The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
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Hey, Deprazy...I'll come along and take the photos for your scrapbook. Should only take me 8 or so hours to get there from Florida!
Honestly, I am amazed at your self control. I probably would have been just as shocked and silent as you were, but it sure does feel good to think about decking her one, doesn't it? (PS/ I never even swat my dog, but with idiots, pacifism seems wasted).
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Bon: come on up! I think we could be friends and reek havoc as we strike down stupid people - one imbecile at a time!!!!!
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Speaking of imbeciles,
I was checking out of the dollar store not long ago, with 2 bandanas and some hand cream or something, and the guy at the checkout, 30-ish, asked me if I was fighting cancer. I said yes, and he said "I hope you make it". His mannerisms and speech made me think he might be a little on the slow side, so I was polite and said "me too!" My Mom and daughter were with me at the time and now we all laugh at it, it's sort of a running joke.
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Save the Boobs- Kill the Morons! (Well, maybe just maim them....) The next time someone tells me how lucky I am to get perky boobs I'm going to show them how perky my middle finger is!
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Oh, Kate!
Thanks for the visual! I really needed a laugh.
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I'm all for slapping stupid people! maybe a quick pimp slap to the back of the head. A coworker of mine and I always joke about how funny it would be to do that in meetings, when someone says something dumb (which is often)! LOL!!!
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Squidwitch,You really got her number! Yes, I think I might just tell her she'll have to wait until my husband lists the book on ebay! This so-called friend has been an irritation to me and many others for her abrasive and self-promoting ways all these 14 years I've known her. She wants to come paint with me this October but I really don't think I can put up her!!Now...I must compose that email!!!L0
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deprazy, my oh my. We all think about what we wish we would have said. I'm trying harder to have some self-restraint and then just look at someone when they something really stupid and say, "you thought this was helpful to me how?"
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kittycat- Love the new photo! Gorgeous!!!
Someone needs to design an Iphone app where you can pre-record all these great responses and comebacks. Then when someone says something really stupid (which is pretty much every day) you can just push the appropriate button!
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Like that one, Kate.
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Today I got home from another day of pushing myself through a workday, only to find a forwarded email from a friend of a friend that started out with "Cancer is a strange cell. You can go along for years in remission and then one day it pops its head up again. If you ever have it you will never be free of it. " Wow. Just... wow...
And yeah, she knows I have cancer.
JJ
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JustJean- Maybe you should respond by saying "Stupidity in friends is a strange cell. You can go along for years in remission and then one day they pop their ugly head up again. If you have ever had stupid friends you will never be free of them- or will you?"
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You Go Kate33! Love it!
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im speachless.and that takes a lot.some people like the sound of their own voices and just say a lot of shit.others have foot in mouth disease.this equals what i call a brooklyn beating.does anyone know what that means?????lol.
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Kate33... I think I love you! HAH!
JJ - off to write an email reply.
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Kate - thank you (that's my old real hair). I love your app idea!
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Yeah, JJ, I posted the same thing a little bit ago (you should find it a page or two back). The worst part was, the friend had sent this email the day I had found out that all my lymph nodes from the ALND came back negative - and she knew it.
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Day- OMG, the email is bad enough, but to know it's like a chain letter for stupid, insensitive clods is even worse!
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When I was initially diagnosed with breast cancer, I kept the news to myself for nearly two weeks. Then I finally uttered the words to a few close and truly supportive friends. At that point I was still dealing with the mortality issue and absolutely terrified of the entire process. It was all overwhelming to me and I was struggling. One of my most 'literal' friends was listening to my fears. I said to her. "I'm so afraid that it will be never ending. I don't want to be one of those people who's obituary says 'she died on Tuesday after a valiant 9 year battle with cancer'". To which she replied........"Well, just tell your parents not to include that in the obituary".
That stopped me cold and I told her that I just didn't want to talk about it anymore. She WAS listening to me but she sure didn't get it! I know she didn't mean to be hurtful, nor was she trying to be funny. But she was both. She wasn't being malicious, just dense. I had to remind myself that she doesn't have the best sense of humor and nuances are sometimes wasted on her. So was that conversation.
So far, that stands out as the dumbest thing anyone has said to me about my cancer. I've been waiting for a topper, thinking it would come from a real clod. But there it is, the worst still being from a really dear friend.
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Bon- It's definitely harder coming from a friend. My "best" friend, when I told her how upset I was about finding out I had DCIS said, "I don't know why you're so upset. You do know this isn't going to kill you, right?" To this day she denies saying that to me. (Now why would I make something like that up- SERIOUSLY?)
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Oh Bon, that is horrible - what on earth could she be thinking? Don't you wonder if they later think about how it might sound?
Kate you are on a roll!!!! love the apps idea!
