The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I am rolling in the floor. Vlush and Runor - you need to write a book!!
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Micmel, don’t you know? You exercised too much! That’s what caused your cancer😳😱😂!
If you haven’t heard that one already I would be surprised
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I got it from not exercising enough. Lol
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Micmel, maybe you excercised 5 times a week, but - did you wear the tin foil hat while exercising?! No? There you go!
Ugh to the neighbour!
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that has got to be it. The tin foil hat. 😝🤪🤯 I now know what has happened. Lol Runor see what you do? Lol.
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Polly--hopefully your sister is immune from bc, but it will be quite the rude awakening if she does get a diagnosis someday.
Meow--Really?I've been told that 3 days a week of exercise wasn't enough, now 3 days a week is max?What am I supposed to think about the several years I went to Curves 3 x week almost religiously?Was it good or bad?
AliceBastable--Glad yourA.S.S. finally apologized.But did she see her doctor?????
Runor--Very Well Stated!
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Well I've escaped people saying awful things so far, mostly by being an introvert and hiding at home. But with the miracle of modern communications, people can still reach me. A relative, who will remain unidentified to protect the guilty, had sent no messages of any kind for two months while I went through biopsy, surgery, diagnosis, and most of my rads.
Then comes a text message. "Hi - glad you're in remission! (I'M NOT - WHO KNOWS WHETHER THE CANCER IS STILL HERE). Sorry I didn't write before! We might send you a Christmas card but it will probably be late. (STILL NOT A GET WELL CARD) And say, can you do me a favor and send me some information" (EXCUSE ME BUT NO, I CANNOT, I CAN BARELY MAKE IT TO MY RAD APPOINTMENTS).
So I text back and say, actually it's been really rough. The surgery was hard, and the radiation treatments that I am in the middle of are terrible. And I'm too tired to do her the favor and could she please (GET A CLUE) ask someone else in the family. ffs
The kicker? She's a **NURSE** - so way to go, dismisses my whole situation, never once asks HOW AM I, so glad she is happy about my "remission" and wants me to do something for her. Hope she treats her patients better. All I can say is that young people who have never suffered from something serious just have no idea. No idea.
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Egregious, I’m so sorry to hear that a relative of yours has been so clueless and has hurt you. I understand and have experienced some of this lack of empathy and compassion myself. Hard to believe she is a nurse. But not sure it’s due to her age. One of my biggest supporters is a teenage niece - lives far away but checks on me almost daily. Very sweet. And my 70 year old big sister has caused me so much emotional pain with her lack of empathy and compassion that I can’t even have a relationship with her right now. It’s just too much to deal with on top of everything else. I can only have people in my life now that are helpful otherwise I don’t have time for you. Right now my life is too precious to waste on people that are not compassionate
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Wise words. Thank you, KatyK. You're right that being clueless is independent of age. I have supporters and helpers of all ages. Some surprising people have stepped forward and been just great.
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Remission?! That’s pretty clueless and misinformed. Especially for a health care professional. Sorry you had to deal with that.
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Nurses can be the worse, I am truly suprised how ignorant some medical people are on breast cancer.
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I still haven't received my results yet and have been so anxious. I'm going to call my MO today and see if they are in.
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While there may be some crappy healthcare professionals out there, there are crappy people in every profession and position, so please don't lump all of us onto that wagon. Keep in mind, until people have to wear our shoes- some just don't get it.
It has been a while since I had to purge. For 25+ years I have put up with some arrogant, selfish, inappropriate family members- by marriage. They came to visit last month, they know my history of breast cancer x2, 10 surgeries with the last one to remove scar tissue and remaining fatty/breast tissue planned just after their visit. Surgery went well, not that they called, just texted for "update please" to husband and sent a card. Nothing from their son. Holiday package arrives from them on the same day their son texts for a recipe. Hmm. They sent a "boob" gag gift to my spouse. Not. Kidding.
I sent a text to them regarding their history of gifts and this was over line disrespectful. I received a seemingly "error in judgement" apology text with a follow up email. I just can't bring myself to reply or consider how to get past this after years of crap that they seem to be oblivious of their behavior. Another example of some that just don't get it.
