The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Thanks Vickki. For the most part I'm well adjusted about the whole situation, but every once in a while someone catches me off guard and it's nice to have this thread to vent haha! I'm so grateful that at least my husband and family have been wonderful and incredibly supportive. I can't even imagine having to deal with the idiocy from family members that some women here are dealing with and my heart aches for them.
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Well, speaking of clueless family members... My sister just compared how she thinks I feel about my surgical scars to her self-consciousness over boob stretch marks in junior high over fifty freaking years ago! I hadn't even complained, just mentioned the other day that it was tempting to open the door on Halloween topless to give the little buggers a good scare with my surgical scars and radiation markings. One of these effing things is not like the effing other!
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Alice, that had me on the floor laughing!! I had this picture in my mind of some of the too-old-to-be-trick-or-treating-but-Im-a-badass bully type boys running scared off your porch! Now maybe we can start an underground network for next year and all of us actually do it. Hahaha! Thanks for the laugh.
Vickki
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Stretch marks can be pretty severe. The story goes that this lady had twins. But I am guessing this is not the kind your sister has. I have stetch marks similar to this though not quite as bad everywhere, over most of my body, including down my arms. It's one of the reasons I had to get a port, because the stretch marks make it impossible to find veins. I looked in to getting some of them lasered just to make it easier to find my veins but it was $6000 dollars and insurance wouldn't pay for it so they got to pay for a port...twice! Hah!
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Oct 10, 2018 11:17PM Meow13 wrote:
Don't report abuse and sexual abuse unless you have evidence. That is the stupidest thing anyone has ever said to me. Sorry couldn't help it.
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Icietla writes:
Stupid indeed. Testimonial evidence is evidence.
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Besides if you report abuse, someone else might come forward with evidence.
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Wow, WC3, I've never seen stretch marks like that! How distressing. No, my sister's were the standard issue slight barely-there marks a person gets going from 12-year-old flat to 13-year-old barely A cup.
Vslush, I keep getting cheated on my Halloween fantasies. Two years ago I had Mohs surgery for a large messy basal cell carcinoma on my face in early September. I had an incision from the bridge of my nose to the even with the corner of my mouth, and thought I could use it for a good Halloween scare. Nope, the damn surgeon was so skilled that it was completely healed in a couple weeks. What good is having face & body-mangling surgeries if we can't use them to gross people out? 😏
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A little off subject but as long as we are talking about scars, I have scar on my thigh that is an inch and a half long from a biopsy I had 20 years ago. It's faded with time but after my last chemo infusion it turned bright red. I thought to myself "And it was making such nice progress...". I don't really care though. Actually I was told that that region was a viable host site for flap reconstruction but the PS didn't want to take it from there because he thought I would be upset about having scars on my legs but I don't think I would.
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I had a failed implant reconstruction earlier this year, and am having DIEP to repair it later this month. I already have loose skin where the implants were removed so they just have to use some of the abdominal skin to fill in and cover the fat transfer. Fortunately, I have smooth skin in the breast area. UNfortunately the abdominal skin has ugly stretch marks. I'm anticipating I'll look like one of those ugly patchwork purses my Grandmother used to carry. Ugh! Lol!
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Alice, sounds like you know how to pick surgeons! 😉 You are a hoot, girl!
WC3, did he tell you it will fade again? Or will it stay red? I had the red dots for a while, but they're gone now.
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Vslush:
The biopsy scar? I didn't ask but I think it just became more visible due to the skin and circulation changes during chemotherapy and that it will fade again.
The PS here is planning to do DIEP on me...I have stetch marks on my abdomen as well but I think they were thinking the mastectomy will be skin sparing and they will use that skin...I don't know I was a little confused about that and I don't want to keep that skin because the tumor was right up against it and I am concerned about seeding during the biopsy.
I asked about a GAP flap but he said it will look like a shark took a bite out of my butt...I need a shark to take a bite out of my butt...both sides! Specifically the lower portion, but thats an IGAP and they don't do those much due to blood supply issues.