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Stanzie...I can absolutely be assured that she still doesn't get it and if I said the same thing to her today, the response would probably be the same. Her literal response made sense to her. That's how she is...very pragmatic.
I am over being hurt by it...I was over that a few days after she said it. But it does give me a laugh now and then because it's just so incredibly inappropriate. I guess there's a lesson here that ridiculous comments don't always come from clods or ingrates. They can even fly out of the mouths of true friends. I'm sure that Kate's friend thought she was being supportive by telling Kate that breast cancer wasn't going to kill her. I bet she meant that this was something that can be handled and don't fret so much. I know they both meant well. But neither gave the comfort either of us needed. Kate's right...it's sadder when it's a friend or family member who let's you down like that.
Kate...there is an iPhone app called Stupid Button. When you press it either a man's or woman's voice says "that's stupid". I decided it was stupid to pay 99 cents for it. But maybe we can work on a 'virtual' open manhole cover or jagged-edge cliff, ala Samantha in Bewitched. The next time someone says something incredibly stupid, twitch your nose and imagine them falling in or off. It's not as satisfying as the real thing, but it will save on attorney bills and jail time...it's not illegal to dream.
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Bon - that is so crazy what your friend said to you! Some people really don't get it!
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Day, I thought I had seen somewhere here that someone else had gotten an email like that. Chemo brain kept me from remembering where, lol. As for the woman I got it from, well, our mutual friend called her on it, and I received an apology yesterday. She said that in her lifetime she's done some really stupid things and this was one of them and she just didn't *think* before sending that to me. Duh, really?
I wish we had more smilies here - one of those one rolling their eyes would be perfect right here.
JJ
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It is interesting telling people/friends/family about a cancer diagnosis. Some people just know what to say or do and others are just so clueless. I hope I haven't offended anyone in the past. I certainly know a lot more about what not to say now.
Sometimes it was easier when a friend was upset with me and sometimes I would end up comforting them. Then another friend was so practical that she didn't mean it to but she came off cold and uncaring. The worst was telling my kids. That is something I'll never forget and one of the worst things I have ever had to do.
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Kate33 Serioulsy you make me laugh!! When I need a pick me up or a giggle I will follow your post they always cheer me up. Next time your hubby tells you you spend too much time on BCO tell them WE NEED YOU! Thanks for your quick wit!
Stanzie I hear ya about telling kids. I don't have any of my own but I am very close to my niece who is 13. Telling her was the worst. What's hard now is some days I will spend with her running around town and I will run into a CLOD who acts as if I am on my death bed and when they make remarks like "Its so good to see you up and about" it scares the hell ouf of my niece. She won't say anything but she becomes very protective and doesn't want to leave my side. She thinks I am not telling her something. The last time this happened I had to reassure her that I am ok and that all my treatment is preventative but I am important in her life and she's a kid!! People really need to watch what they say not just around us but in front of our families! UGH that really gets me going.
Thanks ladies for sharing your stories! It's always reassuring to know I'm not the only one and that I am not being too sensitive.
Have a great day!
Diane
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She's at it again! The same friend who didn't get it about the obit just phoned. Somewhere in the conversation I mentioned something about what was happening or had happened to some of the women on this site, with relation to SEs and recurrences, tx issues, etc. All of a sudden she said something about not everyone who has cancer comes on this website and that I shouldn't look at any of this because these are women without support systems and the worst cases. WHAT THE....? I found myself trying to explain how this website is where I came to get the best possible advice, answers, guidance...that going through this with others in the same boat is a HUGE positive, not at all a negative. She still didn't get it...finally I had to ask what it was that she was trying to say. I told her if she was somehow trying to make me feel better, she was missing the mark. Her explanation is that she wants me to be positive and to know that I won't have a recurrence, that 'hanging out' with other cancer patients who have problems isn't good.
Ok, so I'll go out and cultivate friends who are cancer patients without problems, without scars, both emotional and physical, without cancer baggage. Or only have friends who have never had cancer and can't relate at all...like her. Did I tell you she is a nurse...and a darn good one, too, but apparently only technically. Certainly she cannot relate to illness on any emotional level. She just doesn't get it, never will get it...couldn't buy a clue if you gave her the $ for it.
She is a good friend. I just have to remember not to discuss the emotional content of this diagnosis with her.
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people just dont get it...unless you walk with us down this ugly path they dont have a clue.that is the real reason we truly are sistas.we are here together for a reason.nothing happens by accident.those harsh remarks will just make all of us stronger.hey no one said anything real dumb to me yet,BUT i feel what people say to my sistas.
stay strong we will win this battle together.God bless
huggggggggggs
K
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you're so luck you don't have to wear a bra....
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iHEARTu,
That is so bad it is funny. What did you say to that person?
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Thanks for the visual! I really needed a laugh.