The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Went to my PCP with a really bad cough that had lasted 8 weeks and wasn't letting up.Was worried radiation had done something - asthma in family and I used to smoke. He said "It's just a viral bronchitis . After all, your immune system isn't compromised. You didn't even have chemo"..I probably wouldn't have been there had my sister, who is a nurse,not told me to get checked just to be sure.
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Obviously your PCP doesn't know didly about radiation treatment.
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I do wish that in the middle of a conversation about having a difficult time, the first question wasn't "how long has it been"? Because all I heard was "shouldn't you be over this by now?".
(conversation with a supervisor about why I couldn't take on extra work right now as I go into yearly scans)
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My brother, when I shared my diagnosis: "Sure glad it isn't me!"
Me: "Thanks for the honest but totally unhelpful response!"
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My boss's boss, following a big long story about the time he was monitored for a health condition he was worried might be cancer: "So I know EXACTLY what you are going through!"
Me (in my head because I can't afford to lose my job): "Except for the part where you didn't actually have cancer, nor cancer treatment..."
Everyone else in my life has been awesome.
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My boss informing on my treatment after a few months of medical leave, when telling him I was receiving chemo said : you know this is poison ? It will reduce your life expectation and harm your health.
I think he never realized how stupid his remark was.
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From my original surgeon (just a small sample):
Us: How do you know how much more tissue will need to be cut out? Surgeon:"Intuition"
"You shouldn't worry about loosing pre-existing condition protections, people always find the money they need for cancer treatment"
Us: Can we get my Dx written as it would be in research so we know what to look for. Surgeon: "You have to get that from medical records." Us: Can we talk with the pathologist? Surgeon: "We don't do that. I dont know how we would even do that"
Me: A good looking breast is my lowest priority when it comes to treatment decisions. Surgeon: "It is up to you, but most women go for the lumpectomy because it looks better."
"I can't say 100% there is not more in other parts of the breast but I don't think you should be worried about it, I am not" --there was another, Twinkie sized, site of DCIS discovered at another hospital.
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Sopho--all I can do is sit here and shake my head.
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here's one for the books:
lady from lunch who i (mistakenly) told my situation to the prior day
calls me up that night (yes she did have my number from previous rimes)
and says "go get your boob
cut off" "at 70 you don't need boobs" anymore. (upsetness set in)
what did i do? i hung up and blocked her on my phone.
now i'm avoiding her at lunch. i do not wish to engage in a
battle of wits with her. people who are cruel generally tend to
be self absorbed and not open to criticism and stupid.
what do you think?
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DanceSmartly: Your boss reminds me of an old episode of "Mom" I saw the other night...Bonnie had a mole removed from her butt. While waiting for the biopsy results, she's upset and acting as if she has cancer. Her friend who had BC tells her, "I HAD cancer. Right now you have a chance of having cancer. You have CHANCE-ER". (I thought that was pretty funny.)
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During the consultation with a PS about reconstruction he examined me and then started asking my DH questions instead of me. "what size, Double D's"? It was so awkward even his nurse/assistant seemed embarrassed. Needless to say I chose a different surgeon.
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Linda19152--I think you did the right thing blocking that lady from lunch. She is obviously totally misinformed and probably totally self-centered and you do not need to be support her emotionally right now. You have had breasts for 70 years, any change now is big and potentially traumatic, and needs to be YOUR decision, based on what is important to you now and totally divorced from anyone else's opinions, ideas and thoughts. Don't waste any energy on her, you are right she won't be open to a different point of view anyway.
BellasMomToo--"Chancer-er" has an interesting ring to it!
TenaciouP--glad you changed surgeons. I hope you had an opportunity to say why you were changing. That surgeon needs some education, or a slap up the side of the head with abrick.
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Linda- my husband and I were discussing mastectomy, which he knows I don't want to have. He said why not go ahead with it, you don't need them anymore anyway. I told him why don't you have your testicles removed since you don't need them anymore. Then you can let me know your opinion regarding my breast removal.
I need to be fair, however-- husband was completely and 100% behind me in this journey. He has walked behind me, beside me and sometimes carried me, so I give him a pass for this comment.
