The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I know doctor's offices are busy and the staff is often running from one room to the next to get people checked in, but they need to take a moment to really read the charts. i know that information can get buried in there, especially if its been a year or more since you had your diagnosis. i was very sensitive to all the questioning at first, but now I'm 2 years out and it's easier. Hopefully, your reaction will be a kick in the tail to these medical assistants!
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I had something like that happen. I went in for my yearly Gyno appt and even stopped by a few days before the appt to pick up the paperwork because I knew I needed to majorly update it since surgeries, chemo, rads and more surgeries. She was the one just the year before that felt something and sent me for the mammogram and was getting updates from my other Drs, MO, RO and surgeons. Anyway, during the breast exam she looked very confused and said “umm, what am I feeling here?” I was kind of confused until I realized she meant the tissue expander! I was like, WTH! What am I here for if you’re not updated on my medical situation! As much as I was aggravated, the last thing I wanted anyone to feel about my breast situation was shocked and confused, I can feel that way on my own. Not a great feeling. And I left there feeling like she wasn’t going to be looking out for my best interests or be any helpduring all of this.
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Do "everything" your doctor says and you will be fine.
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Meow- I read your post about an hour ago and didn’t understand what you were saying following TWills’ post ... just logged back in and read the forum title. Nowwww I get it - LOL! Brain fog hits again!
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TWills, sorry you felt hurt by the docs reaction. Offside chance she never felt expanders before. Serious. I know I never did as a nurse. With my cardiologist in his report, he described I had an infusaport. My expanders left port was so prominent, I could understand him mistakening it for a infusaport, but he didn't ask. It's like MLPoodles said after awhile, the errors don't hurt so much-----as long as no real error occurs.
But the point of continually writing the updates with folks not reading them, is a real pain in the pitutty and hurtfull when it's done at the emotionally wrong time. Sorry that it happened.
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Had my first stupid comment yesterday, I was dumbstruck! Found out Friday I have a blood clot in my lung at the ER, my GP pn Thursday thought it might be a heart issue. Yesterday my step mil says to me, "So I hear you got good news!" I'm like what? I have a blood clot in my lungs. "Well yea it's better than being your heart." ARE YOU FRICKIN KIDDING ME????? I have a blood clot in my lung and that's good news. A shot to the stomach for the next 6 months, not to mention it could have killed me, but hey it's good news. WOW!
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Sas-schatzi, I was referring and reacting to what crzyldyamy was saying above. I had to painstaking fill out all of the paper work with all details of what I’ve been through over the past year and the Dr couldn’t even read and update herself on my current situation before you came in the room or maybe just play it off better. I expected to get more information from her and also wanted her to tell me what we should be doing on her end, no pun intended, but I got nothing. Because I still have all of my parts and was going to start Tamoxifen I thought she might suggest some testing and measuring to keep an eye on everything. Nothing, she just wasn’t prepared for my visit, simple as that. Not only did it feel like a waisted visit, more importantly it was obvious that she was not going to be a part of my team to make sure I had the best care possible while going through all of this. Clearly I have to switch Drs.
On a different note.. If one more person utters “You’re almost done!” and they usually do it with an excited tone. Luckily for them it’s usually over the phone so they can’t see the shity look on my face or the eye roll, I’m not a good faker. They think because I’m having reconstruction after 1 1/2 years of treatments and surgeries that it’s almost over. It’s just a bad choice of words and it feels dismissive, I know what they mean but still.I know we all get something similar said to us.
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Today someone asked how I was, told them about the clot, talked for a minute then on her way out says "glad you are feeling better."??????? Seriously?
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Some favourite dumb comments:
You got lucky!
Could have been way worse!
The shocked "You look good"
At least you didn't need Chemo!
Look at so and so, you're not as bad as them.
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Neighbors came to drop off dinner they made for us, very grateful! After carefully explaining my situation and the difference of my stage IV MBC diagnosis, trying not to scare them but making prognosis clear, they leave with parting comments...."speedy recovery" and "you'll be back to normal soon"
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I think people just don't know what to say in the moment, so they open their mouths and something god-awful pops out. I'm sure they are trying to be helpful, most of them. Unless they've actually gone through something like breast cancer, they really don't know how to respond. I know I was that way and I probably said some stupid things, too.
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Have to admit it's fun to laugh at the stupid things people have said. What else can we do, really.
Your absolutely right Poodles they really don't know what to say, they don't understand unless they take the time to do so or have ther problem themselves.
A woman once said to me when I told her my friend has scleroderma, " well she will never have wrinkles". I think she would rather the wrinkles!!! 😂😂🤣🤣
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Oh, I get it, believe me. My DH has stage 4 sarcoidosis in his lungs, heart, and brain. As such, he is fully disabled. I wish I had a dollar for every time we've heard, "Well, you dont look sick!" Or "Wish I could retire early like you." I want to scream that he has gone from looking great to circling the drain in 8 hours. One bout of flu or pneumonia could kill him outright. He takes 23 pills a day so he won't "look sick." He has "crashed 4 or 5 times already--how many more lives does he have left? Grrr...
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Poodles, I am so sorry for what your DH is going through. How awful for him, you and your family. 💞
I know most of the time people mean well, but not they sure say some stupid stuff.
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Had another one today. London is about 50 minutes from where I live.
Friend texts: Lucky me I get to go to London twice next week. Finally got that appointment with the oil guy....they aren't there the same day... and different places.
Me: I did it daily for 5 weeks.
Friend: Yep you did.
Really she was trying to get sympathy from me because she has to go twice in one week to London???? Definitely the wrong person to go to for that! lolololol
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Mustlovepoodles, I'm sorry to read about your DH, how awful for you both! Hugs!
