The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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mcbird, wow. He's probably not married either!
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If someone at my onc's office said that about weight to a Stage IV patient, he'd fire them! I've gained 30 lbs. since diagnosis and am always complaining about it. Get no sympathy at all from my dear onc. He just smiles. I told him one day that normal docs don't equate fat with healthy. He cracked up!
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Oh, McBird...however did you keep from just letting your fist fly and knocking him cold? No jury in the world would convict you of assault when they heard what he said.0
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I don't know if it is the dumbest thing I heard, but my mother told me that she liked my wig better than my real hair! I asked her if she liked the fake boob (prothesis) better than the real one too!
My husband asked why I got breast cancer and was it from the cold sores I get?
Co-workers that are just acquaintances asking what my prognosis is....
The nurse at my Family Practice office insisting I was overdue for my bone density test, (while I was going through chemo).
The dental hygienist telling me not every patient with cancer loses all their teeth and that I should stop worrying about everything else and put my teeth first. (hmmm, so I can be dead but have all my teeth?)
My mother asking me if I wanted to go to the outdoor market right after chemo when it was 96 degrees outside and humid.
My father talking about a friend of his in Florida getting chemo....only HIS cancer is BAD.
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alexanjb...those were horrible things that people said to you, but strung together like that it's almost like a comedy routine. Almost like Rodney Dangerfield and how he didn't get any respect!
Loved your response to your Mom. I never seem to have a good comeback ready because I'm usually so shocked.
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A friend who knows I'm Stage IV asked me what Stage V was going to be like. Ummmm...
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mcbird -- how did Miranda of Sex & The City put it when the jerk in Atlantic City insulted her arse?
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And they walk among us . . .
I haven't had any stupid comments recently, but I did finally get about enough of the pink rah-rah crap last night when I heard a story on our local CBS affiliate about a stage III woman who was upset at her daughter's school because the child wasn't allowed to wear here "I love boobies" wristbands or "save the Ta-Tas" T-shirts to school. I kind of had a melt-down, yelling at the TV, "Don't just save the boobs! SAVE LIVES, DAMMIT!!!!"
I've very weary of seeing all the pink on facebook and getting invitations to "click for breast cancer awareness." I finally vented on them last night and basically said, "Put your money where your mouth is and open your pocketbook and help us find a cure instead of turning your wall pink. I'm very much aware of breast cancer, TYVM.
Five years ago tomorrow (Oct. 21), I started chemo. So I don't need pink ribbons and sh!t to remind me about breast cancer.
Sorry, but I'm just in a bad mood.
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AStorm, I don't remember how she put it. I'm doing well to remember my own name half the time. LOL Darla
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No apologies needed MrsBee. I understand the bad mood - BC anniversaries are not my fav days either. Hope you feel better able to face tomorrow now you have vented here.
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Mrs Bee...I had a similar facebook issue a few weeks ago. Fortunately a friend ( who has no idea about my dx) put it right. While everyone was doing that private messaging " change your status to where you like to leave your handbag to keep the men guessing...for breast cancer awareness"...this girl instead of writing " I like it on the kitchen bench" wrote " I like it on the credit card....how about doing something worthwhile rather than pointless facebook updates!...put it on the card!" I loved it. I wish I could have told her how much and why.
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konakat - how absolutly unthinkable she would have said that - truly horrendous. I'm so sorry.
mcbird - Such amazing rudeness and sheer nerve - not only didn't he grown up learning to be polite but obviously common sense isn't his strong point either!
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It seems that sometimes the best thing to do is withdraw from everyone and only talk to those who can really understand.....like here! I know until I had my dx and start through this journey I had no idea I would be so emotional about it all.
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This is on a sign displayed outside at a local pub. Suffice it to say it's a local pub the police are frequently called to. I assume it's in honour of October awareness?
"Rockers for the Knockers".
I am so disgusted and insulted.
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It's not about boobs! The general public does not get that and many of the BC Awareness campaigns are not helping.
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II had a follow-up mammogram last week and the tech was asking about my cancer history, when II said it spread to my spine, she asked me if the doctor's thought it was a metastasis. I almost started laughing and wanted to ask for someone else to do the scan... lady step away from that machine.
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Bon,
You are so right, it does seem like a comedy act when they are strung together and a while after the fact.
Strangely, when an older gentleman at work asked if he could sign my bald head I was able to laugh and say OK if I could sign HIS bald head because MY hair was going to grow back and HIS was NOT going to. He laughed too.
I'm not always able to think of a quick comeback either, but once in a while I come up with good ones.
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There is a local pinktoberfest fundraiser for the local breast cancer foundation (which does a lot of good things) but the name of the fest is Boob-a-pallooza. Its been going for at least 10 years, I have always thought the name was just horrible.
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Alyad, I think I am going to throw up.
otter
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I'm so glad that your friend found a job and can now look forward to getting out of her mom's house. Imagine thow difficult it must be to have to depend on your mom economically, when your mom is such a mean-spirited person...how devastating that must be.
Isn't it amazing that your friend turned out to be such a wonderful person after being raised by a woman like that? Your friend must have a heart of gold...you are so fortunate. Sounds like your friend has been good to you, but sounds like you are equally as good for your friend! She needs your support too!
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Wow. This thread is great, and I wish I'd found it sooner....I am literally mouth agape at the women who pulled the shirt aside and asked that......I think I might have punched her. Post who she is and I'll sign her up for a mailing list of disgusting magazines to flood her house (JK)...grrrr.