Barbara
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BellasMomToo: LOL, exactly - chancer, not cancer. We all knew the anxiety of waiting and wondering whether we had cancer and that was a terrible experience, but it still doesn't compare to the devastation of a positive diagnosis. Not to mention all the trauma of treatment that follows.
I also got the "Stay Positive!" speech after his declaration of complete understanding of my situation. I guess he must figure he didn't end up with cancer because he was was just so darn positive?
In the future, I have resolved to just listen and sympathize when someone is telling me about a difficult experience, rather than trying to find a comparable episode in my life.
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I get annoyed with the stay positive comments. Happy positive people get cancer too. And it makes being upset about having cancer feel invalid, and that's not fair because it's totally valid. People just don't know what to say.
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I found it annoying ,(and a little hurtful to be honest), that a family member and a few friends felt that it was ok to tell me that they didn’t call or come over whilst I was undergoing chemo or radiation because they didn’t know if I would be up to it . My response was to say that all they had to do was text me and ask and I would have told them if I was up to it or not. I mean seriously in this age of communication, was that the only excuse that they could come up with?
A lovely friend of mine who has been so supportive made me smile when a mutual friend of ours went up to her and asked her about me and whether she should send over some flowers. She replied by saying, “Why don’t you ask her yourself if she is up for a visit. You do know that breast cancer isn’t contagious and visiting or phoning is a lot cheaper then getting a stranger to deliver some flowers!”. I love my friend😊
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I had a lady say in front of me that she had had breast cancer but didn’t have to have chemo because God had blessed her. What did that mean? Had he cursed me? (She knew I had had chemo!
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Then she didn't have BC i.e. not cancer. Oh so being not Christian in my thoughts right now.
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Indigo--your
friend's response was great! Cudos to her!Sas--I'm having
similar unChristian thoughts, too!0 -
i'm with you in that losing a body part is still a loss.
it doesn't matter what function they served, it is the
fact that they disappeared causing the reaction.
it took me a long time to understand this.
Trying to understand what your husband meant: i venture a guess that
he was trying to say he'd love you with or without the breast but it didn't come
out that way. I try to look at the intention in the statement.
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sounds like you eat at my senior center
i hear stupid stuff like all the time
i'm grateful i don't have to go home to that
way of thinking.
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wow... thats' a real wow comment
yeah that would upset me too
but then everything upsets me nowadays
i look forward to the "i don't care" or the "you can't upset me" phase
it comes but in time
i am happy i found this site
it's only been 4 days but seems a lot longer
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@wonderfulmom - you should have asked her wher God was when she got cancer. Maybe he was handing out blessings for football scores or the lottery.
He was not cursing you. He obviously did not bless her with a brain.
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I am past the "I don't care" or "you can't upset me" phase. I've been in the " who tf do you think you are" and "I can't believe you got to this age being so stupid" phase for a while now.
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lol good humor
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Wonderfulmom- what a dreadful thing to say to you. Unfortunately the ignorance and insensitivity of some people knows no bounds.
God is probably looking and realizing that there were a lot of people absent when brains and just basic common decency were being handed out, sigh
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i'll drink to that
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A friend of mine was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, her friend told her “if God wants to take you just let him”. Laura, a very devout Catholic, told her that if God wants to take her she would have no say anyway. WTH? Was she trying to tell her not to do any treatments
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Hi Seachain,
Interested to know about your experience with LD reconstruction. Much of what I have read about LD has been positive. I had the LD reconstruction and silicone implant in 2015 and if I knew how tight and uncomfortable my breast, side, and the scar tissue would feel afterward, I probably would not have had reconstruction-period! I call it chronic discomfort. Fortunately, I did not have surgical complications and I have been told my reconstruction looks good. As to the strangest encounter after my first diagnosis of DCIS...an acquaintance began elaborating on her friend who had terminal breast cancer who had selected her husband's future wife who would replace her after she died! Not sure in what world that story would have made me feel better! Really a sorry would have worked.
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Felicia, there is a discussion on this thread that may help you.
https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/136/topics/861377?page=1#idx_5
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Chicopeach, ya gotta love those people who speak on God's behalf.
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