The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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That a member of my own family could send me such a horrible letter was so embarrassing I had to post this anonymously. He is telling me that my cancer is a result of my spiritual problems and that the reason I am not getting well is that I have to reform myself on his spiritual model. He says I am interested only in the outward appearances of people...I don't wear makeup most of the time! I have always been a person who is more interested in a person's charactere and mind than it how they dress or look.**************************Dear Sister:I am trying to render a better sister by confronting the spiritual components of your cancer. If you could conquer them your life would change and you'd be cured of cancer. You want to be set free don't you--truly alive and well? This is the soul purpose of my criticism. You've got to reset your priorities in life and realize God's true intention for you life. It is evident that you focus more on the outward appearance and sexiness of individuals including yourself as opposed to quality and character of your soul. I want to see my sister set free from this selfishness and who is mature and readily loving to everyone without inconsistencies. Love is not easily provoked, it is pateitns and longsuffering, and is readily available when needed. It is forgiving despite the nature or frquency of sin. I strive for this in my own life and I have beaten my cancer and my HIV status indicates a normal life space. I have had to deal with death for 20 years, and unlike you, I have defeated it. You should learn from my example.Please do not feel hurt but enlightened. I have given you a new opportunity. You don't need to suffer any more if you can just get your priorities straight. That is my true and determined outcome for you.**********************************************0
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Whoa. No offense, but it sounds like your family member has some "issues" of his own.
If I were you, I wouldn't take his advice as a criticism of you and your priorities, even though that's the tone he is using. It actually sounds more like a confession -- an acknowledgment of what he has had to do, to make peace within himself about something he has experienced.
In the meantime, take care of yourself and do what brings peace to you, whether it's pouring another glass of a good red wine, hugging your children (or grandchildren), walking a leafy path through the woods in October, or watching re-runs of NCIS. We each have to find our own way, right?
otter
[Edited to add: I've modified this post to remove information that was originally too specific.]
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your relative's intentions although they may be coming from a good place, his religious beleifs are not bible based at all, we live in a sin filled world where disease is rampant, although sometimes disease can be directly traced to choices we've made (like HIV) cancer is not like that, this is not a punishment from God (nor is HIV), i know too many people right with God who have had or have now a disease, i'm sorry that he felt led to write you such things
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This brother has a history of harassing me and insulting me and everyone else in the family and this letter is kind of his way of telling me if I don't give him all the leeway he wants in continuing the harassment and insults than I am an evil person (of course, he is not).
Yes, it is obvious that he's not sane and he's not..but I think I deserve some protection from this crap.
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This "brother" is obviously a very sick person. It's too bad there are not effective laws to protect people from such malevolent family members.
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Harassment itself is not loving, nor patient, nor forgiving.
I say 'forget about it' and consider the source.
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whoa...'issues' was the first word that came to my mind when I read his letter. Sorry, but he sounds cuckoo for coconuts to me. so sorry that you had to even read that bunch of phoohey.
Speaking of dumb things, I had someone tell me that it's good I had breast cancer as that's "a good one to have". Huh? Don't think I've ever heard that before but OK.
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mom, "good to have"? Now that is the dumbest for sure.
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mom3band1g....i've heard that same sentiment "it's a good one to have" TWICE now in my life...first when i had hodgkins and then when i was diagnosed with breast...gotta love some people's take on cancer! its so easy for them to say when they arent facing the diagnosis and the treatment
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You ladies are so wonderful. I sit here tonight, a little high from my glass of wine remembering 2 years ago today I got the call, you have cancer. I asked for them to call me with the news, I wanted to know. It was delivered well and I even called the nurse practiioner again later that day to ask if she really had called me - it was so surreal.
Anyway, I spent today with my sweet furry babies at the vet and the evening with my surrogate grandchildren and my children. I have a precious grandbaby on the way- due in March. I agree with Otter that it is just wonderful to find the things which are meaningful to us.
For the post of recent concern, it is deleted now. I am a mental health professional. I just stay away from stuff like that. I don't let it push my buttons because my energy is best saved for more meaningful things in my life like my family and myself. Take care ladies and laugh lots more.
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I got my first "So, you're cured now?" remark today. I wanted to be flippant and say "Won't know for sure until I die from something else!", but instead I just said that I certainly hoped so, and left it at that. She used to be our really nice neighbor when I was growing up, so she has to be at least 75. I just didn't have the heart to correct her.
I was visiting my Mom and we were watching something on TV (local news, maybe?), and they were doing the obligatory BC Awareness thing. They had this woman on who was talking about her "BC battle". And the host wrapped up the segment by cheerfully telling her that at least she wouldn't have to think about that any more. That ticked me off so much I yelled at the TV.
