The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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When I was first diagnosed, I was a basket case as I am sure most of you were also. I have a son who at the time was 8 years old. As you can imagine my worst fear was this stuff winning and taking me from my child.A Mother of a friend of his at school called me the night she heard and all she talked about was how she has always had lumpy breasts, did I think she should get checked out. Then she says I am so scared one of my lumps is cancer and I am going to die and leave my son behind. This she says to a woman who had just found out that very day that I had stage IIB her2+ breast cancer. I absolutly fell apart and couldn't even talk. My husband had to take the phone from me and tell her I would have to call her another time. I still haven't gotten over that comment. It is still my worst fear. What was she thinking? She never apologized. I don't think to this day she has a clue as to what she said that set me to crying so bad.
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I've had a lot of that kind of thing, too, susiered. How horrible for you to hear that on the day of your diagnosis. Shame on that woman.
One of the things that gets me is, "I know *exactly* how you feel! I had a lump in my breast once. Good thing it was nothing."
Um, yeah, it's a good thing it was nothing. And no, you know NOTHING about how I feel.
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I'm sorry. The reason I print in bold is that I can't figure out how to put up a picture. I am computer illiterate and this way I stand out a little. If others find it offensive too I will stop. Feedback please!!!!
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Susiered - Despite how many times I hear of these cruel, thoughtless remarks I am always amazed at how thoughtless and self centered some people are. I'm sorry she hurt you and hope you are feeling well.
Kathy
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dutchess - it is not offensive and I did not know it meant yelling. Now when I read your posts I have a little smile to myself and read it LOUD in my head! Don't worry - lots of us don't know how tp post pictures.0
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What is most annoying are the people that say, "Oh, you're going to be okay!" (in a really condescending tone). Really??? Had your breasts REMOVED lately? Afraid every pain, lump, bump could be something???
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dutchess: I think sometimes it is easier to read in bold letters! My aunt e-mails me in HUGE letters and bold because she can't see anything else! I know my kids got on me for typing in all caps once because they thought I was mad at them when we were doing Instant Messenger.
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kittycat- that bugs me too. You're going to be OK...really? well I wasn't before when I was diagnosed and no one really knows!
I have surgery Friday am- please keep me in your prayers please that I don't run into TONY!
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Cheri2, what surgery are you having! Yes, let's hope you don't run into Tony!!
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Cheri2: Best of luck for your surgery today!
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Cheri -- thinking of you today. Hope you have a better experience with the anesthesia. I have trouble with that too but last time I didn't get sick at all.
Kitty -- my DH is in the "you're going to be okay camp" and I told him to stop saying that because instead of helping alleviate my constant worries about recurrence it makes me feel like he doesn't get it. My friend had emergency surgery a couple of weeks ago and she summed it up: one day you are whole and healthy and then you find out you're not and you are never the same again. But I don't think that someone who is still whole and healthy and never had a problem can understand that because it takes the experience for us to come to the realization that life is fragile.
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Astorm, next time your DH tells you're going to be ok, tell him not to forget his monthly testicular self exam. When he looks at you like you are crazy tell him you don't want him to go through what you are. That should get him thinking.
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NM, that's a good suggestion! But I think he might have to actually experience a life-threatening situation and we don't actually want that. Before my dx, I knew something was wrong because I was dreaming about my mom and two of her sisters and they were all my age... we were hanging out together like friends, which was weird because they were a lot older than me. There were 6 sisters altogether, but these 3 sisters all had bc at my age. My mom passed away from unrelated issues. Of course, I couldn't tell DH about my dreams. He wanted me to change my mammo to take care of a domestic issue and I told him I couldn't because I was worried... he said I worry too much and everything would be fine... I called him with the dx, he said "really?". I said, "no, I just wanted to say I told you so".0
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Astorm--you're probably right, and I don't wish a life-threatening illness or situation on your DH or anyone. Many times I think of thinks I'd LIKE to say but never actually would. I post them here so people who understand can get a chuckle.
I, too, knew something was wrong, I had been having nightmares about being forced into taking chemo. I have a family history of stomach cancer and thought that was my fear until I found the lump. I wonder how many of us knew on some level that we were in trouble based on feelings, dreams, or other signals our bodies and subconsciouses were sending us?
