The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Gail,
Well said.
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There is not enough time for me to write all the dumb things people have said to me since my diagnosis....it never ends.
During October, the old sad dtory of a woman who was dying from BC..." did the rounds at work.
Of course for some strange reason people target me and send me the email. I had to reply to them that whilst I knew they meant well, it was not helpful for me to recieve this kind of thing and not to send it. Astounding isnt it. Send the woman who had this, the bad news sad email story about the worst possible outcome. Like that can somehow inspire or help me in some way? It's like the rationale is, she had breast cancer, so she must recieve the email about it to know that the world knows how sad this disease is.
The crap just never ends.
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At my stage of BC and treatment, I consider myself a thriver. I love that term.
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Claire82...Fabulous! I shall be a 'thirver', too! Thanks.0
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I just remembered something! When I went in for my incision revision, I was tied to the table and telling the "team" how well I had done since my double mastectomy. We were talking about breasts and just as I said that breasts weren't very important, some guy came into the operating room and hearing me say that said "Breasts are VERY important!" There was a stunned silence and just as I started laughing they slapped the gas on me and away I went!
You'd think they'd look at what the procedure was before they entered the room! hehehehehehhe
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The dumbest thing said to me lately was by another patient in radiology last night. Ct scans at our place are done in a kind of wierd way. First you and your family member/driver go in and you undress and put your things in a locker, then go sit in the waiting room in your gown and underwear with all these strangers. If you need to suck down more hypaque or barium they did it there. Then, they call 3 of you down at a time, to another room to put in your IV's. Then you sit in a male or female waiting room until your turn is called. If your companion is of the opposite sex, they wait in the original waiting room down the hallway. Makes no sense to me after sitting around in a gown and underwear for so long in the first waiting room, that they then feel the need to segregate you so that those that came with husbands or wives get broken up, but there you have it.
So, my husband stays in the first room, and I and 2 other women get called to get our IV's in and go sit in the women's waiting room. Well one woman has a female friend with her that is allowed to come into the female waiting room. Problem is, there are only 3 chairs for us to sit in. The first two take the outer two chairs, and I get ready to sit in the remaining middle chair. Now, mind you, part of the reason my CT is being done is my right arm and chest are so swollen and sore I can barely move them. So that side is obviously being babied--the side with the lymphedema sleeve. The other arm is now incapacitated with an IV in the elbow with a big syringe taped to it. I'm walking slow and careful because my arms are no help and my balance is really bad because the neuropathy sucks. It didn't take too much sensitivity to realize I needed to sit down. I go to sit down, and the other lady getting her CT done that night, turns to me and says. "you can't sit there, I want my friend to talk to me, you'll need to go stand over there." and points to a place to stand along the wall. My jaw dropped, I was speechless. Luckily her companion had some sense and said, no, I'm the healthy one here and I'm not having a procedure, I'm just here to support you, you go ahead and sit down.
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I had an old friend from college (OK old boyfriend, actually like his wife better) send me some research about some new drug looked promising for stage IV cancer right after my BMX. Although this is great news I am not stage IV. I asked him to please stop sending me this information. The reason why I'm doing all this treatment is to avoid stage IV. I'm not planning on being a stage IV.
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Oh gad, barbe and kmmd and Iago.
Barbe-Its like you can't even have your own opinions and choices about your own body. I'm sure I would have gagged during anesthesia!
kmmd- Maybe they should segregate patients who 'have no clue' to a different room. What a horrible thing to happen to you!
Iago- I'm speechless.
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Thank you Travelgal. I agree with you a hundred percent. Some doctors are in high need of sensitivity training.