Idiot. Yes, she's going to think about it; it's going to be in the back of her mind for the rest of her life.0 -
people really don't get that it is with you forever. Even though I had DCIS (earliest possible bc) I still worry it will come back. I know it will fade with time but how could I ever fully move on? I had to have a mast....those scars are a pretty big and real reminder.
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My mom came over yesterday wearing a bright pink shirt and had one for me and one for our daughter. It said "Big or small, Let's save them all".........she then at that point asked if I would wear it. I couldn't hurt her feelings, but I can tell you, it will only be to exercize in or something....never out of the house! DH was even offended thought it was "too soon" and not appropriate for DD to wear either! Why don't mom's get it sometimes?
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I hate, despise, and abhor all the "Save the Boobies" "Save the Ta-Tas" stuff. It trivializes this dangerous disease. It also does the opposite of educate about bc. It makes people think that it's all about saving breasts when it's about saving LIVES.
THE HELL WITH SAVING BREASTS. I'M STAGE IV, SAVE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Leah
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Maybe we should start a counter movement--"How many years is 1 breast worth?" or "Save lives, not breasts."
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When my mother calls - i cringe as I wait for the remark that will send me over the top
It always comes - whether it be about my cancer or my dad's death or my poor dear aunt in a nursing home
no matter how many times I've asked to talk about positive things only - as there are so many in our lives - her conversation always goes to the morbid
this is my reaction - oh mom - one of the kids just walked in - talk later
she hasn't gotten the hint yet lol
please God - don't let me get like that...
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My first oncologist was not good with bed side manners. I was in tears in his office and he told me to stop crying because I was probably never going to get this cancer again. He told to feel lucky, go home and enjoy the good news. I dumped the doc on the spot. I now have an awesome oncologist.
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D4Hope: Lucky, and Enjoy the good news?????????? He sure deserved to be dumped. Like needs to take a LONG sensitivity class, or go into therapy with a lot of introspection. No one should be hurt like that.
Glad you have an awesome onc now!
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Leah and NativeMainer,
I agree with you both, wholeheartedly!!!!
Lane
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Leah and Native- I agree with Lane- well said, both of you! I think in this boob obsessed society everyone has lost touch with what this disease truly means for those DX with it. This isn't about vanity. It's about survival. Sometimes it seems like they're more focused on rebuilding a better breast than preventing BC in the first place.
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Save Lives..............who cares how we look? I can't say we really don't, because I know I still cry (mostly in the shower) because I'm full of scars and deformed but what is more important, my breast or my life? There is no question about it! It just had to go!
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I am a teacher and the other teacher at my grade level (a man, of course) has been very supportive of me since my diagnosis. However, when I told him who my sub was going to be, he became quite upset and kept telling me what a terrible year he was going to have.....
After hearing this a few times, I offered to trade places with him. I'd stay and work with the sub and he could have a body part cut off, chemo and possibly rads.
Silly boy.
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Annette....that sounds like the comment a former principal of mine made the start of the school year after I finished Tx....she told me that they "got the short end of the stick" when I was out for Mx and going through chemo!!! I wanted to rip my shirt open right in front of her and ask who got the short end of the stick!!!! As my hair was growing back, she also commented that on the outside you couldn't tell that I had been through anything!!!! I left that position 2 years ago and the farther away from the witch I get, the happier I am that I left...Some people just don't get it!!!!
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I hate it when people say "Well, now you can get the body you always wanted, and you don't have to pay for it!"
1st of all... Did it EVER occur to them that I was perfectly happy with my body??? I took care of myself, and was very proud of how I was aging. I LIKED my body!!
2nd of all... Free??? Well, financially... insurance doesn't cover all of it, there are deductibles and co-pays and hidden "not covered" expenses. Physically, I'm scarred. My body has been ravaged by surgery and chemo. Emotionally, it is hardly "free".
Dumbass people!!
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I wonder how many of the dumba$$ people realize the new "perfect body" has no feeling in some very key places?
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and we all "pay" for the body we are left with, to a degree, as it will NEVER be the same as it was before DX and most were happy with the body we had
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I ran into an acquaintance today whom I do not see often (especially since I was diagnosed). She asked me if I was still in remission. I wanted to say, "yeah, I'll let you know when I'm not anymore." I hope she hasn't been sitting around worrying herself about my remission state.
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Incredible, Gail. I wonder if they even listen to what comes out of their own mouths.
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When I went to the onc Monday he had a new assistant and we went over my blood work and talked about various things. I told him I liked the Effexor because of the decrease in hot flashes but that I was smoking three times as much since coming off the Welbutrin. I also mentioned that I had lost my appetite and I have lost 5 pounds since the month before and he (in his ignorance) said well you could stand to lose a few more. I thought, well I can see you haven't been around oncology for long have you? Sure enough he has worked for an orthopedic dr for many years. My sister was so mad when he said that.
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Sheesh!!!!!!!!!!
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