The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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AStorm "no, that's not true" - might also be good for your DH with his comments about your weight. I had a chance encounter at the grocery store with an acquaintance who had BC a couple of years earlier than I did. She said she thought she got it because she is too thin (which she is). I said I thought I got it because I am too fat (which I am). We laughed and agreed that neither one of us was right. We just got it because we have bad luck. From what you have said, you are on the thin side (especially if you stood beside me) and your DH has remarkable gall suggesting otherwise. In my opinion.0
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yeah, I think DH is just jealous cuz he aint got no ars, and I tell him so
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I had a friend come to visit, express surprise that I "looked so good", and gave me a book. "The Blessed Death of Those Who Die in the Lord", by James Durham (1622-1658). I was oddly not offended, and probably will read it because I know she means well, but only because I've known her for over 20 years. She was really taking a chance on giving someone with cancer a book with that title, though.0
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I agree Riley702. That is one book that would probably sit around awhile though before I could emotionally handle picking it up to read!
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Cheri2 I love your sense of humor! You know I sure don't feel happy that I am qualified to join this group. But you are all such a part of me, I love "visiting" with you all.
A good thing happened to me today. I have been looking for my old college roomate for about 30 years. I roomed with her freshman and sophmore year 1960 through 1962. Last night I couldn't sleep and at 4 in the morning decided to go on to my college website. I had done it many times before but the women are listed only by their married name. Wonderful if you don't know who they married. I made a list of all the Lindas who graduated in my year. As I knew "my" Linda's date of birth. I googled each name and found her. We talked for about an hour and a half this morning. She lives in Las Vegas and I live outside of Phoenix. Since we went to collegein Massachusetts this is wierd. Anyway hopefully we'll get together sometime soon since it is in driving distance.
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Cheri2,
I'd have answered to that acquaintance "yes,I did learn a lot, but sorry, the knowledge is only for the ones in the club. You don't have breast cancer, so I can't tell you."
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Day: LOL! Oh to be so quick with the come-back!
Dutchess: That is wonderful news! Sounds like something worth posting on the "I'm Grateful" board too!
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I just don't think Dutchess was trying hard enough for the past 30 years if she could find her at 4 in the morning!
But of course this is all said tongue-in-cheek so I don't offend anyone.And a pretty silly website to not have maiden names! Doi! But please don't get offended by this post. It's just that I cannot imagine a data base of alumni not including maiden names! That doesn't make any sense at all.
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HA! DAY- I wish I could think of these remarks right after someone says them!
ASTORM- I thought of arguing with her at the time but then decided it was not worth it and didn't want to waste my energy.
You guys are great. I love this forum. I have a revision surgery Friday. Say a prayer for me, I am bummed about going under general again. It seems like it takes so long to fully recover from the effects of anesthesia. I had blurry vision for a while after the last time! grrr.....
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Barbe, one of the dumbest things ever said to me was your posting that I wasn't trying hard for 30 years to find Linda. She had just registered with our University alumna office. She doesn't work due to an injury that left her paraplegic, so there was not work site with her maiden name and I didn't know her married name. I was insulted by your comment.
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There seems to be an endless supply of dumb and insensitive remarks available to us; I've heard my fair share. (Though often times, the most hurtful comment is the one never uttered.) I have found it's easier to hold on to the kind things said to me, and not put a lot of energy into the awful ones. I was newly diagnosed and making those mind-numbing rounds to breast surgeons, oncologists, radiologists, plastic surgeons, scans, tests, etc., and feeling more than overwhelmed. I was pale and nauseous, and would have preferred to stay in bed, but I tried to make the effort to at least be presentable for each appointment. (One quickly gets into 'patient mode' when that's all the interaction you receive.) Well, this new oncologist came into the exam room with far more energy than I was feeling. Oh, great. He looked at me, looked at my chart, looked at me and said with genuine enthusiasm: "You know, you look like a million bucks." I instantly looked around the room, because I knew he couldn't possibly be talking to me. "I know you're not feeling well emotionally, but honestly, you look wonderful." He turns to my husband: "Doesn't she look great?" (Even my husband was startled, but knew enough to agree.) Well, if this was his schtick - I was buying it hook, line and sinker! Granted, I knew I still had a long row to hoe, but at that moment, I ceased to see myself as a breast cancer patient, but rather as a woman (who happened to have breast cancer).
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flyingdutchess,
I KNOW Barbe meant her remark as a joke and was only thinking about you up at 4:00 AM, sleepy and finally stumbling on your friend after years of searching. I don't know Barbe but read her wry and funny posts all the time. Please don't be offended... the written word does not always convey the intended humor.
BTW, I found my DSister's high school boyfriend in a similar way after 40 years. They reconnected and are now married!!!! Miracles happen.
pam
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Dutchess, sorry my post offended you. I would have thought the sarcasm and the wink would have been your first clue it was said tongue in cheek. Don't worry, you'll get used to me if you stick around long enough. After 7,100 posts, I'm sure to have pissed off more than just you!
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Now to your post Pam....maybe you want to edit that you found your DS (dear sons') boyfriend....and they're now married.....unless of course that's what you meant....
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Lol barbe, that reminds me of the face of the nurse at the surgery registration - I've put in the "relationship" for my boyfriend "SO" thinking "significant other". The lady (a great person, very sweet and caring) gives me a weird look and she's like "he's your SON?" - I had no idea that in that hospital's slang SO meant "son". We were both in front of her, and even if he's much younger than me, he still doesn't look like my son - and besides she had watched us cuddling in a worried kind waiting for me to get registered and get in the surgery room.