I forgot to mention that the first doctor who told me my diagnosis after my biopsy was a young resident doctor, a young man, who without hesitation or much emotion for that matter put a piece of paper in front of me and told me with a straight face that "you have invasive ductal carcinoma and we can treat it with a mastectomy" ( I am not joking, this is how it happened without any emotions, without asking me who I was or can I please get to know you a bit or tell me about your background?) Since I was by myself not expecting a devastating diagnosis I jumped up from my seat and ordered him to leave the room sending him to get someone else, who would be a bit more humane. Meanwhile I called my husband and my best friend. Thankfully, the breast surgeon who came in 5 minutes later turned out to be fantastic. She was a woman who before each breast exam would rub her hands together to warm them up before she would touch my breasts.
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At first I wondered why my BC took so long to wash his hands when he came in for an exam. Then I realized he was warming them at the same time.
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When my mother was first diagnosed with 4th stage breast cancer, the counselor at the hospital told her to get things in order and make her will! NO JOKE! She lives 3 pretty good yrs afterwards and I don't believe that it was the breast cancer that took her, I think it was the radiation they did so MANY times and it became cancer in her abdomen. Today I think they are more advanced and are realizing that maybe? She had 3 or 4 rounds of radiation to the same area.... to much IMO.
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So a friend of mine was having a BC fundraiser last night to help raise funds for her upcoming Susan Koman 3 Day walk (seriously, they have to raise $2200 plus a $90 registration fee?!?). Some of the women there (none of whom have had BC) were strutting around in their pink t-shirts and cheering, "Woo! Hoo! Save the Ta-Tas!!!" It just really rubbed me the wrong way so, at the risk of being seen as Ms. Crabby Pants, I replied, "Woo! Hoo! How about save the LIVES?!?" I told them that I was fortunate and they had caught mine early but many women were not so lucky. I just wanted them to realize the reason they were there was not so some women could still fill her bra.
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I saw an idiotic random Resident when I first went to see about my IBC symptoms. I knew I had it, he knew I had it, and we *both* knew it was always very serious - IBC is always stage III or IV. I saw him on a Tuesday but by Thursday evening, I knew I needed something to treat my anxiety. They had scheduled my mammo for three weeks out, and mammograms don't always even catch IBC. And IBC is aggressive - days can make a difference.
So with all this upset, I called him at 9 am Friday morning. He called me back at 5:30 pm on Friday and I was in tears, telling him that I needed help with the anxiety. His prescription? "Stay positive! Go see a movie."
I gained a lot of strength when I was diagnosed as many of us will, and feel very much like my old self these days, most the time. And now that I am strong again, I just get PO'd at that insensitive jerk, like I would if he had said such a thing to my child, or my mother. I was terrified and desperate and had nowhere to turn it seemed...and when I reached out for help he patronized me, stupid kid doctor 20 yrs my junior. Grrrrr!!!
He also did my initial breast exam by having me take off my bra top in front of him - didn't even so much as turn around. No drape, no curtain. Just take it off, baby. >:(
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So what movie did you see? ;-)
Seriously what an idiot. You should have told him you just finished watching "Love Story" (Ryan O'Neal, 1970) and it didn't help
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Hah!! Great one!!
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I went to a PS right after dx to hear about options. He suggested I remove my top and bra in front of him I said "really?". He said we could either play the game where he leaves the room and I put on a wrap and then he comes in and I open it... or we could just be "grown ups".
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haha
did u keep him?
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One thing about coming here, you always here a dozen stories even worse than the one that got you mad enough to post. PaminV that just takes the cake. How patronizing
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Yeah, how about Terms of Endearment? Sheesh.
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Katieaw- that's awesome you stood up to that young resident and demanded a human! I hope it was a learning experience for him- you know those patients you see? They are HUMANS!! I really hope it made him step back and ask why someone would react like that. Did you say anything to the doctor you did see about the intern needing a smack upside the head?
