of the brain.
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I just googled that, and it appears to have some truth.......
NOt that she didnt deserve a stare down or a smart ass remark for her question.......
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And some of the meds and chemo will harm the eyes too. Still doesn't explain asking if they "had" to to the MX but, of course people do have elective MX's, so maybe she just spoke awkwardly.
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I went to an opthamologist to get my eyes checked as I was having some problems and was worried about mets (I know a couple of sisters on this fourm who had eye mets). Here's the kicker. Because he found nothing wrong, I had to pay for the appointment. If he had found something wrong, he would have billed the provincial healthcare!! Duh!!!??? I gave him half of what he wanted, told him he was an idiot and left. WTF!! I went there because I was having problems!! That would be like finding a lump and getting a mammo and if you didn't have cancer, you'd have to pay for it and insurance wouldn't cover it. Does that make any sense? We don't pay for healthcare in Canada, though we do pay for eye check-up for glasses only. I wasn't going there for a new prescription and had made that quite clear!! I also asked him why he didn't do a couple of tests I was expecting him to do (glaucoma, etc) and he said oh, he'd do them next time. Next time!! Not!!
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Welcome to USA style health care, barbe. My insurance will pay for all sorts of tests if they come back abnormal. If they come back wnl, I end up paying. Stupid? Yes. But there you are.
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Cindy, might be a typo, but what does wnl mean?
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barbe, I know that if you are on medication that DOES affect the eyes then they do monitor with exams at no cost. My sister gets her eyes tested every 6 months. I did go last fall before my diagnosis because of problems and it cost me $30.00. I had to pay -- my extended health would not cover it either.
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I have been on blood pressure meds for 19 years, that is supposed to give me a free ticket!! Not with him, which is why I was so annoyed. I have since learned to tell him about my diabetes....hehehehehe.
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wnl is within normal limits.
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How about the following comments made at work by the company HR Manager (and someone I considered a good friend) in the 3 months following surgery and during rads:
1. "You've had some days where you have been a little crabby or emotional and some people have been offended so if you think you are going to have a bad day you should probably just stay home." I asked my teammates if I had done anything offensive or inappropriate and all said absolutely not and HR manager was inable to give me an example when I asked for one.
2. "You have done a lot better than I expected." And when I explained that I was bringing everything I had to work and spent my non-work hours napping and resting, she replied "Well, of course."
3. "When my mother had breast cancer, we never knew. She never cried, got emotional or complained." I asked her how old she was at the time, she told me 5. I suggested that maybe at 5 she was just unaware of her mother's condition and emotional state. She said "No, my mom just handled it well."
Of course, this is the same woman who stopped talking to me after diagnosis, resuming only after I had completed radiation. She also laid me off within 6 months of my diagnosis.......the first, and only, job to ever be eliminated at the company with which I had been affiliated for more than 10 years as sponsored athlete, employee and personal friend of the owners.
In retrospect, best thing she could have done for me.....
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I've never had a test that wasn't paid by my insurance. Some have needed pre approval but all have been approved and paid. They consider early detection part of preventive health care.
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Gail, I am sorry you have had to go through that --- you deserve so much better -- you sayd that this is the best thing she could have done for you ...how are things now?
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Sandee, I agree with you, If asked and you respond to the affect"that subject is private--medical information" Is way different than once asked"yes I would be willing to talk with this person"-------Worlds apart as answers.
WE and ALL people have a legal right to our private medical info. We, when we wish to share , have given CONSENT to the RELEASE of that info to that individual---Not the world. Read a consent form sometime, it will always ask what info, and to whom it should be released too. Conceptually, those rules apply to us in our verbal contacts. So, if you wish to share verbally, I suggest that you give them the ground rules i.e "I have been asked to talk with you about_________. I'm willing to talk with you about this subject, But this is a private matter between you and I and I have a reasonable expectation that you will not repeat this to others". If they agree and then tell anyone else---it is a breach to an agreed to private conversation. Leah, it's all in the wording. HIPPA applies to verbal as well as written communication. IF in the previous example I said " you can share this information" Then I have legally given her permission which I can't latter declare that there was a breach
The idiot eye intake person should have gotten the stare and perhaps a statement that sounds like" Your question regarding my BMX was appropriate to check the box, and further comment was outside your legal right to know," suggest you reread your facilities HIPPA policy." TOO many people are just stupid.
