The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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II'm with raiinnz, yay and hooray for clear nodes!!!
As for your clueless friend, I think that she suffers from bad-timing itis.
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It's one of those chain e-mails with "a one line prayer to God... please forward to your friends". I'm sure her concern was genuine and didn't realize how much impact it would have on a cancer patient.
And yes, YAY YAY YAY for clean nodes!
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Day, I got that same email today from someone at work. I deleted about as fast as I could. I though exactly the same thing WTF? Hooray for your good news.
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many drs,nurses etc.need a good smack in the face.who the hell do they think they are talking to.I once told a dr.to talk to his mother that way.
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Day- Once again, it's too bad stupidity isn't painful. Happy about your news though!!! YEAH!!
grannydukes- LOL!!!
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I'm happy for your results! And sign me up for the chocolate study!
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Hooray! Your nodes are your friends again. Great news.
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im a chocolate freak.eat it for breakfast,soooooooooooo im first on line for the study...lol
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I thought I had a stupid, hurtful comment to add to this thread but in hindsight it is not.
Here in NZ we are famous for 'ribbing' (throwing disparaging comments at) eachother and it is usually a source of great hilarity between friends. My friend called me a buddha today (implying of course that I was looking fat) when she saw me sitting on the floor in sweatshirt and sweatpants, and rather than bursting into laughter and enjoying the moment together which we would normally do, I was hurt and I could see she was confused by my reaction. I have wondered all day why I was hurt because I am usually pretty thick skinned but I have realised that I have changed - I am a lot more emotionally fragile than I used to be and perceive comments in a much more personal way and some subjects have definitely become 'touchy'. My friend on the other hand was just being my friend as usual, she wouldn't have expected me to react any differently from usual to her comment and she wasn't trying to be hurtful - it was just my perception of the joke that made the difference. I will have to remember to make sure I do not over react when I receive stupid, hurtful comments in the future.
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I was at the casino tonight and one of the cleaning ladies I hadn't seen in quite awhile came up to me and said. Where have you been and OMG what happened to you, she then puffed out her cheeks and said you exploded. I didn't even bother to explain. Darla
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raeinnz--we do become emotionally fragile at times, maybe even more fragile than formerly for the rest of our lives. I can tell you from experience that resolving not to take things personally in the future is going to be a very, very hard road to take. I tried it. I found out the hard way that it's better to explain to the people that I care about that one of the effects of the diagnosis, treatment and everything that goes with a bc diagnosis is emotional rollercoaster rides and fragility, and if I burst into tears at a comment meant in teasing or fun to forgive me. Once my freinds understood they still teased, but understood if I didn't "get it." In fact, it became a bit of an inside joke and code phrase--"is it a 'get it' day today?" to ask how I was emotionally, "woops, must be a 'don't get it' day today" if I cried.
mcbird--I wouldn't have explained either. I probably would have said something totally snide and then regretted it, something like "OMG, REALLY?? You've got to help me!" or "I was wondering if anyone would notice." or "And what happened to YOU? You used to have good manners." I really think of the big problems we face is that there is a common assumption that someone with cancer, especially someone getting chemo is going to look emaciated, drawn, weak and sick. It's part of the unfairness of the whole thing that treatment for bc usually causes weight gain, not weight loss. Add that to society's assumption that no one is fat unless they are lazy, lacking self-discipline, and can lose weight if only they 'really want to' and you have a set up for some difficult situations.
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Got myself in a serious funk yesterday. I'm sure it was some kind of flashback/hangover from my BC experience. Just came over me and took hours to shake.
Just have to say that this particular dicussion thread always makes me feel better. So many wonderful women who know what it's like to feel this peculiar angst. Big, big love to you all.
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kate - I would defintely find a new PS. It's almost like she's proud of her bad work!
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Day - what a STUPID email!!!
I am still amazed at the dumb things people say! WTH???
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Kate - that is so interesting I have thought the same thing when I asked about some of my concerns both my PS and BS both acted like I was asking way too much cause look at what we gave you in place of nothing, how could you possibly have anything to complain about. And to tell the truth, I bought it and backed down immediatedly but you are right it doesn't make sense.
I went for my physical and my reg. Doc said so the leading cause of death amoung women used to be Breast Cancer but now it is lung cancer however for you it is breast cancer! Wasn't that lovely?
Also my significant other who might not be for too long as all we seem to do is fight non-stop. I know he doesn't get the menopause thing, or the not sleeping thing, or the being in pain thing and the totally exhaustion thing but when he brought me an article for me to read and it was on what happend to your body when you die and couldn't understand why I really might not be up for reading that......
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Stanzie- omg! time to kick the SO to the curb! I was in a relationship where we fought all the time- so stressful. I often thought of a line from a song "If love won't fly on its own freewill, its gonna catch that outbound plane" Every relationship takes work but if that's all it is work- well what fun is that. I think the best thing is to have a partner that makes you laugh. My dh aggravates me sometimes, but he just says the funniest damn things sometimes and makes me laugh so hard. Your Doc who said your leading cause of death was bc needs to be slapped as well. That is totally inexcusable.
I go in for a PS consult this week. I got new insurance so had to find a new one. I am looking at stage 2 for my TRAM- at first I thought I'd just get the nipple and be done with it- but no I am not happy with the symmetry. I don't want to wear baggy clothes the rest of my life. My skin circle is much larger than most I think- this is due to tumor location near the nipple- I think the circle was enlarged to encompass the biopsy scar as well- so if I just put a nipple on it- it's be offset inside the circle and I feel like that would just look weird. I'd really like to have lipo done to reduce the foob and maybe a lift as it hangs lower, and if the circle could be reduced in size... I am afraid PS is going to tell me this as good as it gets. Yes it could be worse and many women have much worse results than me, but I have a right to have a nice foob.