I had my insurance switched on me after I found the lump and ended up needing to get a new PCP to send biopsy results- so the first time I met her was when she told me I had cancer. I had scheduled an appt for 3 days after biopsy and her office called the day after and asked if I could come in that day. So I left work 30 minutes later and went- I really appreciated her calling, getting me in and letting me know asap and then telling me the news in a sensitive way- It's not great news- you have invasive ductal carcinoma. I remember the prep nurse doing the usual temp, BP and history, etc and the PCP came in early and shooed her out of there. There are some good ones out there, we deserve compassion.
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Astorm, when I see my onc, he always asks me if I want a gown before he examines me. I tell him no and take off my shirt. Last time I saw my surgeon, I told him I didn't need a gown. It felt funny to me to wear a gown. After all, I trusted the man enough to let him operate on me twice and after my mastectomy I figure we know each other well enough to dispense with formalities. That said, when I think the PS's comment about games and being grown ups was out of line as it seemed like you were pretty clear in communicating your preference.
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A coworker of mine had to leave work early a couple of weeks ago because she has endometriosis and was having really bad cramps. I am only 38 and have a Lupron shot monthly to stop my period so I haven't had one for 2 years. As she was leaving she said "be grateful that you don;t have to deal with this every month" What I wanted to say back was yeah, I'm grateful that I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 36 which is the reason why I don't have my period anymore. And, I'm grateful that not having a period means hot flashes and other unpleasant stuff that goes along with it! I would gladly have cramps every day for the rest of my life rather than be dx with BC!
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um, no I didn't keep him. It got worse when he was ready to give me his opinion... that I should keep my breasts because they were in good shape for my AGE. He said women come into his office wanting to look like me (before mastectomy), as though I was there for an augmentation or lift. This made me realize that I should find a PS who specialized in recon.
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Mobay, you should of said "OK lets trade!"
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Re having periods and keep your breasts, honestly, I have stopped being surprised by people who open their mouths and stick in their feet when they talk. I just remind myself to think first and rather than take offense, figure that had they taken a moment to engage their brain, they never would have said it.
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AStorm, unbelievable!!! I'm speechless.
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Alyad wrote: "Katiaw- that's awesome you stood up to that young resident and demanded a human! I hope it was a learning experience for him" ...."I really hope it made him step back and ask why someone would react like that. Did you say anything to the doctor you did see about the intern needing a smack upside the head? "
Alyad, I can only hope that the young man had learned his lesson and will not try to do it to other patients who might not be as strong and demanding as I was in that moment. Apparently, it is the hospital's the rule that residents are not allowed to tell the diagnosis to patients. The young man either did not know this rule or ignored it entirely. Truthfully, he looked rather astonished when I ordered him out of the room. And he showed no remorse when he had returned with the attending breast surgeon. But then, the breast surgeon did not let him speak to me or touch me after that incident either. I only saw the young man once later on in a different department giggling with other residents.
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Oh Lord, I've had a good laugh and a "WTF" face reading many of your posts... people can be so stupid sometimes.
MY contribution: went out shopping with a friend of mine who knows all about my cancer and pregnancy, I trust her a lot but what she did just made me crazy. The Pink October fever hit Norway too, so the clothes shop we were at was selling "pink ribbons" pins which money collected was for a BC association.
When paying the clothes I got, the cashier girl asked me in Norwegian if I wanted to buy one pin and help the cause (which I did on my own already I was even wearing one pin at the time!) I was about to reply to her "No thanks".. when my friend goes and tells her in Norwegian: "Oh she doesn't need one, SHE IS A PATIENT she'll have her chemo soon!" EXCUSE ME! when on earth do you have the right to shout to the world my business!?!
Needless to say there was a good que line behind me who of course heard the comment and of course gave me that "pitty" look..... GRRRRRRR!!!!!
Why oh why can people be so insensitive and dull!
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I was called "stoic" (again) yesterday. According to Webster, a stoic is free from the experiences of passion as well as pain and suffering. Wouldn't it be great to be a stoic?
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A friend said to me, "I don't know why you're depressed--you're gonna live."
As if having cancer and going through treatment wasn't a good enough reason to be depressed.
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