Mine were too many and varied....worst I think was my own oncologist. I was there for a post op check in post hysterectomy and oopharectomy. Mind you, I had lost two children to stllbirth and had a failed surrogacy attempt, and he knows this. When he asked how I was, he then proceeded to tell me "Oh I'd do anything for another child.....I wish my wife would get pregnant again, but she says no".....
Really? You think?
People can say the stupidest things. I figure they just don't know what to say. Here's another, same onc.....post my mastectomy and begin of recon....shied away from looking at it, saying "I'll faint, I tend to do that".................???? I almost did.
Be well ladies and try to see the ridiculous side of all of this.
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Alexanjib, that was a magnificent response re signing your bald head. quick thinking!!
Anniealso, your onco sounds like he has a personality disorder - no thought for the person to whom he spews whatever comes into his mind. what a jerk.
Julie E
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So your onc can't stand the sight of a surgery scar and breast under recon? WTH? I'd say he's in the wrong dang profession then wouldn't you?
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unbelievable! She sounds like my stupid self centered opinionated daughter in law. People can be so insensitive that you almost have to feel sorry for their ignorance!
My story: I was dx 6/09 & had BMX on 9/09 [my 46th birthday]. My BS and PS said I could have the TE placed at the time of my BMX thus requiring only one additional major surgery [ie, implant exchange]. I'm thinking I can do this!!! Being only 46 and unmarried I couldn't bare the thought of not having reconstruction although I have stay I am having to consider that option now but even that requires another surgery!!! Regardless, at the time I chose what I thought to be the less invasive and fewest surgeries for my treatment and recovery.
However, I had complications on the cancer side during chemo and lost the left TE 1/2010. After completing chemo 3/10 the PS replaced the left TE 6/10. I was so happy after I completed the fills and scheduled the final exchange for implants 9/10. The past year had been hell and many tears [w/o visit or support from eldest son & daughter-in-law]. This was a major step in putting this all behind me. I was soooooo very excited!
Two weeks after the implants are in [they looked pretty darn good!] the left side started opening up/not healing correctly. I was hospitalized 6 days and placed on heavy antibiotics in attempt to save the left implant. Unfortunately by the 5th day the implant was exposed and the left implant had to be removed. The PS said that I just had lost too much skin on my left side from all complications and my skin was just too thin. I can not tell you how much I've cried because now I have no choice but to go back to one boob [been that way since Jan] and I have a lot to think about and hard decisions to make. Of course this isn't what I signed up for but sometimes you just have to be strong and deal with what life throws at you! I'm still unsure what to do as my original recon plan will not work so I am having to look at all other options. I sincerely feel I'm doing the best I can with all this.
Point of story: My horrible daughter said recently at a family cookout I wasn't attending and to me in an email to the hospital last week during my tears over the loss of implant that " she is sorry for what I'm going through but after all these are 'Elective Surgeries'!!!!! "
I could not believe what I was reading or hearing from her especially since I can hardly quit crying due to the thought of any other surgeries. I'm thinking 'how dare you' - 'you have no clue'
The absolute last thing I want is another surgery and that is not even an option now even if I choose to abandon reconstruction altogether because I still have an implant on the right side!!!!
Like I volunteered for or signed up for cancer. Like I wanted a boob job. I liked my old boobs just fine! Or I guess she thought I should remain boobless or thought I should've known I would have complications and 4 surgeries! Regardless I didn't solicit her opinion nor ask her for anything!!!
I just could not believe how ignorant, harsh and disrespectful.
Sorry just had to vent!! Thanks Alyad and everyone else for allowing me to do so. LOL ;O)
Sometimes we just have to laugh to keep from crying!!! Thx again for letting me vent.
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Aw SuziQ I am so sorry your daughter sent you an email with that message. She sounds terribly uninformed and immature. Some young adults deal with their own fears in hurtful ways. For example if this all is your fault then you of course have control and can also make it all stop and go away. Then she is safe again. My best thought on this.
Again I am so sorry you received such a hurtful message.
Ginger
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Well said Ginger. Hopefully your son will understand somewhat better, but if not, know we are here for you. Sorry she had to try to kick you while you are down.
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suzyq--tell your insensitive ill-informed daughter that in medical terminology, an elective surgery is ANY surgery that is planned in advance. The only the only other kind of surgery is emergency surgery, which cannot be scheduled in advance, like an appendectomy. Lumpectomies and mastectomies are elective surgeries. So are gall bladder removals. It doesn't make the surgery any less traumatic, upsetting, or distressing for being scheduled in advance.
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Sometimes people want to down play your medical issues because they are afraid they might be asked to help you in some way and they don't want to feel guilty because they don't intend to. (If that makes any sense).
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Oh McBird, I totally get that. That is where several of my 'friends' are. I just slip around the edges of their lives now and am 'busy' a lot.
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I think this is a great thread! People can be so clueless. Regarding husbands, I think you have to know the man and where he's coming from. My husband once said (with tears in his eyes) that there's no one there for the husband. He didn't mean no one is sympathetic that his shirts aren't being washed. He feels so deeply for me and is terrified that his wife has cancer. This has actually brought us closer together and I feel his hurt as well mine.
Regarding friends, I have tons of stories. But my best is from my GF who I've known since kindergarten. She's rather sensitive (believe it or not) and I had a hard time telling her I had BC. When I did she wanted to know every detail (where it was, how I found it, ...) I figured that was just her way of dealing with it so I told her the details. Then she started to tell me all about her breast and her worries in graphic detail. She finished up by telling me "I should feel really lucky because by telling her this I may have saved HER life."
The next time we talked she mentioned my BC as well as two other friends of ours that have had BC and said "thank God it's not me." Yeah, we don't talk very often.
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