And it gets better, no one in my family knows yet. Earlier this year I had breast MRI that advised CT for area noted in lung. Had CT. Told it was fine. Then 6 months later CT for my gut issues. Results this week happened to note a 2.6 cm nodule in same lung. So I've requested a comparison from my onc office before I see them in January. Also picked up a copy of the "fine" CT and dropped them off at my gut dr to have his radiologist advise. Let's see what the comparison reviews say. Maybe I'll hear something next week. Happy freakin holidays.
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BIG gentle hugs to you. And lots of prayers
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mebmarj, warm cyber hugs.
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Mebmarj,
Hugs and prayers
Vickki
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venting here...
Me- bald, wearing a cap, drawn on eye browns, wearing comfy baggy clothes (because I had gained 25 lbs during 6 months of Chemo).
I was waiting around for my car to be washed and in walks my ex husbands wife (15 years younger). Thin and beautiful, the picture of health. I had no way to escape...I said “hello". She said “hi, so, did you have a double mastectomy?" I couldn't believe she asked me that!
I am not proud to say I went overboard talking about “ how lucky I was, it was found early, was teenie tiny. Just a simple lumpectomy" ...I lied. (Too High Onca score) had to do chemo and rads. Not simple, had to go back in because margins weren't clear. Not sure why I said it
Seriously, who would say this to someone they barely knew?!
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oh yes, enquiring minds need to know for gossip I guess. My father's wife asked me the same thing.
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Nosy people.
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A great friend and work colleague in my husband's business has stage 3 cancer staring in her uterus, a spot in her liver, and in her lymphs. After hearing her story, as BC patients I believe that we have better established courses of action. And that is another story.
She goes for her first chemo on Wednesday (day after Christmas). She goes to the registration desk and a perky youngster asks, "Did you have a merry Christmas Mrs XX?"
Let's recap ... she is barely out of denial and into anger. She is still crying. It is her first chemo.
She responds, "No, I didn't feel like saying Merry F'in Christmas." (BTW, she said the whole F word)
Her husband almost fainted as he never hears her say such language.
She shares this story with us (DH and me). We laugh ... hard. She said can you believe someone asked me if I had a Merry Christmas when I was starting chemo. Yes, we can believe this and let's have a conversation about stupid things people will say.
Coach Vicky
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Coach Vicky--your poor friend. And good for her for not sucking it up and letting the gal know how she felt about that comment!
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I'm new to this thread but you ladies are hysterical! I don't get too many comments that throw me, but as an athlete all my life (I'm 62) and still playing, I did get the "but you're so healthy" response alot. I didn't take offense. But one person I don't really know very well told me "just remember -- the moment you were diagnosed you became a victim"! Well I hated that. I don't look at myself as a victim. This stuff happens to anyone and we just deal with it as best we can. How can you be in the mode to fight for your health if you start off thinking you're a victim? Good grief!
My senior softball team threw a dinner prior to my surgery so we could toast farewell to my breasts -- it was hilarious!
I have to watch myself, however. I've become so used to being flat (no reconstruction after BMX) that I often blurt things out without thinking. For example, at the Christmas dinner my niece had her new boyfriend over. They are both around 38 years old. I thought the house was really cold, so without thinking about this poor guy I had just met, I said, "I think I used to be warmer when I had breasts!" He took it pretty well since everyone else laughed, but I didn't think about embarrassing the poor guy.
And actually sometimes I find it's kind of a public service to be open about what it's like with no reconstruction. At the dentist, the technician who is nearly 60 was saying she was afraid of breast cancer and what it might look like if she needed a mastectomy. I asked her if she wanted to see what it looked like and she said yes, so we closed the door and I hiked up my shirt. She was really relieved to see it can all be okay. I think women need to understand they can get through this.
One last thing -- I had a seroma following surgery and it kept filling with fluid after being drained. So I got in the habit of pressing on it to see if it was filling up. One of my friends told me "you really need to stop doing that in public!" No big deal for me - just biology. So I guess maybe I can make others uncomfortable!!