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Well, good luck with your surgery. Hopefully the imperfections won't be as glaring as we worry about. In my case, as long as I look normal in clothing it's all good. If not, I shall join in the Halloween horrors next year! Lol
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Hi LoriCa
Consider yourself hugged. That was a brilliant post. I totally get it. So isolating for you and the nurse...wtf?? I would suggest writing to her about it but then she'd feel bad and that might make you feel bad...so I guess forgive and forget is the wisest attitude (mostly...)
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Astrid thanks so much for the hug and kind words. Yes, the last thing I would want to do is make anyone feel uncomfortable about my situation. Every day I ask only for the strength and courage to get through this with grace and dignity. I've learned that when most people say stupid things to me it's because they're not ready to face their own mortality. Not surprising it's usually very easy to talk to my elderly friends about mortality because they know that they are probably nearing the end of the line and have started getting their head around it, so we can talk with no pretense about it. Even though the teacher is closing in on 80, I figure that maybe she's having a tough time facing her own mortality, hence the inability to face mine when I'm 25 years younger than she is.
It's easy for me to be circumspect after the fact haha.
Alice your Halloween scar stories had me laughing so hard!
Lori
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WC3--if you don't want/don't feel comfortable with a skin sparing mastectomy, don't have it done. I had a bilateral DIEP. I have "breasts" that look great under clothes (no bra needed!) that do have some stretch marks and a bit of pubic hair that I have to shave off periodically. No one but me has ever noticed (of course, I'm single, not in a relationship).Concern about seeding around the biopsy site is a legit concern. At least mention your feelings to the PS and see what the reaction is. YOU choose the recon technique, not the PS.The PS works for YOU, not the other way around.
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WC3, I had skin sparing BMX and the BS removed the area of the biopsy, about one inch diameter around the scar and told me he would do so prior to the surgery, due to "seeding" risk. They usually do this but make sure to talk beforehand.
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can I just have a moment of venting too! After telling a close friend that my final pathology report showed positive nodes, I tell her my surgeon is thinking full dissection v radiation. I told her my surgeon is hesitant about the full dissection due to it possibly impacting my ability to do my job. They are also now considering chemo. Her response was “ when do you say enough is enough?” Uhmmm I am only 12 days out from my mastectomy so have only begun treatment!!!!! Then she sends me a link about how to cure cancer with a keto diet and another friend sends me a video about how working night shift causes cancer.
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Dani,
Maybe send her the link back, telling her your Dr says the Keto diet won't cure cancer but it does wonders for ignorance! Maybe carbon copy to your friend with the night shift theory. Big hugs and good luck with your decision.
Vickki
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I have a new one, I am mulling over it the whole day today. I simply must vent here to get it out
I had a discussion with some girls (none of them has BC) about self-checks and why it is important to do it, all of them are younger than me. And then came one, who works as a breastfeeding counsellor and she went like "breastfeeding is the only prevention of BC"... I said yes, it certainly lowers the risk of getting BC, but well, I breastfed both of my kids about 2 years each and here I am. So it is still important to do self checks and see a doctor if something new appears in your breast. she then said that we would have to go to a doctor with everything and that I am being ridiculous. and then she said: "I know several women whose BC just disappeared without any western medicine!“ I called it a fairy-tale, if she doesn't know anything about the diagnosis. she refused to give me contact tp any of those women.
why would someone tell such things?
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Jaboo, you can’t fix stupid😳. Apparently you rained on her parade by talking about diseased breasts. She must be a snowflake and can’t deal with reality yet.
Bless her heart...when life knocks her down.
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JaBoo--I've met some breastfeeding advocates that were downright militant about the benefits of breastfeeding and the dangers of western medicine. Until it happens to them, they truly believe they are immune from bc and a host of other ills if they follow their guidelines.But when one of their kids gets sick they are the first in the pediatrician's office or the ER for western medical treatment, and do not see the hypocrisy of their actions.Like Bella said, Bless her heart when it happens to her!
