The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

1270271273275276333

Comments

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Member Posts: 814
    edited March 2013

    If there was even the slightest minute bit of shame, I probably wouldve said something  like "I dont know how you can sleep at night" if there wasn't, Id say something like ..."mmmm, they say theres no cure for stupid."

  • Shrek4
    Shrek4 Member Posts: 519
    edited March 2013

    0

  • gemini4
    gemini4 Member Posts: 320
    edited March 2013

    I think in a case like Rowan's I would be too stunned and hurt to come up with a fitting, stinging comeback!

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Member Posts: 814
    edited March 2013

    Well depending on what mood I was in I would be VERY tempted to say "would you like me to down trow so you can know for sure?" Of course you'de have to accompany it with the right demeanour.

  • rowan47
    rowan47 Member Posts: 64
    edited March 2013

    Haha, wish I had been quicker off the mark. Glad I didn't mention I'd also had a hysterectomy!

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Member Posts: 814
    edited March 2013

    Maybe this might do?

    BS Nurse  "You're just like a man now".

    Rowan - Well this is my excuse but whats yours?

  • rowan47
    rowan47 Member Posts: 64
    edited March 2013

    Excellent, Musical. God, I hope I run into her again at my next check-up!!

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited March 2013

    Rowan, I've had a hysterectomy AND a double mast and felt your angst at the comment!!

  • shelly56
    shelly56 Member Posts: 142
    edited March 2013

    Musical -- you hit the nail right on its head !!  LOL

  • new_direction
    new_direction Member Posts: 40
    edited March 2013

    I hate it when someone you normally don't talk to asks in a chirpy tone "how's it going" (knowing you had cancer)

    It feels like they haven't even tried to adjust their question to real life. Let's see - no breast, half-dead, no hair - well some hair at this point but greyish and like a horses' Laughing small pause, then: for half a year i was afraid to lose my children before they'd be able to remember me and Im now dealing with post traumatic stress because of that Laughing

    why isnt there a thread about the best things someone has said to you?

  • Lisa1637
    Lisa1637 Member Posts: 15
    edited March 2013

    I hear you, new direction.  It's like when they ask, 'what else is new?'  Um.  You mean besides Cancer.  Even worse,  I then feel guilty for being 'consumed' by a recent diagnosis and treatment.

    What I find most comforting is when I hear, you're not alone...I'm here for you. xo Lisa

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Member Posts: 814
    edited March 2013

     Edited to say... New D yea thats pretty darned insensitive. Maybe something like this:

    they ask, "what else is new?"

    your reply  "the cure for stupid has just become less likely"

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Member Posts: 814
    edited March 2013

    ND, I *think* there was a thread for good things people say, but probably because theres not a lot of good things to say about cancer and people struggle for what to say, its got buried somewhere. I think we can forgive a honest mistake but when people are just being plain out vindictive and lack sensitivity on purpose, then they need to be put in their place. Sayig what else is new is appalling and fobbing you off and worse,  minimizing your BC Dx.

  • Alyson
    Alyson Member Posts: 3,737
    edited March 2013

    Love reading this thread. Have had some 'wonderfully' stupid things said to me over the last few years. Anyway today had my regular check up with the Onc Dept at the hospital. Didn't see the specialist but one of his registrars who said 'I not sure why you are here' ???!!! GRRRR why does he think I was there??!! As well this young man had the personality of a flat fish. Wish they would try to emulate their boss who is absolutely eccentric but knows exactly where you are and who I think is a wonderful. Had my grump.

    Rowan I would have something to say to that nurse. Most I have dealt with have been so lovely.

    Some people are really supportive and great but others do say the stupidist things.

    Big hugs

  • new_direction
    new_direction Member Posts: 40
    edited March 2013

    musical and lisa thanks for understanding.

    Alyson the exact same question could have been asked in the opposite direction without being out of place.

  • Cookiegirl12
    Cookiegirl12 Member Posts: 3
    edited March 2013

    Holding onto this for months...got flowers after surgery from family member. Card said, "BC is a bitch. Get well soon. Love,..." What? I'm the fourth cousin DX'ed, BRCA-. Would have been totally different if it came from a survivor. Still waiting to get strong enough to deal with this, and to tell them off. Right now, not worth it.

    Yesterday, on my way to rad (car service), driver inquires about my daily AM pick up. I tell him it is BC. "Did you have the surgery?" "Yes". "You should not have had the surgery. They could rupture the tumor and it could spread." He continued to talk, I told him, "ENOUGH!!!" Called dispatcher, send different driver.

    Just venting...I'm sure there will be many more stupid comments along the way.

    Speedy recovery to all

  • Cindyl
    Cindyl Member Posts: 498
    edited March 2013

    I just love these people like your driver, who seem to think they have a medical degree.

    So a frenemy of mine (we've had a prickly relationship for years, and a major blow up last November (over the election) but we still have to deal with each other) had a scare a couple of weeks ago.  Suspicious mammogram.  They scheduled her for a biopsy.  She told several of us she'd be away from her office for a day or two and why.  I wished her well, she asked what the procedure would be like and I told her.  End of convo.

    So she messaged me to let me know the biopsy was clear and said "I can honestly say I had no idea what you were actually going through. I am so sorry for my ignorance. You are very brave and positive."

    I just didn't know what to say.  I have been no braver than I had to be, and as for positive? Um not so much, but I bit my tongue on the thought "you think a week of worry and having a clear biopsy gives you ANY idea what the last year has been like for me?  Seriously?" 