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I didn't find this upsetting. Quite the contrary rather funny. My mother took me to my last expander fill on the way out home for a holiday visit and the next day was discussing with her about whether or not they were too big and my concerns about not being able to put on enough abdominal fat for DIEP, that my PS didn't seem too keen on using another site, and why implants were not an option for me, two reasons being they would have to be pre pec and my skin is so thin that it would always be a concern and I would have ripples like I do with the expanders, which are not acceptable to me for my purposes. Because she did not understand what I was talking about, I showed her the reconstructions.
Now let me say I am happy with the results so far but they are a work in progress. They ripple, are a little boxy, need some refining and I still have no nipples, but most of these issues would be resolved by the DIEP. I look like I have great breasts with my shirt on but I want to look equally great with my shirt off as I am still in my 30s and would like to keep my relationship options open. If I just cared about looking like I had nice breasts with my shirt on, I would have gone flat and used foobs. Whether I do DIEP or not though, I need a second surgery to remove the expanders which can't stay in due discomfort and the fact I need MRIs for other issues and can't have them with the expanders.
So the next morning we were sitting there in a little cafe in my home town...cramped quarters, a man I would have said yes to a date with conveniently sitting at the table behind my mother, when, as I was mid bite in to my breakfast wrap, my mother, who apparently doesn't quite understand that the expanders are temporary one way or another, very innocently says to me in not the least bit of a hushed voice "Don't you think you should just keep the breasts you have?"
OMG mom people can hear you!!! LOL.
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That is hysterical! Sometimes we just have to laugh!
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Thanks for sharing, ladies. It is nice to know that it isn't just me.
The one I find most irritating is "You're strong. You've got this." Usually said without asking how I am and as a prelude to changing the topic. Like it is completely under my control....if I stay strong and fight, cancer will tuck its tail between its legs and slink away.
I am strong but I am not in control of this at all! I can do all the treatments (chemo, rads and med), exercise, eat right and there will still be a chance (13% if you believe the OncotypeDX chart) that I will be facing this battle again.
The other one that irritated me was a friend who I was sharing my concerns about the side effects of chemo based on what others have reported here on the forum. She told me that maybe I was spending too much time here and it would be better to step away. I wish I could say I had a witty comeback but, alas, words failed me.
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It was suggested at one time that I also spent too much time reading the boards. But what a comfort to me, because I had NO ONE I knew who’d done it to ask if things were “normal” and because the people who prescribe treatments/surgery don’t always know from the personal experience aspect.
This was always a place I could see what was a possible side effect. What were the questions to ask. What were the meds I needed to request. What were options for reconstruction. What did you do when reconstruction failed. And I could escape here to vent my concerns, my frustrations, my fears because this is a place where we all just get it because we had it.
Take the time you need to get the support you need. Others who haven’t experienced it may not understand but we do
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Christmastime is special. No you idiot, every day is special. I was diagnosed with a recurrence 3 years ago while looking for croutons ON Christmas eve. I didn't tell my family even DH until after Christmas but they all know when and where I was when I took the call. Christmas is kinda a shitbag of stress for me other than time off of work anymore thanks to this disease and my self righteous monster in law.
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Well, I just got a lovely text from my sister (my only sibling) that I've been "too demanding" this year. I didn't ask her to be there for my lumpectomy or re-excision, but I did ask her to keep my hubby company when I had a total nephrectomy, which was a long, scary surgery. She forgot and he had to call her, then she left right after I got back to the room because she was so tired. Prior to this, she's complained that I don't keep her up to date on what's going on with me. I replied that it was the last straw (she always sends me insulting texts) and that she should have a Happy New Year and a good life, but we were through. I feel like a huge load has been lifted.
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WC3--oh my goodness!
MLAnne--the "be strong" thing always bugs me, too. Like we have any say in the matter.And, yes, indeed, spend less time with women who have been through what you are going through and more time with people who haven't.Very helpful.
Mebmarj--well stated. Very well stated.
7of9--hugs.
AliceBastable--"too demanding"? Good riddance to someone so high maintainence!
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