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When I got the mammo results letter saying to come in for another, diagnostic pic, I was concerned about cancer, and my DH said, "oh, you don't have cancer," in a really condescending way. Man, has he changed his tune. And when I told him not to say "everything's going to be fine," he stopped, and asked what he should say. I've given him some pointers, and fortunately, he listens. I think when we got the info from the onc about my being triple neg, he realized I really could die from this.
Interesting about feeling so in touch that you knew beforehand. This was out of left field for me. I had those realizations before each of my miscarriages, but not this.
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maybe it was because I worry to much
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I knew. The lump came out of nowhere (I found it fiddling with an ill-fitting bra!) and I just knew. I had them tell me over the phone and remember being very calm, because it was confirming what I already knew. My anxiety was whether it had spread. I had no clue what TN meant until I found this place.
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I knew, too. I was taking a shower one day (it was October, BC awareness month). I looked down at my breasts and thought, one day I'll have these removed. Sort of strange, but I tried to erase the thought. I spoke with my sister an hour later and she told me she found a lump. Ended up being BC (so I thought maybe I jinxed her). Then, I joined the club 8 months later. Not a fun club to be in, but at least I've found some great supporters.
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With my family history I knew there was a higher than average probability for me. My mom didn't talk about it and I was away at college when she had her MX. I wish she had talked about it -- it might have been easier for me especially when I was first dx and didn't know what to expect. But what she did do was SURVIVE and go on about her life. I was also very calm when I got the call (I was just waiting for the confirmation). I have talked to my teenage daughters about everything I am going through and all the decisions along this journey even though they don't seem interested because some day they may have to join the club or have a close friend who does (don't we all) and I want them to be able to reflect on how I managed so that they can remain calm. One step at a time.
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I have a new stupid comment that relates to my new finding in my breast... "You didn't hear the lump before? Don't you check it all the time?"
Ughhhh.............
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In my case, the dx was a complete shock, it literally took my breath away. Even when I was called in for additional mammo views, it never occured to me that I could really have breast cancer. When they booked me for the following day for a biopsy, again, I never thought it would be positive.
It was a Friday and I was at work when I got the call. A call from my GP telling me I had breast cancer. I couldn't say anything. I just said, "I have to hang up now." I looked at the clock. I needed to know the exact time my world was turned upside down. I knew if I left my office, I would fall apart. So I sat there for two hours and pretended everything was normal.
The minute I got into my car, I fell apart. I called my sister and through wracking sobs, I said the words outloud for the very first time; "I have breast cancer". She stayed on the phone with me until I drove up my driveway. DH was driving in at the exact same time. He waved to me, smiled and then had a shocked look on his face as he realized I was crying. He jumped out of the car, opened my car door and I remember thinking "honey, your world is about to be shattered and I'm the cause of it." I finally took a deep breath and told him I had breast cancer. It was the first time I witnessed words having the same impact as a physical blow.
An hour later we had gathered out adult children. For the third time that day, I delivered the news. I remember feeling like I was watching a play. All the characters had gone into supermode action and were making lists of what each of them had to do. A family of Type A personalities can make a lot of progress and decisions in an hour. I sat there, unable to function and realized I didn't have to do anything but show up. I had raised a strong family and it was their turn to take control. They became my team and supported me through it all.
After my second surgery (mastectomy,) when I was finally told they got it all, my reaction was not as expected. I couldn't be happy. I obviously wasn't sad. But I was just feeling . . . nothing. It took me weeks to understand what I needed to do to move forward with this good news.
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Hi Guys! Thanks for the concern!! I am back from the hospital and on pain pills. No TONY!! haha- I had a great experience. Loved my anesthesiologist. My surgeon is great. I had to have revisions - I had a bMX - my real ones were a DD- I switched to a C so I had some strange skin flaps under my armpit area. It looked like I had lost 100 pounds or something. Anyway, he explained it is scar tissue at the bottom and then the fat cells accumulated there. So, he lipo'ed that section and also one of my implants did not drop down (I guess I didn't massage enough) so he had to cut an insenstion in my original incension and break up that scar tissue. Please dear lord let that be the last so I can get my nips and tattoo's!!!
kitty cat- I think people ask about the lump because they don't feel for them every month and now it hits them, they should!