Barbe-----no block weird. But I hit unblock on this page and ---out you popped.
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Joanne,
Things are good! Thank you for asking.
I had never realized the toll that workplace stress had been taking on my recovery. I returned to work a week after BMX and never missed a day through 28 rads. I thought the pain and tightness in my chest was all from surgery and treatment. However, within 2 weeks of becoming unemployed, almost all of the pain is gone.
Without the demands of that 50-hour a week, incredibly stressful job, I have the time and energy to do things that support my health instead of tear it down. With my dual diagnosis, keeping my immune system humming is critical.
I also have learned who my true friends are and how incredibly fickle workplace "friendships" can be. And how little things I say might really hurt someone who is dealing with issues I may not know about.......definitely try to think before I speak these days.
I sometimes think I will send that HR manager a thank you card on the anniversary of my lay-off. Although it was devastating at the time and my ego took a real hit, I really am grateful now. :-)
I am very lucky that my husband's job provides adequate income and insurance. Grateful every minute for that. I plan to go back to work part-time after this summer.....well, if I can find someone to hire a 54 y/o women with multiple cancers. ;-)
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Gail-------Oh GIRL 1. that HR person was setting you up to get rid of you from first comment----it's probably in your employee file that your negative attitude was discussed with you and that the reason you didn't sign the counseling form was ________( she could use many different seemingly acceptable HR terms). 2, she probably documented several other encounters. 3. Your lay off---why---they probably documented again, seemingly sound business reasons. The truth you was you were a financial liability to the company. The insurance companies give them a rate and people that have CERTAIN diseases cause there rate the company pays to the insurance company to go up. So, WHAT THEY DID WAS LEAVE WHAT SEEMS TO BE A REASONABLE LAPSE TIME---AND LAY YOU OFF.-------------woman make a report to the EEOC and whomever they recommend. You may have missed the deadlines, as they are very short, and you have to make the complaint in person, with witness names and addressess/phone#'s.
You make the statement that it may have been the best thing that could have happened to you, so assumption you are happy with whatever you are doing or not doing now. BUT THEY GOT AWAY WITH WHAT THEY HAVE DONE. They will repeat this to others. They have broken a federal law. The financial jugements in thes cases can be really heft. Google "mastectomy and Michael's craft store". Also,FMLA judgement against Cook county hospital chicago Each organization was fined millions.
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sas,
I did see an attorney but being that AZ is probably the worst state for worker's rights, he was not optimistic. I do believe that I had a case but eventually decided it would not be worth the stress.
I know in my heart of hearts that this woman let her personal issues with cancer influence how she treated me. Nothing I can do to change that. In the end, I suspect that a situation will someday arise that will cause her to realize how badly she behaved and that may knowledge may punish her more than anything I could do. If not, it will be her loss.
She, and the company, did themselves a huge disservice as I was a community liason for them and people in the athletic community here are very aware of how I was treated.
Although I no longer like to say "karma is a b$tch" (as I obviously did something very wrong to have gotten what I have
) but I do believe things will sort themselves out in the end. 0 -
Gail-----Karma had NOTHING to do with you getting BC. NOTHING. WE DID NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS.
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Gail, I have to repeat what SAS said ---- YOU DID NOTHING WRONG TO DESERVE BREAST CANCER !!!!! Now repeat after me !!!!!!
Karma is where the HR Manager will get hers eventually .....
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What was hard for me.....and my husband.....is the shitty way his work treated him while he was with me in treatment. It makes me livid just thinking about it. ITs all about money now, it wasnt like that 20yrs ago when he started. I went by his work recently, and his manager, who used to be a friend of ours.....was all lovey lovey with me and I gave her the cold shoulder. My husband was not happy....but i only promised him i wouldnt SAY anything......hiding my true feelings is something ive never been able to do ....pre or post BC!0
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Gail, my work tried SO hard to get me to quit!! I even contacted head office in another Province and went over what management was doing to me. They agree that it looked like I was being left out to hang. Then my boss and another 2 managers came up to the isolated office they had sent me to in another city!!! and told me that no one liked me at the other office so surely I wouldn't want to go back there (where I was making a TON of money). I immediately burst into tears of frustration as I wanted my old job back. They then offered me 'counselling' and I held my head high and thanked them. The first visit with the counsellor, she told me to go on MEDICAL LEAVE and get re-trained for something else!! So I've been off work for just over a year and my company's insurance company has been paying my Long Term Disability. I truly am disabled as my spinal stenosis has almost crippled me. My sensitivity is due to HUGE doses of codeine and morphine that I take every day. At first I was angry. And now I just think of it as being pensioned off early!! Which I would NOT have gotten as this company had no pension plan. Now I get half my salary for doing NOTHING. It took about 9 months to come to terms with feeling so useless, but now I have embraced it and am a much calmer and peaceful person. But it did hurt. I LOVED my job...sigh.