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Wouldn't it be wonderful if breast cancer could resolve itself. Never once did I consider leaving the 2 invasive tumors alone, getting them removed was a relief.
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Me too Meow. Btw I breast fed too and here I am as well. I get so frustrated with the people who contend the risk factors are gospel so if you don’t have them you are somehow immune to the disease and home free. If only...
My MO said they just don’t know why some women draw the unlucky card. I have heard multiple times from women who are stunned when they were DX since they lived the proverbial healthy life.
No one deserves to get this insidious disease healthy lifestyle or not.
It’s so heartbreaking to read stories from ladies who are young with young children and get DX with Stage IV right out of the gate.
I had a friend who got angry when I told her my MO said 70% of BC patients are not genetically driven. She refused to believe that. Her call. It’s just a statistic no more no less.
People believe what they choose to believe probably out of fear and denial. Understandable but not realistic.
My sister and I both have BC. Our mother did so we fall in the 30% genetic connection. Is what it is.
Btw I’m 7 years out last August so there’s always hope
Diane
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Thanks ladies for your wise insights. I am shocked till now from the discussion. the lady refused to give me any information whatsoever regarding the treatments of the women, whose BC disappeared. I fear she doesn't know any. why fear? I am trully concerned about the other girls present... I fear they might let any changes in their breasts just go and assume the lump will just disappear... oh well
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When I told someone I was having surgery, they said: "Ah well. You'll be fine. Many women have such problems."
More or less the same thing after I told her I had been diagnosed with a phyllodes tumour (not cancer, but not to be taken lightly). I know she meant well, but it really didn't help me feel better. Sometimes I think my emotions have gone through more than my body.
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I Breast fed both children, no HRT at menopause, only about 10 pounds overweight, fairly healthy life style. A couple of days after diagnosis I was in a convenstore and saw an obese woman, no bra, missing teeth, greasy hair with an arm full of shitty sugary snacks. It hit me that she will probably not get bc, fuck the ‘risk factors’.
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My husband hurt my feelings this week. I told him my sister had commented that I seemed back to my old self; bright eyed and joyful again. I said that the getting through chemo had made me flat and focused. I said I thought that after two months of Tamoxifen I might not be effected by it. He said that oh no I'm still different and he thinks the Tamoxifen had changed me. I'm realizing that I've been trying so hard to not impact his life more than necessary. I've pushed myself to get back to work, look my best, and keep up a cheery disposition. I think these are all good things but I'm feeling a bit deflated today and angry. My frankenboobs look acceptable and I feel a bit like a teenage girl reacquainting oneself with a new body. I feel like I've been working so hard to get back to normal. It's hard to wonder if I'm as supported as I thought I was.
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Oh chicopeach😂😂I have had the same thought so many times!!!My whole life has been health and fitness, I've lovingy lectured my less healthy friends and family about their diet, lack of exercise, smoking ,drinking. And it's me that gets cancer😄Jokes on me, i guess. Harder to lecture them now😂
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Rachel, i think its hard for husbands to accept that we are going to be different from now on. They want to think that once treatment is over we automatically will be just like before. Ain't gonna happen! We are different, treatments change us physically and emotionally. No hormones is no fun! Sounds like you're doing a fantastic job in keeping hubby from too much disruption and that's good. He'll see that even if you're different, you're still awesome. I told my husband just that! I said you try getting chopped up, poisoned, radiated, sucked dry of vital hormones, deal with aches pains, neuropathy, and see if you're the same! But on the good side, he just cant say no to me now! I always get my way😉
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rachelcarter - I think your husband is being realistic and you're trying too hard to not let your cancer affect his life. He will have to deal with it just like you have had to deal with it. He'll be ok. Just be, and don't worry so much about everyone else. You need to concentrate on yourself right now.
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