A storm-yes that sums it up. We can't be naive after getting a diagnosis. So after being diagnosed no one can ever tell me "you'll be OK" How the heck to they know????
I had a pain in my breast but I thought it was from all the swimming I do. Low and Behold!!! I felt the pain for about 2 months before my mammo but never a lump. Odd huh?
Just love you guys and this thread!
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Good for you Cheri! Glad you had a good experience. I, too, had pain in my breast at the stie where the cancer was growing. My PCP kept telling me that since it was painful it could hardly be cancer even though I had a history of atypical hyperplasia which put me in the high risk category. So much for breast cancer cancer being painless.
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I had pain as well and my Dr said, it is not cancer so do not worry. So for quite some time I put off the mammo. Even when I had the mammo, I was thinking it was nothing. Then after the mammo and ultrasound that same day, the technician's kept telling me to let them know how everything goes. That is when I knew! The phone call from the Dr just confirmed it.
I have had some other weird thoughts and just keep telling myself, this is just your mind going crazy. I think you each understand, wondering if every pain or weird feeling is a return.
Olivia
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I also "knew" it was BC. I have a very stong family history (and since found I'm BRAC posiitve). I found the lump, it was hard and it made my nipple look really funky. When the ARNP did the first exam, I could tell by her face she thought so too. I had scares in the past and had people say, "Oh, don't worry, this doesn't seem to be of great concern." Did not hear that at all this time. I had always said to others when talking about bc, "not if, but when." The "when" came. It was a no brainer for me to have the bmx.
Cheri, I have my nips put on in about 3 weeks along with more lipo and getting rid of my "dog ears" in back. They are going to use the fat from those dog ears for the lipo and use the skin for the nips. This is the last time I'm willing to go under for this. One of mine is still higher up than the other. Result of a surgical resident working with my PS. Meeting with them this coming week to "discuss" how they need to look alike when I wake up. Have a wonderful weekend everyone. Don't take crap off anyone.
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My original BS called me (well, actually her asistant called me) at the Reno airport. I was flying home from a business trip. They could have called me the day before but my BS threw out her back and couldn't come into the office (still don't know why she couldn't CALL me). So, I had to wait an extra day to find out I had BC. I was traveling with a coworker that I don't care for, so I had to act "normal" on the plane ride home. Luckily, I boarded later than her, so I could call my hubby and tell him the news. My husband had quit smoking for 2 years and had a cigarette that night. He's been on and off smoking since. He quit last week and when I found out I might have BC again, we joked maybe he shouldn't quit smoking - it's bad luck for me! Just kidding - I really want him to quit!!!
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(((((((kittycat)))))))))) You are in my prayers. I hate that news!
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My breast cancer was not a surprise either. For some time I found stains on the front of my blouses that looked like chocolate. I thought I was clearly becoming a sloppy eater until, stepping out of the shower and saw that it was blood. First, I knew that wasn't anything good. When I saw a breast surgeon, she explained to me that it could be any number of things but her face definetly said "CANCER!!!!!"
As for "I know just how you feel" ask "you do" and the when they had breast cancer.
And to anyone who say you ill have nice perky boobs - look them straight in the eye and ask them if they have ever heard of a breast lift? You don't have to have cancer to get "perky" breasts!
My youngest ssister had breast augmentation and then a bleed two weeks later. She made my other sister sleep on the floor after that for a week "in case" she needed anything. She said it was the worse pain she had ever felt. I had a bimx, experienced a bleed in the recovery room, went back to surgery and had the breast site re-opened to repair the bleed and make sure the other breast was okay. In my case, because it wasn't her, I hadn't been released from the hospital before she was basically telling me to get over it! Afterall, I had the best cancer you can get! WTH!0 -
Here's a good one...
I am trying to get friends and family to donate money or join our team for the Susan G Komen walk. I also volunteer for another charity that happens to have an event the same day. This woman on the other charity's committee posts a comment on my Facebook wall about how I should be supporting the other event. I sent her a PM (which is what she should have done in the first place) and told her that BC is near and dear to my heart because I'm a survivor and my sister also had BC. She responded with a big apology and was shocked. I bet she won't harrass someone on their charity events again!!!
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kmc - that's terrible about your bleeding!!! How scary for you! This disease sucks!
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