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kittycat- I think you're right about finding a new PS. I've been driving 2 hours to see this one and am suddenly thinking she is so not worth it.
stanzie- Maybe you should tell your doc that their leading cause of death has now been changed to death by irate patient? That might get their attention. Sorry about your S.O. Sometimes I feel like our S.O. feel like BC is something that happened to them, not us.
I do know I am more thin-skinned and sensitive than I used to be but I also feel like there is an epidemic of empathy-lacking people in the world today.
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Stanzie - taking up where Kate33 left off, I was looking for statistics on what kills doctors, I think dentists commit suicide alot, but I wasn't sure about doctors. anyway, I have googled it two ways:doctors leading cause of death, leading cause of death of doctors but what I get is even more to the point - references to an article in the Journal of the American Medical Association which states that doctors are the third leading cause of death in the US. Throw that back in his smug face.
http://www.health-care-reform.net/causedeath.htm
Alyad - you do deserve to be happy with your foob
Kittycat - I know I need glasses, but what are you holding up? it couldn't be a box of ziplock bags and a box of colgate??
Julie E
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Jelson - okay I have serious chemo brain. I thought your post said, How are you holding up... then read about the ziploc bags and colgate! LOL!!! I'm holding up fireworks (it was 4th of July).
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i just saw this on facebook.today is world cancer day.lets pray together.I PRAY FOR A CURE FOR CANCER.AMEN.
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Haha Kittycat!
no wonder I wasn't sure what those things were, I probably have never seen fireworks other than sparklers up close because I am from New York where they are illegal to purchase. We are only supposed to have highly organized, fire dept present, firework displays!! and we use any excuse to have them. the local university's semester started!! fireworks! tug boat rally! fireworks, you get the picture. I love fire works, I think they cause ocular orgasms and lately I will take it where/how I can get it.
Bang!
Julie E
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Quoting from a recent email from a "friend":"..so sorry to hear about your prognosis. I hope the oncologist is wrong.
Nice of you to plan to give your painting things to **. I hate to see you have to give up everything, your not sick in my mind! Stay strong and I'll keep praying for a miracle for you!
BTW, are you selling that art book I borrowed from you or giving it to ** also? I would like to purchase it from you if you are going to sell it. Take care."0 -
I am so sick of people telling me after my bilateral "that I will have perky breast"...are you kidding me. I counter by saying ,.oh yes the numbness down my arm and sides of my chest will never go away. Also I will have 2 huge scars and right now I have no nipples.. boy how lucky can I get!!
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bopeep, well someone is sick in the head!
njgirl, they're more like hamburger buns... for a long time I went along with the cheery, oh-you'll-always-have-perky-breasts comment because I think it makes other women less uncomfortable. I know a woman in her 30's who has had 5 kids. She thinks I got a free boob job and is envious because hers are sagging! I explained to her that I have very little feeling in my breasts, and I'm completely numb under the arms, but the worst of it is that my nipples are gone and the ones they gave me don't function at all! Then I told her to be careful what she wishes for.
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I'm with you Astorm - hamburger buns with no feeling. Envious of WHAT??? Having cancer and fake breasts. They all look the same in clothes(sort of) and none of them function if they're fake. The numbness and fake nipples are nothing compared to the real thing. I'll take my old body and real breasts any day for what I have now not to mention the natural desire that comes with estrogen. Sorry for venting - I have people say the same thing to me.
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bo peep,
I HAVE NO WORDS!!!
(and I never use all caps)
I'm going to go try and hoist my jaw from the floor where it dropped. Then I shall have to nap as my brain went into meltdown after reading that email....too much! Tell them they can bid on the book on ebay.
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AStorm,
Corgis rule. There is this guy who (I've noticed) tries to avoid me because I scream "Corgi!" and run after them whenever I see them. Too bad for him, b/c there is a new Corgi pup down my street.
our very first dog was a corgi (Pembroke) so all my pound doggies have to be redheads and small corgi like. My little one is butt to butt with me as I type...0 -
Saw this topic and need to vent....so I go back to tennis practice tonight (neigborhood team ..bunch of middle age to old women...not very good, but who have a good time playing tennis), First time back since my diagnosis last September. A woman (who i found mildly annoying preBC) comes up and gives me a hug,then looks me in the eye and says "Did they get it all?" "Has it spread to any of your organs???" She then proceeds to give me the details of her mother's 20 year struggle with cancer and her ultimate painful death. Give me a break - how about just a how are you doing or a glad to have you back? I wanted to slap her silly!!!!! Don't know why this made me so angry - perhaps because I start going back to all of the dr appts next week - surgeon, med onc, rad onc and I know all of the tests and scans and the waiting for results are ahead. . And the cancerversary the end of the month....Am i nuts?
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deprazy... Yes, you are nuts...for NOT slapping her silly! For some people, being an idiot is a full-time job. She is demented.
Good luck with your upcoming appointments and tests. And congratulations on your cancerversary! May we all get to be labeled NED!
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Thanks, Bon.....maybe I will go straight over to her house and slap her silly for real! (I know where she lives......) That would probaly be an amazing stress reliever!!
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