Vamp - How you feeling today? Hoping that you're recovering!
Stupid thing said to me for the day:
Me: Son, could you please take that basket of laundry downstairs?
Son: Do I have to do everything around here?!?!?!?
I might actually make him do 'everything' for a day, he wouldn't know what hit him.
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hahahaha Egads, is your son a teenager? I agree he should do for one day what you do just to see what it's like and what everything is! Make it a grocery day too...lol
Not too bad today, yesterday was a rough day for some reason. Thinking I have allergies or have caught a cold.
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Vamp - Geeze, that’s all you need on top of everything else! Glad you are doing better today though, that was quite the scare. Sending you virtual chicken soup, and not the crummy canned kind, homemade.
My DS is a perpetual teenager at age 21. Yeah, I know, where did I go wrong? Lol. He’s a good kid, never gave me a moments worry, just a lot of lip! Wonder where he got that from....had to be his father!
Tomorrow is grocery AND laundry day, I’ll let you know when he collapses from exhaustion.
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Oh boy Egads you are going to kill him with all that in one day!
I can't wait to hear how it goes! I don't know if it was like this with your son, but when my were little they loved to help. I think I even have pictures of Lucas at age 5 filling a wheelbarrow with rocks for the landscaping! Now, you see if they want to go rock picking for grandpa for money even and they look disgusted saying no. hahahah What happened to those little boys? Enjoy your day of torturing your son.
Also thank you for the virtual chicken noodle soup - homemade even! That canned stuff is awful. Some day look up Yum and Yummer, (Looneyspoons Collection, Greta and Janet Podleski) In Yum and Yummer there is a chicken pot pie chowder to die for!
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Egadds007- my 7 and 9 year olds will tell me dumb things like that. I was doing a little online grocery shopping one day and my daughter told me that's what lazy people do.
My other dumb comment of the week was again from a doctor who doesn't specialize in anything dealing with cancer.....but still. He said "after all you went through, I'm surprised you didn't go bigger like Pam Anderson.". I thought in my head, wow you're such an idiot but instead told him that every time they expand you it hurts. He sympathized with that a little and then went on to talk about how he's a boob guy. Anymore these dumb comments coming from the docs I work with don't even offend me. I just tell them how stupid they are (in my head).
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Nursepatient, OMG my jaw hit the floor. I can't believe he had the gall to say that to you. Makes you wonder if he even realized afterwards what dumb things to say to you or anyone. It's like they are so book smart, they lack in everything else!
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Nursepatient, that when you need a well-lobbed "bless your heart". What a doofus.
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Nursepatient- I cannot even believe what that doc said to you at first, and then to compound it by telling you he is a boob guy? What is wrong with him?
I will tell you what my primary care doc said to me-- it is not in the same league as what was said to you, but...
I went in for my yearly physical. Doctor had an intern with him, and said to the intern " I probably should not say this, but you would not believe her age if I told you." So I was maybe a little flattered, but then he said it again and I thought, ok, enough is enough, Then he said it a third time, saying I just cannot believe how old she is (I am 56) because she does not look it and I though to myself, he must think I am old as f##ck. So now I am feeling ancient, not that there is anything wrong with being ancient. I think he was trying to be nice, but it irritated me anyway.
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Geez Nursepatient, I sure hope he doesn't talk like that around his patients! That kind of comment could land him on the wrong side of a #metoo lawsuit if he says it to the wrong person these days. Guys like that will never learn...
Capecodgirl, these days I'd be afraid that the doctor was poking fun at how much older I look haha! &*$% cancer
Doctors talking about our physical appearance in any way that doesn't relate to a medical condition is creepy.
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My husband occasionally washes the dishes and he thinks that is all there is to housework.
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hahahahaha Meow I feel your pain. I put a "Please Change Bag when full" on the garbage can for my husband to get a clue.
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It really takes a lot to actually offend me, so I just chalked it up to the fact that he's an idiot. We can usually joke back and forth so maybe he just figured it was funny. It does make me appreciate my husband more that he has more sense than to say stupid things like that. Some people just aren't born with that common sense filter before they say things out loud.
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What an incredible thread!
When I told my friend about my diagnosis, her reply was "Well, you know how God feels about desecrating the body" (referring to a tattoo I had gotten when I was younger). I told her if her God punishes for such "offenses", she'd better stay on top of her mammograms. After all, she does have pierced ears. We are little more than cordial these days, and I'm good with that. Is Tony still around? Thought I might introduce them! 😉
Vickki
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Nursepatient:
I've been reading through the comments here and a lot if times I find the "dumb" things people have said to be not really be all that dumb, and not things that would have irked me personally, but if that doctor had said that to me about why not get giant breasts, he would have had a schooling in the female experience.
I think it would violate the TOS for me to say everything I would tell him here but I would ask him to justify why carrying around giant bags of saline or silicone inside of my body all day, that are (insert male body part here...use imagination) magnets for the creepiest of guys would not be a punishment to me. And that is coming from a straight woman!
No disrespect to Pamela Anderson or any large chested women. It's just that features like that can come with a lot of burdens too such as unwanted attention and constant sexualization by others and some women are just not up to being subjected to it or dealing with it and some guys don't get that.
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When I told my friend about my diagnosis, her reply was "Well, you know how God feels about desecrating the body" (referring to a tattoo I had gotten when I was younger). I told her if her God punishes for such "offenses", she'd better stay on top of her mammograms.
One might ask how god feels about the radiation positioning tattoos. My rabbi told me I could get a dispensation and still be buried in a Jewish cemetery, so clearly god has built in some loopholes.
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