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Dear Sister ;-)
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Flyingdutchess-
to beat this dead horse some more.....
I thought Barbe1958's comment quite droll - the way I took it - she was responding to your delightful story as people have responded to us except about breast cancer, as if we were to blame (diet, bad habits, lack of exercise, karma) ie you were somehow to blame for not connecting with your friend for 40 years.
Now I am trying to find a college roommate who I haven't seen in 40 years - she didn't graduate, she got so politicized she dropped out : I have googled my friend and can't find her, so I googled her brother and found out that he was on Guiding Light, I have discovered that someone from high school's mother is the oldest/longest fan of Guiding Light, She is 90, I spoke with her this weekend - she is going to talk with her niece?......like that 6 degrees and Kevin Bacon thing - so I envy your story - wish me luck.
Julie E
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And Kevin Bacon was on Guiding Light! Tim, troubled teen alcoholic
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OMG - Astorm..... YOU ARE NOT FAT!!! You are thin!!! 135 lbs at 5'7" is thin. Your DH needs to have his brain checked!!!!
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...these are all valid stories ladies and very helpful...I guess the outside world at large, just doesn't get what we have been thru. I had a doozy with my sister, who was raging at her ex; he wasn't paying her child support and she was having to sell one of her (2) homes. I had asked her if she could help with our mom's LTC insurance policy, (9.00 a week) and she said no, as she was going to be out in the cold with her 5 kids. (or 3 kids, 2 stepkids that live with their mom and 2 of hers living at college, which leaves one; surely he can live with her in the other house?) It was a bit dramatic. She was taking on so, that I said "look, if you can't contribute, that's OK> but please, don't assume you are the only one with troubles. I could only wish for my problems to be which of my two homes I would sell. I don't mean to be comparing apples to oranges, or saying anyone's issues are worse than anothers', only that it rains on everyone."
The response I got? "Drama much?"....OK, a life threatening disease vs. child support for a 17 year old and she also has a great new husband and a good job. No one is sleeping in the gutter.
I am afraid I told her to "F bomb Off".....well, I'm actually proud of that. What our families and we go thru from this god awful disease is not "drama"....I'd say it again, too.
Sandy, I am sorry for your loss, dear.
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I just got a letter from my old financial advisor -- a birthday greeting that says "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely and in an attractive, well preserved body but rather skid in sideways - chardonnay in 1 hand, chocolate in the other -- body used up, worn out....blah, blah, blah..."
I emailed a thank-you and suggested a more generic birthday greeting since she doesn't know what's going on in a client's life. I let her know what's up in mine and that the message she sent was very inappropriate.
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Konakat, we should celebrate together. My birthday is next week. I got a "Happy Birthday" card from my HMO which in addition to the usual greetings says" Birthday time is the right time to schedule annual screenings for :breast examination, mammography, pap smear, blood pressure, cholesterol, blood glucose, colon cancer Please check with your Primary Care Physician to see what you need to keep you well and healthy"
I didn't expect fanfare and the hope diamond but prefer to spend my birthday celebrating in a more traditional way.
If the author of my card is a male I hope he spends his birthday with a finger up his bottom and enjoys a celebratory prostate check!
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Oh geez Flying Dutch. Ha! I could think of lots of things to stick up his bottom, starting with the card!
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Barbe, I'm sorry that I had my sensatives up. I've had a crappy week or so and finding Linda was the only good thing. I felt like someone dumped a cold pail of water over my head. I too have a sarcastic sense of humor and sometimes I am better at dishing it out than receiving it.
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Flying - maybe you can send a copy of your path report or a pic of your last mammo to the doctor's office along with a Thank You for the wonderful birthday greeting! LOL! How dumb of them!
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Dutchess your comment back to me felt the same! I've always been like this and most people get me....so all is good now. Phew!
Just an FYI:
When you type in all bold, it's like you're yelling!
Just a netiquette tip for the day.
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Ok, that grandmother I posted about who told me that I had a big behind the last time I visited her? The one with whom I've never gotten along due to her selfishness and stupid embarrassing comments my whole life? The one that very few of her grandchildren will visit because she's so rude and obnoxious? The one with NO HEALTH PROBLEMS?
Said grandmother left me a voicemail on Monday whining, "Please come see me, it's all about me me me, blah blah blah, I'm old and I don't have many years left on this earth..." THE HECK?!
I couldn't and still can't believe she said that to me. Cancer killed her husband and 2 of her 3 children. They didn't get to live anywhere near as long as she has. I may stay NED and have a long life, but then again I may not. And even if I do live a long time, everyday will be spend knowing that The Beast is lurking. And for what it's worth, I also have asthma which killed one of her brothers!
But at least I'm not married to Tony!
anniealso ~ I'm proud, too, that you said that to your sister.
konakat and flyingdutchess ~ I'm sorry for those cards you got. I do wonder sometimes if some people will ever learn to THINK about what they are doing/saying.
Love and hugs to all of you!!
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Good intentions (the birthday card) without analysis of the right thing to say results in stupid execution.
They could have wished you happy birthday and given a much gentler reminder to visit you doctor for an annual physical. They didn't have to give a list of tests for life threatening illnesses.
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My mom and I were talking about her good friend that used to be married years ago to a wife beater. He was terrible to her. She left him, when he tried to go after their daughter. Guess what his name is??
TONY!!!
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Not just HMOs and Financial Advisors - my FORMER dentist sent me a Happy Halloween card.
yeh, happy for you (kaching, kaching) and why don't you use mouthwash??? jerk!
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