    But I don't know what I would have wanted her to say so I just thanked her and told her I was pleased for her.

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Member Posts: 814
    edited March 2013

    LOL Cindy,  "frenemy" I might just have to borrow that one.

    Brave? ... when youve been brave about something theres a choice involved. We never CHOSE to get BC.

    As for "positive" positive of what? It USED to mean 100% sure, but now it means how many mind games ones willing to play and then believe it.

  • Cindyl
    Cindyl Member Posts: 498
    edited March 2013

    Yeah.  Brave is racing into a fire to save a kid, not driving to the clinic and letting them do what they felt they needed to do.  As for positive?  Well I have a few friends I rant and rave to, and all you wonderful people here but I admit I try to look on the bright side, but some days there is only dull and duller around here.

  • Cuetang
    Cuetang Member Posts: 173
    edited March 2013

    During my hospital stay two weeks ago for my double MX, the tech woke me up at 3am because he couldn't find a vein for my blood draw (I have hard to find veins for blood draws).  My vein for my IV chose to start bleeding at the same time (at my wrist).  My wrist is hurting like crazy, I'm dripping blood like crazy on my bed from my wrist, and the tech keeps moving the needle around inside another part of my arm at that time to find a vein (taking his sweet time) since he can't use the other one since lymph nodes where removed.  He ignores my blood dripping from my wrist and asks me why I'm there -- so I say breast cancer.  He replies:  "Oh, I knew someone with breast cancer, and they died".   The next day I get waken up again by his digging around my arm for a vein, so I'm wide awake at 3am again.   I start surfing the internet on my phone and he's getting his equipment/supplies back together and he tells me "you shouldn't be on match.com so late" (lame attempt at a joke and I'm married).  Thank goodness I was out of the hospital the following day.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited March 2013

    What hospital has blood draws at 3 am??? That would be my first complaint!!!!

  • Beatmon
    Beatmon Member Posts: 617
    edited March 2013

    Many hospitals draw lab between 3-4 am so results are ready when the drs make morning rounds. Also daily weights and ekgs. Pt. sleep and comfort don't count!

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited March 2013

    I think the latest I've ever had a blood draw was 9 pm. I'd KICK anyone that touched me after that!! I've had 6 am draws, which makes a bit more sense.

  • scuttlers
    scuttlers Member Posts: 149
    edited March 2013

    Waking up to someone in the process of trying to "find a vein" would be assault! They should not touch you without your consent. I would have been screaming for the charge nurse AND the night supervisor. And that tech would have NEVER entered my room again!

  • Cuetang
    Cuetang Member Posts: 173
    edited March 2013

    Heh, thanks ladies.  With any hospital stay, I don't expect any real sleep.  After my diagnosis, emotionally, I was in a bit of a mess and finally felt more "in control" after my surgery and felt like I was almost out of the dark black hole.  It didn't help to be in such pain in the middle of the night and tell me that their friend died of breast cancer or by thinking it was appropriate to make lame jokes after me going "OOOOOWWWW" on the second night he was there.  Maybe that's the reason that guy is on the night shift due to his lack of social skills?  Tongue Out

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited March 2013

    I was once woken from an afternoon nap with someone struggling to get a needle into my left arm...right above my bright PINK LE bracelet saying "NO sticks"!!!! Doi!! I tore him a new one. I bet he went home and had a fight with his wife....hehehehe

  • shelly56
    shelly56 Member Posts: 142
    edited March 2013

    Barbe:  When I was put in the hospital for an unknown infection during chemo, they took blood draws on me round the clock.  Sometimes 3 a.m. sometimes 5 a.m. but at least a few times a day. My white count was so high that they kept testing to see if the antibiotics were working.  Very annoying and yes I also have the veins that hide or roll when they try to get a needle in.  I now have to do the baby needles to get a good draw.  WAAAAA -

    Cuetang:  I have a frenemy that said the same thing you heard about someone they knew that died of BC.  Wasn't that sweet? Don't think so....

  • Cuetang
    Cuetang Member Posts: 173
    edited March 2013

    Barbe-- I wish I thought of tearing into that tech! I was too sleepy and my brain doesn't seem to work quickly enough to do that lol. What an idiot person, especially if you're in a hospital, you would think they would pay attention to these things, especially if you have this brightly colored band on you.

    Shelly-- I agree! We all know that it is a reality, but geesh, talk to me about the weather or something if you don't know what to say to me.

  • Ysa
    Ysa Member Posts: 32
    edited March 2013

    My first contribution to this thread (overall, I have been very fortunate in not receiving stupid remarks)...



    Hubby comes home from work today and tells me that, during a conversation with a female coworker where he was declining an invite to go to a bar after work to commiserate with a bunch of coworkers about a large layoff...so he can get home to his cancer-stricken wife instead...coworker says that she was diagnosed with stage IV bc AND stage IV thyroid cancer 3 years ago but she started taking enzymes and now she's cured...then she starts trying to push him into agreeing to try to get me to take them. He said he had a difficult time trying to stop her pitch long enough to make a break for it.



    Sigh...hopefully he can dodge her in the future!

  • Cuetang
    Cuetang Member Posts: 173
    edited March 2013

    Your poor hubby! Maybe pretend you have an allergy to that specific enzyme if and when he gets cornered again?