It sounds like you are coming to terms with your position a lot faster than I did. Come here and bitch when you need to. We get it.
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Gail sweetie, I just read your dx-----are you using CLL as Chronic lymphocytic leulkemia, b/c if you are I have great knews for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In case I miss coming back for awhile PM me , But I will post answer here, b/c it may help someone else.
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Barbie --apply for ssdi immediately, you can always stop the process, but the clock starts ticking from day of application----may be different in canada, but you don't know until you seek info
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Gail just for completeness while I wait for your response on CLL. The EEoc will take on your case b/c the employer broke a federal law. But the time requirements are short. I know this b/c MY boss screamed at me in front of several other workers that her husband had polio and I never did. Well, had I followed through even going to HR. Trouble would have ensued. BUT the EEOC and ADD would have done what the law required. But But but but........ It was a 6 hour drive to the office and to get the witnesses to cooperate b/c they were all mgt. I didn't have the energy either. I get only to ruefully what you are saying.
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Barbe. i had my eyes checked and when the receptinist said 'you are't due til next November' , I said 'tell that to the breast cancer'...I was on Tammi, thogh just for a rhot time, you you ARE eligible to have it annually and your instuance should pay. Mine did Barb for the 70% they usually pay.
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Yes, sas, the CLL = chronic lymphocytic leukemia which was found when they did my breast/lymph biopsies. A bone marrow biopsy confirmed that it was in the bone marrow as well. I am currently symptom-free with good prognostic indicators, but it still feels like it's hanging over my head.
I'd love to have some great news!
Please!As far as following through against my former employer, much as I would like to I really don't want to open that can of worms. I believe that stress had a part in my triple cancer status and I have been working hard to reduce stressors......it is better for me to just let it go. Sigh.
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Gail - hate to hear you have CLL, but BIG BUT----there is money avaialble for your treatment through the "Leukemia and Lymphoma Society" Up to 5000.00 $ grants. Pays for many things. Goolgle the site. The prompts will guide you from there. This is july 12th ----If your clucking social worker had made you aware---all kinds of things might have been covered for there fiscal year---------I'm pissed-----I found out about LLS in May of the year My DH had it. They will go retroactivlry on bills to from the beginning of there fiscal year to the end of there fiscal year -----which is june 31st.. to july first
The accumulation of data can be or feel daunting. Make two files Oriiginal and a second for application next year.
What really sucks , is why is the LLS so strong in helping people and there is no comparable society for BC
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sas, I have applied for the equivalent in Canada and it is retroactive. The insurance company will reduce their payment by how much I will get from the government, so it's all a wash. It will be funny if the government declines me when I've already been off for a year!!
Gail, you are lucky you don't HAVE to work. We are struggling on half my salary, but without having to pay for gas for the car and impulse shopping and the fact that my payments now aren't taxable...it's almost a wash. I figure I'm only losing about $700 a month. We are used to that now. I'm still making way more now than if I had a minimum wage job that was taxed, so it's all good. And now I can focus on healing. The problem with that is that my health is all I think about! My days revolve around doctors appts. This week I had Urologist (kidneys), Oncologist (cancer), Psychologist (stress), and an MRI for my spinal stenosis!! Of COURSE I focus on my health....sheesh!!
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Cindy I so love reading old newspapers too. I love when I buy a book and it has a clipping in there. I wonder what was going on in that person's life that day. I even have a "phone book" from the 70's that in addition to name number etc, it lists employer and occupation. It's crazy all the information that's out there.
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